Series 1 Episode 42: A Bargain of Necessity

Serial: The Reign of Terror
Episode: 5 (A Bargain of Necessity)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Dennis Spooner
Director: Henric Hirsch
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 05/09/1964

WHEN I LOOK AT YOU, HE IS STANDING THERE (and other stories)

In which Ian gets cuffed but kicks some ass, Barbara tells Ian to read a damn book before he starts mansplaining the moralities at play in the French Revolution, the Doctor is the slyest of the sly, and Susan spends the whole time behind bars.

Welcome back to the Animated Adventures of Team Tardis! Just one more week of trying to make gifs from (actually rather good) animations that are infuriatingly difficult to lipread.

So Ian has been betrayed by Creepy Léon, having walked right into his trap in an ironic twist for a character who is usually so on it in terms of knowing the rules of Classic Who (e.g. don’t split up, don’t split up, and don’t split up).

Ian gets chained up in what I’m going to assume is a blow for all those kinky, whumpy William Russell fans who would have liked nothing better than to see their heartthrob getting the Fifty Shades treatment in the flesh. As for me, I’m currently in squeamish hell as I can watch pretty much anything as long as I don’t have the sound effects to go with it, which is bad luck, as these animated episodes do rather rely on the sound. I do hope they don’t hurt him too badly in their quest for information he doesn’t have.

Your chains are forged by what you say and do.

Back at the prison, Babs and the Doctor are catching up. He tries to teach her another basic rule of Classic Who, which is that ‘you can’t get rid of the old Doctor as easily as that’. These two warm my heart. Also, is this the first ‘I’ll explain later’ moment of the show or have I just not been paying attention? Probably the latter. Because he’s not going to talk about how he escaped from the burning house right now. He does, however, want to know where Susan is and whether she’s well; Babs apparently lies through her teeth when she tells him Susan just had a slight fever but is recovered now. It’s amazing how quickly women can recover from debilitating ailments when it’s no longer dramatically convenient for them to be fucking useless.

Anyway, the Doctor reckons they need to find Chesterton and get back to the ship. Unfortunately for them, it seems that Lemaitre is listening outside the door when Barbara tells the Doctor in great detail exactly where Ian is and at whose house they’re all staying. Bugger.

Before he can eavesdrop any further, however, Lemaitre is called away by the creepy jailer, who says Robespierre wants to see him pronto. Lemaitre tells the jailer that Susan is to remain in her cell and that under no circumstances should her door be opened…or else the jailer gets guillotined. I wonder whether Carole Ann Ford is on holiday this week?

Back in the cells, Babs is berating herself for trusting the physician. The Doctor is pretty chill about it, tells her not to blame herself, and says what we’re all thinking: ‘As it happens, everything has turned out very well. Might have taken us ages to find each other.’ Well, quite.

The Doctor reckons they’ll have no trouble getting out of Dodge seeing as he now has some influence; Babs teases him about his fancy schmancy gear and they are both generally adorable.

Anyway, the Doctor’s amazing plan is…that Babs just walks out of the prison. I wish oh I wish we had this episode with real people just for the scenes between these two, because her reaction to this alone is priceless: ‘Are you serious!?’ Also, we do now have a genuine ‘I’ve no time to explain, just do as you’re asked’ moment. Ugh with the obedience thing but hey at least Babs has the gumption to go along with it rather than flaking or freaking out. In a moment I will forever appreciate, she asks about Susan, which is entirely in character given the fact that she was considerate enough of her Space Daughter to accept death rather than leave her behind…which is the kindest way of putting it. The Doctor says he’ll look after Susan and follow later. I do think that part of the reason these two get along so splendidly is that the Doctor knows Babs will always look out for his grandchild. Then this happens:

God love the animators for giving Babs a gloriously sceptical expression. Also, how meta has this entire scene been what with this and his comments about everything actually working out conveniently well?

The Doctor goes off to bullshit the jailer about needing to see Lemaitre. He also tells the jailer that Babs is a big cheese in the traitor world and knows alllllll the traitors but would ‘rather die first than betray her friends’…which is actually true. He tricks the jailer into suggesting that if Babs escapes she could be followed and would lead them to the traitors. This is expert manipulation and absolutely classic One.

So of course Babs escapes. APPLAUSE.

Back at Aristo HQ, Jules is bursting in and yelling for Ian, Barbara, and Susan…none of whom are there, obv. Because Ian is still chained up and being goaded by a guard who is bragging about how his boss really knows how to make people talk…BY LEAVING THEM ALONE AND LETTING THEM THINK. Mate, that’s how you give enterprising sorts like Ian time to hatch an escape plan. The soldier, however, has other ideas…but is prevented from beating Ian up by Creepy Léon, who is doing the classy villain thing of apologising for his bad-tempered minions.

Ian's evil alter ego emerges from the depths of his being.

Anyway, turns out Creepy Léon doesn’t want to hurt Ian really (his words), but reckons Ian has information that will help the cause he believes in—the Revolution. He tells Ian that if he only knew what France was like before the Bastille, he’d understand; Ian, irritably, says that he does understand but can’t help him.

I continue to be fascinated by Ian’s role in the politics of the Revolution. He’s certainly more to the left of the political spectrum than Babs, as we’ve seen from a) his reluctance to take advantage of the Thals’ grievances against the Daleks to get the Tardis working again (which resulted in some rather problematic spin on his part to justify it to himself), b) his scepticism in the first half of The Velvet Web, and c) his horror at Barbara’s plans for top-down revolution in The Aztecs (to name a few examples); he also had some scathingly Orwellian things to say about the Sensorites’ caste system a few episodes back. But maybe that Orwellian streak is the answer; maybe he has an overall anti-totalitarian stance that overrides his generally leftist principles. I’m rambling. But I will never not love it when the humans are placed in a position where they have to choose between their principles and getting everyone safely the hell out of wherever they happen to be.

Ahem. Anyway, after some blustering from Creepy Léon, an increasingly exasperated and defiant Ian decides to tell the truth: he flew here with three friends—that’s three friends, not one co-worker, a space child, and an alien kidnapper—and that when he left England it was 1963. Léon says nothing, but gestures to one of his goons to start inflicting some physical damage. (Ian, if you’d listened to Babs a bit more, you could’ve bullshat your way out of this one with a few choice made-up names. Just sayin’.)

But phew! Before this episode has a chance to descend into that torture scene from Casino Royale, Jules turns up with a gun and starts shooting people. Well, he shoots a guard. What he does next is THROW his gun at Léon, which hits him in the head. Which is an odd choice, given that guns travel through the air far less quickly than bullets. Ian swings himself up on his chains and quite literally kicks some soldier ass, then warns Jules out of the way of a bullet from Léon, which ends up in the back of a soldier Jules is fighting. Jules picks up a rifle, calls Léon the enemy of the people, and shoots him. Blimey, that was action-packed. And animated!

