Series 1 Episode 34: A Race Against Death

Serial: The Sensorites
Episode: 4 (A Race Against Death)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Peter R. Newman
Director: Mervyn Pinfield
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 18/07/1964

OOH MATRON (and other stories)

In which Ian is dying, the Doctor is a terrible scientist, Susan tries her hand at diplomacy and brow-mopping, and Classic Who does MONTAGE.

So Ian is dying of Space Cholera or whatever it is ails him and everyone is freaking out. Susan reckons it’s not a disease seeing as how a) the First Elder says it’s not contagious and b) they’ve done everything together since arriving on the Sense Sphere; the Doctor concurs; it takes them an embarrassingly long time to figure out it’s the water. The First Elder asks why everyone’s not dying if everyone’s drinking the water; the Doctor reckons it’s to do with varying levels of resistance.

Ian comes round, and Susan fusses over him a bit; the Doctor tells him to lie there and shut up oh and also it’s not a disease it’s probably poison. In which case, bring on the sodium chloride! Wait, Doctor, what do you want with salt? Oh hang on, I can probably guess. The First Elder is distraught; the Doctor tells him everyone has to drink the Crystal Water from now on (a small victory for socialism) and also he wants to work with the local scientists; the First Elder agrees.

Susan asks how long Ian’s got to live and doesn’t have time for the First Elder’s telepathic sympathy; the Doctor is delighted to discover he has as much as three days to save the Space Bro. Confidence is key. Furthermore, the Doctor asks whether he can have the Tardis lock back so he can cure Ian and the Sensorites; the First Elder goes off to confer with the Second Elder. At this point, the salt arrives, and yes, he is indeed fixing up an oldschool emetic by mixing it with water (Susan’s pretty on the ball about it) and making Ian drink it. Susan is adorkable and crosses her fingers for Science:

Having given his Space Bro some tough love, the Doctor leaves Susan to deal with her now-retching Science Teacher while he has a dramatic close-up aside to camera:

I know he’s genuinely concerned about Ian, but I get the feeling One’s top priority after Susan is his Tardis, and that will never change.

Elsewhere, the Second Elder reckons Ian might only be faking so the Doctor can get into his ship…AND RETURN WITH AN ARMY OF HUMANS IN A FLEET OF SHIPS. The first part isn’t beyond the realms of possibility, to be fair. The First Elder is troubled. I have to say, though, it’s nice that after the last non-xenophobic alien leader in a time of conflict we met (in the form of Temmosus the Thal leader on Skaro…or as I like to think of him, ‘Space Corbyn’) who turned out to be naïvely mistaken in his willingness to give the Daleks the benefit of the doubt, this time we’ve got one who turns out to be justified in his non-xenophobic ways.

Meanwhile, John is having his brain seen to by a Space Hairdresser. The City Administrator shows up and yells at the Scientist, saying it would be better to kill the human than to cure him. Enter the Second Elder, who is again disturbed at the CA’s questioning of authority (as opposed to his raging xenophobia). They argue a bit, and when the Second Elder mentions Ian is also in need of a cure, the CA has a rant about how the humans have stupid names and don’t wear any badges of authority so that they can’t be told apart; basically, he thinks they all look the same. Racist. When the SE tells the CA that Ian is dying, however, and that the Doctor thinks it’s to do with the water supply, the super-paranoid CA proclaims it an ‘evil, but undoubtedly brilliant’ scheme:

ADMINISTRATOR: To attack our confidence in one of the necessities! There is nothing wrong with the water supply, nothing at all. This is a trick to get us at their mercy!

I’m a little troubled by the fact that this serial can’t seem to make up its mind whether it’s a story about colonialism or a story about immigration. Though maybe the point of the conflicts arising from this serial is that it’s not clear-cut and that Othering and differences in communication are the main problems. The first humans and John clearly have colonial attitudes, seeing a planet as a resource to be exploited first and someone’s home second; however, the fact that the Sensorites are telepathic basically make this quite literally a Thought Crime (shamefully I’m only just starting to read Nineteen Eighty-Four but the book’s been around since 1949), and there’s no evidence any of the humans have actually acted on their materialistic instincts, despite the ambiguous tale of said humans quarrelling amongst themselves and leaving (to get reinforcements and a digger?) in a subsequently-exploding spaceship and the fact that the Sensorites are now dying of an apparently human disease. Some of the Sensorites are out-and-out xenophobes, some of them don’t trust a non-telepathic species whose thoughts they can only read at times when their ugliest impulses flash to the surface, some are reasonably cautious, and some of them are trusting to the point where, if the humans’ intentions were indeed malign, they would be guilty of being incautious at best and recklessly foolish at worst. And the CA isn’t a million miles from the truth when it comes to (SPOILER ALERT) the humans who, as we later learn, have been poisoning the water supply by way of waging a covert war against the Sensorites. I suppose if there is a moral to this story, it’s ‘don’t tar everyone with the same brush’.

Anyway, at this point, John decides to be super helpful and murmur ‘EEEEEEEEVIL’ in a disconcerting manner, which the CA takes as an admission of guilt. As the Second Elder goes off to warn the First Elder, John attempts to clarify his statement, specifying that ‘evil is here’; the CA gloats and tells John ‘your voice is not believed’. Which is frightening. The CA goes on to proclaim himself the enemy of all Earth creatures.

At this point, Carol enters, with another change of hairdo. Then this happens:

CAROL: Oh I am sorry, I thought you were one of the Scientists.
ADMINISTRATOR: You can see my collar of office! I am the city Administrator!
CAROL: Yes I'm sorry, but when your backs are turned it's very difficult to see. I don't know what we'd all do if you changed your badges and sashes. We wouldn't be able to tell you apart.
ADMINISTRATOR: I have never thought of that.

Racist.

Back in the reception room, the Doctor is yelling at the First Elder, which is particularly unpleasant for the latter because Sensorites don’t like loud noises. Do we know that, yet, by the way? It seems the Doctor can’t be doing with the First Elder umming and ahing over life-and-death decisions when ‘that young man’, by which he means his Space Bro, is ‘coughing his heart out’. Bless.

Enter the Second Elder, who proceeds to have a telepathic chat with the First Elder. Susan eavesdrops but can’t hear very clearly seeing as their mind’s aren’t open to her; the Doctor seems surprised and impressed that Susan can hear their voices.

Anyway, it seems the Second Elder has relayed his fears as to the Doctor’s motives. because the First Elder is now forbidding the Doctor access to the Tardis. The Doctor decides it’s time to up the smack talk and is actually quite intimidating in a ‘getting my coat tails out of the way so I can kick your ass’ sort of way:

The First Elder tells the Doctor he can prove his poison water theory in one of their own labs, at which point the Doctor positively howls ‘YOU FOOL’ at an ear-splitting pitch/volume, which makes the Sensorites clutch their heads in agony. And OH HURRAH FOR SUSAN who immediately starts mediating between the two parties; after telling the Doctor to pipe down because the Sensorites think he’s attacking them, she proceeds to be a model of diplomacy while the Doctor splutters with apoplectic rage in the background:

SUSAN: We're sorry, there's so much about your planet we don't understand.
DOCTOR: That's inhuman!
SUSAN: Grandfather!
DOCTOR: That's monstrous!
SUSAN: We didn't mean to use sound as a weapon. We didn't even know sound hurt you.
FIRST-ELDER: Very well; but please be careful in future. I wish to see regular reports on the progress of this theory.

