Season 2 Episode 5: The Daleks

Serial: The Dalek Invasion of Earth
Episode: 2 (The Daleks)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Terry Nation
Director: Richard Martin
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 28/11/1964

'DALEKS...I HATE THOSE GUYS' (and other stories)

In which Barbara meets a woman her own age who is even more Done With Everyone's Shit than she is, Susan gets involved, the Space Bros do Escaping with Science, and the Daleks do manoeuvres.

So a Dalek has just emerged from the Thames and the Space Bros are momentarily stunned. Ian, rather bizarrely, exclaims as though it’s only the voice of the Dalek that’s jogging his memory. No, Ian, that’s an actual Dalek and it’s pretty darn recognisable. In fairness, he is in shock. As the Dalek tells the Robopatrol to take the prisoners to landing area one, Ian starts freaking out about Daleks on Earth; the Doctor tells his Space Bro to leave it to him.

The Doctor’s big plan is to tell the Daleks to let them go. I forget how early Daleks do actually allow themselves to be argued-with. The Dalek tells the Doctor the Daleks are the Masters of the Earth, to which the Doctor responds thus:

In fact, he talks to the Daleks with cool contempt, and tells Ian they’d better put their wits against the Daleks and defeat them; hilariously, the Dalek tells him it can, y’know, hear what they’re saying.

Oh and thanks, InfoText, for alerting me to a cut Ian line: ‘When all the history of Earth is put together, the Daleks won’t occupy more than one half a page.’ WHY DID THEY CUT THIS it’s a lovely little line and indeed shows him thinking in Barbara’s terms.

Anyway, the Doctor doesn’t believe resistance is in any way futile (because of course) and that if the Daleks are going to conquer the Earth they’re going to have to destroy all living matter. Well, they probably will.

As the Space Bros are dragged off by the Robomen, the Dalek rather shakily repeats ‘WE ARE THE MASTERS OF EARTH’ to itself like it’s a therapist’s mantra. Daleks are hella insecure.

Back at the rebel base, everyone is listening to the Daleks broadcasting an ultimatum: survivors are to show themselves in the street and live or be killed horribly. Presumably Babs and Susan have already been briefed on the whole Dalek thing, because they seem unphased by this returning nightmare.

Dortmun (the scientist in the wheelchair) scoffs at what he refers to as the ‘motorised dustbins’ (which was a rehearsal ad lib—thanks, InfoText!), and Tyler tells Jenny—a defensively hardfaced woman in the resistance who is somewhere between my idol and my spirit animal—to go and find food for Babs and Susan and see to Susan’s ankle. Because this is what women do in the twenty-second century.

What she also does, fortunately, is command a certain level of respect: for one thing, when she goes around asking questions, they get sensible answers. She goes over and asks who the one with the bad ankle is, with the bluntest bedside manner ever; Susan is reasonably aggressive in identifying herself as the hobbler, and has her foot unceremoniously yanked about for her trouble. Hilariously, considering how Babs spent all that time mucking about in the diseased river last week, Jenny asks why nobody put a wet bandage on it (which seems to be the universal cure for a bad ankle in Classic Who), and an indignant Babs points out they’ve only just arrived. Jenny sees to the ankle, and continues to be brusque as hell sending Babs off for the food. Babs politely points out she doesn’t know where it is, and responds to Jenny’s instructions to sign them both up for work with indignation on account of the fact that Susan can’t work because of her bad ankle. Jenny points out that Susan could do something, y'know, sitting down. Then this happens:

Jenny, let me love you for doing my job; Babs, let me love you because WHAT an eyebrow.

I LOVE SEEING THESE TWO INTERACT. It’s so unusual for Barbara not to be the most capable woman (and let's face it, often the most capable human/person) in the room, so it’s a complete change of dynamic to have two incredibly capable older women (ugh I hate that phrase because they’re not old at all, so let’s just say women over thirty) onscreen. Jenny, although she radiates competence, is also prickly as hell and brusque to the point of rudeness—almost Doctor-like, actually, in the early days before Babs got to him. And you can see Barbara being ever-so polite and suddenly coming across as this rather prim sixties schoolteacher but also rolling her eyes like ‘here we go again’. Also, as I shall discuss later, I have complex-ish headcanons about Barbara identifying with Jenny simultaneously in terms of a pre-Barbara Doctor and a potential post-war, post-Ian-hypothetically-dying Barbara. But more of that anon.

Also I ship these two like crazy. Sorry not sorry, hashtag Bibara, hashtag Barbara loves a Dalek-fighting blonde, hashtag why the hell not.

Anyway, Dortmun is talking to Tyler about attacking the Daleks; Tyler gets in a quip about this not being the twentieth century where men with bayonets charged at machine guns. That’s two for two in terms of serials and references to WWI. Dortmun wheels himself over to a shelf where he’s apparently left his new bomb lying around. He puts it on the table and declares it finished. Tyler asks whether it’s been tested; it hasn’t. Dortmun is a terrible scientist/tactician. I mean I get it, he’s got a chip on his shoulder about being in the chair, but that doesn’t mean his blind faith in his own theoretical formula is an adequate substitute for an actual weapons test.

Enter David through the chute in the wall with a crate of apples. And corrects Jenny on something? I dunno, I still don’t like David (yet).

Meanwhile, Dortmun is yelling at Tyler for thinking like a worm. Ugh, do shut up, Dortmun. Tyler (I quite like Tyler) protests that they’ve got to have a decent chance of survival. Which is sensible. David rocks up and tells them about Ian and the Doctor being taken, and Dortmun reckons it’s a shame as they could’ve used those two. Dortmun has more than a touch of the Captain Ahabs.

At the saucer at the Chelsea heliport, Ian and the Doctor have been brought face to face with more Daleks. Ian, bless him, has some classic ‘Doctor, I don’t understand’ companion dialogue so the Doctor can do a spot of exposition. Ian doesn’t get how the Daleks can be here when Team Tardis saw them destroyed already; the Doctor tells Ian that what happened on Skaro was a million years in the future. (How does he know that when the Tardis controls are buggered? And how do the Daleks on Skaro not recognise Team Tardis? Ach, Dalek timelines are an omnishambles. But this is apparently the middle history of the Daleks.)

