Series 1 Episode 30: The Day of Darkness

Serial: The Aztecs
Episode: 4 (The Day of Darkness)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: John Lucarotti
Director: John Crockett
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 13/06/1964

NOT WAVING BUT DROWNING (and other stories)

In which history stays on course but at a human cost, Yetaxa's tomb is desecrated a bit more, Ian racks up his personal body count, Babs gets morbid, the Doctor is a bad fiancé, and Susan escapes both kinds of altar.

So Ian is stuck inside a tunnel that’s gradually filling with water. But oh, what’s this? Carvings on a stone directly above his head? A stone that can, more importantly, be moved? Super! Ian climbs out to safety.

Meanwhile, outside the tunnel, the Doctor has failed to keep his cool with Ixta and is now yelling for him to move the stone and open the tunnel because ‘Ian Chesterton is in there’. Aww look he remembered his name! Ixta, however, merely sneers and thanks the Doctor for handing him his victory before going away. And now the Doctor properly loses his shit and starts scrabbling helplessly at the stone he’s too weak to move. It’s really rather touching to see how distressed he is at the prospect of losing his Space Bro, given that he outright disliked Ian at the beginning of the show. Bless his hearts.

But enough of that! Because it transpires that Ian has, by an enormous stroke of luck, found himself in the very place Team Tardis wants to be—back in Yetaxa’s tomb! Ian spots a thingemajig on the catflap door that will help open it from the outside and proceeds casually to desecrate Yetaxa’s tomb some more by tearing bandages (or a belt?) from the body and attaching them to the little pulley thing on top of the catflap. Once through, he ensures that the bandages or wraps or whatever they are come out the other side so they’ll be able to open the tomb again. Physics and casual grave-robbing save the day!

Enter Babs, looking confuz. Ian tells her about the tunnel and immediately has to hide because someone’s coming. It’s the Doctor! And he’s in a right state. He grabs Barbara’s arms and starts flapping about how something terrible has happened and that he doesn’t know how to tell her…at which point Ian pops up from behind Babs’s throne. The Doctor is overjoyed, calls Ian his ‘dear boy’, then wrings his hand. Barbara hasn’t a clue what’s been going on but seems to be rolling with it. But it’s interesting to see this little insight into what it would be like if the Doctor found himself having to tell Babs he accidentally got her BFF murdered. Anyway, Ian tells the Doctor he’s got the door ‘licked’ (so. very. jolly.) and that all they have to do is get Susan. Babs tells them about Susan’s marriage-related pickle and Ian rushes off to the rescue. The Doctor, for perhaps the first time, yells ‘thank you!’ after Ian. MY ABSOLUTE DARLINGS.

Back in the barracks, Ixta is smug about having killed Ian (or so he thinks). Tlotoxl is pleased and tells him his next job is to guard the handmaiden (Susan). A scared-looking Susan is brought in by the guards; she tries to play the Yetaxa card but Tlotoxl is having none of it. Ixta tells her to rest in possibly the least restful tone ever.

Once Ixta and Susan are alone, Ixta tries to mess with Susan by gloating about how Ian’s dead. Susan refuses to believe him, and as Ixta continues to brag, Ian creeps up behind them. Pausing only to sass his nemesis, Ian knocks Ixta out, hugs Susan, and gets them both the hell out of dodge.

Back at the temple, Barbara and the Doctor are in a reflective mood. Babs just wants to get out of here, and smiles ruefully as she reassures the Doctor that history remains unchanged with no rewriting. I wouldn’t exactly say no harm done, though. The Doctor reckons they’d find it easier to open the tomb with a pulley; Barbara reminds him the Aztecs didn’t have the wheel; the Doctor shoots back that he knows that, which is why it won’t be easy. I do adore these two.

Enter Susan at a run, hurling herself into her grandfather’s arms; in a ridiculously endearing bit of dialogue, the Doctor tells her he’ll tell her how pleased he is to see her later. The gang immediately starts pulling at the bandages, but they snap. Oh deary me.

Back at the barracks, Tlotoxl is pretty livid that he no longer has the handmaiden in his power. He gives Ixta a new job: attack Autloc with Ian’s club to frame the servant of Yetaxa and destroy Autloc’s faith in Babs. Crumbs.

Back in the temple, Ian is looking at the snapped rope/bandages/thing and reckons he’d better try going through the garden tunnel again. Just a question, Ian: why close the catflap behind you in the first place once Babs appeared? Why not get her safely through, then, get her to open it from the inside once the others arrived? Anyway, Ian needs someone to keep watch and Susan immediately and gleefully volunteers. Babs thinks Susan should stay with her, but Ian…doesn’t actually counter this with an argument but just says they’ll both be able to open the tomb from the other side if they get through. I’m glad Susan gets a crack at the whip, but that was hardly top-notch convincing, more Ian overriding Babs’s teacherly concerns. Susan skips off, telling Barbara not to worry, leaving her and the Doctor alone like something out of a WWI recruitment poster. Then this happens.

Pausing only to appreciate that Barbara talks to the Doctor about her feelings (and that the Doctor, who isn't very good at this sort of thing, is at least trying to be supportive), our poor, poetic Babs seems to be letting the situation get to her:

Blimey, Barbara. The Doctor, to his credit, doesn’t attempt to wave away her concerns with platitudes, and I’d like to think his facial expression isn’t so much ‘oh crumbs she’s cracking up’ as ‘welcome to my world, Our Kid’.

In the gardens, Susan hides in a bush while Ian goes to pull the stone out from the tunnel…but is immediately alerted to something by Susan yelling his name. It seems she’s found the not-dead-but-nobbled Autloc, and Ian instantly realises they’ve walked into a trap on account of his weapon being at the scene. Before they can hot-foot it out of there, however, they’re apprehended by assorted guards, and Ixta tells Autloc it was Ian wot nobbled him from behind whilst helping Susan to escape. Ian tries to trip him up by asking Ixta how he knows it was from behind, but Ixta doesn’t rise. And OH NO, as Ian and Susan are led away, a groggy Autloc proclaims them ‘the servants of a false goddess’. DANGER! DANGER! THEY CRACKED AUTLOC! Poor Autloc.

Back in the barracks, Tlotoxl is positively gleeful. What’s more, he plans to get rid of Babs on the Day of Darkness, at the same time that the Perfect Victim is sacrificed. And ee by gum it’s a nasty plan: he’s had a vision of a room with three walls into which Babs will be placed and the fourth wall added. So either he wants to wall her up alive or he wants to put her on the stage/the telly. We just don’t know how meta Tlotoxl is. But we can at least now be certain that the Aztecs invented naturalism.

In the garden, the Doctor is reinventing the wheel, literally. He’s carving a bit of wood with a groove in it that will presumably be used as part of a pulley, and defending Ian to Cameca while he’s at it. Cameca tells him she doesn’t mind postponing the wedding, and asks what he’s making. The Doctor is evasive. Cameca wants to intercede with Autloc on Team Tardis’s behalf. Then this happens:

DOCTOR: It isn’t just Tlotoxl that we have to contend with. He and his kind would destroy all this one day.
CAMECA: How can it be prevented, if it is the will of the gods?
DOCTOR: It isn't the will of Yetaxa.
CAMECA: The gods wish an end to sacrifice?
DOCTOR: Yes, and Yetaxa speaks for them. But Autloc is needed here, and he won't go to the temple.
CAMECA: I shall persuade him to go to Yetaxa, beloved.