It’s interesting that the Doctor uses the word ‘inhuman’ to describe the Sensorites’ behaviour; I know it’s probably not intentional, but the fact is that he’s Gallifreyan and in my head it’s not just the writers being lazy, it’s the Doctor beginning to align himself with human morality as espoused by Barbara and Ian. Also Susan is definitely the more mature of the pair: as the First Elder leaves, the Doctor shrieks ‘THEORY?!?!’ after him, making the Second Elder clutch his head in pain, and when he catches the look on her face as she performs…well, not a facepalm but certainly a face-backhand, he eventually drops the matter. Hurrah for Susan getting to show off her diplomatic skills.

But OH well, that was short-lived. Moving over to the bedside of the prostrate Ian, the Doctor instructs Susan to ‘act as nurse’ and keep an eye on his pulse. They are both terrible medics and mostly just touch his face a lot. For a horrible moment (thanks to a pause that was probably Billy forgetting his lines) I thought the Doctor was advising Susan to give Ian mouth-to-mouth if his breathing got feeble, but fortunately he’s just advising artificial respiration. So the Doctor goes off to play in the lab while Susan wastes her abilities mopping Ian’s brow. She’d be a lot more use liaising with the Elders and working on human-Sensorite diplomacy, but there we go; if Babs were in this episode to take on this ladyfunction, Susan would probably just be relegated to Second Nurse anyway.

Soft Kitty

#notadoctorofmedicine

Elsewhere, the City Administrator is moaning to the Engineer about how they can’t access the firing key on their death ray or whatever it is, when the Second Elder shows up to tell them the Doctor will be using the lab and to give him their cooperation. Second Elder out. The CA is raging and it all gets very Caliban:

ADMINISTRATOR: More weakness. These creatures are defeating us with smiles and gentle words; our leaders listen and agree. Soon we shall all be slaves.

Blimey.

Anyway, he’s got a plan based on Carol being a racist (I say that but tbh I can’t tell the Sensorites apart either because they’re all wearing the same mask and I can’t be bothered to try to distinguish them by their body shape). Looks like they’re going to switch their sashes up.

In the lab, the Doctor is telling the Scientists he thinks the water is laced with atropine. Which is apparently used in eye-drops, or so Wikipedia tells me. Also it’s in Deadly Nightshade. The Scientists point out that not everyone dies and the water only comes from one source, so the Doctor makes them test the water from each district.

There follows a tense and hilarious montage in which Susan dabs Ian’s head with a towel while the Doctor holds up test-tubes and looks at them intensely. Amongst other things. It’s supposed to be racking up the peril, but I’m mostly amused by the sheet of paper on which a Sensorite is writing ‘NEGATIVE’ next to a printed list of districts in a curly font. And Ian and Susan doing a rather disturbing horizontal fever dance.

What the fuck is happening?

And hurrah! The Doctor has found evidence of atropine in District 8 (which is…textiles?). And his Scientific methods are…unimpeachable?

SCIENTIST: But why were some of the districts negative?
DOCTOR: Because it varies from place to place, and when you made your tests you didn't discover it.

THAT’S NOT AN ANSWER, DOCTOR.

Anyway, the Second Elder reports to the First Elder on the Doctor’s progress and tells him that caffeine citrate is the antidote. Which is…lemon coffee? Coke with lemon? I dunno. It’s real and presumably it works. Susan gets to tell Ian he’s going to be ok and is waaaaaaaaaay too up in his grill for my liking.

Elsewhere, the Second Elder has wandered into a trap set by the City Administrator, who steals his sash (so everyone will think he’s the Second Elder…because Sensorites can’t tell one another apart either!?) and proceeds to go off on a paranoid rant about how Ian is faking and the cure is fake; he determines to stop the antidote because it’s really poison with which the Doctor plans to kill them all. Apparently the news that Sensorite scientists worked with the Doctor isn’t enough to stop the CA frothing at the mouth with paranoia. The Second Elder is detained (and so is his family…harsh).

Back in the salon, John is still getting his brain highlights done. A scientist walks in with a boiling flask (?) full of antidote which is to be sent to Susan to give to Ian; the Doctor recommends immediate mass-production. He tells Carol (also present) he’s now going off on an expedition ‘which isn’t dangerous, of course’ (HA!) with the First Scientist to see why the poison is only appearing in one reservoir at a time: ‘why cure something when we can stamp it out, hmm?’ Carol mentions that John thinks he’s surrounded by enemies; the Doctor thinks he might be more lucid than she imagines and asks her to keep a note of what he says; John babbles about plotting.

Out and about, the Engineer is asking the CA what happens if someone sees through his ‘disguise’ (A SASH); the CA points out that only people in positions of power are familiar with the appearance of the Elders whereas the ordinary people recognise them by their signs of office. Which seems fair enough, I suppose. To prove his point, the Scientist rocks up and greets him as the Second Elder. Success! The CA tells the Scientist he’ll take the antidote to Ian…lol. And OH how grim! It seems the CA has a scientific hypothesis of his own, which is more sound but far less ethical than the Doctor’s method:

ADMINISTRATOR: They say without the antidote the young man will die - I say he will live because he is pretending. (Smashes antidote.) This will prove it one way or the other.

Crikey cripes, Ian is DOOMED!

Ian is also doing lots of Brave Little Soldier Acting as Susan continues to be a bit too close. She’s getting antsy that the antidote hasn’t arrived yet, and though Ian manages to be winningly pathetic and croaks about how the Doctor must have ‘run into a snag’ and that ‘it’s not always possible to do these things at the snap of a finger’ (Moffaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttt!!), Susan’s off to find some more antidote anyway. It’s good someone’s got their wits about them.

Meanwhile, the Doctor is off in the water supply with the First Scientist, who notes that their attempts to light the place always end in failure. Which, as the Doctor points out, must be tricky for them seeing as they don’t like the dark; the First Scientist says they don’t get down here much; the Doctor reckons the neglect of the water system might have something to do with the poison. Because neglect is poisonous? Anyway, the First Scientist thinks they should go back because a) the Doctor won’t be able to see and b) there are monsters (or rather monster-like noises) in there. To the first objection, the Doctor counters his torch ownership (I do love that it keeps reappearing—it was there in An Unearthly Child, was a prop in The Edge of Destruction, Ian borrowed it for a tunnel in The Aztecs, and now it’s back again, like the sonic screwdriver only it’s a torch and it’s not sonic); to the second, the Doctor merely looks…sort of eager. Anyway, the Doctor says he’ll go on alone and seems rather intrigued that the two things the Sensorites fear most (noise and darkness) just happen to be lurking ahead:

Back at Ian’s bedside (and you can decide for yourselves whether this is a ‘poor William Russell has fuck-all to do this week and may as well be on holiday’ episode or a ‘jammy William Russell gets to nap through the whole thing’ episode), Susan has been injecting him with the antidote. He is bracing himself on Susan’s leg in a manner that would probably get you fired as a teacher nowadays and calls her ‘matron’; OOH MATRON. Still, good to know that Susan is competent at this sort of thing. Ooh and according to the info-text, William Russell’s relaxed part in this episode gave him time off rehearsals to film inserts for The Reign of Terror so that he, too, could go off on his hols. Well done, info-text. Also, Ian feels as though someone’s ‘given me a good going over with a hammer’. Blimey.