As more prisoners enter, Ian observes that the Daleks look different these days what with the discs on their backs, and reckons it might have something to do with their increased mobility—remember, they could only move on metal on Skaro. The Doctor reminds Ian that this is an invasion force and must adapt itself to local conditions. Though this doesn’t, as yet, include stairs.

One guy who killed two of the Robomen is brought forwards, and his friend decides to make a run for it…and is murdered by the Daleks. There’s a rather poignant moment where Ian stops the guy running to help his friend, yelling ‘you can’t help him now’. Because obviously Ian has seen the Daleks kill before. And it’s a nasty scene, actually. I sometimes get a teeny bit frustrated when Classic Who gets painfully slow, but actually it’s a hundred times more effective having the Daleks silently close in around the terrified man who yells for help he knows won’t come.

Anyway, the Dalek Supreme (who has ‘a different paint job’—thanks, InfoText!) tells the other prisoners to expect more of the same if they run, and the Space Bros are herded into the ship. (Is it just me, or does Dalek Supreme sound like a pizza? I’ve always thought this. Am I alone?)

Back at resistance HQ, Susan is holding David’s gun while he polishes it. And I don’t know just what to do with that image. David continues to earn my loathing by telling Susan about the men being at the saucer but insisting that they not tell Barbara. For reasons? Why is David a dick to Barbara? Why has Susan allowed herself to be taken in by the bullshit logic he offers when she protests?

Enter Jenny (a.k.a. Classic Who's new Queen of No Time For Your Shit) with a Roboman’s helmet and holds it out to David, who has apparently asked for a look at it. When he carries on with what he’s doing, this happens:

Jenny: Well here you are, then, take them. I’ve got better things to do.
David: Oh, you’re a model of charm and patience, aren’t you?
Jenny: Well I don’t believe in wasting time! And I don’t believe in sentiment either.

YES JENNY! SMASH HIM! Also, someone’s been Hurt Bad, haven’t they?

Enter Babs, breathless with admiration and looking eager to please, and in a weird reversal of the ‘apple for the teacher’ thing, brings Jenny some apples. When Jenny rather carelessly tells her to just put them down, Babs rolls her eyes yet again and lobs an apple at her Space Daughter and soon-to-be Space Son-in-Law. Who seems to have learned some manners at least and thanks her. But more importantly, Barbara, never ever stop pulling those faces.

Babs picks up the Roboman helmet and asks Susan what it is (hurrah!) but when Susan (correctly) tells Babs that they (meaning, I assume the beings from which they were taken) are called Robomen, David cuts across her and tells her she’s got it wrong, and proceeds to mansplain that the devices were taken from dead human beings. I mean, I suppose you could make the case for David trying to afford the mutilated human slaves some dignity in death, but Susan’s answer was more useful. Jenny chips in about the Daleks needing helpers and operating on prisoners; David explains about the Daleks controlling the brains for a bit. Babs, rather naively, asks whether the humans revert afterwards, and Jenny answers her with ruthless bleakness: ‘They die.’

David talks about the Robos going crazy and killing themselves, and Barbara realises just what she saw when she found that body in the river last week. Then, in a classic Babs move, she permits herself to wax lyrical: ‘Daleks…everything they touch turns into a horrible sort of nightmare.’ Well, quite.

Susan asks if they’re still making Robomen, and Jenny again answers: yes, and they got her brother last year. Well, that explains a lot. Oblivious to the fact that Ian and the Doctor are at a heliport, Jenny tells Susan that once the Daleks have you on board a saucer you haven’t got a hope; Susan looks horrified. As well she might.

Digression: this is what I meant when I said that for Babs looking at Jenny was probably like looking at one potential future self—a future self after ten years of war and having lost her Space Fam. I mean don’t get me wrong, Babs is a very different person if only because she tends to luxuriate in her morbid streak or fixate on the absurd when things get grim, whereas Jenny has been hardened by her experiences and uses that hardness as a defence mechanism. But I at least find it interesting that this is the first time Babs has met a woman her own age on her travels and instantly tries to reach out (who can blame her after all those weeks spent mothering Susan?) only to realise that she has another right pain-in-the-arse on her hands. Albeit one with whom she nevertheless empathises because of course Babs’s Space Fam is what keeps her grounded even as she develops in the face of extreme adversity, whereas Jenny has recently lost her brother.

Back on the saucer, the InfoText tells me of some cut dialogue in which Ian chides the Doctor for sounding like the secretary of the Dalek Fan Club and the Doctor retorts by saying ‘One can admire the ingenuity of a people without condoning their ethics’. He later calls the Daleks the most brutal but the most brilliant people in the universe. Which is interesting insofar as they clearly cut it to make his morals more human/less problematic. Anyway, the Doctor is pretty confident he can get them out of the cell into which they’ve been placed. The Daleks spy on them and think the Doctor’s spiel about resistance etc. means he’s more intelligent than other humans so they’re going to give him The Test. Whatever that is.

Inside the cell, the Doctor chides the new guy (Jack Craddock) for being pessimistic and Ian asks how the Daleks invaded and that. Craddock asks whether they’ve been on moon station; they hastily agree. Though I call bullshit on that, as surely ten years is enough time to figure out the Earth has been invaded. Anyway, ten years ago the Earth was bombarded with meteorites and everyone got the plague. The Daleks waited for everyone to get weak from the germ bombs and eventually the survivors were either too spread out or too few to resist effectively. There are some interesting alternative versions of this in the InfoText which has it begin in 1980 and sounds eerily like it had post-Trump USA and post-Brexit Britain in mind, because one is at war with Russia and China while the other is on the brink of war with Europe. Mankind forgets its differences and unites against the Daleks, proving that xenophobia always wins, it’s just a matter of scale. The other version has bacteria bombs and oh I don’t have to explain it because apparently Terry Nation reused the scenario for his 1975 TV series The Survivors. Which I’d like to see. Though it does sound a bit H.G. Wells.