ET TU, DOCTOR? I thought we’d put all this to bed. This is pretty astonishing even if the Doctor hasn’t suddenly come round to Barbara’s way of thinking: he’s willing to risk history being changed if it gets his crew out of trouble and back in Autloc’s favour. Also he’s manipulating Cameca without a second thought. Bad, BAD Doctor. Even if this means you trust Barbara implicitly to get you out of this mess if she can only speak to Autloc, the fuzzy feelings about how tight your crew is do not counteract all this deviousness and hypocrisy.

Later, it seems Cameca has been successful, because Autloc has come to see Babs. She does indeed manage to persuade him that Tlotoxl is the one who would benefit the most from breaking up their friendship and that Ian has been stitched up. Then this happens:

CONGRATULATIONS, TEAM TARDIS, YOU BROKE AUTLOC’S SPIRIT. Major crisis of faith alert. He’s quite some guy, though, for not immediately turning on the person who’s been duping him and manipulating him for reasons he can’t begin to fathom. He looks…pretty broken, actually.

Babs, however, has bigger things to worry about than having turned her one Aztec friend’s world upside-down, and presses home the fact that her servants are going to die if he doesn’t help. Autloc says he may be able to help Susan but that Ian is too closely guarded and so he can’t help. Barbara punches the wall in frustration, though not hard enough to break the pretty set. We’ve seen her despairing, we’ve seen her furious, we’ve seen her ready to slit someone’s throat to save the bae, but I don’t think we’ve seen her hitting things in impotent rage before. It’s a pleasing reversal of the referred pain trope whereby the physical suffering of a woman is subordinated to the emotional suffering of the man to whom she ‘belongs’. Babs in this serial is so New Who Doctor with her paranoia that the dead of ages past are waiting for her to join their ranks and her set-bashing angst, but the fun part is that I get to enjoy it because it’s not symptomatic of the ingrained gender biases of its time. Having said that, it's certainly whitepain.

Anyway, back in the garden, the Doctor is examining his finished nearly-finished wheel. Cameca says she has always known that whatever it was, it would ultimately take her away from him, and the Doctor doesn’t deny it. CAMECA Y U CAMECA ME SO SAD? Then this happens:

CAMECA: Tlotoxl is determined to destroy Yetaxa?
DOCTOR: He must do, to safeguard his own beliefs.
CAMECA: We are a doomed people, my dear. There is no turning back for us.
DOCTOR: You are a very fine woman, Cameca. And you’ll always be very, very dear to me.

NO THIS IS TOO SAD. TOO EFFING SAD. The Doctor at least now seems to be back to not being a dick about history and we finally get to hear someone talking about Tlotoxl’s motivation without using the word ‘evil’. But Cameca now believes her civilisation to be doomed AND is resigned to never getting to marry her beau. And the Doctor can’t even look at her. AND THE CAMERA FOLLOWS CAMECA LOOKING SAD RATHER THAN LINGERING ON THE DOCTOR’S ANGST FACE.

However, this is less to do with the director subverting sexist tropes than the fact that Autloc is scheduled to bump into Cameca directly afterwards. And it just keeps getting sadder, because now we’ve got a conversation between two people who have lost everything they care about:

Would this be an appropriate time to see if I can get away with using the word ‘STAHP’?

But also thank you, John Lucarotti, for finally giving us a scene between two Aztec characters who aren’t just scheming and snarking but get to talk openly about how they’re both affected by the actions of Team Tardis. They’ve both suffered a personal betrayal and have been burdened with the knowledge that their entire civilisation will end in an act of genocide…which, it is heavily implied by both the Doctor and Barbara, will be in some way their own fault. It’s utterly messed up and I’m glad we get to see two broken people talking about how broken they are at the end of it all.

Anyway, Autloc gives Cameca some of his personal bling to distract whoever’s guarding Susan so that she can get her to safety. Cameca says she’ll do it. Then this happens:

CAMECA: I shall do it. Where will you seek your truth?
AUTLOC: In the wilderness, away from the influence of other men.
CAMECA: You shall not search in vain.
AUTLOC: And you, Cameca…be happy in the trust I place in you.

So Team Tardis (well, mostly Barbara) drove Autloc to self-imposed exile. Poor, poor guy.

Back in the barracks, Tonila is wishing the Perfect Victim luck or something; Susan asks what’s to happen to her and Ian and is told they’ll both be punished before the Perfect Victim finds his heaven. Ixta and Ian snark at each other some more.

Back in the temple, the Doctor is faffing about with the pulley instead of listening to Barbara’s dire warnings about how the sacrificial party will be there any minute. The Doctor reckons Barbara ought to order Autloc to release Ian and Susan before the sacrifice. Barbara has a comical moment of stage fright in which she squeaks ‘what, in front of everybody?’ as though she’s not spent the entire serial being imperious as all fuck in front of large crowds.

Enter Tlotoxl, and the Doctor hides ridiculously behind Babs’s throne. He tells Barbara Autloc has gone into the wilderness:

Shit.

Elsewhere, Ian and Susan are waiting to be horribly mutilated. Susan is limpeted to Ian’s shoulder. Enter Cameca with Autloc’s bling, which is the title to his dwelling and all his possessions. She tells the guard Autloc wants him to have it…but he has to earn it by sending away the warriors outside. Which he does. Idiot. After swiftly assuring Ian and Susan she’s here to help. Cameca tells the returned guard he has to close his eyes so she can leave with the handmaiden. Which he does. Such corruption! At this point, Ian has had enough. He boshes the guard in the neck and quips 'well somebody had to make up his mind for him'. Ian, you are incorrigible. Susan goes to the temple with Cameca, and Ian steals the warrior’s eagle hat.

In the garden, Tlotoxl and Tonila engage in a little exposition: they’ll kill Ian and Susan, the sky will grow black, the perfect sacrifice will take place, they’ll bind the false Yetaxa in the temple, then reappear once it’s light. Tonila will be the new Autloc.

In the temple, the Doctor is perfecting his pulley. Susan hugs him then goes off to hug Barbara, one assumes. Anyway, this leaves the Doctor alone with Cameca. He tells her she was brave but that she has to go. Then this happens:

ARGH. I know five’s a crowd, let alone six, but all I want is a Doctor/Cameca /Barbara/Ian/Susan/Ping-Cho Tardis Crew as an enormous space family comprising three couples rocketing around time and space together. Also, the Doctor is COLD here. And inscrutable, actually – if he is indeed being cruel to be kind, is it because he actually had romantic feelings towards Cameca or because he never had romantic feelings for Cameca? Either way, I’m glad she’s fierce at the end. It's also interesting to note that the first person the Doctor had to say goodbye to that he cared about was a person he refused to watch leaving. Which subsequently happens a lot (Ian, Barbara, Sarah etc.).

