Series 1 Episode 35: Kidnap

Serial: The Sensorites
Episode: 5 (Kidnap)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Peter R. Newman
Director: Frank Cox
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 25/07/1964

EN ATTENDANT BARBARA (and other stories)

In which everyone abandons all pretence and just wants to know when Barbara's coming back. Or maybe that's just me.

Right, so just one more Barbaraless episode to go and then oh god why was this ever a six-parter? I’m enjoying it, but there’s a fuckload of filler and I seem incapable of skipping over it.

Anyway, the Doctor is being bellowed at by an unseen menace, and it looks like Susan and Ian can hear it, too, wherever they are in the aqueduct system. Susan does the thing where women ask Ian what a noise/creature/thing is when he’s the least qualified person in the room, and obviously he hasn’t a Scooby. She checks that the recently-poisoned Ian is ok, tells him to lean on her, then bolts when she hears the Doctor yelling at something or someone to keep away.

I may or may not have increased the speed of this gif.

They arrive on the scene to find the Doctor on the floor with his coat in shreds. Ian seems to be back to normal because he’s ordering Susan to gather up the Doctor’s bits and pieces and dragging the Doctor to his feet. Susan spots a mystery object in amongst the pipes (a hole in the wall or some sort) and is curious about it so it can be significant later; Ian thinks they should get the hell out of Dodge.

Back in the city, Carol is giving the Sensorites a hard time about leaving Team Where’s Barbara Already in the lurch. They distract her with talk of her almost de-deranged fiancé John, who’s getting his final treatment done at the Brain Salon, and encourage her to think of the friend she’s about to regain rather than the ones she’s just lost. ‘Those poor people’, she murmurs.

At the entrance to the aqueduct, Team Where’s Barbara Already are mourning the loss of the Doctor’s coat and remarking on how weird it is that the claw marks didn’t reach the Doctor’s skin. Apparently something hit him under the heart(s?) and whatever it was was invisible and it was most unpleasant and thank chuff he gave them the antidote or he’d have been a goner. Which brings us neatly to the topic of Susan and Ian not having received the antidote, leading them to the conclusion that they’ve an enemy among the Sensorites—that’s two separate enemies! How concerning. And OH WHAT’S THIS? A Sensorite has just popped up behind them, and has apparently been spying on the gang!

So spy. Much stealth.

Back in the Brain Salon, John is still muttering about treachery and plots and wants to warn them but can’t quite manage it. The medical guy says John has to be delusional:

SCIENTIST: It must be illusion. Our society is based upon trust; treason or secret plotting is impossible.
CAROL: That's rather a sweeping statement.
SCIENTIST: But why should a Sensorite make any secret plans against anyone? We have the perfect society, all are contented.
CAROL: Some people always want more than others.
SCIENTIST: That is a human quality, surely.
CAROL: Perhaps!

Ooh, that’s juicy! And indeed Orwellian. Also Carol is great and this kind of discussion in Sci-Fi is also great.

Anyway, Carol composes herself and asks the Sensorite to carry on with his explanation of brain-related things, which a) just to be safe I’m going to preface with a Mental Health CW just because it’s pretty evocative to me at least and b) I’m pretty sure I’ve seen in various YA novels from my youth; in fact I can tell you exactly it was in a book I read as a teen (which was in the downstairs loo for about 15 years) called Song Quest, where there were these five songs sung for different magical purposes and the Death Song could be used in small doses to make you forget by closing doors in your head. Fun facts abound.

SCIENTIST: We discovered long ago that in our brains there were many different compartments. When fear and alarm is at work, that section becomes open, a veil is lifted, do you understand.
CAROL: Yes.
SCIENTIST: That is what has happened to the man John, but the veil will not lower itself. Thus he is constantly afraid, even when he's at peace. When he's asleep for example; the body says one thing, the brain the other - thus his condition. Utter confusion.
CAROL: And this treatment you're giving him is in order to close down that veil?
SCIENTIST: Yes. Not permanently of course, or he would step into danger without concern, the veil must function normally again.
CAROL: It's rather like an eyelid isn't it? Oh, these shutters over my eyes.
SCIENTIST: Hah, yes. To see all the time is not a good thing.

But really this is excellent stuff.

Anyway, back in the City Administrator’s lair, the Engineer is telling all about having seen the Doctor and pals emerging from the aqueduct entrance. Which is alarming for the CA, especially as John’s nearly cured and can speak against him. After a bit of floridly xenophobic dialogue, the CA tells the Second Elder (whose sash he’s stolen, remember) to contact the Senior Warrior with his mind transmitter and get him to bring along the firing key of the disintegrator…or else his family group gets it. The Second Elder does as he’s told. Once the CA has left, the SE asks the Engineer why he follows the CA, and is told the CA ‘will not betray our people or surrender our planet’; it’s beginning to sound distinctly Trumpy now.

Back in the city, it’s the recently-mauled Doctor who’s now dragging Ian along:

DOCTOR: Well you've been exerting yourself boy, naturally you're weak.
SUSAN: He can rest now can't he Grandfather? We'll force him to.
IAN: I wish you two'd stop fussing over me.
DOCTOR: Now, now, now, you must do as you are told and that is that!

The giddy zeal with which the two Gallifreyans are concerning themselves with the health of their pet human is almost endearingly violent.

Enter the CA ‘disguised’ as the Second Elder; the Doctor runs after him. At this point, Ian starts wondering how Barbara’s getting on:

SUSAN: It's a funny place down here isn't it?
IAN: What about up there? I wonder how Barbara's getting on?
SUSAN: Mm, I wish she were down here with us.
IAN: I wish we were up there in the TARDIS and away from here. Still, I know what you mean.