Anyway, we cut back to David explaining what happened to Babs and Susan, who is (rather worryingly) holding the barrel of David’s gun to her chin. PUT THE GUN DOWN, SUSAN. ‘Divide and conquer,’ observes history teacher Babs, knowingly, and David agrees.

David starts to explain that it was at this point that the Dalek saucers arrived and they started killing people, but honestly I’m just distracted and mega impressed by the Dalek operators managing to zoom down the ramp and turn off like that. Oh though apparently on the first attempt one of them went smashing into a camera. I’m not surprised. Anyway, WELL DONE, DALEK OPERATORS.

Ahem. The Daleks turned people into Robomen, the end. I think? I’m sorry, I’m usually mega into post-apocalyptic world-building but I’m also mega into Dalek manoeuvres.

Craddock’s voice takes over saying how the Daleks knew full well the psychological impact of using their own people against them, and we’re treated to an image of a Roboman knocking a woman to the ground just so we know how bad stuff is. Then Ian asks what we’re all thinking: WHY? Oh Ian, you do NOT want to know.

Anyway, apparently the Daleks have turned the whole of Bedfordshire into a gigantic mine. The Doctor gives zero fucks about ‘all this blab about Bedfordshire’ because it’s escape time.

The Daleks issue a final warning, telling the resistance that if they come and work for them, they get life. Obvious and chilling Nazi parallels are both obvious and chilling. (Also, has anyone ever listened to the Dalek Empire stories from Big Finish? Because it’s one of the few things I have from Big Finish and it’s brilliant, if only because a lot of it is about Dalek labour camps and resistance and collaboration and it’s dead interesting. I mean I only have I-III, but I would absolutely recommend.)

Back at Resistance HQ, the Rebels of London are listening and a random lady extra has hysterics. Dortmun starts waving his untested bomb around saying they’ll come out of hiding…WITH THIS, claiming it will shatter the Daleks’ casing. Instant hubbub! Though through it I see Jenny sternly asking how many they’ve got, being told by Tyler ‘we’ve got enough’, and retorting ‘well, I hope so’. Heart eyes. I do like Tyler, too, actually.

Jenny objects strongly to a frontal attack, and oh I’m glad the InfoText is on because I can confirm that I’m not imagining things and Dortmun is indeed modelled a bit on Churchill, because the rhetoric he cracks out about just needing one victory is distinctly Churchillian. He stands for good measure.

Jenny still isn’t drinking the Kool Aid and asks how they get close enough to the heliport to throw the bombs; Tyler says they have plenty of cover from buildings; some guy (Baker?) says the Daleks will start firing on them; Dortmun says it will be a SURPRISE attack; Baker says as soon as the first bomb is thrown the surprise will be over. And then—brace yourselves for gushing—BARBARA ROLLS HER EYES AND PIPES UP: they can get right into the middle of the Daleks if they disguise themselves as Robomen! (Which apparently was what they were already doing in an earlier script but bless whoever changed it.) Tyler beams at her and tells her it’ll work; Susan pops up behind her Space Mum and hugs her delightedly and oh I do love how in this serial everyone falls in love with Babs whenever she has a good idea. Because this is essentially what I do. Anyway, they attack in one hour! Hurrah!

Back in the cell, there’s a crystal box thing and a magnifying glass and some bars and essentially it’s the test the Daleks were talking about but the Doctor reckons it’s there so Daleks can get out if they’re locked in and they do a Sciency thing with some sort of electromagnetism and get out of the cell. I’m sorry I can’t go into more detail because it makes no sense but there is a cute bit where the Doctor asks Ian whether he did three-dimensional graph geometry at his school and Ian rather sheepishly says he only ever did Boyle’s Law and the Doctor makes a terrible Dad Joke about having to Boyle this down and giggles like he’s been the wittiest man in the universe and Ian grins and yeah the Space Bros are just too much. Oh and this happens:

Ian: You know, Doctor, sometimes you astound me.
Doctor: Only sometimes, dear boy? What's happened to your memory?

Oh and the Doctor rather proudly tells Craddock they managed to outwit the Daleks once before and tells him to go away.

They open the door with magnets. Which is educational.

The Doctor tells everyone to get out of here ‘and be crafty’…only to run right into a Dalek patrol. The Robomen take the Doctor off to be Robotised, and Ian and Craddock are shoved back into the cell.

Outside, Barbara, David, and Susan are lurking. According to the InfoText, Susan, who feels super involved with the insurgents’ struggle, asks to go with David without telling Barbara, who remains behind at the rebel base. Again, I am enormously thankful that they changed this, though I’m sad that we don’t get to see more of Susan actually feeling involved at this point, which would make her thing with David make more sense. And give her a properly satisfying character arc. Nevertheless, the badass bouffant is here, too, and I am very glad about that.

The Doctor is being dragged over to the Robotising machine or whatever it’s called. There’s a bit that, much like the bit where the Daleks very slowly surround that extra and kill him, makes me feel super uncomfortable where the Daleks instruct the Robomen to take the Doctor’s coat off him, which they do by force. Which is really horrible. Not only because it makes the Doctor seem really, really vulnerable but also because he stretches his hand out towards his coat in genuine anguish, which only bolsters my headcanon about Gallifreyans deriving their health from fabulous clothing (see Susan’s apparent allergy to squalor in The Reign of Terror). They manhandle him onto the operating table.

Outside the saucer, the fake Robomen are trying to blag their way past the Daleks and are almost immediately rumbled, but who cares, because now the fabulous Babs and Susan are lobbing bombs at the Daleks!

Oh and here’s some InfoText: apparently Jacqueline Hill got a bit too into it and bruised her knuckles on the window frame in this scene, which caused the BBC’s head of serials to write her a letter about ‘being a big brave girl’. I hope she knew him well and he was being funny, because otherwise that’s just patronising as hell. Also, one day I will do a master post on Jacqueline Hill v Sets, beginning with that time she broke the rockface in the spelunking section on Skaro.

God this scene must’ve been bedlam to film. There’s smoke and extras and bangs and people being exterminated and Daleks whizzing down ramps. They really went for broke on this serial what with this and all the location shooting and I bloody love it.

Having said that, the Daleks don’t seem enormously affected by the bombs. Maybe Dortmun should’ve, y’know, ACTUALLY TESTED THEM.