Meanwhile, Ixta has discovered the knocked-out guard. Tlotoxl is spitting bile and orders Ixta to kill the treacherous guard. Which he does.

Tonila orders Yetaxa to be escorted to the sacrificial altar. Unbeknownst to Tonila, Ian is also present in his stolen eagle hat. I’m pretty sure Babs catches his eye.

Enter Tlotoxl, enraged. He rushes up to Barbara, calls her a false goddess who has betrayed them and raises a dagger with which to DESTROY HER! Fortunately, Ian is at her shoulder and intervenes. Tlotoxl hollers for Ixta, who is wearing his jaguar outfit and starts to make his way up to the temple. Ian tells Barbara to run, which she does, dashing into the temple to help with the pulley and somehow managing to hold onto her hat, too.

At this point, Ixta makes it to the top of the pyramid, which probably puts him at a bit of a disadvantage seeing as he’s had to climb all those steps. He and Ian fight it out with many disorientating close-ups, and eventually Ian is flipped onto his back at the edge of the pyramid steps. Ixta runs at him, and Ian flips him over his head with his feet, sending Ixta crashing to earth from a great height. He runs a hand disconcertingly though his hair and runs to join the others, who have managed to get the catflap open. They make it through (taking the anachronistic pulley with them – good job) just as Tlotoxl arrives with the guards.

Tlotoxl lets them go – he has bigger fish to fry. The perfect sacrifice is on the table, and the sun is behind the moon; looking blissfully relieved, an almost loving Tlotoxl thanks the gods for his victory and prepares to do what he does best.

Back in Yetaxa’s tomb, a dejected Barbara is throwing her Aztec bling back on top of the body of said Yetaxa (with as little respect as ever) and being her own harshest critic:

BARBARA: We failed...
DOCTOR: Yes, we did. We had to.
BARBARA: Then what's the point of traveling through time and space? We can't change anything. Nothing. Tlotoxl had to win.
DOCTOR: Yes.
BARBARA: And the one man I had respect for...I deceived. Poor Autloc. I gave him false hope - and in the end, he lost his faith.

It’s a bitter pill, make no mistake: she’s learned her lesson the hard way, not least because she can’t in all honestly say no harm was done; I’m glad to see her acknowledging what she did to Autloc. The Doctor, however, decides to sweeten the pill with a downright lie: ‘He found another faith. A better. And that’s the good you've done. You failed to save a civilisation - but at least you helped one man.’ Erm, no, Doctor. She did nothing of the sort. Which ‘better’ faith is Barbara supposed to have given Autloc, precisely? Ugh.

As Barbara goes back to the Tardis, the Doctor removes the trinket Cameca gave him with Yetaxa’s sign on it from his pocket and lays it down along with the rest of the Aztec bling in the now thoroughly desecrated tomb. But what’s this? As he turns to go back inside the Tardis, he pauses turns back, snatches it back up again and returns it to his pocket. Well, that’s one mystery solved.

Back inside the Tardis, the Doctor is looking sombre. The Tardis takes off.

A while later, everyone is in fresh clothes, and Susan and the Doctor are looking at the controls with some consternation. Enter Barbara and Ian in gorgeously sixties outfits (Barbara, your dress and necklace are excellent), asking what’s up. Apparently, the Tardis instruments say they’ve stopped…but they’re still moving. Ian reckons they’ve landed on top of something; Babs reckons they’ve landed inside something. HOW MYSTERIOUS.

WHERE IS THE TARDIS? WHAT NEW ADVENTURES AWAIT? HOW LONG DO THEY GIVE THEMSELVES BETWEEN ADVENTURES TO RECUPERATE, ANYWAY? CLEARLY THEY ALL HAVE A SHOWER AND A CHANGE, WHICH MEANS A BREAK OF HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES FOR BABS TO MAKE HER HAIR ENORMOUS, BUT DO THEY NAP? DO THEY EAT? DO THEY CHAT? DO THEY DEBRIEF? DOES BARBARA MAKE SURE SUSAN’S OK DURING SPECIAL PSEUDO-MOTHER-DAUGHTER CONVERSATIONS GIVEN THAT SOME FAIRLY HORRIFIC SHIT HAS HAPPENED TO BOTH OF THEM IN WAYS THAT IS, WITHOUT BEING TOO GRAPHIC ABOUT IT, SPECIFIC TO THEIR GENDER (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, SNOWS OF TERROR)? IS THIS THE LAST TIME SUSAN IS IN DANGER OF BEING MARRIED OFF TO SOMEONE WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING GIVEN HER CONSENT (CLUE: IT’S NOT)? HOW HAS THIS EXPERIENCE CHANGED BARABRA IN PARTICULAR? DOES THE DOCTOR HAVE A ROOM FULL OF LOVE TOKENS IN A SECRET ROOM ABOARD THE TARDIS? WILL IAN GET A BREAK FROM ALL THE TOXIC MASCULINITY HE ENCOUNTERED IN THE BARRACKS?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Just.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? No.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Susan and Ian.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Yes.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Yup.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? There are probably some obnoxious asides from Tlotoxl but nothing sticks out.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? The Doctor has to console Babs a bit, but it's entirely within reason.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Everyone but the Doctor is reasonably imperilled, but I think Susan getting pierced with thorns etc. is the most gratuitous.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Nope.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Barbara's theory about the dead waiting for her to kick the bucket is not in fact ridiculed by the Doctor.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? No. And Cameca really, really should.

Does a woman get to be a badass? Not so much this week.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? It's very much Ian running around being macho this week.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Yup. Arranged marriage continues to be arranged. 

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? No.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? I think the Doctor and Cameca do have a thing for one another.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Another excellent outing for Barbara, whose character really gets pushed to its limits over the course of this serial. Autloc and Cameca break my heart, and I’m glad we get to see that, even though history has been reasserted, there are consequences to the meddling of Team Tardis. The Doctor is a tricky character this week: I am now convinced that he did actually have some feelings for Cameca, but he still treated her pretty appallingly. Susan didn’t get as much to do, but she was eager to get in on the action, and I prefer her slightly more adult characterisation. Ian got to commit murder again, which will surely have consequences for his character at some point, too. This whole serial has a major problem, which is the evil/barbaric versus civilised thing, but I’m glad that the whole changing history debate has been enormously complicated throughout. It’s also the first time the ‘what is the point in travelling in time and space if you can’t change anything?’ question is asked, effectively setting a precedent for the whole show. So yes. A problematic postcolonial clusterfuck, but wow was it interesting. And overall quite well-written with some good production values, some excellent character development, and some decent acting from the regulars in particular. Bring on the aliens.

Series 1 Episode 29: The Bride of Sacrifice

Serial: The Aztecs
Episode: 3 (The Bride of Sacrifice)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: John Lucarotti
Director: John Crockett
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 06/06/1964

NOT KNOWING THE PRICE OF A PINT OF COCOA (and other stories)

In which the Doctor plays with hearts, Susan takes on the patriarchy again, Ian shows off his photobombing skills, and Barbara doesn't know the price of a pint of milk (metaphorically speaking).

