Season 2 Episode 8: The Waking Ally

Serial: The Dalek Invasion of Earth
Episode: 5 (The Waking Ally)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Terry Nation
Director: Richard Martin
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 19/12/1964

‘TELL ME, YOUNG CRONE, IS THIS PUTNEY?’ (and other stories)


In which Terry Nation knocks it out of the park when it comes to post-apocalyptic world-building but phones in the fake science, crones are not to be trusted, Babs and Jenny continue to make me wish the latter had replaced Susan at the end of this serial, Babs is a woman with a plan, Ian is a bumbler, the Doctor is the matchmaker from hell, Susan engages in some fishy foreplay, and I invest way too much in a character I forgot wasn’t going to make it to the end of the episode.

Right, so where were we? And who is this waking ally? And what kind of ally are we talking about, here? Oh, right, we’d just met the Slyther. How embarrassing.

As it advances on Ian and Larry (have I mentioned that I love Larry?), the latter dives off the cliff and into one of the coal scuttle cable car things. Or rather he tries to, misses, hangs on to the edge of one, and yelps for Ian, who makes the jump successfully and helps him into the cart. The Slyther, however, does an Anakin and tries to follow them, but when it does, Ian hits it with a rock until it loses its grip and plummets to a chasmy doom with a rather pitiful whine.

So much for the Slyther. Larry reckons they should leg it, but Ian thinks someone might’ve heard them.

Cut to Dalek control. And oooh, thanks, Infotext! Apparently the day before this was recorded, there was a General Election that had resulted in a new Labour government (would that I could hope for the same in the outcome of Theresa May’s GIVE ME MORE POWER snap election in June), so there was an equipment shortage in the studio because all the cameras were tied up in election coverage. So most of this was recorded on film. I fucking love Infotext.

Whoops, I appear to have missed some Dalek ‘proceed with the operation’ dialogue. Never mind.

Anyway, the upshot of Larry and Ian lingering in the cable car coal scuttle whatchamagig is that of course it starts moving with them still in it.

Meanwhile, in the sewers, BILLY IS BAAAAAAAAACK. And, because he is Gallifreyan and must be surrounded by fabulousness at all times, he is wafting his hanky around and being generally fussy about their location. They’re being followed by two Robomen, and the Doctor has a few problems with the way Tyler’s going about things:

DOCTOR: You do realise, of course, we shall have to let them both come down before we decide to defend ourselves.
TYLER: Well, we can take them one at a time.
DOCTOR: Oh yes, just one. The other’s bound to return and bring back reinforcements.
TYLER: If we stick together long enough, I’ll learn to do what you say the first time.

Have I mentioned that I love Tyler? Please can we have him aboard the Tardis?

Anyway, Tyler tackles the first of the Robomen to come down, and David is terrible at aiming with a gun, and OH GLORY it’s the Gallifreyans to the rescue! Susan (YES SUSAN!) launches herself…er…right past the Roboman menacing Tyler and hurls herself at the Roboman currently menacing her future husband, while the Doctor rather more calculatedly whacks the Roboman menacing Tyler over the head with his cane a few times.

Yikes. Billy actually looks quite scary there. Maybe the episode title was a typo and it was actually meant to be called ‘The Whacking Ally’?

This is more effective than Susan’s method, but fortunately for everyone, Tyler is much better at aiming than David and shoots the second Roboman as he attempts to retreat up the ladder. ACTION-PACKED OR WHAT.

Then something happens that pretty-much sets the tone for the Doctor’s attitude to violence throughout the history of the show and is generally fascinating in terms of the Doctor’s character development. As Tyler moves to shoot the Roboman knocked unconscious by the Doctor’s walking stick, the Doctor stops him:

‘No, Tyler, no. I never take life. Only when my own is immediately threatened. [. . .] Leave this creature to his own devices and salvation.’