Then this happens:

YES PLEASE CAN WE HAVE BARBARA BACK NOW?

The Doctor comes back laughing about how the Second Elder ran away from him, and Susan makes a racist joke about their comically floopy feet. As a viewer, of course she’s entirely right, but if we’re assuming that in their world it’s not a stupid costume, Bad Susan. The Doctor assures her he was ‘very mobile’.

Back in the City Administrator’s lair, he has the firing key, which leads him to exclaim ‘NOW I HAVE THE POWER!’, which is…yeah. Just as the CA is about to use the firing key to get the disintegrator working (and presumably kill all the humans), the Second Elder jumps up, grabs the key, and bends it in half; the Engineer punches him to the ground AND KILLS HIM, but it’s too late—they key is beyond repair. What will they do to avoid punishment? Nobody cares.

Back with the First Elder, the gang is discussing the weirdness of the Second Elder’s actions. It’s been discovered that said SE (who is really the CA) blocked the antidote; the First Elder can’t and won’t believe he’s guilty. Someone arrives with a cloak for the Doctor, who has spare coats in the Tardis but who has been told by Beau Brummel that he looks better in a cloak. Such a namedropper.

Gifs by cleowho.

Enter the City Administrator in his own collar this time with urgent news: the Second Elder has been murdered and it was the Doctor wot dunnit! Susan immediately leaps up and yells that it’s not true, but the Doctor pulls her back down while the assembled Sensorites give evidence against him. The Engineer concludes by saying he saw the Doctor take an object from inside his coat and use it to kill the Second Elder.

Ian, clearly bored, or acting on a look from the Doctor, takes on the Defence. And is much better at it than the Doctor was on Marinus in his defence. He asks how the Engineer knows the Doctor: the Engineer replies that he knows him by his hair and his coat; Ian asks if he’s sure it was his coat; when the Engineer says he’s sure, the Doctor stands up and flourishes his cloak like the Drama Lord he is. Well-played, Space Bros. The Engineer backtracks and says he was sure it was a actually a cloak; the First Elder tells the Engineer he’s only just presented it to the Doctor. BUSTED.

As the Engineer is taken away, the CA seems undeterred and rolls with his change of fortunes by heaping blame upon the Second Elder; Susan reckons it was the Second Elder who was in fact their enemy. The First Elder needs to appoint a new Second Elder, and the CA happens to have the sash handy; Team Where’s Barbara Already think they’re awfully clever when the reckon that if the CA thinks he got a promotion because of them, he’d be a useful ally, and immediately recommend him for office; the Doctor proceeds to nominate the CA. It is done, and the CA is now the Second Elder.

Team Where’s Barbara Already goes out, buoyantly; Susan reminds Ian he was going to ask about Barbara; Ian reckons it’s not quite the right moment. IT IS EXACTLY THE RIGHT MOMENT, IAN. GOD. Then this happens:

IAN: Oh, and er, congratulations.
EX-ADMINISTRATOR: When you address one of the Elders you call him sir!

WELL LA-DI-DA.

Back in the salon, John has had his final treatment, and appears to be back to normal; he recognises Carol, who is Very Emosh, and actually it’s really touching. Carol introduces John to the Scientist who cured him, and John teaches him how to shake hands. Enter Team Where’s Barbara Already; the Doctor proclaims it a happy scene; I concur. John remembers Susan distinctly (OF COURSE!) and Ian and the Doctor introduce themselves; John wants to know where Barbara is. ME TOO, JOHN.

Susan asks John what he was trying to warn them about; John tells her there was a dangerous Sensorite about; the New Second Elder happens to be eavesdropping at the door and interrupts, asking whether said plotting Sensorite is in the room now. SUBTLE. John says no, but that there was something particular about his clothing, and the NSE interrupts again saying it must’ve been the Sensorite who has just died; Susan supposes it must indeed have been him. The NSE barks at Susan to tell the Doctor the First Elder wants to see him, and everyone remarks about how unfriendly he is once he’s gone and how he’s probably on a new power trip.

On the other side of the room the Doctor and Ian are being shown some of the earlier humans’ possessions; Ian is rather taken with the family snaps but the Doctor is more interested in some plans of the aqueduct. I smell a poison plot. Anyway, at this point Susan works out that it was the City Administrator who was their enemy and asks John whether the weird thing about the plotting Sensorite was his collar; John confirms this. Everyone feels a bit stupid. But hurrah for Susan working it out.

Back in the New Second Elder’s lair, he’s spring the Engineer from prison and wants him to remove the mechanisms from some hand rays. Intriguing.

Meanwhile, Ian and the Doctor are conferring over how useless it is to tell tales to the First Elder without proof, so they need to go back into the aqueduct. The Doctor asks what about Susan; Ian reckons this might be an ideal time to ask whether they can have Barbara back. YES. YES THIS IS THE TIME.

Anyway, the Space Bros tell the First Elder they reckon the water supply is being deliberately poisoned so they need to go and stop it. The First Elder agrees on condition that they go with light and weapons. Then this happens:

INDEED.

And FINALLY the Doctor asks whether they can have Barbara brought down like she’s a fucking hatbox but who cares, Barbara’s coming back; the Doctor actually claps his hands with glee; Ian leans back and grins; I punch the air.

The warrior brings weapons, and they’re the duff ones from earlier, as we learn when we get back to the New Second Elder. He also intercepts the Sensorite with the map of the aqueduct, claiming he will deliver it; he gets the Engineer to change some of the routes and then get it delivered. So now they’re going to be lost and defenceless.