Tyler is now in the saucer, and looking for prisoners to rescue. Maybe he should start with the Doctor, WHO IS ABOUT TO BE ROBOTISED!

SHIT THE BED WILL THE DOCTOR BECOME A DALEK ZOMBIE? WILL IAN BE RESCUED? WILL SUSAN AND DAVID STOP BEING DICKS AND PUT BARBARA IN THE LOOP? WHERE IS JENNY IN THIS FIGHT? AND WILL SUSAN'S NEWFOUND BADASSERY BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? With flying colours.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? Nope.

Save the girl or save the world? Whose decision is it? N/A.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? Nope. Though Susan's ankle is still twisted. However, it recovers in time for her to go out to fight the Daleks.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Nope. The Doctor and Ian are captured this week.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Nope, it's the Space Bros who need rescuing this week.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Apart from that extra, no, though Babs and Susan are in the middle of a guerrilla battle.

Does a woman have to deal with a sexual predator? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman faint at the sight of peril/horror or generally lose consciousness (discounting normal sleep)? Nope.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? YES. And Susan is complicit, which infuriates me. Why on Earth didn't they tell Barbara that Ian and the Doctor were at the heliport? What did they think she was going to do? Have a fit of the vapours and find herself incapable of bowling overarm?

Does a woman suffer in silence (to further the plot)? Nope.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? No, and when David tries to blank Jenny she lets him know about it.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Nope.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Nope. That would be the Doctor himself.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? YES. The Roboman disguise plan.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? N/A.

Does a woman get to be a badass? Yes indeed. Both Barbara and Susan get to throw bombs at Daleks.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Nope. 

Is there past/future/alien sexism? There is still this idea that women are mostly responsible for food and first aid, even though Barbara and Susan (and later Jenny, as we shall see) go on the attack.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? Jenny responds to David's criticism of her lack of attractive feminine qualities (charm and patience) by calling him a sentimental time-waster.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? David and Susan no longer violently dislike each other, but I wouldn't call it the hots just yet.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

A good week for the women, who get stuck in with the rebellion. We also get to meet Jenny, who is one of my favourite side characters of all time...possibly because she gets a Doctor-style character development arc in the space of one serial. Also, isn't it nice when you have more than one speaking role for a woman over thirty and they get to interact? So that here you get to see two different reactions to having been catapulted into a crazy way of living from two different human women? So that you are allowed to enjoy their strengths and flaws as people rather than constantly having to analyse said strengths and flaws in terms of their being the single onscreen representative of adult womanhood? I warmed to David a little more this week (if only because he referred to the two women as women rather than girls and remembered his p's and q's) but he also infuriated me with his mansplaining and his inexplicable wish to keep Babs in the dark. I also feel like they could have given Susan the character development that comes with actively asking to go on the mission and kept it so that Barbara also went along, as some of Susan seemed to get lost in the cut. The Space Bros continue to be Science Dorks, which I love, and the Daleks were actually pretty chilling this week. Also Dalek manoeuvres. I love Dalek manoeuvres. Next week, RUNNING AROUND LONDON WITH DALEKS.

Season 2 Episode 4: World's End

Serial: The Dalek Invasion of Earth
Episode: 1 (World's End)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Terry Nation
Director: Richard Martin
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 21/11/1964

BABY, BABY, BABY, YOU'RE OUT OF TIME (and other stories)

In which I suddenly remember why I ended up not hating Ian, Susan is infantilised horribly but also gets to burn her sexist bell of a future husband on their first meeting, the acting is surprisingly subtle in places (brava Jacqueline Hill in particular), the exterior shots are stunning, the special effects are wobbly, the humans get some character development, and iconic moments are iconic. (Also TW: suicide.)

WHOOPEEEEEEEE it’s time for one of my all-time favourite serials with one of my all-time most problematic endings! Or at least that’s how I remember it. And speaking of said ending, BOOOOOOOOOO this is the beginning of the end for poor, narratively-shat-upon Susan. I shall miss you, my child. Also, just FYI, I'm working on the assumption that everyone knows what happens at the end of this serial, so there will be spoilers for the whole thing throughout.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves! First off, we’re under a derelict-looking bridge, and there’s a man with a boxing hat on his head who’s looking pained and staggering about near a sign about how forbidden it is to dump bodies in the river. In medias res and all that. And HOLY FUCK IT’S NOAH FROM THE ARK IN SPACE. InfoText, you are lying to me and the commentary text I accidentally had on just now is correct: that is 100% Kenton Moore, and I know that because he’s doing exactly the same grimacing acting he did when he discovered his hand was covered in green bubble-wrap in the 1970s. Which is probably what happens when you face-plant into the toxic waters of the Thames like he’s doing right now. (In my head, this is totally one of Noah’s more unfortunate ancestors from several centuries before he became the boss of Nerva Beacon.) Also, I’m glad Kenton Moore survived being face-down in one of the world’s most revoltingly polluted rivers at least long enough to make it to Season Twelve of Classic Who.

A health and safety nightmare.

Ahem. I got distracted by the familiar face and somehow the fact that a man in distress just ended his life has been glossed-over. So to reiterate: this guy has just thrown himself into the river, and that's quite a harrowing beginning for a children's show.

ANYWAY, here comes the Tardis, inside which the Doctor is tutting and faffing around the console. Apparently, something is ‘not clear at all’, but we don’t get to find out what’s gone wrong because at this point the rest of Team Tardis comes in, asking where they are now and hoping it’s somewhere quiet. Susan enthuses about the possibility of a holiday, which makes me sad, because she’s about to take a permanent holiday if you catch my drift. The Doctor reckons the scanner (which I thought was broken?) might be showing running water, and Susan reckons the instruments are showing Earth readings! AND OH BACKGROUND (WELL, FOREGROUND) ACTING! Wordlessly, Ian and Babs look at each other; Ian grins at her; Babs moves over to his side of the console. MY SUBTLE DARLINGS.