WOW. This is fascinating for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it’s a long way away from the Doctor who was willing to brain a wounded caveman in An Unearthly Child for reasons I’m pretty sure have only a very little to do with the still hugely problematic idea of putting a ‘creature’ out of ‘its’ misery. And it’s Barbara, an initially reluctant Ian, and a newly rebellious Susan inspired by Barbara’s compassionate defiance who set that precedent of not taking a life (well, let’s be honest, a humanoid life) unless their own is threatened. And this ‘I never (well, hardly ever) take a life’ stance *is* a learned behaviour on the Doctor’s part, I think, because even as late as The Reign of Terror he has these flashes of genuinely gleeful violence that are a part of his nature and which come to the fore when he’s away from his Space Fam too long:

But you can see how his newfound respect for the humans he now calls his friends has made him want to rise to the challenge of not being the man of whom Babs once said accusingly, ‘[y]ou treat everybody and everything as something less important than yourself’. Secondly, this early ‘this is who I am and what I am about’ moment in the show resonates throughout the years, and not just because it’s one of the first milestones in a two-thousand-year-old character development arc at the end of which he is able to make a speech where he asserts that ‘the value you place on a life’ is ‘what defines a species’ (RACHEL DOLLARD, LET ME LOVE YOU). It’s also because it’s a credo that has always been something he struggles with, to the extent that in the same episode that he claims that the value placed upon a life without privilege is a measure of human progress, he also murders a guy with his sonic screwdriver (and don’t tell me it was the only thing he could have done in his own defence—his hands were already untied when he let that henchman guy get pulled under the ice by those anglerfish).

Anyway, early Classic Who character development is the best. End of.

So we’re now in the opening scenes of Macbeth (way ahead of you, Infotext), and two crones (one young, one old) are croning it up in a lightning-streaked cottage in the woods. Barbara and Jenny are ba(b)es in the wood and are looking for shelter from the storm, but everyone gets a bit of a shock when they open the door to seek said shelter.

Jenny seems to have read all the fairy tales in which crones in the woods are inherently untrustworthy, because she suggests in a rather high-pitched voice that they leave; Babs, however, seems to be mindful of the fairy tales in which all crones must be placated with food/money/shelter, because when the younger of the crones blurts out that the dogs will get them outside, she offers them a single rose a tin of beans in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Maybe she thinks that by subverting the trope and actually *performing* the role of the strange woman who comes to disturb the equilibrium of the household, she’ll be able to dictate the terms of whatever accursedness that follows, but she has forgotten that she is a nice-looking lady and that all old and/or beggar women are never to be trusted and whatever you do will be exactly the wrong thing. Don’t believe me? The eponymous Snow White let an old beggar woman offering her a wishing apple into her home and was cursed; the bratty prince in Beauty and the Beast refused to let an old beggar woman with a magic rose into his house and was cursed. If you see a crone and suspect you may be in some manner of fictional narrative, run a mile, because apparently there’s nothing less trustworthy than a woman whose identity can no longer be dictated by her sexuality and is therefore neither virgin, mother, nor whore. Seriously. There’s nothing the patriarchy fears more than a woman who can’t be put in a box according to the status of her…er…box. Hence crones, witches, hags, madwomen, shapeshifters, and supernatural women in general in every folk tale ever. I’m oversimplifying horribly, obviously. But my point is this: BARBARA, LISTEN TO JENNY, AND RUN!

Anyway, when Babs tells the crones they’re headed for the mines, there’s some excellently hammy double takes, and when the older woman tells them they’re lucky to have got this far on account of the patrols passing here, Jenny is marvellous and asks what we’re all thinking: how come the Daleks don’t know the crones are here? Well, apparently they do, and the women make clothes for the slave workers, so they’re more use doing that than mining. Oh Terry Nation, I love all these horrible little things about this post-apocalyptic world you’ve built.

As I mentioned, when the crones say they Daleks give them food for clothes but that they’re hungry most of the time, Babs gives them a tin, which disposes the crones towards them. When they grab the bag to search it for more food, Babs has the presence of mind to salvage Dortmun’s bomb plans before they start stabbing tins with knives. Good thinking, Babs. Jenny and Babs are ushered over to their bed, which they start making as the crones have a whispered conversation. The young crone says loudly that she’s going out to deliver the clothes, and Jenny once again endears herself to me forever by finding problems with this behaviour:

JENNY: Go out in this weather?
WOMAN: They’re waiting for her.
BARBARA: What about those dogs you talked about?
WOMAN: Oh, she’ll follow the patrols.
GIRL: I’ll follow the patrols.