So Ian’s life is on the line thanks to having been drugged during a fight with his (fr)enemy Ixta, and now Tlotoxl (this serial’s chief pain in the arse) is telling Barbara that if she’s really Yetaxa she should save him. There are many divine things about our Babs (her gravity-defying bouffant for instance), but she’s not a miracle worker, so this puts her in something of a pickle. What she is, however, is a quick-thinking badass: in the blink of an eye, she’s grabbed a dagger from one of the guards and put it against Tlotoxl’s throat.

Bloody Nora, this new, violent Barbara doesn’t fuck about. There’s a pleasing symmetry between the Barbara in John Lucarotti’s previous serial Marco Polo, who found herself in a cave full of bandits with a knife to her throat (after they drew lots to see who got to murder her…I just want everyone to remember how messed up that was), and the Barbara who I truly believe would actually cut Tlotoxl’s neck open Caitlyn Stark style if Ian were killed. You could say that this is a standard example of Barbara and Ian being entirely prepared to go to new, dark places to ensure one another’s safety, but I prefer to think of it as an example – and a slightly sad example at that – of how having been on the receiving end of that kind of violence has changed our Babs. It’s great to see her being a badass, and I love seeing what these characters are capable of when push comes to shove, but it’s part of a low-key character development arc that arguably reaches its climax in The Rescue where Babs realises she has become the kind of person who shoots first and asks questions later when she thinks her friends are in danger (R.I.P. Sandy).

Anyway, neither Tlotoxl nor Ixta feels like calling her bluff, and just like that the authority of ‘Yetaxa’ is reasserted. She demands that Tlotoxl obey her and her servants not be punished. If this is what she’s like in the classroom, I imagine she has very few discipline problems.

Once everyone but Tlotoxl, Ixta, and the semi-comatose Ian has processed out, Tlotoxl wastes no time in examining the drugged needle the Doctor gave to Ixta. He immediately calls bullshit on it having been ‘magic’; he knows it’s just horticulture and plans to get Tonila to confirm it. On learning that the Doctor wanted the plans to the tomb, Tlotoxl plans to question him, too. Ixta is sulky and aggressive about having had Ian at his mercy and wants him at his mercy again; Tlotoxl promises to make it happen.

Meanwhile, Autloc is telling Babs how much she humiliated Tlotoxl and wants to know why she went for the stabby option. Then this happens:

Well, yeah. Because you're supposed to be a god, remember? Apart from the fact that this really isn’t the time for sass, it’s odd that Babs is trying to put forward a vaguely secularist argument ('why should I use divine powers when human ability will suffice?') based on some sort of divine mandate. Autloc swallows it, however, and she goes on to ask him whether he’s thought any more on her ‘prophecy’. She proceeds to draw a firm line between the will of the gods and Tlotoxl’s way, which is ‘evil’ and ‘must be destroyed’. STOP USING THAT WORD, BABS. She asks when the next sacrifice is, and it turns out – cliché alert – that it’s due to coincide with an imminent solar eclipse. Babs tries to appeal to Autloc’s knowledgeableness but is immediately hoist with her own petard of slippery religious logic when this happens:

BARBARA: But it's a trick! As the High Priest of Knowledge, you know the sun will shine again.
AUTLOC: Unless the gods withdraw their favour from us.

Post hoc ergo propter hoc much.

Babs changes tack, pointing out that he believes her to be a god, and telling him that if he supports her, Tlotoxl won’t dare defy the two of them together. What follows is a really poignant moment when it becomes apparent that what Barbara is in fact asking of him is an enormous leap of faith: ‘If I take that course, there is no way back for me. In all humility, I beg you, do not deceive me or prove false to me.’

Erk. It’s no surprise that Barbara looks very uncomfortable at the end of this scene. She must know that she is out-and-out manipulating a man of faith by doing precisely what he has begged her not to do, i.e. deceiving him and proving false to him. He’s willing to risk everything by endorsing what would have been some seriously radical reforms based solely on the fact that he believes her to be a god; he’s not going along with her outlawing of sacrifice because he thinks sacrifice is inherently wrong but because he believes Barbara has divine authority. In a way, Autloc is a lot more dangerous than Tlotoxl, because Autloc doesn’t question authority and Tlotoxl very much does, which makes Autloc much easier to manipulate by horribly misguided time travellers who are lying through their teeth in order to pursue their own agenda.

Meanwhile, Tlotoxl and the Doctor are still trying to out-sass one another in the garden. There’s a rather lovely moment when Tlotox insinuates that the Doctor is a tricksy blighter because he gave Ixta the means of defeating Ian, and the Doctor coolly replies by saying ‘I am faithful to my friends’. (I’m taking a moment to relish Barbara and Ian’s upgrade to friendship status.) Then the Doctor decides to play on Tlotoxl’s curiosity by implying that he may not in fact be entirely Team Yetaxa in order to manipulate Tlotoxl into getting the tomb open so they can all go home:

TLOTOXL: I want but one thing. Proof that she is a false goddess.
DOCTOR: Then open the tomb.
TLOTOXL: That cannot be achieved.
DOCTOR: Then talk to Ixta. He has some drawings.
TLOTOXL: In whose service are you?
DOCTOR: I serve the truth. Help me, Tlotoxl, and I promise you, you will find it.

What’s lovely here is that a few serials earlier we’d be seriously doubting the Doctor’s motives and worrying that he might leave his fellow travellers in the lurch (the way he was willing to leave Barbara to die of radiation poisoning on Skaro) and just escape with Susan at the earliest opportunity. However, now we are confident enough in the strength of the bond between the four members of Team Tardis to sit back and enjoy the Doctor’s duplicity.

Back in the barracks, Ian wakes up to find Ixta standing over him rubbing a dagger disconcertingly. However, Ixta tells Ian not to be afraid: 'Now that I can defeat you openly, I have no need to destroy you in secret.’ I’m sure he’s enormously reassured, Ixta.

Ixta proceeds to gloat about how it was the Doctor wot dunnit. Again, there’s proof of how much the relationships within Team Tardis have flourished: Ian asks, without a trace of alarm, whether the Doctor knew it was he who would be fighting Ixta, and when Ixta confirms the Doctor’s ignorance, Ian simply pulls a ‘lol classic Doctor’ face and moves on. Trust is gorgeous. Ixta decides that seeing as how he’s going to kill Ian next time they fight, the two of them can now be bros. Ian is...whelmed. Before they can consummate their bromance, however, enter Tlotoxl, who snarks Ian about being fully recovered. Ian continues to be the sass king of the barracks:

Never change. Also Tlotoxl's face is something else.

Anyway, Tlotoxl wants to know about the drawings; Ixta, gleefully, informs him that none exist. Ian realises this must have been why the Doctor drugged him, and Ixta takes the opportunity to throw Ian’s quip about ‘stealth and cunning’ from the last episode back in his face before steering him outside. Ian, however, gives Ixta the slip for a few seconds, and eavesdrops a bit as Tlotoxl tells Tonila he wants him to help destroy the false Yetaxa the same way the Doctor helped Ixta defeat Ian…but then Ian has to leave because Ixta is calling him.