Well, what are they waiting for? They all traipse outside the Tardis, and I’m assuming Jacqueline Hill legit trips on her way out because it’s not addressed in the script. And OH look at them all they’re all standing by the river like it’s the end of The Empire Strikes Back, the preciouses. The humans made it home, the long way round…which I didn’t realise was something Moff nicked from this serial. The next time I watch The Day of the Doctor, I shall have a few extra tears. The Doctor, in a rare moment of modesty, claims it was more luck than judgment.

Presented without comment.

Susan looks a bit morose (BECAUSE SHE’S NOT READY TO SAY GOODBYE), but the humans are excitable even though the Doctor complains about it being a horrible mess; as Twelve would say, ‘London: what a dump’. Ian hollers but to no avail, and things get meta when he speculates that it’s ‘probably Sunday’, which is of course how they got all those shots of deserted London in the next few episodes.

The Doctor wonders about the time factor, and, as the InfoText remarks, ‘[d]espite Barbara’s evident happiness, though, Jacqueline Hill’s performance subtly pulls focus onto something wrong—the small tree she’s fiddling with’. Because urban decay. Nice one, Jackie. Babs, however, is still delighted because it’s still London. Also, I’m glad Ian says a couple of years either way wouldn’t bother them, because spoilers.

Susan, meanwhile, has decided to climb up a wall/bank/thing because she is a short-arse and usually doesn’t get to climb up stuff the better to see what’s going on. The Doctor talks about neglect and decay, but Ian, like Babs is having none of it—construction work is always messy. Babs tells the Doctor not to be a spoilsport, but the Doctor assures her he 'wouldn’t spoil your homecoming for all the worlds'.

At this point, Susan falls off her perch; Ian is exasperated. THIS IS PARENTHOOD, IAN. According to the InfoText, in the first draft, Susan is startled by an owl; I feel like ‘topple, startled by an owl’ is right up there with ‘exit, pursued by a bear’. Babs is sympathetic and clucky, but the Doctor chides her for always dashing about being far too curious. WOMEN WHO DISPLAY OVERT CURIOSITY GET THEIR ANKLES SPRAINED AS PUNISHMENT. Poor, infantilised Susan. Ian gives it all the kiss of death by saying it could’ve been worse, at which point the entire bridge collapses. The Team bundles Susan and her sprained ankle out of the way just in time, but OH NO the way into the Tardis is barred by a fallen girder! The Doctor gives Ian a Chesterton Neck Pinch in his chagrin.

There’s a wonderful moment when Ian reckons they’ll need help to shift the crap that’s fallen onto the ship and the Doctor reminds him this is London and people will be curious and want to know what they’re doing trying to break into a police box…which is pretty much what happened in that junkyard when Babs and Ian followed Susan home. Once bitten, twice shy! But seriously, I do love that being home (even home in the wrong time) presents its own set of challenges.

Ian reckons he needs a cutting flame, spots a warehouse, then decides (much like the Space Bae in The Reign of Terror) that he can sort this all out with a crowbar. The humans do get so enthusiastic about crowbars. The Doctor is gorgeously amused at the optimism of his Space Bro. Ian once again displays his thorough grasp of the Rules of Classic Who:

The Doctor gazes on in fierce approval at his Space Son-in-Law's good sense, observing that 'it's intelligent' and 'that's good'. Can't help feeling that the 'it' in question is in fact Ian.

However, the Doctor has a feeling/intuition they’re nowhere near the 1960s. Ian hopes not, but the Doctor reckons it’s just too uncannily quiet. I don’t know if you’re meant to be able to hear Big Ben from where they’re meant to be, but the Doctor seems to think its absence is odd. Maybe this is why Big Ben doesn’t exist in the 28th Century (as our crestfallen humans discovered in The Sensorites).

At this point, Babs helps Susan hobble over, declaring no bones have been broken, and the Doctor continues to be a dick to his granddaughter by essentially blaming her for their current predicament. I mean, yes, she did pull the bridge down, but it WAS an accident. Ian seems to think this is all a jolly lark and informs the ladies that he and the Doctor will be off on an adventure to the warehouse; Babs looks miffed and asks why they can’t all go. Apparently she is default babysitter, because Susan’s ankle is still too bad to walk on. Then this thing I somehow managed to erase from my mind happens:

THE ACTUAL FUCK, DOCTOR?!? Oh, apparently this was William Hartnell’s unscripted contribution to the scene (THE ACTUAL FUCK, BILLY?!?), which may explain the expressions on the faces of the rest of the cast. Ian contributes to the general infantilisation of Susan by ruffling her hair as he exits. UGH this is the WORST. Susan is being treated like a wayward child; even if she is actually fifteen and not whatever the Gallifreyan equivalent of fifteen is, fifteen is way too old to be talking about a jolly good smacked bottom. Assuming that you believe that this is even an acceptable way to discipline your child, as it apparently was in the 1960s. Vom, vom, vom, vom, VOM.

Babs goes off to wet her handkerchief in the DISEASED RIVER so Susan can bathe her ankle; Susan (POOR SUSAN) punches her own leg in frustration. SUSAN DON’T APOLOGISE, THAT BRIDGE WAS SO STRUCTURALLY UNSOUND IT FELL DOWN JUST BECAUSE ONE TINY PERSON TOUCHED IT, IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN AT SOME POINT. ALSO THE DOCTOR IS BEING THE WORST.

There are some gorgeous shots of the warehouse and a crane swinging in the breeze looking derelict, and then we are treated to a scene I am reluctant to love because of the whole Famous Five ‘the girls should stay behind’ vibe, but oh my goodness the Space Bros are just too endearing when they’re off adventuring:

Gifs by cleowho.

I’m dying. Mostly because the Doctor isn’t even crotchety when he tells Ian’s he’s not a halfwit, it’s just sarcastic as hell. I love it.

Back at the river, Babs has spotted the sign about it being forbidden to dump bodies, and frowns to herself; returning to Susan with a filthy, river-soaked handkerchief, she tells Susan they’re not in her time. And my heart breaks. Susan asks what makes her say that, and Babs breaks my heart again:

Oh this scene. It’s so subtly done (well, not Susan's ankle face, but the rest), with little looks, and Barbara’s busying herself with Susan’s ankle but you can tell she’s crushed because she knows her home and it isn’t like this. Right place, right city, wrong time. Having been happy to the point of just standing there and fondling a plant, she’s now disappointed and businesslike. Then this happens:

SUSAN: Well, off we go again. (Barbara looks pained.) I'm sorry, Barbara. Is it selfish to want us all to stay together?
BARBARA: No, of course not.