Jules releases Ian, tells him about Babs and Susan being arrested (thereby validating Ian’s Bad Feeling), and takes him back to Aristo HQ.

Back at the prison, Susan is in her cell…and her grandfather is at the door! Hurraaaaaaay! She, too, wants to know how he got away from the farmhouse, but once again he ‘can’t explain that now, child’. Maybe he just wants to take the story of how he maybe murdered that guy on the road to Paris to his actual grave. Anyway, he brings her up to date but has to go and talk to the jailer again to engage in more manipulative bullshit. This time, he acts surprised and outraged that the jailer hasn’t been ‘skulking after’ Barbara; the jailer, of course assumed the Doctor was going to be doing the skulking. Chillingly, he’s convinced the jailer it was in fact his idea, so it’ll be the jailer who gets it in the neck from Lemaitre. I mean, I don’t care what happens to the jailer because he’s a creep who grossly propositioned Babs a few episodes ago, but One really is a little shit.

Anyway, he tries the same trick with Susan, saying that if they let Susan go, he will personally follow her and make sure she leads them to the traitors. The jailer, however, has received specific instructions from Lemaitre not to let Susan go under any circumstances. The jailer won’t budge.

Gif represents Susan's character development for this serial.

Back at Robespierre’s gaffe, Lemaitre has arrived. Robespierre tells him about a meeting that’s happening tomorrow night of the Paris Commune, in which, to cut a long story short, he’s going to be indicted. There’s some delightful shoehorning in of Actual History when Robespierre says that ‘tomorrow, the 27th of July 1794, will be a date for history’ if the plot goes ahead. Which, y’know, it will. (Spoiler alert: he’s arrested, and then guillotined the following day.) Anyway, Robespierre suspects some dude called Paul Barras is key to the plot and he’s having a meeting tonight; Robespierre wants to know what’s going on, and it’s Lemaitre’s job to find out.

There’s actually quite a lot of actual history packed into this serial. Which is educational. And annoying for me, because I keep having to check Wikipedia—that most revered of sources.

Lemaitre leaves the room, mutters to some soldiers, and buggers off.

Back at Aristo HQ, Ian is once again stunned to find the Space Bae waiting for him. She fills him in about having found the Doctor, and they giggle about how he’s zipping about running the revolution dressed as an ostrich:

Well, quite. Also, it’s good to see Ian cheerful again now he knows his Space Bro is still alive and ridiculous: ‘So no doubt we’ll get the whole story, several times.’

The affection these two have for the Doctor is lovely. Also it’s clear how much their relationship is weirdly held together by the Doctor and Susan. Obviously their friendship has solid foundations on earth, but its development is very much dependent on their role within their new Space Family.

Anyway, Babs wants to know what Ian’s been doing to his wrists; Ian gives an evasive, James Bond answer. When she asks about Léon, however, Jules tells her that he killed him, and that Léon was the traitor they were looking for. Babs is clearly giving them daggers, because both Ian and Jules start insisting on how it was the only way, how much Léon deserved it, and what a big old traitor he was. Then this happens:

OH JOY OF JOYS THE HUMANS ARE ARGUING ABOUT HISTORY AGAIN! I think I actually like it more when they have these debates than when they’re being cute. Also, I do appreciate Ian throwing in that he didn’t actually kill anyone on the sly, in a vain attempt to get himself out of the doghouse.

Oh but it gets better, because now Jules is cutting in:

JULES: And what about Robespierre? I suppose you think—
BARBARA: Well just because an extremist like Robespierre—!
IAN: Oh Barbara, Jules is our friend! He saved our lives!
BARBARA: I know all that! The revolution isn't all bad, and neither are the people who support it. It changed things for the whole world, and good, honest people gave their lives for that change.
IAN: Well I think he got what he deserved.
BARBARA: You check your history books, Ian, before you decide what people deserve!

YES BARBARA!!! FUCKING YES!!! This is what I have been waiting for this entire serial, and I’m so glad it’s Barbara who actually said it. And boy does she school Ian, who tries to shut her down and fails MISERABLY. And I will fight anyone who tries to tell me this is because Babs has the hots for Creepy Léon, because what’s happening here is Barbara giving a shit about history beyond the immediate concern of ‘which side do we take to make it as easy as possible to get back to the Tardis?’. It’s hugely interesting to me that on Skaro it was Ian who reacted to the immediate situation on the ground and was unwilling to abuse the Thal/Dalek conflict for their own ends, whereas here in the midst of human history is Barbara who is unwilling to simplify the conflicts embedded in that history and to take whatever side means getting the team back together. Barbara is pissed off at Ian because he has narrowed it down to his immediate surroundings, where the good guys are the ones who are willing to help them escape and the bad guys are the ones who have done injury to him and his friends, never mind the bigger picture. Also, her last line is utterly, utterly blistering, and cuts Ian right down to size, curbing his increasingly Doctor-like tendency to decide that anyone who gets in their way is collateral damage. Maybe its not the influence of the humans per se that prevents the Doctor whacking side characters with a spade willy-nilly; maybe it’s just Barbara.

Also, in this week’s Wildhorn shoehorn, I present Barbara’s inner monologue when presented with Ian being a dick:

Back in the prison, the Doctor is ordering Susan about, again without explanation, telling her to get behind the door out of sight and be quiet. He goes off to troll the jailer, this time to convince him that Susan has escaped. As the jailer rushes into the apparently empty cell, the Doctor cracks him over the head with a jug, and he and Susan make a run for it…straight into Lemaitre. Who immediately calls the guards. Bugger.

The jailer snitches to Lemaitre, but the Doctor cuts him off, rather hilariously claiming to be capable of explaining everything himself...later, probably. Lemaitre thinks it’s about time he and the Doctor had a talk.

The Doctor insists that Susan be released, and asks whether Lemaitre knows who he is; Lemaitre says he intends to find out, and produces…the Doctor’s ring! And his clothes! The Doctor continues to bluff it out, but it becomes increasingly apparent that Lemaitre knows everything, even that Susan is the Doctor’s granddaughter. And unless the Doctor helps him, Susan stays under lock and key. In fact, to cut a long story short, either the Doctor takes him to Jules’s hideout or Susan stays a jailbird.

Back at Aristo HQ, Ian and Barbara are rather frostily fretting about the whereabouts of the Doctor and Susan. Ian apologises about Léon, and Babs sort of accepts, saying she wants to apologise to Jules. Then this happens:

Well, it’s good to know that the morbid, ‘I hear dead people’ Barbara from The Aztecs is still alive and kicking. I also like that we get this little beats to acknowledge that actually these humans have seen a hell of a lot of death. And these are humans who lived through the Blitz.