Anyway, Tonila refuses to destroy Yetaxa because ‘destroy the gods and we destroy ourselves’. Tltotoxl, however, assures him that far from going full Nietzsche, he just wants to prove Barbara false: if she lives, she’s innocent, but if she dies, she’s mortal and therefore guilty. Which is much fairer than, say, a witch trial, but still not good news for Team Tardis’s resident god-impersonator.

Back in the gardens, Cameca is telling Autloc how happy she is now she’s got a new suitor (i.e. the Doctor). Autloc tells her to make him a love potion from cocoa beans; Cameca says she’d rather the Doctor made it; Autloc wishes her luck. Poor Cameca. She goes over to the Doctor, who continues to be charming in exchange for information, in this case regarding a sign carved on the wall. Cameca, blinded by love, tells him it’s Yetaxa’s sign, which surely ought to raise alarm bells as he’s meant to be the servant of Yetaxa and should know what her sign looks like. The Doctor spots the cocoa beans and offers to fix them both up a hot chocolate, unaware of the deeper significance of this action. Poor, poor, poor Cameca.

Back in the temple, Ian has taken an enormous risk (apparently) to come and see Babs to warn her about Tonila being in league with Tlotoxl. What Ian has also come to tell her is, apparently, a truckload of harsh truths:

BARBARA: Tlotoxl's dangerous. He seems able to bring people around to his way of thinking.
IAN: You've got it all wrong, Barbara. All the people here share Tlotoxl's views.
BARBARA: What about Autloc? I'm sick and tired of all this arguing and quarrelling. First the Doctor and now you. Why can't you see what I'm trying to do?
IAN: I can.
BARBARA: Well you're not helping. Tlotoxl's evil and he'll make everyone else the same.
IAN: They are the same, Barbara. That's the whole point. You keep on insisting that Tlotoxl's the odd man out, but he isn't.

THANK YOU, IAN. I mean I positively loathe that it’s Barbara WHO IS AN HISTORIAN – and who, let’s not forget, is the one who a few serials ago was lecturing Ian about the futility of applying Earth standards to extra-terrestrial worlds – can’t seem to grasp the fact that she’s applying the moral standards of her own time and place to fifteenth-century Mexico. I mean, you can just about explain her actions if you think of her as a product of the dying days of top-down historiography, but it’s still pretty inexcusable and actually pretty out of character when you consider her moral relativism over the past few serials in contrast with Ian’s often inflexible views. However, I’m glad somebody is pointing out to her how ludicrously out of touch she is with the people, and it may as well be Ian, who, as I keep saying, is the more left-leaning of the two humans.

Ian sciencesplains historiography. And close-ups.

But oh dear, it seems Ian’s not immune to problematic language use: as he tries to persuade her that ‘Autloc’s the extraordinary man here’, he goes on to refer to Autloc as ‘the reasonable one’ and ‘the civilised one’. ARGH. Yes, Ian, the guy who is prepared to start a religious schism on the basis of faith alone is the clearly the reasonable one. Ugh. Anyway, it seems that a stern talking-to from Ian has made Babs see the error of her ways (which is confusing as I thought she’d already come round to the Doctor’s way of thinking and was just trying to play Autloc and Tlotoxl off against one another):

BARBARA: Then everything I've tried to do…oh, I thought I could alter them.
IAN: You can't fight a whole way of life, Barbara.
BARBARA: I suppose not. I've just been fooling myself. Ian, what can we do?
IAN: We can get into that tomb and leave them alone.

Though I agree entirely with Ian’s sentiments here (and am delighted that he’s speaking to her with the honesty of a friend and keeping the mansplainy vibes down to a minimum), I’m infuriated beyond belief that Barbara coming down from her power trip involves reverting back to looking to Ian for answers. Power-crazed Babs was hideously misguided and I’m glad she’s come to her senses, but she was also a quick-thinking, kick-ass, initiative-taking Queen, and it’s annoying that Sensible Barbara now looks to a man to take the lead and get them out of this mess. A mess which, lest we forget, she got them into because she displayed the enthusiasm and curiosity appropriate to a time-travelling history teacher who finds herself in the exact time and place in which she has displayed the most scholarly interest over the course of her academic career; women who wander off must be punished at all costs.

Anyway, someone’s coming, so Ian has to hide. Enter Tonila and Tlotoxl, the latter of whom is all humility and reconciliation and wants Yetaxa to drink the cup of Definitely Not Poison that Tonila is holding as a sign of their now being cool with each other or something. Barbara, who has literally just been warned that these two are up to no good, accepts without batting an eyelid. Because Ian has to have something to do this episode. And that something is WAVE HIS ARMS LIKE A MADMAN behind Tlotoxl’s back to alert Babs to the danger.

She’s quick on the uptake and tells Tlotoxl that if she’s going to prove her faith in him, he has to prove his in her first and take the first drink. When he very obviously doesn’t want to, Babs flips her shit, smashes the cup, and tells them they’ve defiled the temple and to get the fuck out. GO BABS.

But WAIT WHAT she follows this up by TELLING TLOTOXL SHE’S NOT ACTUALLY YETAXA! BECAUSE FOR WHY!? There is literally nothing she could gain by admitting she’s a fake…well, except maybe a respite from constant lying. And she goes further, telling Tlotoxl that nobody would believe him if he speaks against her, and that if she does, she’ll have the people DESTROY HIM. Bloody hell, Babs.

After symbolically removing her headdress, a weary and defeated-looking Barbara shuffles back inside and adopts her standard at-the-end-of-her-tether pose, which is crying (albeit silently) on Ian.

In the garden, the Doctor and Cameca are drinking cocoa. The Doctor thinks Cameca’s weirdly poetic pronouncements about love and such are just womanly pretty talk and is alarmed to discover that in making cocoa for Cameca he’s just made a proposal of marriage which she has now accepted. His face is priceless.

Meanwhile, Tlotoxl is quietly seething while Autloc chats to Tonila about Susan’s studies. Tlotoxl learns about Susan’s fuck the patriarchy moment from last episode and plans to use this against Yetaxa, whose ‘weakness lies not in herself but in her servants’. Basically he’s going to force Susan into an arranged marriage to piss Barbara off. POOR, POOR SUSAN. Also, John Lucarotti, what is it with you and forced marriages?

Back in the seminary, Susan is still acing her lessons and providing much educational content for young viewers. Enter the Perfect Victim, who is being a Perfect Creep. When Susan learns who he is, she thinks the whole thing is ‘horrible’, which apparently is all the Perfect Victim needs to convince him that he must have Susan as his bride. Susan is, understandably, shocked and outraged, and is gloriously scornful of the whole affair. (I’m also having Ping-Cho-related feelings.) She refuses outright to be numbered among the things he wants and can therefore have, and condemns the whole thing as barbaric. Tonila goes off to report Susan’s refusal to Tlotoxl, saying she’ll be punished. Autloc tells Susan he’ll do what he can, but Susan says they’re all monsters and quietly sobs for her grandfather. It’s enormously fucked up on many levels, and while I appreciate how brilliant Susan is at sticking it to The Man (despite managing to be really rather racist in the process), I do not in any way appreciate her being put in this situation just to rack up the peril.