Meanwhile, Ian and the Doctor are admiring their weapons. Then this happens:

WARRIOR: The range is considerable. The ray paralyses up to a distance of thirty yards.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, splendid. And remember dear boy, that I will be standing nearly next to you! I have never liked weapons at any time, however they're handy little things.

All of this.

UGH but then one of my unfavourite things about this show happens and the Doctor decides to get the Sensorites to not tell Susan where they’re going because she’ll only tag along and he and Ian have decided it’s best for her not to go despite the fact that she’s got mad telepathic skills and has already been in the aqueduct dragging Ian about when he was ill:

DOCTOR: Yes, and that brings me to another problem, my Granddaughter Susan. She's bound to want to come with us.
IAN: I don't think she ought to Doctor.
DOCTOR: No. I agree with you my boy, we must go and not tell her, and avoid any arguments. I wonder sir, would you mind keeping a small secret until we're well and truly away?
FIRST-ELDER: Very well.

STOP DENYING YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER AGENCY YOU COLOSSAL BELLEND. Well I suppose the plot demands someone to pick up the shit when the inevitable happens and the Space Bros find themselves lost in a dark, watery maze with useless weapons.

Once the Space Bros have gone, the First Elder waxes lyrical about their bravery and is troubled by the idea that if they didn’t kill the Old Second Elder it must’ve been a Sensorite.

Back in the lab, Susan is laying the table, because of course. Carol really wants to get back to the Earth so she can have a thick, juicy steak; John tells her she’ll have to make do with a small, juicy fruit. CONTROL YOURSELVES. Anyway, Susan wonders what the others are up to; Carol expects they’re arranging for their return to the spaceship. Incorrect. And there’s a shot of the Space Bros entering the aqueduct to prove it. Carol goes to chivvy them along.

Alone with John, Susan tells him how great it is that he’s no longer crazy and squees over his plans to marry Carol; John says he expects they’ll both give up space travel when they get home and the she’s all he really cares about. Which is sweet. But probably spells doom for Carol.

AND SURE ENOUGH, CAROL IS WALKING THROUGH THE CITY WHEN A SENSORITE HAND CLAMPS OVER HER MOUTH AND SHE’S DRAGGED AWAY AND THAT’S REALLY DISTURBING.

HEAVENS ABOVE, WILL CAROL BE OK? WILL THE SPACE BROS SURVIVE THE AQUEDUCT? WILL SUSAN GET TO BE TELEPATHIC AND FABULOUS? AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, WHERE IS BARBARA?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? I think Susan and Carol just about scrape through.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Yup. Carol is kidnapped right after John says she's all he cares about.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? See above.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? No. But Susan and Ian have to go and rescue the Doctor. However, it looks like Carol will be in need of rescuing next week.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Yup.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? YES. Stop that right now, Space Bros.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Not that I can recall.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Carol.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? No.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? No.

Does a woman get to be a badass? Not especially.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? The Doctor and Ian.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Mostly culinary.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? No.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

I love Carol and her Orwellian scepticism (she and Ian would get along famously) and am very cross indeed that she was relegated to Imperilled Love Interest at the end of the episode. Also it is infuriating that the Space Bros have decided Susan will worry her pretty little head too much if she knows they've wandered off into danger again so are keeping her in the dark. Susan has been so on-the-ball this entire serial but is continually undermined by the Doctor in particular, which has to stop. But at least we know that Barbara is coming back next week to (hopefully) put a stop to this nonsense. Hurrah!

Series 1 Episode 34: A Race Against Death

Serial: The Sensorites
Episode: 4 (A Race Against Death)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Peter R. Newman
Director: Mervyn Pinfield
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 18/07/1964

OOH MATRON (and other stories)

In which Ian is dying, the Doctor is a terrible scientist, Susan tries her hand at diplomacy and brow-mopping, and Classic Who does MONTAGE.

So Ian is dying of Space Cholera or whatever it is ails him and everyone is freaking out. Susan reckons it’s not a disease seeing as how a) the First Elder says it’s not contagious and b) they’ve done everything together since arriving on the Sense Sphere; the Doctor concurs; it takes them an embarrassingly long time to figure out it’s the water. The First Elder asks why everyone’s not dying if everyone’s drinking the water; the Doctor reckons it’s to do with varying levels of resistance.

Ian comes round, and Susan fusses over him a bit; the Doctor tells him to lie there and shut up oh and also it’s not a disease it’s probably poison. In which case, bring on the sodium chloride! Wait, Doctor, what do you want with salt? Oh hang on, I can probably guess. The First Elder is distraught; the Doctor tells him everyone has to drink the Crystal Water from now on (a small victory for socialism) and also he wants to work with the local scientists; the First Elder agrees.

Susan asks how long Ian’s got to live and doesn’t have time for the First Elder’s telepathic sympathy; the Doctor is delighted to discover he has as much as three days to save the Space Bro. Confidence is key. Furthermore, the Doctor asks whether he can have the Tardis lock back so he can cure Ian and the Sensorites; the First Elder goes off to confer with the Second Elder. At this point, the salt arrives, and yes, he is indeed fixing up an oldschool emetic by mixing it with water (Susan’s pretty on the ball about it) and making Ian drink it. Susan is adorkable and crosses her fingers for Science:

Having given his Space Bro some tough love, the Doctor leaves Susan to deal with her now-retching Science Teacher while he has a dramatic close-up aside to camera:

I know he’s genuinely concerned about Ian, but I get the feeling One’s top priority after Susan is his Tardis, and that will never change.

