Series 1 Episode 28: The Warriors of Death

Serial: The Aztecs
Episode: 2 (The Warriors of Death)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: John Lucarotti
Director: John Crockett
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 30/05/1964

YOU CAN'T OUTPLAY A PRAYER (and other stories)

In which Team Tardis goes up against Team Tlotoxl and is comprehensively outplayed, Babs and the Doctor bond over the need to check one's temporal privilege, Ian and Ixta flirt outrageously, and Susan gets to fuck the patriarchy a bit, though the episode as a whole represents the biggest Bechdel Test fail of the series so far.

So Tlotoxl has vowed to destroy the false goddess, straight to camera. Meanwhile a thoroughly miserable-looking Babs is being roundly ticked off by the Doctor in what turns out to be rather a beautiful scene between the two. I really do think the Doctor sees a lot of his younger self in the ill-advisedly meddling history teacher, as was hinted at last week when the Doctor was trying to persuade her that changing history was impossible and suggested that he himself had had similar experiences (‘I know – believe me, I know’). Anyway, the Doctor reminds her (forcefully) that human sacrifice is the Aztecs’ ‘tradition – their religion’; Barbara maintains that she had to at least try to stop the sacrifice. Then this happens:

Blimey, he’s really not pulling his punches, is he? I’m constantly struck by how much of a match for one another these two characters are; neither is afraid of calling the other out in the strongest possible terms when they’re wrong. I do, however, have a fairly major niggle with the idea that Barbara ‘didn’t think’ about how the man who was being sacrificed ‘wanted to be offered to the gods’, seeing as how she’s supposed to be an Aztec specialist.

What’s beyond a shadow of a doubt, however, is how fond the Doctor has become of Barbara and how much respect he has for her since she gave him a bollocking/saved everyone’s lives in The Edge of Destruction. When she starts to cry, he immediately feels guilty, pats her on the arm, and apologises for being so harsh with her. I will never not love it when the Doctor seems to cast his mind back to the vow he made to take good care of his fierce fellow traveller the last time he seriously upset Barbara and immediately modifies his behaviour. Also it’s good to see a healthy example of a character at the end of their tether having ‘a little cry’ to vent their feelings and then getting on with their day. Don’t bottle these things up, guys.

Anyway, Babs dries her eyes and tells the Doctor he had every right to tear her off a strip, and to be honest you’ll hear no arguments from me on that score. The experience does seem to have brought the two closer together, though: I’ve always had a pet theory that ‘Time Lord’ is the closest the Tardis translation circuits could get to ‘privileged in time’, and now Barbara’s had a taste of it (and had that privilege checked). Now it’s Barbara’s job to hold Tlotoxl off by playing him and Autloc against one another. Babs asks what he and Ian intend to do; the Doctor reckons ‘Ian can look after himself’ (poor Ian), while he’s finding out about the entrance to the tomb (in which the Tardis is locked) from his new lady friend.

Oh my strange darlings, the growing affection between you is gorgeous. Especially as it’s based on mutual respect rather than paternalism. The Doctor isn’t just trying to make Barbara feel better – he really means it when he tells her they’re all safe so long as she’s here.

Enter Tlotoxl, unannounced. And Barbara is fucking magnificent. They have an excellent scene in which the two attempt to run rings around one another and Babs is cold fire incarnate:

TLOTOXL: I would ask you: How shall a man know his gods?
BARBARA: By the signs of their divinity.
TLOTOXL: And what if thieves walk among the gods?
BARBARA: (smirking) Then indeed, how shall a man know?

Well that's dark. She really ought to be in politics. I suppose it also pays to be an ‘expert’ on Aztec culture when the truth of your divinity rests on a history quiz. But OH BLOODY HELL bloody Ian being in bloody trouble looks to be about to undermine Babs’s ability to play the game of thrones. When Tlotoxl informs her Ian is about to fight to the death for control of the military, she had trouble keeping her poker face on. One day, someone won’t use Ian to try to undermine Barbara.