Anyway, Ian’s in for a good long stretch of bedrest….HAHA ONLY JOKING because now the First Scientist is back and is telling everyone the Doctor has gone off to the aqueduct alone and will probably be mauled by beastie or beasties unknown. ACTION STATIONS! Susan protests that Ian is too ill, but Ian’s having none of it, so off they trot to save the Doctor from the monsters. Which impresses the First Elder so much he has to call his mates and tell them about it.

Over in captivity, the real Second Elder can hear the First Elder calling him but can’t reply without his transmitter thingie. The City Administrator demands to know what’s being said and tells the Second Elder to think of his family group. How unpleasant. So obviously the Second Elder spills the beans, which excites the CA because nobody comes out alive so victory is clearly nigh.

In the aqueduct, the First Scientist provides Susan with a radio-electric light, and it makes a nice change to see Susan in charge and supporting Ian and telling him he doesn’t have to go any further if he doesn’t want to. Ian would obv rather eat live scorpions than admit he feels like crap, so off they go into the dark.

The Doctor, meanwhile, has found some belladonna/deadly nightshade in the pipes, which he examines through a magnifying glass…AS A BEASTIE OF UNKNOWN MAGNITUDE AND DEADLINESS BELLOWS IN THE DARK.

MERCY ME, WILL THE DOCTOR BE TORN ASUNDER BY WHAT I CAN ONLY ASSUME IS A SPACE BASILISK? WILL IAN AND SUSAN GET THERE IN TIME OR WILL THEY ALSO MEET WITH A STICKY END? IS THE MONSTER EVEN REAL? WHERE IS BARBARA AND WHAT WILL SHE DO IF ALL HER FRIENDS END UP AS THE BOGEYMAN’S LUNCH AND SHE’S FORCED EITHER TO STAY IN ORBIT AROUND THE SENSE SPHERE FOREVER OR TRY TO FORGE A NEW LIFE IN THE 28TH CENTURY? PLEASE CAN IAN AND SUSAN NEVER BE THIS HANDSY WITH ONE ANOTHER EVER AGAIN?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Ermmm...actually there's a point. There's no Barbara this week, and I'm pretty sure Carol and Susan don't speak to one another. So I think possibly not.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? No. Though Babs is essentially held hostage.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? No. But Susan and Ian have to go and rescue the Doctor.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Ian's most under threat this week.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? Not as such, but the Doctor is terrible at following Susan's advice on Sensorite diplomacy this week.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Not that I can recall.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? It's mostly Ian and the Second Elder who are in for it this week. Also the Doctor gets growled at.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? Not exactly, but Ian seems to be determined to go off to rescue the Doctor (by which I mean determined not to let Susan go off rescuing her grandfather alone) despite having only recently recovered from a poisoning incident.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? The Doctor has a plan as far as the atropine thing goes, but it's Susan's initiative that derails the CA's plan to let Ian die to check he's not faking it.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? Yes! Carol's thing about all the Sensorites looking the same without their sashes inspires the CA to come up with a Cunning Plan.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Susan!

Does a woman get to be a badass? Yup! I'm sad that Susan is relegated from diplomat to nurse, but she does eventually show some viable nursing skills (injections etc.) that make me think she is actually suited to the job in some way.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? The Doctor is bossing everyone around this week. Though the CA is manipulating everything behind the scenes.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Susan, you can be nurse...

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? No.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Well obviously I'm very upset at the absence of Babs this week, but Susan does get some good stuff to do: she gets to be a pretty good diplomat (despite the fact that the Doctor doesn't really take her that seriously), and while I was initially hacked off that she got relegated to brow-mopping duty, she does eventually get to show some actual nursing skills and clearly knows how to inject humans with things without killing them. She also shows initiative when the antidote doesn't arrive and kicks ass off-screen somewhere to get some more rather than just waiting for Ian to die. The Doctor is a menace to himself and others this week, yelling the place down and skipping off into danger without backup, but it was at least fun to see him with his specs on frowning at test tubes. Ian was mostly horizontal this week, though it didn't stop him insisting on accompanying Susan on a rescue mission for which he was clearly unfit. Sigh. The CA, meanwhile, can't seem to decide whether he's Caliban or Trump. Bring back Babs to sort out this sorry mess.

Series 1 Episode 33: Hidden Danger

Serial: The Sensorites
Episode: 3 (Hidden Danger)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Peter R. Newman
Director: Mervyn Pinfield
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 11/07/1964 (Wimbledon overran, apparently)

WHEN YOU’RE SIXTEEN GOING ON SEVENTEEN WAITING FOR LIFE TO START (and other stories)

In which Susan rebels, the Doctor is the Patriarchy, Babs gets benched, and Ian gets Space Cholera from Pleb Water.

So Susan is off to the Sense Sphere to save the rest of the crew from being murdered and weirdly it’s Babs and not the Doctor who’s the first to spring to action once Susan is beyond the sliding door. The Doctor observes with weird calm that there can’t be air outside the ship and that the Sensorites must be stopped. So what does Ian do? Exactly what he did last episode! Grab the bestie and hope for the best. Pausing only to check with Ian that they’re going to try out the Doctor’s theory from last week that the Sensorites are afraid of the dark, Babs helps Ian get the door open and they…bump straight into Susan and the two Sensorites. They didn’t get far, did they?

I find this action strangely hypnotic.

Susan tells the humans not to interfere, but Babs has gone full schoolteacher and is insisting that Susan not go with the Sensorites. One of the Sensorites observes that they’re not carrying weapons but that he’s still afraid of them. So would I be, Mister Sensorite—they’ve got their game faces on. Ian says they just want to talk, but the Sensorites are having none of it; aliens always say they want to talk but always end up wrecking the place. The humans they’ve encountered on previous occasions must be real colonial bellends. Again Susan tells her teachers not to interfere, saying that the Sensorites trust her because she can use telepathy; Babs sticks to her guns; Susan says they don’t understand the Sensorites. Susan, I am loving this streak of rebellious maturity but really you picked one hell of a time for a teenage rebellion. Then again, I will never not love it when Barbara and Ian go into Space Parent mode.

Enter the Doctor, and WOW he’s being a dick. He tells Susan he doesn’t think she has the ability to represent them (literally his words), at which Susan insists he stop treating her like a child. FAMILY DRAMA! AND PATRIARCHAL BULLSHIT! IN SPAAAAAAAAAAACE! He actually tells her to do as she’s told (a rather unpleasant characteristic that gets recycled in Capaldi-era Who) and ‘come here’; when she digs her heels in, he adds ‘THIS INSTANT’.

OUCH.

Blimey. I love that we’re getting to see Susan kicking back against the Doctor’s authority and his constant infantilisation of her. I also like that William Hartnell isn’t trying to come across as sympathetic in this scene; he says some really insulting, patronising things to Susan that leave her in no doubt about the (lack of) belief he has in her and is very blunt about it, which makes the full unpleasantness of an ugly family argument to come to the fore.