Meanwhile in the garden, the Doctor is making precisely no effort to liberate his granddaughter from brainwashing school but is busy planning a future he has no intention of spending with Cameca.

In the temple, Tonila is placing a matter before Yetaxa, who is very much back in charge. She forgives Tonila for his sins, but can’t agree to the proposed punishment (the tongue and ears pierced with thorns) of the as yet unnamed speaker-out against Aztec teachings. There’s a throwaway bit of dialogue in which Tonila speculates that a life without discipline leads to purposelessness and weakness, which gives me renewed appreciation for Barbara’s rehabilitation over punishment attitude. When Babs learns that the punishment is to take place on the day of the eclipse and that she must be there, she pauses for thought. I’m assuming she sees this as an opportunity to reunite Team Tardis, because even though she doesn’t agree to the punishment, she doesn’t disagree, and requests only that her servants and handmaiden be there too. A smug Tlotoxl agrees. Because Susan’s the one being punished. Obv.

Back in the garden, the Space Bros are catching up. The Doctor tells Ian he reckons there’s a tunnel leading from the garden into the tomb. Then this happens:

Gifs by cleowho

These are vintage Billy Lols, but I do feel like Cameca is getting the shit end of the stick here, because he goes on to describe his having become the intended of a woman who clearly has genuine feelings for him as ‘neither here nor there’. I would also pay good money for someone to make an overly-dramatic Doctor/Cameca video set to ‘Jar of Hearts’, purely for my own amusement. Anyway, the Space Bros agree to meet in the garden at night after Ian’s snuck out leaving Ixta asleep.

Back in the temple, Autloc agrees to match Yetaxa’s courage when she intervenes in the sacrifice. And I’m going to take a moment to note how much actual bravery that would take on Autloc’s part, seeing as he can’t fuck off in a time machine once he’s stuck his neck out. But OH CRUMBS Autloc has spilled the beans about Susan, and Babs immediately starts planning how to get Susan off the hook. The only trouble is, her initial plan of ordering Tlotoxl to release Susan after she’s stopped the sacrifice won’t work, because Susan is to be punished first. Which puts Barbara in yet another pickle: as Autloc puts it, will she sacrifice her people to save her handmaiden pain? Which I think makes this the first choice between a companion’s (yes I know Susan's not technically a companion) welfare and the greater good (well, what passes for the greater good in this serial) of the show, and it’s Barbara facing the dilemma not the Doctor.

In the barracks, Ian sneaks out leaving Ixta asleep…for about five seconds. Ixta is immediately up and following Ian. Outside, the Doctor is having trouble shifting the stone with the carving on it. Ian tries, and William Russell has a hilarious time of it pretending a polystyrene slab is very heavy. The Doctor wants to go into the tunnel with his Space Bro, but Ian insists on going it alone, because it’s too dangerous. The Doctor tells him to ‘take this’, which alas is not the kitten from the meme but a torch. Ian goes into the tunnel.

Enter Ixta, who is a little shit and, after engaging the Doctor in awkward conversation, moves the stone back into place (less convincingly than Ian). He says he has to replace the stone or the garden will be ruined, because the tunnel fills with water. The Doctor is antsy as hell but is trying to stay calm because he can’t fight Ixta and he can’t give Ian away, even though Ixta clearly knows Ian is in there and is relishing the fact that he’s messing up their plans. Inside the tunnel, there is the sound of rushing water. Ian’s face lights up with horror.

GORDON BENNETT HE’LL BE DROWNDED FOR SURE AND THE DOCTOR WILL HAVE TO TELL BABS THAT HER BFF IS DEAD AND SUSAN’S GOING TO BE MUTILATED AND FORCED INTO A CREEPY MARRIAGE AND OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS HOW WILL THEY EVER GET OUT OF THIS ALMIGHTY PICKLE?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Nope. The women get good dialogue, but they still don't get any of it together.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? No.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Susan is in a seminary and Barbara is pretty much under Temple Arrest, but not as such, no.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? No.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Yup. Barbara is nearly poisoned and Susan is due to have her tongue pierced with thorns.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? There are probably some obnoxious asides from Tlotoxl but nothing sticks out.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Babs has to cuddle Ian after he sciencesplains history to her.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Barbara, Ian, and Susan in peril this week.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Nope.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Barbara gets some harsh truths from Ian when she's way out of touch with the reality of Aztec life, but it's not undeserved.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Nope. But pretty much everyone calls Barbara out on hers.

Does a woman get to be a badass? A problematic badass. But oh what a badass.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Barbara is the one with the most actual power in this episode, but the Doctor is still calling the shots and Tlotoxl is outplaying all of them. Plus Ian reasserts his dominance once Barbara comes down from her power trip.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Yup. Arranged marriage klaxon. 

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? SUSAN!

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? The Perfect Victim has a perfectly horrible thing for Susan, who categorically does not reciprocate.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Jacqueline Hill continues to act her socks off, and Barbara gets to be as complex as she'll ever be this week. We get to see her dealing with power, thinking on her feet, dealing with the full fucked-up reality of what she's trying to do, and being faced with some pretty major moral dilemmas. I continue to be infuriated by the fact that a history teacher who specialises in Aztec history can be this dense about Aztec culture to the extent that Ian has to sciencesplain, but at least his views are in keeping with his characterisation. Susan has a pretty shitty week, but she does continue to get some excellent fuck the patriarchy moments. Tlotoxl's face continues to be an inspiration, and the Doctor continues to develop. Another meaty outing for Team One.

Series 1 Episode 28: The Warriors of Death

Serial: The Aztecs
Episode: 2 (The Warriors of Death)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: John Lucarotti
Director: John Crockett
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 30/05/1964

YOU CAN'T OUTPLAY A PRAYER (and other stories)

In which Team Tardis goes up against Team Tlotoxl and is comprehensively outplayed, Babs and the Doctor bond over the need to check one's temporal privilege, Ian and Ixta flirt outrageously, and Susan gets to fuck the patriarchy a bit, though the episode as a whole represents the biggest Bechdel Test fail of the series so far.

So Tlotoxl has vowed to destroy the false goddess, straight to camera. Meanwhile a thoroughly miserable-looking Babs is being roundly ticked off by the Doctor in what turns out to be rather a beautiful scene between the two. I really do think the Doctor sees a lot of his younger self in the ill-advisedly meddling history teacher, as was hinted at last week when the Doctor was trying to persuade her that changing history was impossible and suggested that he himself had had similar experiences (‘I know – believe me, I know’). Anyway, the Doctor reminds her (forcefully) that human sacrifice is the Aztecs’ ‘tradition – their religion’; Barbara maintains that she had to at least try to stop the sacrifice. Then this happens:

Blimey, he’s really not pulling his punches, is he? I’m constantly struck by how much of a match for one another these two characters are; neither is afraid of calling the other out in the strongest possible terms when they’re wrong. I do, however, have a fairly major niggle with the idea that Barbara ‘didn’t think’ about how the man who was being sacrificed ‘wanted to be offered to the gods’, seeing as how she’s supposed to be an Aztec specialist.