I wonder if they’re ‘Woman’ and ‘Girl’ in the credits? (This is from an online transcript.) Oh, it says here they are ‘The Women in the Wood’, apparently. Fab.

Don’t accept these blatant lies, Jenny! Keep on picking at the truth!

Meanwhile, Ian and Larry are still descending in a mining bucket (not a cable car as I previously thought). Ian is a dork and keeps doing things like this because his ears are popping:

It stops twelve feet from the bottom, and they decide to jump before they’re tipped. Ian, because he is imbued with the godlike invulnerability of the Action Man, makes the leap like a magnificent swanbeast. Larry, alas (have I mentioned how much I love Larry?) knocks his kneecap against the truck on the way down and lands horribly on the tracks. Which means Ian has to help him along, and OH MY GOODNESS a man has…well, not sprained his ankle, but near as dammit! Hurrah! Not that I wish pain upon beloved, cheerful Larry, I’m just glad it’s not only the women who are reduced to narratively convenient hobbling in this serial. Ian helps him over to cover.

Back in the cottage, Jenny continues to be a fucking DELIGHT by being the world’s worst dinner guest:

WOMAN: I went to London once. It seems years ago now. You know, is it still the same?
JENNY: They’ve destroyed most of it.

Never change. The older woman waxes lyrical about moving pavements, the astronaut fair, and the Chelsea heliport, which obv gives Terry Nation the opportunity to hint at what Future London might be like. (Probably still a dump.) Also, Barbara’s polite nodding is beautiful.

BUT OH NO! Enter the young crone in a right state, hurtling into the arms of the older crone as THE DALEKS APPEAR IN THE DOORWAY! Who tell Babs and Jenny to follow them! Jenny looks like she's about to beat her betrayers to a bloody pulp, and Babs has to physically restrain her. Jenny’s face and actually her body language in general breaks my heart, because she doesn’t just look scared, she looks like everything she’s ever feared and fought against has finally caught up with her; the way she’s folding her arms looks like she’s physically trying to hold herself together. Barbara, meanwhile, simply looks murderous. I mean if looks could kill, those Daleks would be smoking at the ears by now. And the look she throws the two woman who have just betrayed her is peak Barbara—contempt and understanding and hurt and pity and yeah, general props to Jacqueline Hill and Ann Davies for doing some quality Face Acting in this scene. They follow the Daleks wordlessly from the room.

And oh I can’t help pitying the two collaborators, who giggle brokenly over their oranges and sugar, like Edmund who betrayed his siblings for the promise of Turkish Delight. Or at least that’s how I see the younger woman. I think this is what makes it grotesque: they’re given bread, yes—the ultimate symbol of basic human need—but they’re also given something sweet; they’ve been treated. The older woman is far more disturbing because she seems more sane, and has fashioned a sort of new morality from the smouldering ruins of her civilisation: ‘Oh, good, good. I knew they’d give us food if we told them. Oh, well. She’d have been captured anyway.’ (Or, as the Infotext points out in another bit of cut dialogue: ‘There’s only one law now—survive.’)

Have I mentioned before that Jenny was originally a younger woman called Saida? I must have, but if I haven’t, just for the record: glad they made her older in the final version, but sad they made her white. Also, she was meant to stow away aboard the Tardis as a replacement for Susan, which I also wish had happened. Then again, according to the Episode Guide, fifteen-year-old Saida was to be played by Pamela Franklin (Sandy from The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie!), who is white. Which would have meant that the first Asian companion on the show (which is yet to happen, btw) would have been a white lady wearing a lot of fake tan. Yikes.

Meanwhile, in the mines, Ian has torn the seam of his jacket a bit (thanks, Infotext!), but Larry still can’t walk. Which means it’s time for some exposition. Why, for instance, aren’t the Daleks using any spacey machinery to mine for stuff? Larry confirms that it’s weird, and observes that all the Daleks seem to be shifting is rocks. Larry reiterates his brother’s theory: that they’re after the magnetic core of Earth; Ian doesn’t question this objective, but does wonder why they’re going about it in ‘such an old-fashioned way’. Larry reckons this might just be a clearance area and that they haven’t found the main shaft yet. Ian thinks this might be a thing, and asks the ever-smiling Larry whether he minds if he fucks off for a bit to do some snooping, and of course lovely Larry acquiesces. (I’m sorry, I just really warm to this guy.)