And alas, Susan’s moment of rebelliousness is over: she shuffles back over to Team Tardis, and it’s interesting that it’s Ian’s arm that reaches out towards her; clearly someone wants to be Good Cop. As the Sensorites reach out with their catapult thingies, Ian hits the light switch…and the Sensorites are suddenly helpless and clinging to one another and begging for them to bring back the light and crying out that they’re afraid. It’s pitiful stuff, but nobody seems to be particularly moved. As the Doctor sends Susan back to Carol, he tells Ian to put the lights back on, and proceeds to tell the Sensorites how much power he has over them but how great he is because he doesn’t intend to use it except in self-defence. Christ he’s cold this week.

Anyway, the Sensorites ask what he wants, and he tells them he doesn’t want anything that isn’t his; Ian chimes in and reminds us all about the Sensorites having stolen the lock to the Tardis. Barbara is notable by her absence from this bit of power play. The Sensorites have to check back with Sense Sphere. The Doctor, impatient with this bureaucratic faff, tells Ian to torture them (i.e. put the lights out) if they try anything and goes off presumably to lecture Susan about obedience, raging all the while: ‘Dictated to by petty thieves and my own grandchild!’ Fuck the grandpatriarchy says I.

Once alone with Babs and the Sensorites, it becomes clear that Ian’s mind is on other things:

He is of course referring to the Sensorites' use of their little disc thingummies for the purposes of thought transference, but I am a massive child and enjoy taking these things out of context. In any case, Babs isn't listening AT ALL, which is in itself a thing of beauty:

Oh Ian, sweetie, you’re already an open book. Also, I demand a remake of What Women Want starring Ian and Babs. Also also, I demand a remake of Enchanted starring these two.

Also also also, this is classic shit from both of them, PLUS I’m going to claim that this serial as a whole is the genesis of Ian Chesterderp who has emerged butterfly-like from the chrysalis of a murderous Aztec nightmare into a world in which he gives fewer fucks. Then this happens:

YE GODS IAN IS SO CLUELESS. Young woman shows defiance towards her male elders—she must have been hypnotised! Thank God for Babs, who is on hand to point out that puberty is a thing. Which is good news for Susan, who at least has someone aboard the Tardis who knows what it’s like being a teenage girl and what’s more is a prime example of how to stand up to the Doctor and his bullshit.

And speaking of the Doctor and his patriarchal bullshit, he’s now being (grand)paternalistic as fuck. In fact he's being a complete arsehole:

GO, SUSAN. And kudos to her for staying calm and sticking to her guns.

Enter the Sensorites, who can sense her teenage angst and ask an increasingly irate Doctor why he’s making her sad. The Doctor blames the Sensorites for causing his first ever argument with Susan, because apparently he’s as clueless as Ian when it comes to these matters; Susan, miserably, agrees to do what the Doctor says just to shut him up. Anyway, the Sensorites are now in touch with their leader, the First Elder, and have agreed to transmit the Doctor’s words to him; the Doctor tells the First Elder the only treasure they desire from the Sensorites is FREEDOM. Classy.

Elsewhere, Carol is checking up on her fiancé John, whose brain has been comprehensively hijacked by the Sensorites. He knows she’s good, but he doesn’t know who she is; poor Carol. And indeed poor John, who just wants ‘silence’.

Elsewhere, Barbara is asking one of the Sensorites whether they can really do something for John; apparently they can…in time. Ian, however, isn’t keen on the waiting part, as apparently Barbara and Maitland have to stay on the ship as hostages a safeguard while they cure him.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Jackie, you don’t need a holiday! Stay and play! It’s going to be boring as fuck without you! Ahem.

But yeah, Ian really isn’t keen, and it all gets a bit meta:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh Ian, you’ve worked out the formula for Classic Who! Have a banana.

Oh and look, here comes the Doctor—exposition time! In which the following facts are established:

1. The Sensorites communicate with their little disc thingies telepathically but otherwise speak with their mouths.
2. The Sensorites use telepathy to blanket out the minds of the crew.
3. They do this because ten years ago, five humans rocked up on the Sense Sphere and were welcomed but were clearly thinking about the mineral riches of the planet; they quarrelled, two of them apparently took off in the spaceship, the other three presumably sneaked aboard and fought them from control, and the spaceship exploded; since the explosion the Sensorites have been dying from a disease or diseases unknown. (Barbara’s money is on scarlet fever, FYI.)
4. They’re allowing the Doctor & Co. onto the planet because they sense great knowledge in them and think they may be able to help.

And oh the Doctor is delightfully vain, going from belligerent to chucklesome as he speculates that there’ll be some bargaining ahead.

Anyway, their ride has arrived. The Doctor tells Babs he’s sorry to leave her behind but, y’know, he’s going to anyway; Ian also apologises for leaving Babs behind; Babs reassures both of them she’ll be fine (and is probably looking forward to putting her feet up for a bit). Then Barbara takes Susan to one side and something gorgeous happens:

BARBARA: Susan?
SUSAN: Yes?
BARBARA: Look, I know how you feel, but your Grandfather loves you.
SUSAN: Yes, I know.
BARBARA: Be patient. We're all on your side really, you know.

I LOVE BARBARA AND SUSAN CHATS. It’s like that time in Marco Polo when Susan didn’t understand why her grandfather was being a grumpy bastard and Barbara tried to make her see how the Doctor was feeling insecure and defenceless having had a ‘wonderful machine, capable of all sorts of miracles [. . . ] taken away from him by a man he calls a primitive’. Only this time we’re imagining teenage Barbara kicking back against her own parents and/or guardians (how I wish we had more details about the early companions’ families). Nailing the pastoral care, there, Babs. Also I’m getting such Maria/Liesl vibes off this scene:

Come to think of it, that song is horribly prophetic for Susan (‘lo and behold you’re someone's wife, and you belong to him’).

At this point, the Doctor, clearly meaning well but also reasserting his paternalistic authority, chivvies Susan along, telling her they can’t do without her. And it turns out it’s not just Barbara and Maitland who are staying on the ship, but also the Second Sensorite; I really, really hope that somewhere it will be revealed that the three of them resorted to teaching one another and then playing parlour games specific to their times and planets.

Ok, so now we’re on the Sense Sphere, where the Sensorites are sitting around in identical costumes but for various sashes and collars which apparently distinguish their rank. Which is handy. The First Elder has two crossed black sashes; the Second Elder has one black sash; and the City Administrator, who is listening to the conversation between the other two, has a black collar. The Second Elder is a bit sceptical about inviting the humans into the city rather than meeting them in the desert or the mountains, seeing as they are both loud and ugly; the First Elder, however, seems a reasonable and philosophical sort, and plans to fight fire with fire by getting the humans with the ‘spaceship that can cross the barriers of the universe’ to stop the Sensorites from dying; he also points out that ‘[i]t is the failure of all beings that they judge through their own eyes’. Wise words. When he asks the City Administrator for his opinion, however, said C.A. says he doesn’t dare question his great brain; the First Elder tell him ‘Jefferson has beliefs; Burr has none’ ‘No opinion can be worse sometimes than a very dogmatic one’. Burn.

Once the First Elder has left, it becomes apparent that the City Administrator does in fact have an opinion, and a xenophobic one at that: the First Elder’s decision is based on trust, and humans are not to be trusted. We get a fascinating little insight into Sensorite politics and the functions of their ruling élite when it becomes apparent that the City Administrator regards the First Elder’s mind as ‘pure’; however, he sees himself and the Second Elder as ‘realists’…which is why he’s beamed a disintegrator into the room.