What’s beyond a shadow of a doubt, however, is how fond the Doctor has become of Barbara and how much respect he has for her since she gave him a bollocking/saved everyone’s lives in The Edge of Destruction. When she starts to cry, he immediately feels guilty, pats her on the arm, and apologises for being so harsh with her. I will never not love it when the Doctor seems to cast his mind back to the vow he made to take good care of his fierce fellow traveller the last time he seriously upset Barbara and immediately modifies his behaviour. Also it’s good to see a healthy example of a character at the end of their tether having ‘a little cry’ to vent their feelings and then getting on with their day. Don’t bottle these things up, guys.

Anyway, Babs dries her eyes and tells the Doctor he had every right to tear her off a strip, and to be honest you’ll hear no arguments from me on that score. The experience does seem to have brought the two closer together, though: I’ve always had a pet theory that ‘Time Lord’ is the closest the Tardis translation circuits could get to ‘privileged in time’, and now Barbara’s had a taste of it (and had that privilege checked). Now it’s Barbara’s job to hold Tlotoxl off by playing him and Autloc against one another. Babs asks what he and Ian intend to do; the Doctor reckons ‘Ian can look after himself’ (poor Ian), while he’s finding out about the entrance to the tomb (in which the Tardis is locked) from his new lady friend.

Oh my strange darlings, the growing affection between you is gorgeous. Especially as it’s based on mutual respect rather than paternalism. The Doctor isn’t just trying to make Barbara feel better – he really means it when he tells her they’re all safe so long as she’s here.

Enter Tlotoxl, unannounced. And Barbara is fucking magnificent. They have an excellent scene in which the two attempt to run rings around one another and Babs is cold fire incarnate:

TLOTOXL: I would ask you: How shall a man know his gods?
BARBARA: By the signs of their divinity.
TLOTOXL: And what if thieves walk among the gods?
BARBARA: (smirking) Then indeed, how shall a man know?

Well that's dark. She really ought to be in politics. I suppose it also pays to be an ‘expert’ on Aztec culture when the truth of your divinity rests on a history quiz. But OH BLOODY HELL bloody Ian being in bloody trouble looks to be about to undermine Babs’s ability to play the game of thrones. When Tlotoxl informs her Ian is about to fight to the death for control of the military, she had trouble keeping her poker face on. One day, someone won’t use Ian to try to undermine Barbara.

Meanwhile, Ian and Ixta are flirting engaging in sassy smack-talk while Autloc plays third wheel:

IXTA: Thus shall my enemies fall.
IAN: Real enemies can hit back.
IXTA: I have no fear of death.
IAN: Perhaps not. The dead never win.

Ian then goes on to claim that a thumb is all he needs to win a victory. And seriously, the double entendre is just too much:

And OH the Chesterton Neck Pinch is back with a vengeance! Seriously, the man has a strangling/neck-fondling fetish that refuses to die. As Ixta swoons over the weapons table, Tlotoxl enters and is reasonably horrified to see his champ out cold. Smuggity Smugpants McChesterton goes off for a walk, and poor Ixta wakes up burbling about how he was ‘powerless’ to resist him.

Enter the ‘Perfect Victim’, who is to be obeyed in all things and will eventually be sacrificed so he can tell the gods how great the Aztecs are. I can’t find anything useful on Wikipedia to corroborate this, so I’m just going to move on. Tlotoxl is winding Ixta up by saying that he’s all mouth and no trousers, and ends up manipulating the Perfect Victim into ordering a rematch between Ian and Ixta; Tlotoxl tells Ixta that if he destroys Ian, all glory and honour shall be his. Toxic masculinity, man.

Meanwhile, in the Garden of Old People, the Doctor and Cameca are chatting about herblore. Cameca wonders whether he’s a healer, to which the Doctor replies he is ‘a scientist, an engineer’, and ‘a builder of things’. Interesting that he sees himself as this kind of Doctor. Anyway, this brings them neatly to the subject of the temple. There’s a hilarious moment where the Doctor glares at a passing old person who appears to be eavesdropping, and Cameca agrees to arrange a meeting with the builder’s son. Then this happens:

CAMECA: An interested mind brooks no delay.
DOCTOR: Yes, and I’m sure that’s true of you, too, hmm?
CAMECA: It was true. Now, I am content to spend the time here, like the others.
DOCTOR: Oh, but their minds are old, Cameca. And that’s something I’m sure yours will never be.
CAMECA: Your heart is young too, Doctor.

Well aren’t you the cutest? I do hope the Doctor isn’t just stringing her along. That would be Not OK.

The Doctor can quite literally smell the love in the air.

Back in the Temple, Tlotoxl has come to see Babs and informs her that Autloc will question her; if Autloc is satisfied then Tlotoxl will eat his words and beg forgiveness of the gods; Babs tells him she’ll remember his words. I do love her quiet badassery. Tlotoxl also tells her that while her divinity is in question, only those who serve the temple may approach her, meaning of course that she’s now isolated from the rest of Team Tardis; Tlotoxl is clearly hoping that this will put Barbara in a flap, but she remains calm and accepts these terms. Stay strong, Babs.

Meanwhile, Ixta is having some sort of crisis of masculinity when Cameca comes to see him. It turns out Ixta is none other than the son of the architect the Doctor so badly wants to see. Ixta asks Cameca if she knows anything about magic; she tells him know, but reckons the old servant of Yetaxa does. What’s more, the Doctor doesn’t know Ixta’s name; unbeknownst to Cameca (I think…I hope!), Ixta plans to beat Ian using the Doctor’s knowledge, thus letting his enemies destroy themselves. Cripes.

Elsewhere, Susan is in the seminary and is acing her lessons. Without Susan’s hesitations, the lesson under immediate consideration is this: ‘Tend well your nurseries and your flowerbeds; keep clean your pot and stewpan. Do not spend recklessly; do not destroy or cheapen yourself; you’ll never have a house or a home of your own if you live like that.’

JOHN LUCAROTTI, WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SO DAMN SAD ABOUT SUSAN AND HER HOMESICKNESS?

ALSO JOHN LUCAROTTI WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME WONDER WHETHER SUSAN RAN AWAY FROM AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE ON GALLIFREY?

Still, at least Susan gets to fuck the patriarchy a bit. As is consistent with her characterisation in Marco Polo. Also, the spectre of Ping-Cho looms large right now.

Back in the OAP Garden, the Doctor is fondling a plant Cameca showed him earlier that puts people to sleep. Enter Ixta, resplendent in his Jaguar Warrior costume. Ixta says he’ll give the Doctor the plans to the tomb entrance if he meets him later that evening, but has to meet this other warrior before that and is really worried he’ll lose because this is hand-to-hand combat and he’s only really any good with a club and he’ll be really humiliated if he loses. The Doctor thinks they can come to some arrangement and cackles like a loon as he coats the tip of a pin in the sleepytime sap of the Cameca plant.