Enter Jules. Babs apologises, and Jules interrupts her, saying that she said what she said because of Léon the man, but that he did what he did because of what Léon represents. Erm, what is this bullshit? Did she say anything at all about Léon the man? I’m pretty sure the point of her speech wasn’t just that good people fought for the revolution but also that the revolution also had its good points when you took extremists out of the equation. In fact I heard it as something of an impassioned plea for not allowing extremists to undermine something fundamentally good. But maybe I’m just getting topical. Also, as I say, I will fight anyone who says Babs lost her rag just because she supposedly fancied Léon.

However, I do like Jules’s next bit of speechifying, if only for the nuance to the whole thing. When he asks whether they all wondered why he was living in the shadows etc., Ian says he assumed it was because Jules was an aristo and therefor on the other side. Jules shakes his head sadly and informs them he has no title or position but is thoroughly in the middle, and ‘hate[s] to see order thrown out of the window like so much dust’. Essentially, he just doesn’t like anarchy. And when Babs tries to reach out about Léon being his friend, he cuts across her with a new binary: those who rule by fear and treachery versus those who fight for reason and justice. So essentially the politics of fear versus the politics of…well, hope, I suppose. Topical. Oh, and then he says that ‘anyone who betrays these principles [of reason and justice] is worse than the devil in hell’…which is startlingly similar to the kind of rhetoric Remainers (of which I am one) use when they try to claim that all Brexiters (rather than…y’know…some) are racist twunts like Farage, and demonise working class voters rather than considering the possibility that it’s precisely that sort of thing that gives racist twunts like Farage an opportunity to steal votes from the traditional voter base of a complacent and disorganised left (GET IT TOGETHER, GUYS). Ahem. Sorry, it’s only 1 January 2017 as I write this; I’m still angry about 2016.

Oh, is that someone at the door? Phew! Or not phew? It’s the Doctor and Lemaitre! Jules is raging: ‘YOUR FRIEND HAS BETRAYED US!’

BLESS US AND SPLASH US, PRECIOUS, IS THIS IT FOR TEAM TARDIS? WILL JULES SHOOT THE DOCTOR NOW, TOO? WHAT’S LEMAITRE’S DEAL? ARE THEY ALL SCUPPERED, OR IS THERE MORE TO THIS EAVESDROPPING JOBSWORTH THAN MEETS THE EYE? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO SUSAN NOW? WILL WE GET MORE POLITICAL DEBATES OR WILL THERE JUST BE A LOT OF DERPING AROUND IN MOBCAPS? WILL THEY EVER FIND THESE EPISODES SO WE CAN WATCH BARBARA SCHOOLING IAN WITH MORE THAN A HANDFUL OF FACIAL EXPRESSIONS?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? NOPE. FAIL, FAIL, FAIL.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No. Though Susan and Barbara finally get to show a bit of clavicle. Scandalous.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? Nope.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope. But Susan's entire dramatic function for the rest of the serial is to be in need of rescue so as to keep using the prison set and keep Team Tardis in the thick of it. Having said that, Ian goes off to meet Léon alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so he can be rescued later by Jules and get into an argument with Babs over the rights and wrongs of killing Léon.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Yup. Susan and Barbara. And Ian, to be fair.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? The Doctor's has to rescue Barbara and Susan from jail.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Ish? I'm assuming they're going to guillotine Susan and Babs. Though Ian is most in danger of physical injury this week.

Does a woman have to deal with a sexual predator? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No. Though Ian and Jules do belittle her opinions on the French Revolution by implying it's personal because of her feelings towards Léon.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? No.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No. Susan a tiny bit but entirely within reason.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Nope. Ian is most gratuitously menaced this week.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? No. This week it's all about the Doctor telling the women to follow his instructions without question. To her credit, Babs manages to look sceptical about the efficacy of his plans.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Yes. Barbara's relativist take on the French Revolution.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? A bit. 

Does a woman get to be a badass? Babs delivers a zinger or two to Ian when they're arguing, so yes.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Not really. The Doctor seems to be pulling the strings this week.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Not specific to the past, I wouldn't say.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? N/A.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? Yes and sod it I'm going to say no.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Obviously I’m delighted that the humans get to have another spat this week, as I genuinely love it when Barbara and Ian argue about the important stuff. Also it’s about time Babs got to tear a strip off someone, as she’s not done it for a while. And it’s about history, too, which makes it extra brilliant. Ian’s been through the mill a bit, so I hope he gets a break soon. He’s also rather short-sighted when it comes to the politics of it all, which is interesting and unusual. Susan alas is benched for most of this episode. Which is shit. I don’t even care if it’s because Carole Ann Ford was on holiday (which I can’t be arsed to find out); Ian got to be James Bond in his weeks off. Also, Susan being behind bars means this episode fails the Bechdel test. Also also, how infuriating is it that this week Susan's illness is no big deal the moment there's another plot device available to render her surplus to requirements? POOR FUCKING SHOW. The Doctor continues to be a slippery customer, and I do wish we got to see his sly old face. He’s irritatingly paternalistic in all his do-what-I-say-without-question instructions to Susan and Babs, but I can’t help but find his interactions with Barbara in their cell utterly charming. Especially all the giggling over his attire. Next week, I get to work with moving people again—hurrah! Let’s have more political Babs, please, and something for Susan to do!

Series 1 Episode 40: The Tyrant of France

Serial: The Reign of Terror
Episode: 4 (The Tyrant of France)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Dennis Spooner
Director: Henric Hirsch
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 29/08/1964

THEY SEEK HIM HERE, THEY SEEK HIM THERE

In which the Space Baes are reunited, Ian has the rules of Classic Who sussed, Susan has narrative lurgy, the Doctor meets Robespierre, Team Tardis has the counterrevolution out looking for the Doctor, everyone is sort of looking for James Stirling, and there are no fewer than three betrayals in the space of one episode. More importantly, however, though they seek it here/there/everywhere, they still haven't found this damned elusive episode, so welcome to the first officially-animated missing episode of the series!

Let’s get animated!

So to recap, the Doctor is in trouble because the guy who sold him is swanky clothes is attempting to inform on him as a traitor. Yikes.

Elsewhere, in Robespierre’s…office? Let’s call it his office. Anyway, Lemaitre and the Doctor arrive…there…and Lemaitre hands over the execution lists. The Doctor then has to give a first-hand account of the current state of affairs in the region of which he is an officer, and is only too happy to give his two pennies’ worth, not only on his region, but also concerning Paris. Robespierre isn’t keen on the opinions of someone who has only been in Paris for a day, and proceeds to harangue the Doctor about his shitty execution rates; the Doctor suggests mildly that maybe they just have fewer enemies and that Paris should take his region as an example. God I wish we could see this in its original, non-animated format, as it’s always enormously entertaining to see Billy get his bullshit on.