Elsewhere, the Second Elder reckons Ian might only be faking so the Doctor can get into his ship…AND RETURN WITH AN ARMY OF HUMANS IN A FLEET OF SHIPS. The first part isn’t beyond the realms of possibility, to be fair. The First Elder is troubled. I have to say, though, it’s nice that after the last non-xenophobic alien leader in a time of conflict we met (in the form of Temmosus the Thal leader on Skaro…or as I like to think of him, ‘Space Corbyn’) who turned out to be naïvely mistaken in his willingness to give the Daleks the benefit of the doubt, this time we’ve got one who turns out to be justified in his non-xenophobic ways.

Meanwhile, John is having his brain seen to by a Space Hairdresser. The City Administrator shows up and yells at the Scientist, saying it would be better to kill the human than to cure him. Enter the Second Elder, who is again disturbed at the CA’s questioning of authority (as opposed to his raging xenophobia). They argue a bit, and when the Second Elder mentions Ian is also in need of a cure, the CA has a rant about how the humans have stupid names and don’t wear any badges of authority so that they can’t be told apart; basically, he thinks they all look the same. Racist. When the SE tells the CA that Ian is dying, however, and that the Doctor thinks it’s to do with the water supply, the super-paranoid CA proclaims it an ‘evil, but undoubtedly brilliant’ scheme:

ADMINISTRATOR: To attack our confidence in one of the necessities! There is nothing wrong with the water supply, nothing at all. This is a trick to get us at their mercy!

I’m a little troubled by the fact that this serial can’t seem to make up its mind whether it’s a story about colonialism or a story about immigration. Though maybe the point of the conflicts arising from this serial is that it’s not clear-cut and that Othering and differences in communication are the main problems. The first humans and John clearly have colonial attitudes, seeing a planet as a resource to be exploited first and someone’s home second; however, the fact that the Sensorites are telepathic basically make this quite literally a Thought Crime (shamefully I’m only just starting to read Nineteen Eighty-Four but the book’s been around since 1949), and there’s no evidence any of the humans have actually acted on their materialistic instincts, despite the ambiguous tale of said humans quarrelling amongst themselves and leaving (to get reinforcements and a digger?) in a subsequently-exploding spaceship and the fact that the Sensorites are now dying of an apparently human disease. Some of the Sensorites are out-and-out xenophobes, some of them don’t trust a non-telepathic species whose thoughts they can only read at times when their ugliest impulses flash to the surface, some are reasonably cautious, and some of them are trusting to the point where, if the humans’ intentions were indeed malign, they would be guilty of being incautious at best and recklessly foolish at worst. And the CA isn’t a million miles from the truth when it comes to (SPOILER ALERT) the humans who, as we later learn, have been poisoning the water supply by way of waging a covert war against the Sensorites. I suppose if there is a moral to this story, it’s ‘don’t tar everyone with the same brush’.

Anyway, at this point, John decides to be super helpful and murmur ‘EEEEEEEEVIL’ in a disconcerting manner, which the CA takes as an admission of guilt. As the Second Elder goes off to warn the First Elder, John attempts to clarify his statement, specifying that ‘evil is here’; the CA gloats and tells John ‘your voice is not believed’. Which is frightening. The CA goes on to proclaim himself the enemy of all Earth creatures.

At this point, Carol enters, with another change of hairdo. Then this happens:

CAROL: Oh I am sorry, I thought you were one of the Scientists.
ADMINISTRATOR: You can see my collar of office! I am the city Administrator!
CAROL: Yes I'm sorry, but when your backs are turned it's very difficult to see. I don't know what we'd all do if you changed your badges and sashes. We wouldn't be able to tell you apart.
ADMINISTRATOR: I have never thought of that.

Racist.

Back in the reception room, the Doctor is yelling at the First Elder, which is particularly unpleasant for the latter because Sensorites don’t like loud noises. Do we know that, yet, by the way? It seems the Doctor can’t be doing with the First Elder umming and ahing over life-and-death decisions when ‘that young man’, by which he means his Space Bro, is ‘coughing his heart out’. Bless.

Enter the Second Elder, who proceeds to have a telepathic chat with the First Elder. Susan eavesdrops but can’t hear very clearly seeing as their mind’s aren’t open to her; the Doctor seems surprised and impressed that Susan can hear their voices.

Anyway, it seems the Second Elder has relayed his fears as to the Doctor’s motives. because the First Elder is now forbidding the Doctor access to the Tardis. The Doctor decides it’s time to up the smack talk and is actually quite intimidating in a ‘getting my coat tails out of the way so I can kick your ass’ sort of way:

The First Elder tells the Doctor he can prove his poison water theory in one of their own labs, at which point the Doctor positively howls ‘YOU FOOL’ at an ear-splitting pitch/volume, which makes the Sensorites clutch their heads in agony. And OH HURRAH FOR SUSAN who immediately starts mediating between the two parties; after telling the Doctor to pipe down because the Sensorites think he’s attacking them, she proceeds to be a model of diplomacy while the Doctor splutters with apoplectic rage in the background:

SUSAN: We're sorry, there's so much about your planet we don't understand.
DOCTOR: That's inhuman!
SUSAN: Grandfather!
DOCTOR: That's monstrous!
SUSAN: We didn't mean to use sound as a weapon. We didn't even know sound hurt you.
FIRST-ELDER: Very well; but please be careful in future. I wish to see regular reports on the progress of this theory.

It’s interesting that the Doctor uses the word ‘inhuman’ to describe the Sensorites’ behaviour; I know it’s probably not intentional, but the fact is that he’s Gallifreyan and in my head it’s not just the writers being lazy, it’s the Doctor beginning to align himself with human morality as espoused by Barbara and Ian. Also Susan is definitely the more mature of the pair: as the First Elder leaves, the Doctor shrieks ‘THEORY?!?!’ after him, making the Second Elder clutch his head in pain, and when he catches the look on her face as she performs…well, not a facepalm but certainly a face-backhand, he eventually drops the matter. Hurrah for Susan getting to show off her diplomatic skills.