Just as Ian is about to get his snoop on, however, some workers with Very Bad Coughs are shepherded into the area by some Robomen. The human workers grab some wicker baskets, behind which Ian and Larry are hiding. Ian says they have to move and pretend to join the party, and hoists poor, hobbling Larry onto his feet.

I’ve just had a thought: I can’t remember whether Larry makes it to the end of this serial and now I’m worried he’s going to die. HIDE HIM, IAN, DON’T MAKE HIM SHIFT ROCKS WHEN HE CAN’T FUCKING WALK.

OH GOD, HERE COMES A ROBOMAN…AND IT’S LARRY’S BROTHER! Argh! Oh no, he’s going to be murdered by his brother, isn’t he? Ian, DO SOMETHING! You are the only series regular in this situation and are therefore invincible, so DO SOMETHING!

Larry’s RoboBrother drones that there are too many in the working party and checks in with Dalek control; he then asks Larry who they are. Poor, surely-doomed Larry tells Phil (for that is his name) it’s Larry, and…IAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? For the record, Ian appears to have dropped the wounded Larry at his brother’s feet!? THE FUCK, IAN? Oh no, I think Larry just tried to step forward and fell over, but still, why did you let him fall, Ian, you heartless dick? (Is he actually being a heartless dick or am I so distraught at Larry's impending and horrible demise that I’m overlooking the fact that he’s frozen in a manner relevant to his character development?)

(We interrupt this flailing over the fate of Larry and Ian’s uselessness to prevent it to observe that the Infotext tells me a Very Interesting Thing. Apparently the idea in this serial was to show human diversity in the face of Dalek uniformity, hence all the regional accents—hurrah!—but was also meant to be reflected in a multi-racial cast if only for the background characters. Oh, the generosity. But this ‘was dropped because relatively few black extras were available in London’. THE FUTURE IS A WHITEWASH.)

Larry tries to remind Phil of his wife Angela, but reasoning with brainwashed people is always useless if you’re a side character, and RoboPhil insists they are to be punished and reaches for a gun. I think. Ian chooses this moment to spring into action by trying to drag Larry away, but Larry throws him off and tells him to run as HE IS GUNNED DOWN BY HIS BROTHER AND ALSO STRANGLES HIS BROTHER, WHO RECOGNISES HIM IN HIS DYING BREATH. The extras rush over to drag the bodies away.

Fuck, that was intense. R.I.P., Larry.

Meanwhile, in the Wilderness, Susan and David are re-enacting the ‘what’s taters, Precious?’ scene from LOTR only not. I’m just trying to avoid the moment when I talk about THE FISH FIGHT OF AWKWARD SEXUAL TENSION. Which I remember finding excruciating as a child and excruciating as a teen and oh look it’s excruciating as an adult. David creeps up behind Susan and starts waving a fish in her face, which is fun, and they start playfighting, but then she’s on top of him and there’s a possibly symbolic fish and I’m too embarrassed to function.

Anyway, they abandon their precious meal in the long grass and David starts stroking Susan’s hands with his fishy hands and talking about how fantastically well her grandfather has stood up to the journey. Susan tells him her Grandfather is ‘a pretty fantastic sort of man’. Then this happens:

WHAAAAAAAAAAT am I dead inside or is it a bit iffy that David’s response to Susan telling him what a fantastic guy her grandfather is = moving in for a snog? I’m not suggesting for a second that it’s not reciprocated, but it’s a bit of a weird way to generate sexual tension. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad Susan finally gets to have a sex drive (and that she’s following her Space Mum’s example of getting it on with the filthy-jokey hottie from the Dalek-fighting resistance), but it’s clear she’s still got some Granddaddy Issues to work through before she’s ready to commit to her first heterosexual relationship (that we know of).

Mercifully, the Doctor and Tyler arrive at this point; the Doctor, hysterically, comments that he ‘sees something’s cooking’ (oh Billy). And the moral of this story is never to let your patriarch see you kissing another man or he’ll make you marry them.