The Doctor then goes on to question the need to ferret out the traitors and asks Robespierre what this reign of terror can possibly gain. So much for non-interference! The Doctor reckons that for every opponent you put to the guillotine, two more spring up, which is…topical. I’m also forcibly reminded of that rather excellent bit of dialogue in Genesis of the Daleks where Davros talks about rebellion being an idea in the mind that only festers if suppressed too soon.

Anyway, Lemaitre thinks the Doctor should shush, but Robespierre wants to let him speak. Well, actually, Robespierre just wants to have a crazy monologue about death and bewail the fact that he’s going to leave a pretty shitty memory behind. When the Doctor and Lemaitre leave, Robespierre mentions how they never did get to talk about his province; the Doctor gives him some low-level sass in return.

Back at the house, animated Susan looks ill, and animated Barbara looks worried. Danielle comes in with some wine; Susan asks what it is; Danielle tells her to just drink it. We see just how worried Babs must be about Susan when she actually refuses more wine (or maybe she doesn’t want to get drunk in the company of Creepy Léon). Creepy Léon, however, does want more wine; Danielle, in a masterful moment of passive-aggression, tells him it’s on the table. My appreciation for this character grows and grows, as she’s clearly not a fan of Léon. Also this entire paragraph has been about wine.

Danielle disapproves of Creepy Léon so very hard.

Susan snoozes, and Babs worries about her having caught an advanced case of death in prison. We also gain a disturbing insight into the behaviour of fevered Gallifreyans:

‘When I went upstairs, she’d kicked off all her clothes and was shivering with cold. I was so worried, I thought I’d better bring her down here.’ 

I’d be worried, too, Babs. Also did we need this amount of detail? Why does Susan get naked when she’s ill? Anyway, Babs is being a total helicopter parent and wants Léon to get her to a physician they can trust, even though nearly all of them are informers. Which is probably a handy plot device to get them all into peril again.

Anyway, Creepy Léon fucks off to arrange things with the trustworthy physician which definitely won’t be a trap of any kind. Animated Barbara’s face is mostly unreadable, so again the jury is out as to whether she likes Léon or whether she also finds him creepy. At any rate, Susan’s awake, and also has questions for Barbara, suggesting that she likes him; Barbara laughs, and simply carts her up the stairs to bed.

On a side-note, you notice just how often there are periods without dialogue in these serials when the gaps are having to be filled by animated beats. It also makes me sad because I realise just how much face acting these guys do on a regular basis.

As soon as Babs and Susan are gone, Jules and Jean come back in…through the window AND CARRYING A LIFELESS MALE BODY BETWEEN THEM. Who on earth could it be? Well, whoever it is, they had to knock him out and OH LOOK IT’S IAN. Well, obviously. Though actually the animated face doesn’t look an awful lot like Ian in this shot. But it’s definitely Ian.

He came in through the bathroom drawing-room window...

...protected by a silver spoon.

Back at the prison, the Doctor is moaning about how he didn’t get to say half of what he wanted to say to Robespierre and that the latter twisted his words; Lemaitre tells him that ‘politicians usually do’. Satire. Also did The Aztecs never happen or is this just evidence for the Doctor always having been something of a hypocrite as far as non-interference goes? Anyway, the Doctor wants to get out of dodge, but Lemaitre insists that he stay and talk to Robespierre in the morning, getting the jailer to arrange suitable accommodation for the Doctor. Foiled again.

Lemaitre goes off to talk to the informing shopkeeper. Meanwhile, the Doctor tries to blag his way out of jail, saying he won’t be able to stay which is a pity as he asked Lemaitre to put him up. Weasel. But OH CRUMBS as the Doctor turns to leave, the jailer turns a gun on him! If Lemaitre says he stays, he stays. Well then.

Lemaitre now has the story about the exchange of robes and papers, and is keeping the ring and original togs as evidence…which is handy. Lemaitre compensates the shopkeeper and buys his silence. Clearly Lemaitre has something up his sleeve.

Back at the house, Ian is coming round. Enter Babs, who engages in a little small-talk about Susan’s Gallifreyan Flu (Gal Flu?), only to stop dead mid-sentence BECAUSE SHE’S SPOTTED THE BAE!

Space Baes: Reunited

AND DEAR LORD THEY’RE DOING THE OLD ‘IAN! BARBARA! IAN!’ ROUTINE AND WHY DID THEY HAVE TO LOSE THIS EPISODE AND DENY ME THE REALITY OF A HUG SO GRATUITOUS THAT THE ANIMATORS ACTUALLY PUT IN SOME SHOTS OF JULES AND JEAN LOOKING AWKWARD?

Ahem. Then this happens:

Oh my lord. I can’t decide whether this is gorgeous, gorgeous bathos or whether Ian is just emotionally stunted, but reacting to the sight of the Bae apparently back from the dead by exclaiming ‘THIS IS GREAT!’ is fucking priceless. Also, welcome back from your holidays, William Russell.

Also also, in this week's weekly attempt to shoehorn the Scarlet Pimpernel musical into the blog, I choose to imagine that this is what Ian actually meant to say when he said 'this is great'. If I had the time and skills, I would amuse myself endlessly making animated!Ian sing this by making his jaw go up and down (and occasionally scrunching his eyes dramatically):

Anyway, clearly by the time Babs is informing Ian that they don’t know whether the Doctor even made it to Paris, the Space Baes have forgotten there’s anyone else in the room, because Jules takes this opportunity to remind them that there are other people here.

Babs dutifully introduces Jules as the man who saved their lives (what about Jean?); Ian asks him whether he happens to be Jules Renan, which of course he is. Coincidence looms large in the Early Classic Whoniverse. At any rate, once it’s been established that Ian was indeed looking for him, Jules decides this calls for wine, and sends Jean down to the cellar for some. I like Jules. Exit Babs to check on Susan, telling Ian to talk to Jules; Ian reckons that sounded like an order. Well of course. Because Babs has a track record of being subtle as a brick in these matters...

See Marco Polo

Anyway, it’s established that Ian was looking for Jules for entirely un-Barbara/Susan-related reasons. He sounds really fucking grim actually, or maybe I’m just looking at his grumpy animated face too much. But honestly I think he’s pretty harrowed by the whole dead cellmate thing. At any rate, Jules hasn’t heard of James Stirling (the man Webster, the dead cellmate, mentioned and to whom he begged Ian to send a message) either. How infuriating. But Jules suggests Ian tells him the whole story…over a glass of wine. Seriously, Jules is the best.