I am feeling feelings I haven’t feelinged since Marco Polo: two homesick people realising how far they still are from home, and Susan desperately clinging to the stability of her new Space Family even though she knows how it feels for Barbara to be far from the home she loves (oh and I’ve strayed into Fiddler on the Roof...

Actually, if the ending of this serial had been more like this song, I'd have maybe been slightly less pissed off. It would still be an insulting end to an insulting character arc, but at least Susan would have some agency.)

Then something weird happens, which makes me wonder whether someone skipped a line of dialogue: Barbara thinks it’s ‘ridiculous’ (that word creeping into proceedings again—careful, Babs) that they still haven’t heard anything, to which Susan responds thus: ‘Things have to stay as they are, don’t they? Can’t change.’

Well, that’s disconcerting. I’m going to assume that what’s actually happening here is that both women are lost in their own trains of thought: Barbara is once again succumbing to the absurdity of being in the right place but at the wrong time, while Susan is rather scarily musing on how things have to stay the same…either because she wants them to or in spite of what she wants. It’s quite poignant, actually, given that we know she leaves at the end of the serial: on the one hand, Susan (or at least the Susan of Marco Polo) wants something to change insofar as she doesn’t want to be a wanderer forever, but she doesn’t want the change that would come of her Space Parents leaving her to wander the universe with only a man who thinks she needs a jolly good smacked bottom for company.

But anyway, this amount of discussion about Feelings isn’t British, so Barbara breaks my heart yet again by making a joke about how they’re probably done away with noise altogether, determinedly changes the subject to Susan’s ankle, then makes some bullshit excuse about her handkerchief not being wet enough, presumably so she can go back to the river and weep silent tears of fury or something. I jest, but I love the way both these actors are playing this scene: Jacqueline Hill in particular is being properly subtle about it, to the extent that what was probably written as a bullshit reason for Barbara going offscreen (seriously, a handkerchief is either wet or it isn’t) so that Susan can appear to have vanished in the next scene (spoiler alert) to rack up the dramatic tension feels like an exit that’s true to character, whereby Babs has made up said bullshit excuse just to get away from this conversation and have a moment to pull herself together.

I have written many words about a very short scene, but I will never not devote blogspace to Good Acting.

Meanwhile, the Doctor and Ian are spluttering about in the warehouse…and OH LOOK IT’S SUSAN’S FUTURE HUSBAND! I know, I know, spoiler alert. But everyone knows what happens at the end of this serial. Anyway, he’s lurking dramatically.

Ian goes to the window and spots Battersea Power Station but with a nuclear reactor and some missing chimneys, which means this is defo not the 1960s. The Doctor finds a calendar dated 2164 (exactly 200 years in the future), WHICH HAS BEEN STUCK ONTO A LITTLE NOTEBOOK WITH SOME SELLOTAPE OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST THING SINCE THE FAST RETURN SWITCH. I don’t know whether the year is actually 2164, because if the Daleks (oh come on, everyone knows the Daleks are in this) have indeed been terrorising the Earth for a while, I doubt anyone has been printing new calendars. Still, they can at least say it’s the 22nd Century.

Meanwhile, Babs is dipping her hanky in the river (and getting rat-piss disease all over her hands) when…THE HORROR! She spots a corpse floating in the water. It’s Noah! I mean the guy from the beginning who face-planted into the Thames! Apparently this was considered particularly gruesome by the TV critics of the time (thank you, InfoText). But oh there’s worse! Scurrying back to her Space Daughter, she discovers that Susan has gone! Panic ensues!

And OH WHO IS THIS! A man jumps into shot, demanding whether Babs wants to get killed; Babs jumps behind some smallish tree trunks (presumably so she can use one of them as a staff, Little John stylee) demanding to know who this shouty bloke is and what they’ve done with Susan. Apparently some guy called Tyler’s got her, and Babs now has to get out of her and follow him. Babs knows a moment of crippling indecision, yells for him to wait, drops her handkerchief (on purpose?), and apparently decides that making sure Susan is ok is her top priority and that the Space Bros will have to fend for themselves. Because Barbara Wright is a grown-ass woman who don’t need no man and she will follow the shouty guy through this dystopian hellscape.

Back at the warehouse, the Doctor finds a dead guy in a cardboard box. He and Ian speculate as to the purpose of the dead guy’s headgear, and after discounting Ian’s suggestion of some sort of medical whatsit for a fractured skull, the Doctor decides it’s like an extra ear for picking up high-frequency radio waves. Apparently Terry Nation had something smaller in mind. Ian asks whether this means they’ve invented some form of personal communication, and I’m just chuckling away because I would love to see Ian in a story with wifi.

At this point, I become distracted, because Ian has found a whip, and I’m too busy laughing at the idea of wholesome Mr. Chesterton in a Fifty Shades scenario that I can’t read the InfoText, which at second glance tells me that originally the Doctor speculates that whatever shit went down did so in the 1970s, which is why this London looks so much like it did in the 1960s. Which would have been neat, actually. But would have ruled out the Tardis landing on Earth anywhere between the 1970s and the 2160s later on in the show, because it would be an alternate universe in which those 200 years were under Dalek rule. Insert satire here.

You're welcome, Chesterfans.

OOH and the InfoText keeps on giving: when speculating about the plague, apparently the original dialogue had Ian assume it was germ warfare between the USA and the USSR, ‘but Doctor Who points out that this would be suicide’. TOPICAL COLD WAR SHIT IS TOPICAL. Which makes sense, given that Terry Nation also wrote the neutron bomb into The Daleks.

And OH they’ve zoomed in on the knife that’s stuck in the dead guy and he’s very obviously breathing. Bless him, he has just been tumbled out of a cardboard box.