Meanwhile, Ian and Ixta are flirting engaging in sassy smack-talk while Autloc plays third wheel:

IXTA: Thus shall my enemies fall.
IAN: Real enemies can hit back.
IXTA: I have no fear of death.
IAN: Perhaps not. The dead never win.

Ian then goes on to claim that a thumb is all he needs to win a victory. And seriously, the double entendre is just too much:

And OH the Chesterton Neck Pinch is back with a vengeance! Seriously, the man has a strangling/neck-fondling fetish that refuses to die. As Ixta swoons over the weapons table, Tlotoxl enters and is reasonably horrified to see his champ out cold. Smuggity Smugpants McChesterton goes off for a walk, and poor Ixta wakes up burbling about how he was ‘powerless’ to resist him.

Enter the ‘Perfect Victim’, who is to be obeyed in all things and will eventually be sacrificed so he can tell the gods how great the Aztecs are. I can’t find anything useful on Wikipedia to corroborate this, so I’m just going to move on. Tlotoxl is winding Ixta up by saying that he’s all mouth and no trousers, and ends up manipulating the Perfect Victim into ordering a rematch between Ian and Ixta; Tlotoxl tells Ixta that if he destroys Ian, all glory and honour shall be his. Toxic masculinity, man.

Meanwhile, in the Garden of Old People, the Doctor and Cameca are chatting about herblore. Cameca wonders whether he’s a healer, to which the Doctor replies he is ‘a scientist, an engineer’, and ‘a builder of things’. Interesting that he sees himself as this kind of Doctor. Anyway, this brings them neatly to the subject of the temple. There’s a hilarious moment where the Doctor glares at a passing old person who appears to be eavesdropping, and Cameca agrees to arrange a meeting with the builder’s son. Then this happens:

CAMECA: An interested mind brooks no delay.
DOCTOR: Yes, and I’m sure that’s true of you, too, hmm?
CAMECA: It was true. Now, I am content to spend the time here, like the others.
DOCTOR: Oh, but their minds are old, Cameca. And that’s something I’m sure yours will never be.
CAMECA: Your heart is young too, Doctor.

Well aren’t you the cutest? I do hope the Doctor isn’t just stringing her along. That would be Not OK.

The Doctor can quite literally smell the love in the air.

Back in the Temple, Tlotoxl has come to see Babs and informs her that Autloc will question her; if Autloc is satisfied then Tlotoxl will eat his words and beg forgiveness of the gods; Babs tells him she’ll remember his words. I do love her quiet badassery. Tlotoxl also tells her that while her divinity is in question, only those who serve the temple may approach her, meaning of course that she’s now isolated from the rest of Team Tardis; Tlotoxl is clearly hoping that this will put Barbara in a flap, but she remains calm and accepts these terms. Stay strong, Babs.

Meanwhile, Ixta is having some sort of crisis of masculinity when Cameca comes to see him. It turns out Ixta is none other than the son of the architect the Doctor so badly wants to see. Ixta asks Cameca if she knows anything about magic; she tells him know, but reckons the old servant of Yetaxa does. What’s more, the Doctor doesn’t know Ixta’s name; unbeknownst to Cameca (I think…I hope!), Ixta plans to beat Ian using the Doctor’s knowledge, thus letting his enemies destroy themselves. Cripes.

Elsewhere, Susan is in the seminary and is acing her lessons. Without Susan’s hesitations, the lesson under immediate consideration is this: ‘Tend well your nurseries and your flowerbeds; keep clean your pot and stewpan. Do not spend recklessly; do not destroy or cheapen yourself; you’ll never have a house or a home of your own if you live like that.’

JOHN LUCAROTTI, WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SO DAMN SAD ABOUT SUSAN AND HER HOMESICKNESS?

ALSO JOHN LUCAROTTI WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME WONDER WHETHER SUSAN RAN AWAY FROM AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE ON GALLIFREY?