There’s some recapping of the spy subplot, the most important bit of which is that Stirling must be going by an unknown alias in order to operate. Which doesn’t help anyone. Jean doesn’t like the idea of being used by the English like this, but Jules reasons that England is at war with the people ruling France and so are they. They all drink wine, awkwardly.

Ian seems legit concerned about his mission to find Stirling, which I suppose fits with his characterisation insofar as he’s usually the one who cares about the politics etc. of the place they’re in beyond their being a means of getting back to the Tardis. However, it is still a bit odd that he’s this invested in it when now all he has to do is sit tight until Jean locates the Doctor. Maybe he’s resigned himself to the Doctor being dead, too, and is trying to find some purpose in this new life if it turns out he has to live it out here.

Once Jean has gone to seek the Doctor, Jules speculates that Léon might be James Stirling. Lol. Ian wants to meet him, and Jules agrees. Apparently this calls for another drink; the clink of the bottle seems to summon Barbara from her bedside vigil, and Ian calls merrily ‘just in time’. So. Much. Wine. Oh and Susan is getting worse. Ye GODS she gets shoddily served by the writers in the serial.

Back in prison, the Doctor is sneaking about and harrumphing. The bed was hard, and a draught blew through like the north wind, and if he gets rheumatism apologies won’t cure it. Gallifreyans are legit allergic to squalor, I’m sure of it. Lemaitre tells the Doctor it’s going to be quite an eventful day, which can’t be good.

Back at the house, clearly Ian has had enough wine to make him aggy, because when Danielle informs them that Léon says the physician won’t come to the house, there’s a disturbing animation of his crotch getting up from a chair, and he insists they MUST do something for Susan.

They arrange for Susan to go to the physician instead, and Ian wants to go with her; Jules thinks it’ll look less suspicious if Barbara goes with her instead, and Ian once again demonstrates his solid grasp of the Rules of Classic Who:

Your fears, Ian, are entirely valid. Then this happens:

Oh Ian, you’re just doing my job for me at this point.

Chez the physician, it turns out Susan was just being a massive drama queen because she had a feverish chill. However, he’s surprised at her condition and wonders how she caught it; her symptoms suggest she’s not been looking after herself. Then Susan utters a tragic truth:

‘Well, I’ve done nothing unusual.’

I can’t actually argue with that. Poor lamb.

Barbara goes on to inform the physician that Susan has an enormous appetite (and doesn’t sleep long?) and just wants the doctor to give her something. The physician wants to know what they’ve been doing with their hands like this is Gone With The Wind or something, and Susan chimes in that they’ve been doing some gardening before Babs cuts them both off. The physician prescribes a course of leeches but has to run out and get some so yeah they should stay there and out he runs like the clappers. Susan doesn’t like him and can’t stand the thought of leeches, and Barbara has picked up on his being shifty as hell, so they decided to get out of there…ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT THEY ARE LOCKED IN! Crumbs!

And sure enough, back at the prison, the physician is telling the jailer all about the escaped prisoners, and soldiers have been send after them. Double crumbs!

I can’t tell from the animation, but apparently Babs has been trying to tear down entire structures with her bare hands again, because she says the door is stronger than it looks. There are approaching footsteps; the physician appears in the doorway, pointing the finger; the soldiers enter the room. Bugger.

SHINY

Back at the house, Ian continues to nail all the Rules of Classic Who and is panicking about Babs and Susan not being back yet. Jules says it’s not unusual to be kept waiting by a physician, but Ian’s having none of it:

Spot on, mate.

Jules tells Ian he’s got his meeting with Léon now, but Ian us grumpy as hell and says he can wait; Jules offers to go fetch Babs and Susan if it’ll make Ian happier. Ian agrees to keep his spy date on condition that Jules leaves immediately. Bless his cotton socks, he’s properly shaken up this week. Worryingly, Léon is waiting in a disused church. Definitely not a trap, then.

Back at the jail, Babs and Susan are once again being gloated at by the boorish, pervy jailer. Pausing only to register WITH SOME IRE that Susan was basically given a fever so that the two women could end up back in peril, it seems Susan is to be dragged off to the cells while Barbara is to be interrogated. This is all on Lemaitre’s orders.

But OH JOY OF JOYS it seems Babs is to be questioned by none other than the Doctor! And YET AGAIN I AM DENIED WHAT SOUNDS LIKE A HEARTWARMING REUNION feat. a ‘my dear Barbara’ even if it turns out Lemaitre is listening at the door. The relief in their voices is gorgeous, anyway.

Over in the disused church, Ian is definitely not walking into a trap or anything…until the point where he definitely is. Léon looms out of the darkness…followed by some soldiers.

For fuck’s sake.

IS IAN GOING TO BE MURDERED BY CREEPY LÉON? WILL BARBARA AND THE DOCTOR FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET SUSAN OUT OF THE CELLS AND BACK INTO THE NARRATIVE AS A FULLY-FUNCTIONING CHARACTER, OR WILL SHE STAY THERE UNTIL THE END OF THE SERIAL? DOES THE FACT THAT THIS HAS NOW BEEN ANIMATED MEAN THAT THE BEEB IS RESIGNED TO NEVER FINDING THESE MISSING EPISODES OR CAN A GIRL STILL DARE TO DREAM?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Yup.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No. Though Susan and Barbara finally get to show a bit of clavicle. Scandalous.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? Nope.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope. But the two women go to the physician alone so they can be betrayed by said physician, separated from Ian, and bundled off to jail/into peril so they can be rescued later.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Yup.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Ian is dying to get his rescue on but has to go and walk into a trap instead.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Ish? I'm assuming they're going to guillotine Susan and Babs. Also leeches.

Does a woman have to deal with a sexual predator? The creepy jailer is back so yes.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No. Well, Susan is a little too horrified about the leeches, but then again I'm not overly keen on the idea either.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No. Though Babs does rather order the men to have manly discussions in her absence, which is weird.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? No, though Jules does treat his sister like a maid. 

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No, but there are plenty of hugs going round.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Nope. Susan and Babs get captured again, but Babs is reunited with the Doctor, and Ian is left staring down the barrel of a gun.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? No. Well, Babs is keen to get Susan to a physician in case she's dying of her allergy to squalor, but it's not exactly a plan.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No and no.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? N/A.

Does a woman get to be a badass? Not so much.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Not really. The aristos seem to have most control over stuff, and haven't let Ian off the leash yet.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? A bit with Danielle and also Léon's icky chivalry.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? No.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? Yes and...question mark?