They explore a bit more, and end up in a storeroom (where Ian mercifully discards the whip he’s been brandishing like that map in The Sensorites), and then Ian manages to go through a door that leads to a room without a floor. Then this happens:

Ian: No one can get through that way.
Doctor: Except you!

Sweet Lord I will never not appreciate the Doctor sassing his Space Bro for his Charlie Chaplin shit. Essentially the Doctor has realised that they are the Space-Time Continuum’s answer to the Chuckle Brothers and they should quit while they’re ahead and get back to the others; Ian agrees.

Susan’s future husband peers in from between some petrol cans. Peeringly. I mean, I know we don’t know who he is yet or what the threat to the Earth is yet or who this man is yet, but I still like to foreground the fact that this loitering creep is the man to whom the Doctor will eventually marry off what I’m going to assume is his only living relative. Also, apparently Shell made it to the 22nd Century.

We now have a gorgeous sequence of Babs running after the shouty man through a derelict landscape which the InfoText informs me was a disused Tube station, though Terry Nation’s suggestion that they use an old bomb-site reminds me of what I’d forgotten—that there were indeed unreclaimed bomb-sites still knocking about London in the 1960s. Post-war Britain is post-war. Also, Jacqueline Hill must be boiling in that jumper. And uncomfortable in that pencil skirt. And feeling the terrain in those thin, flat shoes. Susan, however, is being carried, so congrats to whoever’s jogging down the stairs with her in his arms, because that is a surefire way to fall and twist your ankle, and we don’t need two hobbling people in this episode. The sequence ends rather comically with Babs coming up against a wire fence and melodramatically Hulking out on the bars before shouty guy comes up and points her in the right direction.

Back to the Space Bros, who have heard a noise…AND OH IT’S A WOBBLY FLYING SAUCER THAT LOOKS LIKE A BIT OF CARDBOARD SANDWICHED BETWEEN TWO COINS ON SOME STRINGS AND IT’S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I’VE SEEN SINCE THE CARDVOORD.

OH but this is a GORGEOUS shot: Tyler carrying Susan and then Babs running after them in an underground station-type place and the lighting gives them these fantastic long shadows. Beaut. Oh and then Babs trips over a can. Which serves no narrative function, so I’m happy about finding it entirely relatable.

Oh and here’s the little button saucer again. Also, according to the InfoText, the reason it’s so wobbly is because they used lateral strings rather than vertical strings which people automatically look for.

Meanwhile, Susan and Babs are arguing with the mysterious Tyler about going back for Ian and the Doctor, and pretty-much have to lump it.

Speaking of the Space Bros, they have arrived back at the Tardis to find Susan and Barbara have gone. And Ian, whose exasperation that nobody else has worked out that THEY’RE IN A TV SHOW WITH RULES, DAMMIT continues to delight me at every turn, has only this to say:

The Doctor, however, seems less convinced that the womenfolk are engaged in a conspiracy to wind Ian up and suggests that their disappearance may have something to do with the gunfire they heard over the river earlier. But seriously, the sooner Ian accepts that the women will never, ever do a thing because he told them to, the happier he will be. I mean, Terry Nation established pretty early on that Babs doesn’t always do what Ian says, and any filthy-jokey blonde aliens who try to mock her on the subject can expect disdain and/or sexual tension for their trouble.

But oh, what’s this? HOO-FUCKING-RAH, we have some actual character development for Ian! And William Russell has clearly quite literally taken a leaf out of Jacqueline Hill’s book, because he too has taken to using the foliage to ramp up the subtext. Indeed, Ian is anxious as hell given the way he’s shredding the local plant-life, and is clearly preoccupied by the thought of the body in the water and what it might mean for the other two. Then this happens:

Gifs by cleowho.

THIS. This is brilliant. Terry Nation, I had forgotten how much I like the way you write Ian. He’s anxious, and he's crotchety, and then he opens up: he admits, without mincing his words, that he wants to get away from here. Like Barbara, he feels this right-time-wrong-place thing is horribly, horribly wrong. He’s scared, he doesn’t like it, and he doesn’t mind admitting that he is all for running. It’s not just that he isn’t curious, it’s that this is the future—his future—and he doesn’t want to know what’s coming. He just wants the family back together and for them to get out of Dodge. Don't get me wrong, Ian gets bothered by stuff all the time, but he generally mucks in in spite of things—last week, after all, in that cut scene, we essentially had Ian’s philosophy in a nutshell, which is ‘fight the world we’re in [and] make something of it’—but this week we finally find out what freaks Ian out apart from being separated from Barbara: it’s not the past; it's not unknown worlds; it’s the future.

After a pregnant pause, Ian flings aside his mangled bit of foliage and snaps: ‘Where the devil are those two?’

The answer to this question would appear to be some underground location, where a poster of an elephant has been ‘VETOED’. I freaking LOVE those ‘VETOED’ signs. Can’t remember what they mean, but it’s gorgeous world-buildy stuff.

Tyler (where has the shouty man gone?) bangs on the wall, and David (Susan’s future husband) climbs out of a secret wall-chute thing with a knife, demanding to know who these people are.

Obvious confession time: I dislike David. Violently. Do you know one of the many reasons why I dislike David? Because he introduces himself to Barbara like this:

FUCK OFF YOU SEXIST ARSEHOLE, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE 2160s AND YOU HAVE JUST ASKED A STRANGE WOMAN WHETHER SHE CAN COOK FOR YOU LIKE THIS IS LIKELY TO BE HER ONLY FUCKING SKILLSET? EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE AT LEAST ONE KICKASS WOMAN (OF WHICH MORE IN FUTURE EPISODES) IN YOUR RESISTANCE? EVEN THOUGH THIS IS BARBARA FUCKING WRIGHT WHO ONCE TOOK ON THE DALEKS WITH HER BARE HANDS, A ROCK, AND SOME MUD AND WON? HAVE MEN FORGOTTEN HOW TO COOK IN THE 22ND CENTURY? DIE IN A FIRE. DON’T YOU EVEN TOUCH SUSAN.

Ahem.