Susan is still handling the gross fish that’s been on the floor all this time (PUT IT DOWN, DARLING WEIRDO), and there’s some excruciating but funny dialogue where David is awkwardly babbling about the rabbit stew and the Doctor tells him that Susan is a very good cook. STOP IT, DOCTOR. STOP IT NOW. Also, Susan gave David a look that would curdle butter when he asked her whether she could cook when he was being a casual sexist on their first meeting, so why is this OK now?

Anyway, David is sucking up to the Doctor asking what he thinks the Daleks are up to now he’s seen their base. The Doctor reckons it’s the centre of their mining operations and is surprised Tyler’s lot didn’t concentrate their attacks on it. At any rate, it’s probably the answer to *why* the Daleks are here. Then this happens:

DAVID: But why, Doctor? Surely they’ve invaded us?
DOCTOR: Oh no, it goes much deeper than that. You see, man, to them, is just a work machine. An insignificant specimen that is not worth invading. Absolutely useless. It doesn’t matter to them whether you live or die.
TYLER: Yeah, that’s true enough.

Oh my GOLLY that is heartbreaking. I love that Terry Nation made the Daleks evil not because of their lust for conquest but because their attitude towards humanity is the polar opposite to the Doctor’s recently-acquired philosophy, and builds on the Daleks as Space Nazis: they believe there are groups of sentient life forms in the universe whose lives Do Not Matter. Which is crushing for the resistance, because now they’re not even fighting against invaders: the Daleks were never fighting a war, they just needed workers. As Tyler says, if what they’d wanted had been on the surface of the Earth, they’d just have come and taken it. ‘OUCH’ doesn’t even cover it. Terry Nation, you are a soul-destroying bastard of utter brilliance.

Unfortunately, it all gets a bit technobabble from hereon in. The actors do their best, but it’s mostly nonsense:

DOCTOR: [T] here they are, burrowing like moles down and through the crust of the Earth.
TYLER: But isn’t that impossible? I mean, without causing an eruption, a huge earthquake no one could survive.
DOCTOR: Not unless they know how to control the flow of living energy, hmm?
DAVID: Is that what it is? They dare to tamper with the forces of creation?
DOCTOR: Yes, they dare. And we have got to dare to stop them.

I mean, the ending is pretty cool, but ‘flow of living energy’? What’s that when it’s at home. Make your fake science more convincing, Terry! Also, Susan the super-advanced space child who has thus far been ENTIRELY EXCLUDED FROM THE CONVERSATION since the last time she talked about cooking, pipes up to remind her Grandfather that the food she has made him is getting cold. And just like that, my goosebumpy delight with Terry Nation’s script evaporates with the white hot rage of what is being done to Susan in this serial. I reiterate: Susan lay on the grass and didn’t say anything while men talked about important things until it was time for her to talk about rabbit stew. I need to punch something.

Back in the mines, Ian is skulking like a pro…AS BARBARA AND JENNY ARE HERDED RIGHT PAST HIM BY ROBOMEN! Ian, what happened to your Barbara-sensing superpowers? Oh no, wait, there they are. You can almost see the words ‘target acquired’ flashing behind his eyes.

A Dalek stands by as Jenny and Babs start shifting rocks. And now it’s Jenny’s turn to fall over. Babs rushes to her aid, refilling the basket of rocks, and yet another beautiful scene between these two women happens:

JENNY: We’re beaten, Barbara. We’ll never get out of here. Never.
BARBARA: Don’t be silly, Jenny. That’s no way to talk. Look, we wanted to get to the mine and we’re here.
JENNY: Yes, but what can we do?
BARBARA: You can help me fill this basket again. We could try and find their main control room. I’m sure that’s what the Doctor would do.
JENNY: And then what will happen?
BARBARA: Oh, I don’t know, Jenny, I don’t know, but look, we can try! If we get there and fail, well, all they’ll do is send us back here.