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Susan is still being treated appallingly in this serial and now has Gal(lifreyan) Flu (triggered by her allergy to squalor...which is my new Whovian headcanon) specifically so she and Babs can go and see a treacherous physician who dobs them in to the authorities. And now it looks like she's going to be behind bars and out of the action for a bit. Maybe it's Carole Ann Ford's turn for a holiday? Babs is a bit of a mother hen with Susan but is also low-key on top of stuff and once again unflappable. I enjoy the re-emergence of the whole 'Ian go to talk to these people now because I said so...BARBARA OUT' routine, because it amuses me, and I'm glad the Space Baes have been reunited. Though why oh why did we have to lose an episode in which there are many adorable reunions all round? Why couldn't they have lost one of the slower episodes of The Sensorites instead?I love that Ian has grasped the Rules of Classic Who so thoroughly, and am endlessly intrigued by his continued investment in revolutionary politics despite everyone having apparently learned their lesson about interfering with history in The Aztecs. He also needs a nice sit down and a glass of wine after all that dead cellmate business. Fortunately, there is all the wine in this episode. The Doctor gets to be a sassbasket, which I adore, though again, why oh why do we not get to see all this Billy gold? Woe alas. Hopefully next week Babs will get to be a lot more proactive without Susan raining on her parade since she's been paired up with the Doctor. Maybe they'll even get to rescue Ian? And please for the love of all that's holy let's give Susan something to do.

Series 1 Episode 39: A Change of Identity

Serial: The Reign of Terror
Episode: 3 (A Change of Identity)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Dennis Spooner
Director: Henric Hirsch
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 22/08/1964

STRIKE A POSE AND BEAR THE WEIGHT OF WELL-TAILORED CLOTHES (and other stories)

In which the Doctor is 'why the Lord created men', Susan has a headache, Barbara drinks wine, and William Russell is still on holiday.

Eee by gum it’s been an age.

Right, so what’s happening? Erm, oh yes, Babs and Susan have been whisked off to the guillotine. Ian is unhappy about this, but doesn’t seem to be able to do much more than stare through the bars of his cell like a gorm. Because William Russell is still on holiday. Still, maybe this means we get to see our favourite desmoiselles deliver themselves from their own distress? Here’s hoping.

Infuriatingly, at this point, we cut to the streets of Paris, where assorted crones are hacking away and the Doctor is not appreciating the stink of the streets.

Elsewhere, in an alcove, two gents in Poldark hats (oh no wait one of them has a hat the name of which escapes me but which looks like a sandcastle had sex with a bowler hat) are trying to cultivate patience. It seems they’re here to rescue whoever’s for the chop from the chop. How convenient! Though apparently the executioners are shit at their job because they never change their route from the prison to the guillotine, so maybe they just don’t give a shit that these Scarlet Pimpernel wannabes keep snatching their victims.

Back in jail, Ian is, surprisingly, not tearing the place down or indeed giving any indication that he is even in the building when the jailer comes to give him his food. Because William Russell is still on holiday. Handily, the jailer leaves the keys in the door when Lemaitre, the bossman who was having all the bants with Ian last week, starts yelling for him. I’m glad that post-Sensorites Ian seems to be a bit more chilled about the smallest possibility that the Bae may be in danger, but I’m baffled that, at a point where his chums are actually going to be beheaded, he’s not even trying to jump the jailer. Maybe it’s because he’s also come round to the idea that everything is always already fated so is resigned to quietly cracking up. Maybe it’s because William Russell is still on holiday.

One of these must be the key to unlocking Ian's character
development in this episode.

Anyway, the jailer’s boss is a dick and throws all the food against the wall and is checking the execution figures.

Meanwhile, Ian, WHO IS JUST CASUALLY BENDING DOWN TO GET HIS FOOD OFF THE FLOOR AND NOT IN ANY WAY ATTEMPTING TO ESCAPE happens to spot that the keys are still in the door. He steals them, removes the key he needs, then puts a similar-looking key back in the door. INSTEAD OF JUST UNLOCKING THE DOOR AND RUNNING FOR IT. AND THEN HE JUST SITS DOWN TO EAT HIS BOWL OF SLOP. Ian, sweetheart, it’s a smart plan if you’re attempting a foolproof but leisurely escape, but TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE RIGHT NOW.  Also I may be cheating by referencing a future episode, but I’m absolutely using this as Exhibit A in my case for this being the moment when Ian gives Barbara up for dead and decides to live out the remainder of his life working as a spy to overthrow the regime that killed her; the reason we’re not getting any manpain from him is because he planned to store it up and use it at a later date to motivate him in his new career as eighteenth-century Bond. Or maybe it’s because William Russell is still on holiday.

The long arm of the lawless.

Anyway, when the jailer returns, he pretends to see William Russell happily eating slop in his cell, breathes a sigh of relief, and retrieves his keys.

Back in the streets, Barbara, a half-dead-looking Susan, and another random aristo are being carted off to the guillotine. In a cart. It looks rickety as fuck, and our poor actors aren’t having to do much acting as far as ‘looking like you’re being dragged through an enclosed space by a horse that doesn’t have much room to manoeuvre’ is concerned. Also, there’s a real horse. Production values for the win.

Anyway, Babs makes one last, desperate attempt to galvanise Susan: she reckons the horse has thrown a shoe and that the moment the soldiers start to unhitch it, they should make a run for it; Susan, however, doesn’t feel very well, and doesn’t think she can. Barbara is a better human being than I am and does not at this point employ the Chesterton Method of giving her a good shake, but simply gets her schoolteacher on and says she’ll help her but that Susan ‘MUST make an effort’; Susan says she’ll do her best. At this point, two random women start laughing at them; Barbara glares at them.

Baby's first hangover.

I continue to be furious at the way in which Susan is treated in this serial. The writers just don’t know what to do with her, and while it’s good that we get to see all of the series regulars at their lowest ebb and vulnerable and on a bad day and whatnot, this really does feel like she’s being made deliberately useless to scupper Barbara’s initiatives and make it necessary that they be rescued by a third party.

Speaking of which, the two rescuers are now waiting in the wings to do some rescuing and are feeling lucky about the horse. Back on the cart, however, things are not going so well: Barbara gives Susan the signal, but Susan is all NO I CAAAAAAAAAN’T and tells Barbara to go on without her. Barbara is again a far better human than I am and simply tells her to pull herself together rather than giving her a good slap and dragging her bodily through the streets, but Susan insists that her head is splitting and her back’s aching. AND BARBARA YET AGAIN CAPITULATES AND JUST STAYS WITH HER LIKE THE SOUL OF COMPASSION THAT SHE IS AND HUGS HER AND ON THE ONE HAND I AM FULL OF ADMIRATION THAT SHE WOULD RATHER DIE THAN LEAVE HER FRIENDS BEHIND BUT ON THE OTHER HAND SUSAN GET IT THE FUCK TOGETHER. Even assuming that Susan has a migraine, which is absolutely fucking awful and genuinely incapacitating, ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE GUILLOTINED IS NOT A VIABLE CURE FOR A HEADACHE.