Back in the Barracks, Ian is now the one swiping at the air a la Luna Lovegood. Tlotoxl sasses him; Ian sasses him back. Enter Ixta, who is now sure he can defeat Ian. He calls Ian over, who bounds over like a puppy and there’s more slashfic dialogue in the air than you can shake a stick at as Ixta challenges Ian to a sunset wrestling match. Ian, unwilling to ‘deny him’, accepts. Just in case we weren’t already of sure of Tlotoxl’s motives, when Ixta says ‘if you wish it, he shall die’, the High Priest replies ‘let him die’. And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean in a petite mort kind of way either.

Back in the temple, Barbara is talking with Autloc, who seems to be pretty chill about doing whatever the gods tell him to do: if they send up messengers, it’s natural that the gods will send messengers back, and Autloc would have no problem outlawing human sacrifice if that’s what the gods wanted, not because he questions the value of the sacrifice but because he won’t oppose the will of the gods. What a yes-man. UGH and the poignancy of what happens next is somewhat undermined by Barbara’s continued belief that it’s the human sacrifice wot made the Spanish wipe out the Aztecs, because she goes on to prophecy a time ‘when ten thousand will die in one day’, followed by ‘total destruction’: ‘Your civilisation will pass forever from the land.’ Not one for drama, Autloc says he’ll give it a think. Babs leans against the throne looking troubled and exhausted. Uneasy lies the head that wears the sunflower.

Elsewhere, the Doctor is giving Ixta his homemade sedative weapon, which at least isn’t designed to kill or else this could easily turn into Hamlet. The Doctor thinks he’s been super cunning to make a deal for the plans to the tomb and has no idea he’s been played.

Back at the temple, Tlotoxl is chatting to Autloc and reckons ‘Yetaxa’ has prophecied doom only to save herself. They hear footsteps approach and hide; it’s the Doctor, and he’s rather unwisely calling for ‘Barbara’. Which I’m pretty sure is a recent development, as it’s mostly been ‘Miss Wright’ or ‘my dear’ or ‘young woman’ up until the last few episodes. Then again, they are now besties. He enters her throne room or whatever it’s called, and she immediately tells him he can’t be here because Tlotoxl forbids it. The Doctor agrees to get out of there but not without first telling her that he’s going to get his hands on the plans to the tomb that evening and that all he had to do was make sure a warrior won a fight. Babs instantly smells a rat (because Barbara and Ian clearly have a sixth sense about one another’s wellbeing), and when the Doctor describes the guy with a face like a cat, Babs realises it’s Ixta and that he’s fighting Ian. The Doctor goes into ‘oh shit’ mode and immediately runs off to warn his Space Bro.

But OH NO he’s immediately apprehended by Tlotoxl and assorted warriors for transgressing the law and is dragged off protesting cantankerously. Babs immediately appeals to Autloc, telling him that nobody told the Doctor what was going on, and Autloc agrees to have the Doctor released without much argument. He seems a pretty fair sort. When Barbara tries to forbid the Ixta/Ian fight, however, Autloc is less amenable. Upon being assured that it’s not a fight to the death, however, Babs is content to tell Autloc to ensure that it remains so.

IT’S FIGHT TIME! Ian enters and gives Ixta the eyes, and the grappling begins. It’s all a bit D.H. Lawrence and mostly looks like they’re hugging. Ixta picks up the pin just as the Doctor enters and hisses at Ian not to let Ixta scratch him; hilariously, Ian doesn’t hear him, is distracted, asks the Doctor what he’s on about…and is immediately scratched by Ixta. Oh Doctor. You tried. The Doctor tells Tlotoxl to stop this fuckery because Ixta’s cheating:

OH TLOTOXL YOUR SASS IS SOMETHING ELSE.

Ian’s not doing too badly, though, considering…but OH NO Ixta is koon-ut-kal-if-fee-ing Ian on the floor and then he’s trying to stamp on his windpipe, and Tlotoxl is insisting that it goes to the death and Autloc is being fucking useless. Then Ian’s up, but he’s knackered, and event though he still almost manages to break Ixta’s arm, he ends up pinned against the table with Tlotoxl telling Ixta to DESTROY HIM, brushing aside Autloc’s limp protests that Yetaxa forbids it on the grounds that Yetaxa is a FALSE GODDESS. Then someone yells –

‘STOP!!!’

Oh PHEW it’s Babs, and not a moment too soon. Tlotoxl tells her that her place is in the temple, and with all the withering condemnation she can muster, Babs replies that she’s loyal to those who serve her. And then Tlotoxl really puts her in a pickle: ‘If you are Yetaxa,’ he sneers pointing towards the fight, ‘SAVE HIM.’

BLIMEY O’REILLY HOW WILL BARBARA BLUFF HER WAY OUT OF THIS ONE? WILL IAN BE A FIGHT CLUB CASUALTY? WILL SUSAN BE MARRIED OFF TO A RANDOMER? WILL THE DOCTOR COME DOWN ON IXTA LIKE A TON OF BRICKS TO TEACH HIM NEVER TO OUTPLAY A PLAYER? WILL AUTLOC GROW A SPINE? AND HOW ARE THEY GOING TO GET BACK INTO THAT TOMB?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! One for every woman in this episode, all of whom are entirely isolated from one another and do not speak to one another AT ALL. The biggest fail of the series so far and the first since...well, it's been a while anyway.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? No.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Susan is in a seminary and Barbara is pretty much under Temple Arrest, but not as such, no.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? No.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Not specifically. Tlotoxl definitely wants to destroy Babs, but she's not in any immediate danger of being physically harmed yet.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? There are probably some obnoxious asides from Tlotoxl but nothing sticks out.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? The Doctor yells and Barbara and then has to give her a cuddle.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? It's mostly Ian in peril this week.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Nope. The Doctor comes up with the plan to play the priests off against one another.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Nope. But the Doctor calls Barbara out on hers.

Does a woman get to be a badass? A problematic badass.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Barbara is the one with the most actual power in this episode, but the Doctor is still calling the shots and Tlotoxl is outplaying all of them.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Yup. Arranged marriage klaxon. 

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? SUSAN!

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No, but Ian and Ixta have some insane sexual tension going on under all that masculinity bollocks.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Babs finally checks her temporal privilege (though she can't resist a little problematic prophecying), and the relationship between her and the Doctor goes through an important developmental stage. There's a newfound respect and affection between the two after their bust-up, and it's gorgeous to see. Ian...I really don't know what's up with him this episode but clearly he's decided that life is a) too short and b) too ridiculous not to take this opportunity to be an outrageous flirt with the local totty. Anyway, I'm enjoying the double entendres more than I can possibly say. Poor Susan is stuck in a nunnery, but at least we get to see some of her Marco Polo characterisation. Though John Lucarotti does seem to have a thing about Susan and arranged marriages. Also I do enjoy Tlotoxl as a villain - there's not many people who can outsass One, but he certainly manages it. Plus he gets some great scenes with Barbara on the nature of divinity, which is actually a cracking bit of dialogue. Next week let's see if we can pass that Bechdel Test.