Still, at least Susan gets to fuck the patriarchy a bit. As is consistent with her characterisation in Marco Polo. Also, the spectre of Ping-Cho looms large right now.

Back in the OAP Garden, the Doctor is fondling a plant Cameca showed him earlier that puts people to sleep. Enter Ixta, resplendent in his Jaguar Warrior costume. Ixta says he’ll give the Doctor the plans to the tomb entrance if he meets him later that evening, but has to meet this other warrior before that and is really worried he’ll lose because this is hand-to-hand combat and he’s only really any good with a club and he’ll be really humiliated if he loses. The Doctor thinks they can come to some arrangement and cackles like a loon as he coats the tip of a pin in the sleepytime sap of the Cameca plant.

Back in the Barracks, Ian is now the one swiping at the air a la Luna Lovegood. Tlotoxl sasses him; Ian sasses him back. Enter Ixta, who is now sure he can defeat Ian. He calls Ian over, who bounds over like a puppy and there’s more slashfic dialogue in the air than you can shake a stick at as Ixta challenges Ian to a sunset wrestling match. Ian, unwilling to ‘deny him’, accepts. Just in case we weren’t already of sure of Tlotoxl’s motives, when Ixta says ‘if you wish it, he shall die’, the High Priest replies ‘let him die’. And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean in a petite mort kind of way either.

Back in the temple, Barbara is talking with Autloc, who seems to be pretty chill about doing whatever the gods tell him to do: if they send up messengers, it’s natural that the gods will send messengers back, and Autloc would have no problem outlawing human sacrifice if that’s what the gods wanted, not because he questions the value of the sacrifice but because he won’t oppose the will of the gods. What a yes-man. UGH and the poignancy of what happens next is somewhat undermined by Barbara’s continued belief that it’s the human sacrifice wot made the Spanish wipe out the Aztecs, because she goes on to prophecy a time ‘when ten thousand will die in one day’, followed by ‘total destruction’: ‘Your civilisation will pass forever from the land.’ Not one for drama, Autloc says he’ll give it a think. Babs leans against the throne looking troubled and exhausted. Uneasy lies the head that wears the sunflower.

Elsewhere, the Doctor is giving Ixta his homemade sedative weapon, which at least isn’t designed to kill or else this could easily turn into Hamlet. The Doctor thinks he’s been super cunning to make a deal for the plans to the tomb and has no idea he’s been played.

Back at the temple, Tlotoxl is chatting to Autloc and reckons ‘Yetaxa’ has prophecied doom only to save herself. They hear footsteps approach and hide; it’s the Doctor, and he’s rather unwisely calling for ‘Barbara’. Which I’m pretty sure is a recent development, as it’s mostly been ‘Miss Wright’ or ‘my dear’ or ‘young woman’ up until the last few episodes. Then again, they are now besties. He enters her throne room or whatever it’s called, and she immediately tells him he can’t be here because Tlotoxl forbids it. The Doctor agrees to get out of there but not without first telling her that he’s going to get his hands on the plans to the tomb that evening and that all he had to do was make sure a warrior won a fight. Babs instantly smells a rat (because Barbara and Ian clearly have a sixth sense about one another’s wellbeing), and when the Doctor describes the guy with a face like a cat, Babs realises it’s Ixta and that he’s fighting Ian. The Doctor goes into ‘oh shit’ mode and immediately runs off to warn his Space Bro.

But OH NO he’s immediately apprehended by Tlotoxl and assorted warriors for transgressing the law and is dragged off protesting cantankerously. Babs immediately appeals to Autloc, telling him that nobody told the Doctor what was going on, and Autloc agrees to have the Doctor released without much argument. He seems a pretty fair sort. When Barbara tries to forbid the Ixta/Ian fight, however, Autloc is less amenable. Upon being assured that it’s not a fight to the death, however, Babs is content to tell Autloc to ensure that it remains so.