But OH well, that was short-lived. Moving over to the bedside of the prostrate Ian, the Doctor instructs Susan to ‘act as nurse’ and keep an eye on his pulse. They are both terrible medics and mostly just touch his face a lot. For a horrible moment (thanks to a pause that was probably Billy forgetting his lines) I thought the Doctor was advising Susan to give Ian mouth-to-mouth if his breathing got feeble, but fortunately he’s just advising artificial respiration. So the Doctor goes off to play in the lab while Susan wastes her abilities mopping Ian’s brow. She’d be a lot more use liaising with the Elders and working on human-Sensorite diplomacy, but there we go; if Babs were in this episode to take on this ladyfunction, Susan would probably just be relegated to Second Nurse anyway.

Soft Kitty

#notadoctorofmedicine

Elsewhere, the City Administrator is moaning to the Engineer about how they can’t access the firing key on their death ray or whatever it is, when the Second Elder shows up to tell them the Doctor will be using the lab and to give him their cooperation. Second Elder out. The CA is raging and it all gets very Caliban:

ADMINISTRATOR: More weakness. These creatures are defeating us with smiles and gentle words; our leaders listen and agree. Soon we shall all be slaves.

Blimey.

Anyway, he’s got a plan based on Carol being a racist (I say that but tbh I can’t tell the Sensorites apart either because they’re all wearing the same mask and I can’t be bothered to try to distinguish them by their body shape). Looks like they’re going to switch their sashes up.

In the lab, the Doctor is telling the Scientists he thinks the water is laced with atropine. Which is apparently used in eye-drops, or so Wikipedia tells me. Also it’s in Deadly Nightshade. The Scientists point out that not everyone dies and the water only comes from one source, so the Doctor makes them test the water from each district.

There follows a tense and hilarious montage in which Susan dabs Ian’s head with a towel while the Doctor holds up test-tubes and looks at them intensely. Amongst other things. It’s supposed to be racking up the peril, but I’m mostly amused by the sheet of paper on which a Sensorite is writing ‘NEGATIVE’ next to a printed list of districts in a curly font. And Ian and Susan doing a rather disturbing horizontal fever dance.

What the fuck is happening?

And hurrah! The Doctor has found evidence of atropine in District 8 (which is…textiles?). And his Scientific methods are…unimpeachable?

SCIENTIST: But why were some of the districts negative?
DOCTOR: Because it varies from place to place, and when you made your tests you didn't discover it.

THAT’S NOT AN ANSWER, DOCTOR.

Anyway, the Second Elder reports to the First Elder on the Doctor’s progress and tells him that caffeine citrate is the antidote. Which is…lemon coffee? Coke with lemon? I dunno. It’s real and presumably it works. Susan gets to tell Ian he’s going to be ok and is waaaaaaaaaay too up in his grill for my liking.

Elsewhere, the Second Elder has wandered into a trap set by the City Administrator, who steals his sash (so everyone will think he’s the Second Elder…because Sensorites can’t tell one another apart either!?) and proceeds to go off on a paranoid rant about how Ian is faking and the cure is fake; he determines to stop the antidote because it’s really poison with which the Doctor plans to kill them all. Apparently the news that Sensorite scientists worked with the Doctor isn’t enough to stop the CA frothing at the mouth with paranoia. The Second Elder is detained (and so is his family…harsh).

Back in the salon, John is still getting his brain highlights done. A scientist walks in with a boiling flask (?) full of antidote which is to be sent to Susan to give to Ian; the Doctor recommends immediate mass-production. He tells Carol (also present) he’s now going off on an expedition ‘which isn’t dangerous, of course’ (HA!) with the First Scientist to see why the poison is only appearing in one reservoir at a time: ‘why cure something when we can stamp it out, hmm?’ Carol mentions that John thinks he’s surrounded by enemies; the Doctor thinks he might be more lucid than she imagines and asks her to keep a note of what he says; John babbles about plotting.

Out and about, the Engineer is asking the CA what happens if someone sees through his ‘disguise’ (A SASH); the CA points out that only people in positions of power are familiar with the appearance of the Elders whereas the ordinary people recognise them by their signs of office. Which seems fair enough, I suppose. To prove his point, the Scientist rocks up and greets him as the Second Elder. Success! The CA tells the Scientist he’ll take the antidote to Ian…lol. And OH how grim! It seems the CA has a scientific hypothesis of his own, which is more sound but far less ethical than the Doctor’s method:

ADMINISTRATOR: They say without the antidote the young man will die - I say he will live because he is pretending. (Smashes antidote.) This will prove it one way or the other.

Crikey cripes, Ian is DOOMED!

Ian is also doing lots of Brave Little Soldier Acting as Susan continues to be a bit too close. She’s getting antsy that the antidote hasn’t arrived yet, and though Ian manages to be winningly pathetic and croaks about how the Doctor must have ‘run into a snag’ and that ‘it’s not always possible to do these things at the snap of a finger’ (Moffaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttt!!), Susan’s off to find some more antidote anyway. It’s good someone’s got their wits about them.