Look, Sensorites are tricky to gif because of their mouths
being obscured by facial hair. Also I miss Babs already.

I’m sorry what.

Ok, so the City Administrator is going to murder the humans at the first sign of trouble because it’s his job to protect his ruler. Fab. I have to say, it would indeed be idiotic not to have a contingency plan when dealing with the same kind of colonially-minded aliens who brought disease and destruction to your planet in a smallpox-in-a-blanket sort of way, but still, this Sensorite is pretty reactionary.

Anyway, the gang has arrived on the Sense Sphere, where it becomes apparent that the Sensorites have a caste system. Susan seems surprised, while Ian has a classic Leftie Ian moment:

FIRST-SENSORITE: How else can we tell what each man is best fitted to do? The Elders think and rule, the warriors fight, the Sensorites work and play.
DOCTOR: You make it sound so very simple.
FIRST-SENSORITE: And all are happy.
IAN: But some are happier than others, eh?

OH IAN. IAN, IAN, IAN. OF COURSE YOU’RE PARAPHRASING ORWELL.

Also I’m pretty sure this is meant to be some sort of nod towards an oldschool Japanese-style caste system, seeing as how Peter R. Newman also wrote the screenplay for a film called Yesterday’s Enemy based on British war crimes against the Japanese in Burma which, as it has been pointed out, isn’t a million miles away from certain aspects of this serial. Also also, I have (by a total coincidence) been reading a hugely problematic essay by T.S. Eliot called Notes Towards the Definition of Culture and I’m pretty sure he would have considered Sensorite society pretty-much ideal, insofar as—in the words of the First Sensorite—‘[t]here is no disgrace in being in any of the castes; it is simply what one is best fitted for’. But I digress.

At this point, John starts talking about how evil is near; Carol thinks he’s just crazy, but Susan reminds her that his mind is open and that he can tell the difference between good and evil. Which is convenient.

Anyway, the City Administrator and the Engineer are setting up the disintegrator to zap the humans in their seats at the dinner table. Which would be awkward if they ended up switching seats. We learn that Sensorites’ hearts are in the centre, and that the Engineer is going to aim the beams at the centre of the humans’ chests in the absence of further information, which begs the question of how he’s going to achieve this given that he doesn’t know how long their torsos are or whether they’ll be leaning forward or scrabbling under the table to retrieve a dropped spork at the time of disintegration. We shall never know. Oh wait, I stand corrected—he can see them through infra-red. And as soon as they’re seated…ZAP!

Nice sixties future tech, though.

In the reception room, John and Carol are being sent off to get John’s brain sorted; he pronounces the First Elder ‘good’, that is to say ‘not like…’ and tails off. IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT JOHN.

Anyway, John goes off to get his treatment, and while Ian’s busy sucking up to his new host, the Doctor says what we’re all thinking as far as the Sensorites’ handling of John is concerned: ‘It doesn't alter the fact that you're responsible for his condition. I think It's utterly disgraceful!’ DAMN RIGHT. Susan, however, thinks her grandfather should be less shouty, and they all go to sit at their places. Uh-oh.

But oh what’s this? The Second Elder has come bursting into the disintegrator room and told the trigger-happy City Administraor and Engineer to not laser everyone to death because the humans are a reasonable lot after all. The CA isn’t happy about it, but the Second Elder is insistent and confiscates the key to the death machine for good measure. Before he leaves, he tells the CA he has doubts about those who question orders and authority. Hmm. But also phew, because it seems Team Where’s Barbara Already is not going to be murdered at the dinner table.

I knew I made this for a reason. Though mostly I just
don't want to have to make Sensorite speech gifs.

Meanwhile, the First Elder is making excuses for having driven John insane because the latter was a foreigner who wanted to steal from them. It’s scary how much what is essentially a story about colonial exploitation is being told using UKIP-y language. Ian points out that this is no excuse for sending John out of his mind, and the First Elder is quick to point out that the only reason John is now crazy is because his mind was open with excitement (yikes that sounds iffy) so when the Sensorites sent the crew to sleep John’s brain was defenceless and he just heard all the voices in his head.

At this point, a waiter comes in with some refreshments, and the First Elder is outraged that his guests are not being given the same food and drink he’s being given (apparently because the CA is a massive racist); he orders the waiter to bring the crystal water (which comes from a pure spring)…which only the Elders can drink. Ugh. Caste systems. Ian, however, is too thirsty for fancy schmancy water, which isn’t surprising seeing as how when Babs and Susan went looking for water on the spaceship they got lost and then the Sensorites arrived and yeah everyone’s probably dehydrated as fuck right now. I wonder whether all this information we’re being given about the ordinary water supply coming from aqueducts that run beneath the city will be in any way significant in the very near future, said she in a voice heavy with sarcasm. Ian drinks the water; and I am starting a timer.

Elsewhere, the CA and the Engineer are plotting.

Back in the dining room, the First Elder is telling Team Where’s Barbara Already about what the different sashes mean. Ian asks about the ordinary people; the First Elder says they are ‘content with their similarity’. Then, precisely 1 minute and 15 seconds from the moment the Not Crystal Water touches his lips, Ian starts coughing. And just to make sure we’re in no doubt as to the significance of this fact, it occurs thus:

Well that’s just hysterical. The Doctor asks whether the disease affects the Elders, and when the answer is no, he muses ‘I WONDER WHY NOT’. No, this is too much. I swear that’s sarcastic line delivery from Mr. H. Also, even if Babs isn’t here to remember it from the History of Medicine module that…er…wasn’t on the GCSE syllabus in the 1960s (and for all I know probably hasn’t been on it since the mid-00s or has at least now been purged by the Tories in favour of British British Things), there’s no reason on Earth why Ian the Science Teacher wouldn’t immediately have thought of Dr. John Snow (no, not that one) and the Broad Street Pump, i.e. a major breakthrough in epidemiology to do with how cholera was spread in an outbreak of 1854. (BOOM remembering facts like it’s 2004...which was 12 years ago…unacceptable.)

Anyway, Ian is still coughing through everyone’s lines, and once it’s been established that the Sensorites will return the Tardis lock in return for aid and that the Doctor considers Susan to be ‘a fine young woman’ (IT’S ABOUT TIME), he starts hacking away in earnest. The Doctor is concerned about His Dear Chesterton, and Susan is out of her seat; Ian asks for water. The Doctor asks whether these are the symptoms of the disease; the First Elder nods; Ian collapses on the floor. WELL THAT IS ONE FAST-ACTING DISEASE. And apparently there’s no hope, because according to the First Elder, he is now dying!

SHOCK HORROR! WILL IAN DIE OF SPACE CHOLERA? WILL THIS SORT OF THING HAPPEN EVERY TIME BABS ISN’T AROUND TO KEEP HIM OUT OF TROUBLE? WILL SUSAN BE REDUCED TO BROW-MOPPING DUTY OR WILL SHE BE ABLE TO STRETCH HER TELEPATHIC LEGS? HOW HAVE THE ELDERS NOT SPOTTED THE DRINKING WATER THING? WHEN WILL JACKIE COME BACK FROM HER HOLIDAYS?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Yup!