Seriously, these writers are pissing me off.

But oh. Hurray. Here come the men with guns to save the day. How they didn’t accidentally shoot any of the prisoners is anyone’s guess. Or maybe they did, because I can’t see the other random aristo anywhere. Maybe he ran for it. Anyway, they rescue the women, and OH SO NOW YOU’RE OK TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT, SUSAN. Though admittedly Barbara is pretty much carrying her along. At any rate, the writers in their wisdom decided that the only way the women could make it to safety would be with the aid of some random aristo vigilantes. And gave Susan a convenient headache to engineer a damsel-in-distress scenario. Fuck. The. Patriarchy.

But before I abuse capslock any further, let us return to a more genteel quarter of the city, where the Doctor has gone shopping. And is immediately drawn to the fanciest clothes in the place. Because, as I decided some weeks ago, this is essentially the Doctor's secondary theme tune:

Anyway, the shopkeeper is a nosey bastard and definitely some sort of informer, but the Doctor goes on and asks him all about where the prisoners are usually kept anyway. And asks to be kitted out in what turns out is a Regional Officer of the Provinces outfit…because he just happens to be a Regional Officer of the Provinces. His bullshit is beautiful when he’s doing it to people in whom I’m not emotionally invested.

Alas he has no dosh and wants to swap his own clothes for it; the shopkeeper dismisses it as fancy dress; they spar for a bit, but the shopkeeper agrees if the swap includes the Doctor’s fancy ring. Is it my imagination, or is that ring not special in later episodes? I’m thinking Zarbi? Anyway, a deal is struck.

But back to Babs and Susan, who is feeling better already and is sitting in a chair in the dining room (drawing room?) of a swanky house. Maybe Gallifreyans are just allergic to squalor. Which is why they’re so fancy. Headcanon, anyone?

A random maid who knows her lowly place even in the middle of a popular revolution supposes they’d like a bath and some food, and enlists one of the aristos (Jean) to help. He looks so delighted to be asked that I’m assuming this is some sort of eighteenth-century code for backstairs hanky-panky.

Babs can’t begin to thank the remaining aristo enough, but he insists she doesn’t mention it and apparently has a Christian names only rule; his name is Jules. The other two return with plates and a towel after what must have been a very brief assignation, and it seems I misread the mobcap on the woman because she’s not a servant but Jules’s sister, Danielle; I’m pretty sure we never see her again. (Though I’m now convinced that their names are not Jules and Jean but Jules et Jim.)

Jean and Danielle: 100% shagging

Jules tells them he’s making plans to smuggle them out in the morning, but Susan protests because obv she thinks her grandfather is still somewhere out in the countryside suffering from smoke inhalation; Barbara takes this opportunity to point out that Ian is still in the clink.

Which brings us nicely back to jail, where surely Ian must’ve figured out that the Bae and his Space Daughter are mostly likely dead by now. He manages to unlock his cell and does lots of unnecessary and actually probably not that stealthy zipping about the prison corridors. Stepping over the jailer, who has handily passed out from the drink, he escapes…BUT OH WHAT’S THIS? Lemaitre (which I’ve just realised means The Master…thanks, A Level French), the bossman who was all up in Ian’s grill last week, WATCHES HIM GO. Apparently he’s being let off the leash so that the Master (ok ok I know it’s purely coincidental, I just like pretending I’m in the middle of an elaborate Moffat arc at all times) can see whether Webster (the dead guy in Ian’s cell) really did give him a message for James Stirling. Whilst I do appreciate the continued absence of manpain from the recently sort-of bereaved Mr. Chesterton, it is odd that he’s just going through the motions, without dialogue or any discernible motivation. Maybe it’s because, for all their flapping over one another when they’re not actually in that much danger, Babs and Ian’s default reaction to news of one another’s certain demise is basically ‘nope, you’re wrong there’. Or maybe it’s because William Russell is still on holiday.

So sneak etc.

Back at the house, Susan is feeling much better after a hot meal and is clearly recovering from her extreme allergic reaction to being in an unlovely place. Babs wants to help clear up, but they wrote in that woman Danielle especially so she could do that thing, and anyway, she and Jean must use this time to resume their backstairs dalliance under Jules’s nose (oh let me have my fun). Anyway, Susan and Babs work out where they were on the map from Susan’s calculations about the relative position of the sun. Jules looks grim when they point out the house they were in, and immediately calls Jean away from doing the dishes with Danielle. Susan starts talking about her grandfather again but Babs cuts her off so they can show Jean the house; I’m beginning to think that Babs suspects the Doctor is dead at this point, as she doesn’t seem to want to let Susan dwell on the subject.

Anyway, it turns out Jules and Jim Jean know about those two guys who were shot by the soldiers in the first episode, and that this isn’t the first time one of their escape routes has been rumbled. Apparently their third musketeer, Léon, is in charge of that route, and oh someone is definitely informing on them; I wonder if these two things are related.

The women try to work out where exactly it was that
Susan lost her character development.

At any rate, Jules promises to send someone to look for the Doctor at the house that burned down, and to work on getting Ian out of prison, and generally won’t rest until the four of them are reunited. Good man.

At this point, Susan gets another headache and is sent to bed. Barbara follows…to tuck her in? I dunno. But there’s a knock at the door, and oh it’s the mysterious Léon! And OH Léon tells them about a mysterious stranger who’s been asking for Jules at the Inn near the prison. So Ian made it to the pub, then.

Enter Barbara, and EWWWWW Léon immediately starts creeping on her in an ‘I will kiss your hand intensely’ sort of way whilst murmuring emphatically ‘the pleasure is all mine’. She’s going to need another bath to scrub off the slime from this slimer. He promises to ‘take good care of her’, and Jean looks mildly horrified (about how rapey this all sounds); Jules drags Jean away to leave Barbara to be leched-on. Then this happens:

Oh Barbara, you really need that drink. And are probably going to need a fair few glasses for your own sanity if you’re going to have to endure being stared at in such a predatory manner all evening. I can’t tell whether she’s into it or whether she’s finding it all a bit awkward, as a) I’m definitely projecting my ‘WTF’ feelings onto her and b) she slapped the jailer when he came onto her so I’m assuming she’d let Léon know if she were unhappy with the situation, possibly with violence; however, c) while no means no, not saying no doesn’t mean the same thing as consent, so I’ll leave you to your own conclusions as to whether Babs is staring at him because she’s into him or whether she’s staring at him because she’s a coiled spring and is as grossed-out as I am. (I should also stress that I don’t begrudge her the odd dalliance here and there, because who wouldn’t find the prospect of a bit of historical slap and tickle with a few smouldering looks thrown in an appealing end to a shitty day, but frankly this out-of-the-blue ‘lust at first sight’ thing between these two makes me feel genuinely uncomfortable. I was into Barbara’s all-too-fleeting fling with Ganatus in The Daleks because they actually spent time together and got on like a house on fire whilst they flirted outrageously to pass the time whilst spelunking, plus Ganatus is jokes, but this is just shoehorned in so his inevitable betrayal will have more dramatic impact.) And my skin is kind of crawling. Maybe it’s because this Léon character has never even met Barbara before and literally the first thing he does is put the moves on her and it’s yucky. Or maybe it’s because…

Anyway, back in jail, the jailer is drinking booze from a jug the way I would be drinking that wine from a glass if I were Barbara back in that room. A familiar voice rings out: it’s the Doctor! And sweet God above he looks FAB. U. LOUS.

Kitted out in All The Tat, he proceeds to shout at the jailer, present him with false credentials, and generally yell about how important he is; he is thoroughly enjoying himself. The jailer defers to him, and the Doctor goes on to mention how three traitors—a man, a woman, and a young child—were brought to the jail having fled from his province. The jailer tells the Doctor that the women were dispatched to the guillotine, and OH MY HEART Billy I salute your acting face. That’s Gandalf-level face acting right there.

When you think your Granddaughter and Space Daughter
have been guillotined.

Fortunately for my bleeding ventricles, the Doctor doesn’t look crushed at the news that his Granddaughter and Space Daughter are dead for long, because the jailer mentions that a rescue has taken place. There’s more good acting as the Doctor is momentarily too stunned to register this new development but shortly afterwards is too-quickly too sharp and steely, and wants to know by whom they have been rescued. It’s really lovely to watch Billy in this scene, actually: while the jailer witters on, you can just see him breathing a little more heavily to calm himself down and manage the sudden flood of relief so that it doesn’t show on his face. Beautiful stuff. And subtly done. And you can see the change in the quality of the bluster, from really having a ball bossing the jailer around in his fabulous hat to shit suddenly getting serious and having to balance the urgent need for information against not blowing his cover.

Moving on to a new paragraph of my love-letter to Billy Doing Acting, it is at this point that the Doctor demands to know what’s happened to the man, and when the jailer tells him that his Space Bro has escaped and knocked him out and fought him with the strength of ten men (lies and filth), the Doctor pulls the most incredible face and doesn’t seem to have trouble believing it. So, as he muses to himself, all three of them are now somewhere in Paris.

What even is your face.

Enter Lemaitre, who looks the Doctor up and down and asks for his papers. Yadda yadda bad guy being sneaky he tells the Doctor to come with him to meet the top brass with him seeing as how his province is getting discussed in the morning and yeah now the Doctor gets to meet Robespierre.

Back at the house, Barbara’s wine glass is empty, and Léon is asking her where she comes from; Babs is evasive and says he probably won’t like the answer seeing as how she’s English so that makes them enemies. Because war. Léon says he prefers to think that means she has no interest in France or the revolution. How prophetic and post-Brexit of him to intuit isolationist disinterest in European affairs. She says that’s a strange thing to say, and he says perhaps he’ll explain one day. How cryptic. Babs goes to see if Susan’s all right, and Léon stands by the fireplace like a poser.

Back in jail, someone is trying to see someone who’s just gone to see Citizen Robespierre…it’s the shopkeeper from before! And he’s here with ‘evidence against a traitor’…THE DOCTOR’S RING!

MERDE! WILL THE DOCTOR BE RUMBLED? DOES SUSAN ACTUALLY HAVE MENINGITIS? WILL BARBARA HAVE TO SPEND ANY MORE TIME WITH CREEPY LÉON? HAS IAN TRULY GIVEN UP HOPE AND IS HE NOW INTENDING TO STAY IN THE PUB FOREVER? WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT WEEK WHEN THE ANIMATION TAKES OVER? WILL WILLIAM RUSSELL EVER COME BACK OFF HIS HOLIDAYS?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Yup.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No. Though Susan and Barbara finally get to show a bit of clavicle. Scandalous.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No but Susan does have a headache that prevents her from running.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope. But Susan gets a convenient illness every time they want to shoehorn in some men who can rescue the women.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Rescue-captured?

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? The Doctor seems to be on a one-man mission to save his Crew, but he spends most of the episode pissing about with feathers; Ian's locked up and immediately opts for a long-term escape plan and then doesn't go on a rescue mission so much as go to the pub, so Babs and Susan have to try to save themselves YET ARE PREVENTED FROM DOING SO BY BULLSHIT WRITING INVOLVING HEADACHES so have to be rescued by random aristos.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Yup. Everyone is.

Does a woman have to deal with a sexual predator? Leon is a bit predatory so I'm going to say 'ish'.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No. Though Babs seems willing to let Susan die rather than allow for the possibility of her Space Daughter having to deal with her headache any longer.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? No, though Jules does treat his sister like a maid. 

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No, but Susan has to be cuddled and comforted by Babs a lot.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? I think there's all-round jeopardy this week.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Barbara comes up with an escape plan but Susan pours cold water on it at every opportunity.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Yes and no.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? N/A.

Does a woman get to be a badass? Not so much.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Not really. The aristos seem to have most control over stuff. 

Is there past/future/alien sexism? A bit with Danielle and also Léon's icky chivalry.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? No.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? Yes and...question mark?

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Susan gets more shoddy treatment this week, and the fact that (as I think I may have mentioned) William Russell is still on holiday makes Ian's characterisation a little...off. On the one hand, we don't get any manpain, which is refreshing, but on the other hand his half-arsed escape attempts just don't ring true. Interesting, though, that the one time (?) we get to see what Ian would be like if he thought Babs were actually dead is when William Russell isn't really there so he just goes to the pub and resigns himself to life as counter-revolutionary spy. Barbara is proactive and no-nonsense, which I always love, though her interactions with Léon give me the creeps. Though again, she's willing to die with Susan rather than administer any kind of tough love. The Doctor is loving his new wardrobe, and we get to see some good acting from Billy, which is gorgeous. Next week we're into the animated episodes, so I fully expect to be howling about not getting to see the Space Baes reunited as Zarquon intended. Though mostly I expect to be howling about how nobody knows what to do with Susan in this serial; the change from her fantastic characterisation in The Sensorites to being a dramatic dead weight in these episodes is genuinely upsetting. Especially as her function in this week is to give the writers an excuse to have the two women rescued by an all-male third party rather than being allowed to make their own escape.