THESE TWO. It’s finally Jenny’s turn to despair, and yes, she’s been doing this longer than Babs and has lost more people, so is justifiably at the end of her tether. But Babs has despaired, too, and this time she isn’t giving up. And it’s lovely to see that, just as the Doctor has been learning from Barbara, so she’s been learning from him, and is trying to think what he would do. She’s not just putting blind faith in the fact of the Doctor’s survival and hoping he’ll sort everything out (even though belief that her friends are still alive is what drives her), she’s actively trying to stop the Daleks and…well, save the world. And while I don’t necessarily appreciate Barbara saying ‘don’t be silly’—because as I say, it’s Barbara’s hope that she will be reunited with her Space Family that gives her the strength to keep going, whereas Jenny has already lost everyone she ever cared about—I’d argue that Babs is still ultimately supportive rather than dismissive. What I particularly appreciate is that when Jenny asks what they can do now they’ve supposedly achieved their goal of getting to the mines, Barbara starts beautifully small: ‘You can help me fill this basket again.’

Anyway, it transpires that one of the men in their working party is none other than Wells, last seen scarpering from the Slyther. He goes around the corner with some more wicker baskets (where did the Daleks get all these wicker baskets?) and bumps into Ian. Who waves away the fact that Wells told him to get out of dodge and tells him about ‘the tall girl in the blue sweater’:

I will never not grind my teeth at men referring to grown-ass women as girls, but for some reason I appreciate his description of her, not only because we now know the colour of her sweater, but because he sees her distinguishing feature as ‘tall’ rather than ‘fucking enormous hair’. Also, there’s something slightly devastating about Ian’s lack of a plan: right now the most important thing for him is not to stop the Daleks, it’s just to let Barbara know he’s here. And in a story in which almost everyone is alone, having lost their friends and family to the Daleks, or having gone in search of long-lost brothers, there’s a very good reason apart from the fact that he and Babs are BFFs In Space for Ian to put so much emphasis on just three words: ‘I know her.’

I’m sorry, good world building makes me feel things.

(Also someone else needs the telly so I’m finishing off this episode without Infotext.)

Meanwhile, Jenny is still arguing with Babs about her plan to get to the control room, when our tall, blue-sweatered bamf has a brainwave—Dortmun’s notes! Say what? Apparently there’s no time to explain (how Doctorish!), and she grabs Jenny’s hand (how Doctorish!) and drags her into the path of a Dalek (how Doctorish!). She tells the Dalek she has important information about a planned revolution, and uses Dortmun’s plans for the acid bomb to convince said Dalek her information is legit. Bloody hell, Babs, the brass neck on you. Not only does she unflinchingly bullshit *this* Dalek (and rather adorably holds up the notes to its eyepiece so it can see), she convinces it that her story is so ‘very complex and detailed’ she needs to speak to someone in authority. I repeat: she walks up to a Dalek and demands to speak to its boss. Heart Eyes. And after a brief eye-roll (or at least that’s what I’m assuming the Dalek is doing when it points its eye-stalk up to the ceiling), the Dalek acquiesces: the Black Dalek (apparently the other Daleks call it the Black Dalek, too—weird) will see her, but if she’s lying, she’s for the chop. Gulp. Jenny looks like she hopes Babs knows what she’s doing. As do we all.

Ian has apparently been watching from afar, and when Wells comes back and tells Ian to get in line, Ian says it’s too late and that the Daleks have just taken her. Did Ian hear what went on, or does he think she’s being taken to be executed? He’s inscrutable but antsy. Wells isn’t that bothered and tells Ian to lose himself in an empty gallery. Which he does.

Back in the control room, the Daleks are talking over the progress of their mostly bullshit plan which weirdly seems to consist mainly of words you’d find in a bad smutfic what with shafts and penetration explosives and molten cores. Essentially they’re going to explode a fissure in the Earth’s crust and all the molten stuff will leak out and the Earth’s core will be demagnetised and the whole thing is called Project Degravitate. It is…actually pretty unimportant, tbh, all that matters is that there’s a bomb and someone will probably have to stop it.

Cue Ian, who has blundered right into the room containing the bomb capsule (and right under a Dalek’s nose)…HOW!? He overhears the rest of the plan, which is to stick a giant motor inside the Earth so the Daleks can fly it wherever they want. I can’t even.