Meanwhile, the Doctor is off in the water supply with the First Scientist, who notes that their attempts to light the place always end in failure. Which, as the Doctor points out, must be tricky for them seeing as they don’t like the dark; the First Scientist says they don’t get down here much; the Doctor reckons the neglect of the water system might have something to do with the poison. Because neglect is poisonous? Anyway, the First Scientist thinks they should go back because a) the Doctor won’t be able to see and b) there are monsters (or rather monster-like noises) in there. To the first objection, the Doctor counters his torch ownership (I do love that it keeps reappearing—it was there in An Unearthly Child, was a prop in The Edge of Destruction, Ian borrowed it for a tunnel in The Aztecs, and now it’s back again, like the sonic screwdriver only it’s a torch and it’s not sonic); to the second, the Doctor merely looks…sort of eager. Anyway, the Doctor says he’ll go on alone and seems rather intrigued that the two things the Sensorites fear most (noise and darkness) just happen to be lurking ahead:

Back at Ian’s bedside (and you can decide for yourselves whether this is a ‘poor William Russell has fuck-all to do this week and may as well be on holiday’ episode or a ‘jammy William Russell gets to nap through the whole thing’ episode), Susan has been injecting him with the antidote. He is bracing himself on Susan’s leg in a manner that would probably get you fired as a teacher nowadays and calls her ‘matron’; OOH MATRON. Still, good to know that Susan is competent at this sort of thing. Ooh and according to the info-text, William Russell’s relaxed part in this episode gave him time off rehearsals to film inserts for The Reign of Terror so that he, too, could go off on his hols. Well done, info-text. Also, Ian feels as though someone’s ‘given me a good going over with a hammer’. Blimey.

Anyway, Ian’s in for a good long stretch of bedrest….HAHA ONLY JOKING because now the First Scientist is back and is telling everyone the Doctor has gone off to the aqueduct alone and will probably be mauled by beastie or beasties unknown. ACTION STATIONS! Susan protests that Ian is too ill, but Ian’s having none of it, so off they trot to save the Doctor from the monsters. Which impresses the First Elder so much he has to call his mates and tell them about it.

Over in captivity, the real Second Elder can hear the First Elder calling him but can’t reply without his transmitter thingie. The City Administrator demands to know what’s being said and tells the Second Elder to think of his family group. How unpleasant. So obviously the Second Elder spills the beans, which excites the CA because nobody comes out alive so victory is clearly nigh.

In the aqueduct, the First Scientist provides Susan with a radio-electric light, and it makes a nice change to see Susan in charge and supporting Ian and telling him he doesn’t have to go any further if he doesn’t want to. Ian would obv rather eat live scorpions than admit he feels like crap, so off they go into the dark.

The Doctor, meanwhile, has found some belladonna/deadly nightshade in the pipes, which he examines through a magnifying glass…AS A BEASTIE OF UNKNOWN MAGNITUDE AND DEADLINESS BELLOWS IN THE DARK.

MERCY ME, WILL THE DOCTOR BE TORN ASUNDER BY WHAT I CAN ONLY ASSUME IS A SPACE BASILISK? WILL IAN AND SUSAN GET THERE IN TIME OR WILL THEY ALSO MEET WITH A STICKY END? IS THE MONSTER EVEN REAL? WHERE IS BARBARA AND WHAT WILL SHE DO IF ALL HER FRIENDS END UP AS THE BOGEYMAN’S LUNCH AND SHE’S FORCED EITHER TO STAY IN ORBIT AROUND THE SENSE SPHERE FOREVER OR TRY TO FORGE A NEW LIFE IN THE 28TH CENTURY? PLEASE CAN IAN AND SUSAN NEVER BE THIS HANDSY WITH ONE ANOTHER EVER AGAIN?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Ermmm...actually there's a point. There's no Barbara this week, and I'm pretty sure Carol and Susan don't speak to one another. So I think possibly not.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? No. Though Babs is essentially held hostage.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? No. But Susan and Ian have to go and rescue the Doctor.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Ian's most under threat this week.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? Not as such, but the Doctor is terrible at following Susan's advice on Sensorite diplomacy this week.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Not that I can recall.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? It's mostly Ian and the Second Elder who are in for it this week. Also the Doctor gets growled at.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? Not exactly, but Ian seems to be determined to go off to rescue the Doctor (by which I mean determined not to let Susan go off rescuing her grandfather alone) despite having only recently recovered from a poisoning incident.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? The Doctor has a plan as far as the atropine thing goes, but it's Susan's initiative that derails the CA's plan to let Ian die to check he's not faking it.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? Yes! Carol's thing about all the Sensorites looking the same without their sashes inspires the CA to come up with a Cunning Plan.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Susan!

Does a woman get to be a badass? Yup! I'm sad that Susan is relegated from diplomat to nurse, but she does eventually show some viable nursing skills (injections etc.) that make me think she is actually suited to the job in some way.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? The Doctor is bossing everyone around this week. Though the CA is manipulating everything behind the scenes.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Susan, you can be nurse...

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? No.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Well obviously I'm very upset at the absence of Babs this week, but Susan does get some good stuff to do: she gets to be a pretty good diplomat (despite the fact that the Doctor doesn't really take her that seriously), and while I was initially hacked off that she got relegated to brow-mopping duty, she does eventually get to show some actual nursing skills and clearly knows how to inject humans with things without killing them. She also shows initiative when the antidote doesn't arrive and kicks ass off-screen somewhere to get some more rather than just waiting for Ian to die. The Doctor is a menace to himself and others this week, yelling the place down and skipping off into danger without backup, but it was at least fun to see him with his specs on frowning at test tubes. Ian was mostly horizontal this week, though it didn't stop him insisting on accompanying Susan on a rescue mission for which he was clearly unfit. Sigh. The CA, meanwhile, can't seem to decide whether he's Caliban or Trump. Bring back Babs to sort out this sorry mess.