IT’S FIGHT TIME! Ian enters and gives Ixta the eyes, and the grappling begins. It’s all a bit D.H. Lawrence and mostly looks like they’re hugging. Ixta picks up the pin just as the Doctor enters and hisses at Ian not to let Ixta scratch him; hilariously, Ian doesn’t hear him, is distracted, asks the Doctor what he’s on about…and is immediately scratched by Ixta. Oh Doctor. You tried. The Doctor tells Tlotoxl to stop this fuckery because Ixta’s cheating:

OH TLOTOXL YOUR SASS IS SOMETHING ELSE.

Ian’s not doing too badly, though, considering…but OH NO Ixta is koon-ut-kal-if-fee-ing Ian on the floor and then he’s trying to stamp on his windpipe, and Tlotoxl is insisting that it goes to the death and Autloc is being fucking useless. Then Ian’s up, but he’s knackered, and event though he still almost manages to break Ixta’s arm, he ends up pinned against the table with Tlotoxl telling Ixta to DESTROY HIM, brushing aside Autloc’s limp protests that Yetaxa forbids it on the grounds that Yetaxa is a FALSE GODDESS. Then someone yells –

‘STOP!!!’

Oh PHEW it’s Babs, and not a moment too soon. Tlotoxl tells her that her place is in the temple, and with all the withering condemnation she can muster, Babs replies that she’s loyal to those who serve her. And then Tlotoxl really puts her in a pickle: ‘If you are Yetaxa,’ he sneers pointing towards the fight, ‘SAVE HIM.’

BLIMEY O’REILLY HOW WILL BARBARA BLUFF HER WAY OUT OF THIS ONE? WILL IAN BE A FIGHT CLUB CASUALTY? WILL SUSAN BE MARRIED OFF TO A RANDOMER? WILL THE DOCTOR COME DOWN ON IXTA LIKE A TON OF BRICKS TO TEACH HIM NEVER TO OUTPLAY A PLAYER? WILL AUTLOC GROW A SPINE? AND HOW ARE THEY GOING TO GET BACK INTO THAT TOMB?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! One for every woman in this episode, all of whom are entirely isolated from one another and do not speak to one another AT ALL. The biggest fail of the series so far and the first since...well, it's been a while anyway.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? No.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Susan is in a seminary and Barbara is pretty much under Temple Arrest, but not as such, no.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? No.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Not specifically. Tlotoxl definitely wants to destroy Babs, but she's not in any immediate danger of being physically harmed yet.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? There are probably some obnoxious asides from Tlotoxl but nothing sticks out.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? The Doctor yells and Barbara and then has to give her a cuddle.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? It's mostly Ian in peril this week.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Nope. The Doctor comes up with the plan to play the priests off against one another.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Nope. But the Doctor calls Barbara out on hers.

Does a woman get to be a badass? A problematic badass.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Barbara is the one with the most actual power in this episode, but the Doctor is still calling the shots and Tlotoxl is outplaying all of them.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Yup. Arranged marriage klaxon. 

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? SUSAN!

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No, but Ian and Ixta have some insane sexual tension going on under all that masculinity bollocks.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Babs finally checks her temporal privilege (though she can't resist a little problematic prophecying), and the relationship between her and the Doctor goes through an important developmental stage. There's a newfound respect and affection between the two after their bust-up, and it's gorgeous to see. Ian...I really don't know what's up with him this episode but clearly he's decided that life is a) too short and b) too ridiculous not to take this opportunity to be an outrageous flirt with the local totty. Anyway, I'm enjoying the double entendres more than I can possibly say. Poor Susan is stuck in a nunnery, but at least we get to see some of her Marco Polo characterisation. Though John Lucarotti does seem to have a thing about Susan and arranged marriages. Also I do enjoy Tlotoxl as a villain - there's not many people who can outsass One, but he certainly manages it. Plus he gets some great scenes with Barbara on the nature of divinity, which is actually a cracking bit of dialogue. Next week let's see if we can pass that Bechdel Test.