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? No. Though Babs is essentially held hostage.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Not as such. Susan chooses to accompany the Sensorites (well, it's not a straightforward choice, but she's determined to go) down to their planet, but Ian and Babs take it upon themselves to rescue her anyway. Also it looks like Ian's going to be in the most peril as of the end of this episode.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Everyone is, really.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? Susan is prevented from going down to the Sense Sphere.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? Yeah, the Doctor is pretty disparaging about Susan's claims to have understood the Sensorites.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Yes.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No. Susan has a lot to flip out about, but she stays calm; however, she's treated like an hysteric by the Doctor anyway.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? The CA has it in for everyone, I think.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Susan. And her plan is derailed.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Susan's theory that the Sensorites trust her more because she can communicate with their minds is ridiculed by the Doctor. A lot.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Susan!

Does a woman get to be a badass? Yup!

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? The Doctor is bossing everyone around this week.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Nope, just good old fashioned Doctor/Ian. You could argue that it's more to do with Susan being a teen than being a woman, but I think it's certainly mixed in with sexism.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? The Sensorites call the Doctor out on making Susan sad.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

This week is all about Susan trying to assert her independence and worth in the face of an increasingly dickish Doctor, whose patriarchal bullshit is thoroughly unpleasant. Though she ultimately agrees to do as she's told, it's an uneasy resolution, and I'm grateful that this reconciliation was played as an uncomfortable truce that's clearly not satisfactory for Susan; it makes me confident that this issue is not resolved and will be allowed to play out. Until she gets married off. There are some nice moments between Barbara and Susan, and it's good for Susan to have a female role model to whom she can look for a good example (not least in terms of showing her how to stand up to the Doctor's nonsense) and who looks out for her emotional wellbeing. Ian is clueless as hell (his notion that Susan's disobedience is down to hypnosis is something else), but I enjoy the continued leftie streak to his character. The Doctor is awful this week, but kudos to Billy and to the director for not trying to make the Doctor likeable whenever he's clearly in the wrong; one of my favourite things about One is that he's not a straightforward hero and (at this stage) only very occasionally the moral compass of the show, so there's no pressure to make him right all the time; when his behaviour is inexcusable, people don't make excuses for him. (I'll accept that Babs telling Susan her grandfather loves her really is a bit of an excuse, but she doesn't say that makes him right per se.) The Sensorites are...interesting. I mean sometimes they're boring, but they raise complicated questions at any rate. Next week, expect lots of whinging about Barbara's absence.

Series 1 Episode 32: The Unwilling Warriors

Serial: The Sensorites
Episode: 2 (The Unwilling Warriors)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Peter R. Newman
Director: Mervyn Pinfield
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 27/06/1964

TOXIC MASCULINITY...IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! (and other stories)

In which Susan gets telepathic, Babs is a cool customer, Ian gets to be scared, and most of the action can be boiled down to this crackvid.

So there’s Klingons Sensorites on the starboard bow, but they’re not getting handsy with the glass in this take. The Doctor tells Ian to stay chill: ‘the calmer you are, the stronger’. I’m not sure Ian has a ‘calm’ setting. Maitland and Carol are both mesmerised; the Doctor says fear has loosened their minds and given the Sensorites the chance to control them. Pausing only to be magnificent in telling Ian to ‘ignore it’ (the Sensorite that’s taking a space walk), he proceeds to shake Maitland until he comes round. He reminds Maitland he’s got a door to open. Nothing like chivalry to clear the head. But also the Doctor would quite like Susan not be in danger and that.

On the other side of the door, Babs is trying to persuade John to open said door. John, however, is having his mind mangled by the Sensorites; he tells the fourth wall he won’t be forced to frighten Barbara and Susan, who are somewhat concerned that someone is ordering him to harm them.

Outside, Maitland has to use the cutter on the door. An exasperated Ian yells ‘Oh not again!’ and has to be gently manhandled by the Doctor when he admits he’s ‘just [. . .] so worried about Barbara and Susan’:

DOCTOR: Now-now-now, try and contain your emotions; use self-control. Otherwise it confuses the brain and leaves it wide open to an attack by the Sensorites. Look at Maitland here - fear and inertia has left him vulnerable!
IAN: Yes that's true enough Doctor.

It’s interesting that it’s Ian who has to be calmed down at this point, but even more interesting that the Doctor is essentially enforcing the idea that emotion ‘confuses the brain’. Toxic masculinity much. I mean yes, being able to control your emotions to the extent that they don’t control you is important, but it’s interesting that the men who are overtly afraid in this situation are portrayed as vulnerable, i.e. weak. Also I swear Carol’s changed her hair, as it’s now in a magnificent beehive whereas it used to be in an enormous donut. She tells them the Sensorites are now on the ship, and that even though they’re not in the same bit Barbara and Susan are in, they need to get through a.s.a.p. because of John; Ian’s not arguing. She goes on to tell them that the Sensorites can take over John’s mind…at which point Ian loses his shit. He goes over to the door and starts hammering on it, yelling for Barbara and Susan.

This. This is Ian. 

And Barbara and Susan can hear him. John asks Babs to give him his hand, which she does; he tells her the Sensorites want him to frighten them, but he mustn’t give way. Susan want to ease the tension, so Babs tells John they’re not afraid so long as he’s there to protect them. You bolster that psyche with paternalistic bullshit, Babs. (I mock, but they’re doing a pretty good job of keeping John calm, actually.) They tell him they’re his friends, and John repeats this fact for the fourth wall in case they hadn’t heard.

Meanwhile, Ian is still pacing. The Doctor catches him and gives him a good glare, but it’s no good, apparently.

But OH WHAT’S THIS? Elsewhere in the ship, two pairs of Muppet Feet are flooping along the corridor. I am amazed nobody tripped up in this serial. Or maybe they did and I don’t remember. I’ll keep my eyes peeled. Anyway, it’s the Sensorites! Who, as I’ve said, look like Zombie Lincoln minus the hat plus a onesie. They also have stripy arm bands and what looks a bit like an electrode on a string around their necks. How Ood.

The Sensorites literally have two left feet. Or right feet.

Meanwhile, Susan’s had an idea, and it’s a corker: if the Sensorites can use their brains as weapons, what’s stopping the two of them using their brains to defend John and indeed themselves? I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING:

SUSAN: Look, Grandfather and I landed on a planet once called Esto; the plants there used thought transference. If you stood in between two of the plants they set up a sort of screeching noise; Grandfather said it was because they were aware of another mind.
BARBARA: Breaking in on their communications.
SUSAN: Yes exactly! I thought if we both tried together...
BARBARA: Well anything's better than just sitting here.

Well this is exciting, if only because it answers some queries I had from The Keys of Marinus where Susan said she’d heard the sound of screaming plants from the also screaming jungle before. And YES SUSAN! Finally she gets to show some initiative, and now the two of them are going to get proactive using the power of their brains. Also I love how quick Barbara is on the uptake and how willing she is to go along with Susan’s plan on the basis that Susan clearly knows what she’s talking about:

SUSAN: You see, if we both think of the same thing at the same time.
BARBARA: Well what do you mean? "We defy you", something like that?
SUSAN: Yes, yes "We defy you".
BARBARA: Alright.
SUSAN: Now we must both picture the words very clearly in our minds. We must both concentrate very hard. Ready?
BARBARA: Yes. When I count to five.

WHOVIAN WOMEN BEING BADASSES WITH THEIR MINDS. GIVE ME ALL OF THIS ALL THE TIME. Also Barbara is so very game. I love that the first thing she thinks of for them to think simultaneously is ‘WE DEFY YOU’. Because why the hell not.