Barbara, who is from the 1960s, politely affirms that she can indeed cook. David ignores her attempt to question him and tells Tyler about how the warehouse is compromised or some shit and then it is established that he did indeed see Ian and the Doctor but thought they were enemies. Because…no fucking reason, I mean they clearly weren’t Robomen but whatever, David.

Enter a dude in a wheelchair, who nearly mows Barbara down and who wants to know what’s going on. His name is Dortmun and he's Sciency and he is determined that they’ll be ready for whatever’s in the saucer…this time. He also has a chip on his shoulder about being as active as everyone else, unsurprisingly, and Tyler isn’t a dick about it, thank god. He’s excited about the two extra pairs of hands, and David yells about how Barbara can cook, way too enthusiastically. DAVID, LEARN TO COOK. IT’S NOT FUCKING HARD. Then he asks Susan what she does, and it's fucking beautiful.

YES SUSAN! FUCKING YES! REMEMBER THAT THIS IS THE BASIS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS ARSEHOLE AND ON NO ACCOUNT FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM.

David, still lightly smoking from the burn Susan just delivered, decides to go and find Ian and the Doctor. Yeah. Fuckity-bye.

Dortmun wants to know whether the two down by the Warehouse are MEN, and seems pleased when this is the case. Also die in a fire.

Dortmun mentions some attack plans, but won’t tell Susan what they are, and wants to know why she’s sitting down. Tyler takes the women off to what I’m going to assume is the kitchen, which Dortmun stays on watch. With a knife. Not a gun. They did not give the guy with mobility issues a gun. Maybe they don’t have guns.

Meanwhile, the Doctor and Ian are still kicking around by the river (and haven’t noticed Barbara’s hanky…which wouldn’t help them, but I just want someone to notice it…oh and look they find it in the camera script, according to the InfoText). Ian has, however, spotted the big sign about dumping bodies in the river. Which the Doctor proclaims stupid on account of the fact that nobody’s going to read it down by the river. Well…it’s not that stupid, Doctor, if the river is where people are dumping the bodies. Makes sense to have it by the actual river. Which Ian points out.

Ian also mutters stuff about bringing out your dead, and suggests that there’s been some sort of plague in town.

And oh shit. David has spotted them, but he’s also spotted a patrol of robomen! Yikes!

Meanwhile, the Space Bros are worried. Ian reckons the saucer landed over the river, but the Doctor is more concerned with the plague, and from what I can work out appears to be concerned that either Babs or Susan has in some way been in the water and been infected? I’m not sure. Ian says it’s unlikely they’ve drunk any, but clearly the Doctor still has Barbara and the Sugar Puffs on his mind.

Anyway, they decide to go further afield…but find their way blocked by Robomen! David is hissing ‘run!’ from the shadows, unheard by them, but would clearly be the ideal viewer for this show, seeing as how he seems quite invested in their plight. The Doctor suggests they swim for it, but Ian is lovely and suggests they try talking first; the Robomen raise their whips threateningly. Ian—and I’m paraphrasing wildly—says ‘when I say swim, swim’, but OH MY GOODNESS WHAT’S THIS COMING OUT OF THE WATER?

IT’S ONE OF THE MOST ICONINC MOMENTS IN CLASSIC WHO, NAY THE ENTIRE WHONIVERSE, THAT’S WHAT! A DALEK IS COMING OUT OF THE WATER AND IT’S BEAUTFUL AND SCARY AND YES WELL DONE THAT SHOW.

Ian and the Doctor are about to do a synchronised swimmer dive into the shallow Thames, but when they turn around…THEY ARE STOPPED IN THEIR TRACKS BY THE SIGHT OF A NIGHTMARE FROM THEIR OWN PERSONAL HISTORY, RIGHT HERE ON EARTH! SKARO COMES TO LONDON! THE DALEKS HAVE ARRIIIIIIIIIIVED!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WILL THE SPACE BROS BE EXTERMINATED? WILL BARBARA AND SUSAN NOW HAVE TO SPEND THEIR LIVES COOKING (AND EATING) FOR THE HUMAN RESISTANCE? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE EARTH? HOW DID THE DALEKS GET HERE AND WHAT ARE THEIR DASTARDLY PLANS? IS THIS BEFORE OR AFTER THE EVENTS OF THE DALEKS? SINCE WHEN HAVE DALEKS BEEN WATERPROOF?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? With flying colours.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? Nope.

Save the girl or save the world? Whose decision is it? N/A. Though Babs has a variant thereof, insofar as she has a 'go with the girl or wait for the bros' dilemma.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? Yes indeed. Susan does her ankle in falling off something she climbed and has to be carried, while Babs trips over several things (possibly unscripted), once when coming out of the Tardis, once when running after the guy in the underground. However, only Susan's fall is a plot point.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Hmm. The group splits up along gender lines but it seems this is for the dramatic purpose of the men being rescued later, which I appreciate.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Not exactly, but Susan is pretty much carried off by the resistance.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Babs has to run after Susan to make sure she's not been carried off for nefarious purposes.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Mostly the Doctor and Ian this week from the Robomen.

Does a woman have to deal with a sexual predator? Nope. Just a few asshats.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman faint at the sight of peril/horror or generally lose consciousness (discounting normal sleep)? Nope.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? Nope.

Does a woman suffer in silence (to further the plot)? Nope.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? David talks over both the women. One of whom he will end up marrying.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Nop.e

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Nope.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? No.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? No, but Susan does protest against her telling-off from the Doctor.

Does a woman get to be a badass? Running alone through a post-apocalyptic wasteland is pretty cool.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Ish.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? AND HOW.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? SUSAN. Ish.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? Right now David and Susan seem to have taken a violent dislike to one another.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

I despair at the twenty-second-century sexism, but I love Susan for having precisely none of that shit. Speaking of Susan, it is infuriating how she is continually treated like a wayward toddler. Maybe she’ll leave the show having grown into her own agency in a way that will have nothing to do with Dickhead Dave or the aggressively stifling control-freakery of her Grandfather. Pfffft. Barbara and Ian have some beautiful, subtle character development, while the Doctor is generally delightful…when he’s not threating to spank his granddaughter or just generally being the patriarchy. Thrilled that we got to see some proper Ian stuff this week for a change, too. Good job, Terry Nation.