Series 1 Episode 33: Hidden Danger

Serial: The Sensorites
Episode: 3 (Hidden Danger)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Peter R. Newman
Director: Mervyn Pinfield
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 11/07/1964 (Wimbledon overran, apparently)

WHEN YOU’RE SIXTEEN GOING ON SEVENTEEN WAITING FOR LIFE TO START (and other stories)

In which Susan rebels, the Doctor is the Patriarchy, Babs gets benched, and Ian gets Space Cholera from Pleb Water.

So Susan is off to the Sense Sphere to save the rest of the crew from being murdered and weirdly it’s Babs and not the Doctor who’s the first to spring to action once Susan is beyond the sliding door. The Doctor observes with weird calm that there can’t be air outside the ship and that the Sensorites must be stopped. So what does Ian do? Exactly what he did last episode! Grab the bestie and hope for the best. Pausing only to check with Ian that they’re going to try out the Doctor’s theory from last week that the Sensorites are afraid of the dark, Babs helps Ian get the door open and they…bump straight into Susan and the two Sensorites. They didn’t get far, did they?

I find this action strangely hypnotic.

Susan tells the humans not to interfere, but Babs has gone full schoolteacher and is insisting that Susan not go with the Sensorites. One of the Sensorites observes that they’re not carrying weapons but that he’s still afraid of them. So would I be, Mister Sensorite—they’ve got their game faces on. Ian says they just want to talk, but the Sensorites are having none of it; aliens always say they want to talk but always end up wrecking the place. The humans they’ve encountered on previous occasions must be real colonial bellends. Again Susan tells her teachers not to interfere, saying that the Sensorites trust her because she can use telepathy; Babs sticks to her guns; Susan says they don’t understand the Sensorites. Susan, I am loving this streak of rebellious maturity but really you picked one hell of a time for a teenage rebellion. Then again, I will never not love it when Barbara and Ian go into Space Parent mode.

Enter the Doctor, and WOW he’s being a dick. He tells Susan he doesn’t think she has the ability to represent them (literally his words), at which Susan insists he stop treating her like a child. FAMILY DRAMA! AND PATRIARCHAL BULLSHIT! IN SPAAAAAAAAAAACE! He actually tells her to do as she’s told (a rather unpleasant characteristic that gets recycled in Capaldi-era Who) and ‘come here’; when she digs her heels in, he adds ‘THIS INSTANT’.

OUCH.

Blimey. I love that we’re getting to see Susan kicking back against the Doctor’s authority and his constant infantilisation of her. I also like that William Hartnell isn’t trying to come across as sympathetic in this scene; he says some really insulting, patronising things to Susan that leave her in no doubt about the (lack of) belief he has in her and is very blunt about it, which makes the full unpleasantness of an ugly family argument to come to the fore.

And alas, Susan’s moment of rebelliousness is over: she shuffles back over to Team Tardis, and it’s interesting that it’s Ian’s arm that reaches out towards her; clearly someone wants to be Good Cop. As the Sensorites reach out with their catapult thingies, Ian hits the light switch…and the Sensorites are suddenly helpless and clinging to one another and begging for them to bring back the light and crying out that they’re afraid. It’s pitiful stuff, but nobody seems to be particularly moved. As the Doctor sends Susan back to Carol, he tells Ian to put the lights back on, and proceeds to tell the Sensorites how much power he has over them but how great he is because he doesn’t intend to use it except in self-defence. Christ he’s cold this week.

Anyway, the Sensorites ask what he wants, and he tells them he doesn’t want anything that isn’t his; Ian chimes in and reminds us all about the Sensorites having stolen the lock to the Tardis. Barbara is notable by her absence from this bit of power play. The Sensorites have to check back with Sense Sphere. The Doctor, impatient with this bureaucratic faff, tells Ian to torture them (i.e. put the lights out) if they try anything and goes off presumably to lecture Susan about obedience, raging all the while: ‘Dictated to by petty thieves and my own grandchild!’ Fuck the grandpatriarchy says I.

Once alone with Babs and the Sensorites, it becomes clear that Ian’s mind is on other things:

He is of course referring to the Sensorites' use of their little disc thingummies for the purposes of thought transference, but I am a massive child and enjoy taking these things out of context. In any case, Babs isn't listening AT ALL, which is in itself a thing of beauty:

Oh Ian, sweetie, you’re already an open book. Also, I demand a remake of What Women Want starring Ian and Babs. Also also, I demand a remake of Enchanted starring these two.

Also also also, this is classic shit from both of them, PLUS I’m going to claim that this serial as a whole is the genesis of Ian Chesterderp who has emerged butterfly-like from the chrysalis of a murderous Aztec nightmare into a world in which he gives fewer fucks. Then this happens:

YE GODS IAN IS SO CLUELESS. Young woman shows defiance towards her male elders—she must have been hypnotised! Thank God for Babs, who is on hand to point out that puberty is a thing. Which is good news for Susan, who at least has someone aboard the Tardis who knows what it’s like being a teenage girl and what’s more is a prime example of how to stand up to the Doctor and his bullshit.

And speaking of the Doctor and his patriarchal bullshit, he’s now being (grand)paternalistic as fuck. In fact he's being a complete arsehole:

GO, SUSAN. And kudos to her for staying calm and sticking to her guns.

Enter the Sensorites, who can sense her teenage angst and ask an increasingly irate Doctor why he’s making her sad. The Doctor blames the Sensorites for causing his first ever argument with Susan, because apparently he’s as clueless as Ian when it comes to these matters; Susan, miserably, agrees to do what the Doctor says just to shut him up. Anyway, the Sensorites are now in touch with their leader, the First Elder, and have agreed to transmit the Doctor’s words to him; the Doctor tells the First Elder the only treasure they desire from the Sensorites is FREEDOM. Classy.