As Barbara and Susan prepare to be their best defiant selves, the Sensorites start…fiddling about with a desk lamp? I dunno.

Anyway, Barbara gets to five, and the Sensorites crumple in agony, clutching their heads. But OH NO! As they stand there concentrating Very Hard, suddenly Susan collapses and has to be caught by Babs. What’s happening? Has a Sensorite thought the word ‘PATRIARCHY’ very hard in her direction? We may never know.

Outside, Maitland says the door is jammed and he’ll have to cut the whole section out. Ian has had just about enough of this fuckery, tells Maitland they can’t wait, and immediately starts trying to open the now partially-open door using brute force. They succeed!

Later, the Doctor and Carol are discussing recent events; it’s possible Susan managed to reach out to the Sensorites, so Carol reckons it’s possible for them to resist. And oh look, it seems they’ve been talking about Susan as though she’s not there, because she’s now revealed to be sitting in the background. She tells them she heard hundreds of voices in her head, and the Doctor immediately starts scolding her. Apparently she escaped harm because she was ‘strong-willed and without fear’. Damn right. You should be applauding her.

Barbara and Susan sum up my feelings at this juncture.

Anyway, enter Ian, who’s been with John. The latter has been muttering something like ‘the dreams of avarice’, which Ian reckons is part of the Earth saying ‘rich beyond the dreams of avarice’. Clearly John has discovered something in his capacity as the ship’s mineralogist that has made the Sensorites silence him and keep the rest of the crew prisoner. The Doctor asks Maitland if he’s tried talking to the Sensorites. Silly question.

Meanwhile, the Sensorites are using their little stethoscope electrode proto-Ood thingies to communicate with the First Elder on their planet, who is interested in the human voice that said ‘we defy you’. Though Babs is the human in this situation, I’m guessing he means Susan. Also the new humans (i.e. Team Tardis) are smarter than the others and less afraid, so if they try to attack then warriors must be summoned. Yikes.

Elsewhere, the astronauts have got their spectroscope out. The Doctor hands a spectrograph to Ian, who reckons it’s pretty normal-looking. He then proceeds to explain what a spectrograph is to Susan the super-advanced space-child; her response is fucking glorious:

Susan has no time for your Baby Science.

Ian at least has the grace to laugh at himself.

Then the episode makes doubly sure it’s comprehensively hurdled the Bechdel test:

RICHMOND: You're very strange people.
SUSAN: Are we?
RICHMOND: Well you come from nowhere and you seem to be going nowhere.
BARBARA: Oh we're very dependent on the Doctor - he leads and we follow.
RICHMOND: Travel without a purpose?
BARBARA: Oh no, there's a purpose in it. He's trying to get us back to our own time on Earth.
RICHMOND: Oh I see.
SUSAN: Isn't it better to travel hopefully than arrive?
RICHMOND: Oh anything's better than circling around a planet forever and being kept alive. Alive... It's been more like a living-death.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS finally we get a conversation more in the vein of Barbara and Susan in the Gobi desert but with added Carol. Also Susan talking about travelling hopefully being better than arriving breaks my heart in all kinds of different places. They all have such different experiences of space(-time) travel: Barbara and Susan are both travelling with their separate hopes but in their own way beginning to enjoy hopeful travel, while Carol travels only in the sense that she’s constantly in motion but never getting anywhere new; however, all three are momentarily united in their desire to be able to set off on their travels once more.

Anyway, the Doctor has gone off the scrutinise the spectrograph a bit more with the aid of a monocle. Because why not. Susan, Babs, and Carol continue to theorise about what must have happened; Susan starts with the fact that the Sensorites have discovered thought transference, while Barbara reckons John got so excited when he made his discovery that his mind opened up and broadcast it to the Sensorites. Dead on.

They’re interrupted by the Doctor, however, who has figured out what John found: Molybdenum! Which, unlike Dalekanium, is real, because I just looked it up on Wikipedia. And it was in demand during both World Wars because unlike steel it doesn’t melt at the temperatures produced by the propellant used in a fuck-off artillery gun. It also melts at 2623 °C, which is actually only one degree out from what the Doctor claims. (He’s also one degree out when it comes to the melting point of iron. Oh Billy.) Anyway, it’s dead useful.

Just as the Doctor yells that the planet is a veritable goldmine, however, Carol and Maitland both grab their heads in agony: the Sensorites are here! On the ship! So of course this happens:

If I had the skills to give Ian a flower crown here, I would.

I fucking love this. Everyone freaking out? Potentially hostile aliens on the ship? Grab the bestie and go looking for them purely for teh lolz. This may also be the first time Ian hasn’t run off to be action man whilst insisting Barbara stays behind. Then again, they were separated for most of The Aztecs, so this is probably the first opportunity they’ve had in a while to spend some quality human time together; it’s the closest thing they’ve had to a date since they decided to stalk one of their pupils together after school. (I also like to think Ian’s glee has something to do with being very glad indeed that his Space Bae, unlike Carol’s, is as yet unmangled in mind or spirit, and is enjoying the moment.)

So the BFFs run off to look for aliens together and it’s the most endearing thing I’ve ever seen. Which I shall again convey through the use of glittery, pastel-coloured bubble writing:

I will stop using these fonts when they stop
being offensively cute.

I’m deaded. The two of them don’t have a fucking Scooby what’s going on or what they’re doing; they’re just in it for the Spirit of Adventure...which shows a fair bit of character development for Barbara at least, who once memorably described herself as 'a very unwilling adventurer'. Indeed, the point at which Ian tells Barbara she needn’t come along if she doesn’t want to, with a massive grin on his face, knowing full well that she’d rather stick pins in her eyes than not go any further, is second only to Barbara tutting and quipping back ‘nonsense’. It’s their relationship in a nutshell. You don't have to ship it to appreciate that it’s a thing of gorgeousness. And it’s good to see Ian’s sort of left his paternalism at the door…at least for the moment.

Ahem. Sorry. I've been enormously sidetracked by the ridiculous antics of the Space Baes. Anyway, they wander around a bit more until suddenly – GASP! It’s the Sensorites! So what was your plan, darlings? I’m curious. Because Barbara and Ian now start backing away the way they came as the Sensorites advance. Ian, who seems to be nervous these days if he doesn’t have a weapon to hand, grabs a spanner while Babs opens the door behind him and steers him through it backwards. He tells her to go find Maitland and ask him how to lock the doors; she protests a bit and there’s another alarming moment when it looks like she isn’t going to go (remember when she looked like she was about to stay with Ian when he was stuck in that Dalek casing on Skaro?), but she eventually scarpers as the Sensorites come through the door and advance on Ian once more. One of the Sensorites raises its telepathic whatsit to its head, and Ian raises his spanner threateningly, causing the Sensorite to drop it. Unwilling warriors indeed.

Outside, Babs is trying to get Maitland to tell her how to lock the doors, but he’s too busy grabbing his head and looking pained. The Doctor tells Babs to try John; when she protests, he snaps ‘do as I say’. Christ the Doctor’s bossy this episode. Anyway, she does indeed go to find John, who is a trooper and allows himself to be steered towards the action by Babs.