But oh crumbs and crikey, the bomb capsule has closed (convenient that it has a man-sized space inside it) and Ian is trapped within and he’s about to be dropped down a mine shaft into the core of the planet where it will explode and WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. HOW DO THE DALEKS NOT NOTICE HIM? Ian starts fiddling with wires.

DON’T EVEN ASK ME I HAVEN’T A CLUE. WILL IAN BE EXPLODED? WHO *WAS* THE WAKING ALLY ANYWAY? WHAT COULD THE DALEKS POSSIBLY DO WITH A MOTORISED PLANET? WILL BABS MANAGE TO BULLSHIT HUMANITY OUT OF THIS MESS? WILL THE DOCTOR STOP WITH HIS MATCHMAKING FROM HELL? WILL SUSAN GET SOMETHING COOL TO DO BEFORE SHE IS CONDEMNED TO A LIFE OF FISH FIGHTS AND OUTDOOR COOKING? HOW, IN SHORT, WILL THEY EVER GET OUT OF THIS ONE?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? With flying colours. And some of the scenes had as many as four women with speaking parts having a conversation about Not Men, though as two of them are known only as ‘The Women in the Wood’  I am unsure as to whether this counts. Still, Babs and Jenny nail it anyway.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? Nope.

Save the girl or save the world? Whose decision is it? N/A.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? Jenny alas does take a tumble, but Larry is the biggest hobbler this week.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Yup. Betrayed by other women! Shocker!

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Ian seems to want only to let Babs know he is there rather than rescue her per se. Also, she and Jenny are hatching plans of their own. Well, Babs is.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Babs and Jenny are held at Dalek gunpoint, and threatened with death a bit, but Ian is also in a fair amount of peril this week.

Does a woman have to deal with a sexual predator? Nope. Consensual, fishy antics.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? Susan a bit, but she then gets stuck in attacking Robomen.

Does a woman faint at the sight of peril/horror or generally lose consciousness (discounting normal sleep)? Nope.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? Nope. 

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? Nope. Though you could argue that the Doctor is sowing the seeds of his betrayal (yes I'm calling it that).

Does a woman suffer in silence (to further the plot)? Nope.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? The Doctor a propos of Susan and her culinary skills.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Nope. Babs calms/comforts Jenny, while Ian calms/comforts Larry. LARRY.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Erm, I'd say Babs and Jenny are most menaced by Daleks (even though actually Babs and Jenny mostly just glare at them, so it’s not gratuitous), but Susan and the Doctor have to deal with Robomen, while Ian has to deal with the Slyther.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Oh yes! Babs has a plan to bullshit her way into Dalek control.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No. 

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Yes and no, though Jenny is pretty sceptical of Barbara and her WWTDD plan.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Nope.

Does a woman get to be a badass? Erm, YES. Bullshitting a Dalek is not for the faint hearted.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? In the Susan subplot everyone is now deferring to the Doctor, while the Ian subplot is mostly him not being very in control and just ending up in lots of places by accident. Elsewhere, Babs continues to run the show. 

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Susan is relegated to cooking duties despite the fact that she objected to this sort of bullshit at the beginning of the serial. Also the Doctor tries to matchmake by bigging up her culinary skills rather than any aspect of her character.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? Nope.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? RECIPROCATED FISHY SEXUAL TENSION AND FREUDIAN SNOGGING.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

A mixed bag, insofar as there are some truly excellent scenes that I could’ve and hav’ve gushed over for ages but also some WTF moments (mostly involving Susan). I can’t believe they’re writing her out with this bullshit. Also poor old Ian is just blundering around the mines this week watching people get murdered and accidentally derping his way inside a Dalek bomb casing. However, I did really enjoy his relationship with Larry, and was obv devastated when I remembered that Larry was Doomed. I will be paying close attention to what happens to Ian now we’ve seen several episodes in which a close male chum gets deaded on his watch. I also loved his reaction to seeing Babs again, which shows a refreshing change insofar as his immediate reaction is not based on the assumption that she needs rescuing. Babs and Jenny are once again my utter faves, and even the stupidity of the Daleks’ plan cannot dampen my enthusiasm for their subplot this week. Also, heartbreaking world-building from Terry Nation is heartbreaking.