They encounter Ian at the door with Sensorites, about to bash them with a spanner. Then this happens:

BARBARA: Ian, no!
IAN: Why not? How else am I supposed to keep these creatures off?
BARBARA: Well do you need to keep them off? Have they actually attacked you? Come on John, lock the door.

Well, it looks like Babs is making a habit of being magnificent. While Ian seems to be a lot more willing to embrace violence since his Aztec adventure, Babs has actually toned it down. And I think it might be because, while he’s getting more afraid as their adventures continue, she’s getting less afraid. Which is Interesting Character Development. And probably down to the fact that, though they’ve both had their lives threatened on a regular basis, while Ian’s had to embrace his action man role and is starting to fall back on that role more and more, Barbara’s been given a far wider range of experiences, from utter powerlessness to absolute power, and is learning to cope in a variety of different situations using a variety of different approaches; she’s getting a lot better at taking things in her stride.

Anyway, John locks the door, and Ian’s a mess after almost having succumbed to textbook Yoda anadiplosis. Barbara, who has her hands full (literally) propping up John, has more than a touch of the indulgent teacher explaining something to a wayward pupil:

Seriously, though, I’m impressed with the extent to which she has her shit together after all that Aztec business. I’m also impressed that we do get to see a lot of Ian being afraid in this serial, which is only healthy. But it’s also interesting how this episode keeps hammering home the relationship between fear and aggression.

Speaking of which – DRAMA! The Sensorites can get through the other door! MUCH RUSHING! As John bolts the door, Ian tempts fate: ‘Now we’ll see what the Sensorites can do.’

And indeed we shall. And that something is fry the locks with their catapult thingummies. They advance! But before one of them can open the main door, the other stays his hand. What are they up to?

Outside, the Doctor still wants to contact the Sensorites, while the astronauts are feeling a little better. Then – WHEEEEEEEE SPACE NOISES – the Sensorites are using their telepathy discs, and Susan suddenly starts talking apparently to herself, much to the confusion of her companions. She tells them she’s made contact, and the Doctor agrees to talk…but if the Sensorites try to harm them, he shall…*lame pause*…fight them. That’s some convincing smack-talk there, Doctor.

Well this is exciting! Susan has a skill nobody else has, and it looks like she’s going to be vital to this serial! Telepathic powers will certainly be a welcome addition to her skillset, which currently comprises ‘being really smart but not getting to show it very often’, ‘opening the Tardis doors’, ‘being morbid’, and ‘occasionally fucking the patriarchy’.

Anyway, Susan unlocks the doors and lets the Sensorites in. It turns out Earth people visited the Sense Sphere once before and caused them ‘a fearful affliction’. Which I’m assuming means ‘they were colonial-style bellends’. Anyway, the plan is that Team Tardis and the astronauts can’t go home but will be taken to live on a reservation on the Sense Sphere. The Doctor isn’t happy about that, and though both parties claim not to want to harm one another, it’s pretty tense. The Sensorites also have a sideline in sass:

FIRST-SENSORITE: The other Earth people will not be able to help you.
BARBARA: Surely we've proved that we don't need help.
SECOND-SENSORITE: You have only proved that you can lock doors. We can unlock them!

Burn.

But now the Doctor’s stepped in, and it becomes apparent that if push comes to shove he will not fuck about. When the Sensorites ask if he’s threatening them, he tells them he doesn’t make threats…but he does keep promises. Cripes. In short, he promises to cause them a fuckton of trouble in they don’t return his property, and yells for good measure; the Sensorites reel and put their hands over their ears, then depart. Never mess with the Tardis if you don’t want the Doctor for an enemy seems to be the first rule of Who.

Gif by cleowho

And now we’re finding out why you don’t mess with One, because it seems all this time he’s been sizing up their weaknesses: he’s spotted that their pupils are fully dilated in daylight, which means either that they’re in a constant state of arousal or that they’re the exact opposite of cat’s eyes and contract in the dark. I don’t even want to consider the science. Anyway, the upshot is they’ll be afraid of the dark. Then this happens:

DOCTOR: Thank you for your admiration my dear boy, thank you.
IAN: Well I never said a word!
DOCTOR: Ha-ha, telepathy! You know telepathy isn't only a prerequisite of the Sensorites. I know sometimes what you're thinking! Hm-hm! Hm-hm!

I can’t decide whether this is adorable or disconcerting. Certainly Babs and Ian don’t seem too bothered about the fact that the Doctor can eavesdrop on their thoughts. Either way, telepathic Doctor is very early canon.

But ooh, the Sensorites’ telepathic dog whistle is going off again, and Susan’s saying ‘I don’t want to go’ (oh foreshadowing!), before agreeing to something on condition that the others not be harmed. Oh crumbs. And now Susan’s walking over to the door and telling the others not to move. It transpires she’s agreed to go down to the planet…otherwise they’ll all be killed! She steps through the door and the Sensorites close it behind her. SUSAN OUT.

OH MY GOODNESS WHAT DO THE SENSORITES WANT WITH SUSAN? WILL THE DOCTOR ACTUALLY BURST A BLOOD VESSEL WITH ANGER? WILL IAN HAVE TIME TO SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS AT SOME POINT WITHOUT BEING TOLD HIS EMOTIONS ARE MAKING HIM WEAK? WILL BARBARA CONTINUE TO GET TO BE AMAZINGLY TOGETHER ABOUT EVERYTHING? WILL SUSAN’S TELEPATHIC ABILITIES DEVELOP AND WILL SHE NOW HAVE LOTS TO DO IN EVERY EPISODE? HOW LONG HAS THE DOCTOR BEEN EAVESDROPPING ON HIS HUMANS’ BRAINS?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Yup!

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? No.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Though Ian and the Doctor appear to be under the impression that Barbara and Susan need rescuing from peril, it becomes apparent that they are fine handling the situation by themselves.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Implied but the threat turns out not to be serious.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Yes.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No. It's Ian who needs to chill out this week.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Everyone's menacing everyone else this week. Even the Sensorites aren't proper antagonists.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No, but Babs does call Ian out on his 'bludgeon to death with a spanner first ask questions later' attitude.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? AND HOW.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No, but the Doctor does stamp all over Susan's independence and indeed chides her for carrying out her thought defiance plan.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Not as such but Susan goes against his wishes pretty strongly.

Does a woman get to be a badass? Yup!

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Everyone in Team Tardis has their moments this week.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? A bit.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? No.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

MORE OF THIS CHARACTERISATION OF SUSAN AND BARBARA PLEASE. Susan gets to be a telepathic badass and Babs is up for anything. It's irritating to see the Doctor stifling Susan, but at least it's deliberate in this episode and part of her character development arc in this serial. I also enjoy that Barbara is the one keeping a cool head when Ian is ready to bludgeon the Sensorites to death with a spanner; maybe it's because she remembers the Doctor's little 'fear makes companions of all of us' speech and recognises that literally everyone on this ship, human and Sensorite alike, is afraid and therefore prone to acts of violence; she helps Ian break that cycle of fear with her cool teacher moves. Having said that, it's good that we get to see Ian afraid, because it would be unhealthy if he didn't show a little fear now and then. However, it's interesting that, whereas Babs got the 'fear is good' speech way back when, Ian gets the 'fear makes you vulnerable' speech. Also it's only the men who are portrayed as having been made weak as a result of their fear. I do appreciate that the point of this episode is that fear basically starts wars, but there's certainly a gender dimension involved. Let's see how this develops!