Elsewhere, Carol is checking up on her fiancé John, whose brain has been comprehensively hijacked by the Sensorites. He knows she’s good, but he doesn’t know who she is; poor Carol. And indeed poor John, who just wants ‘silence’.

Elsewhere, Barbara is asking one of the Sensorites whether they can really do something for John; apparently they can…in time. Ian, however, isn’t keen on the waiting part, as apparently Barbara and Maitland have to stay on the ship as hostages a safeguard while they cure him.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Jackie, you don’t need a holiday! Stay and play! It’s going to be boring as fuck without you! Ahem.

But yeah, Ian really isn’t keen, and it all gets a bit meta:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh Ian, you’ve worked out the formula for Classic Who! Have a banana.

Oh and look, here comes the Doctor—exposition time! In which the following facts are established:

1. The Sensorites communicate with their little disc thingies telepathically but otherwise speak with their mouths.
2. The Sensorites use telepathy to blanket out the minds of the crew.
3. They do this because ten years ago, five humans rocked up on the Sense Sphere and were welcomed but were clearly thinking about the mineral riches of the planet; they quarrelled, two of them apparently took off in the spaceship, the other three presumably sneaked aboard and fought them from control, and the spaceship exploded; since the explosion the Sensorites have been dying from a disease or diseases unknown. (Barbara’s money is on scarlet fever, FYI.)
4. They’re allowing the Doctor & Co. onto the planet because they sense great knowledge in them and think they may be able to help.

And oh the Doctor is delightfully vain, going from belligerent to chucklesome as he speculates that there’ll be some bargaining ahead.

Anyway, their ride has arrived. The Doctor tells Babs he’s sorry to leave her behind but, y’know, he’s going to anyway; Ian also apologises for leaving Babs behind; Babs reassures both of them she’ll be fine (and is probably looking forward to putting her feet up for a bit). Then Barbara takes Susan to one side and something gorgeous happens:

BARBARA: Susan?
SUSAN: Yes?
BARBARA: Look, I know how you feel, but your Grandfather loves you.
SUSAN: Yes, I know.
BARBARA: Be patient. We're all on your side really, you know.

I LOVE BARBARA AND SUSAN CHATS. It’s like that time in Marco Polo when Susan didn’t understand why her grandfather was being a grumpy bastard and Barbara tried to make her see how the Doctor was feeling insecure and defenceless having had a ‘wonderful machine, capable of all sorts of miracles [. . . ] taken away from him by a man he calls a primitive’. Only this time we’re imagining teenage Barbara kicking back against her own parents and/or guardians (how I wish we had more details about the early companions’ families). Nailing the pastoral care, there, Babs. Also I’m getting such Maria/Liesl vibes off this scene:

Come to think of it, that song is horribly prophetic for Susan (‘lo and behold you’re someone's wife, and you belong to him’).

At this point, the Doctor, clearly meaning well but also reasserting his paternalistic authority, chivvies Susan along, telling her they can’t do without her. And it turns out it’s not just Barbara and Maitland who are staying on the ship, but also the Second Sensorite; I really, really hope that somewhere it will be revealed that the three of them resorted to teaching one another and then playing parlour games specific to their times and planets.

Ok, so now we’re on the Sense Sphere, where the Sensorites are sitting around in identical costumes but for various sashes and collars which apparently distinguish their rank. Which is handy. The First Elder has two crossed black sashes; the Second Elder has one black sash; and the City Administrator, who is listening to the conversation between the other two, has a black collar. The Second Elder is a bit sceptical about inviting the humans into the city rather than meeting them in the desert or the mountains, seeing as they are both loud and ugly; the First Elder, however, seems a reasonable and philosophical sort, and plans to fight fire with fire by getting the humans with the ‘spaceship that can cross the barriers of the universe’ to stop the Sensorites from dying; he also points out that ‘[i]t is the failure of all beings that they judge through their own eyes’. Wise words. When he asks the City Administrator for his opinion, however, said C.A. says he doesn’t dare question his great brain; the First Elder tell him ‘Jefferson has beliefs; Burr has none’ ‘No opinion can be worse sometimes than a very dogmatic one’. Burn.

Once the First Elder has left, it becomes apparent that the City Administrator does in fact have an opinion, and a xenophobic one at that: the First Elder’s decision is based on trust, and humans are not to be trusted. We get a fascinating little insight into Sensorite politics and the functions of their ruling élite when it becomes apparent that the City Administrator regards the First Elder’s mind as ‘pure’; however, he sees himself and the Second Elder as ‘realists’…which is why he’s beamed a disintegrator into the room.

Look, Sensorites are tricky to gif because of their mouths
being obscured by facial hair. Also I miss Babs already.

I’m sorry what.

Ok, so the City Administrator is going to murder the humans at the first sign of trouble because it’s his job to protect his ruler. Fab. I have to say, it would indeed be idiotic not to have a contingency plan when dealing with the same kind of colonially-minded aliens who brought disease and destruction to your planet in a smallpox-in-a-blanket sort of way, but still, this Sensorite is pretty reactionary.

Anyway, the gang has arrived on the Sense Sphere, where it becomes apparent that the Sensorites have a caste system. Susan seems surprised, while Ian has a classic Leftie Ian moment:

FIRST-SENSORITE: How else can we tell what each man is best fitted to do? The Elders think and rule, the warriors fight, the Sensorites work and play.
DOCTOR: You make it sound so very simple.
FIRST-SENSORITE: And all are happy.
IAN: But some are happier than others, eh?

OH IAN. IAN, IAN, IAN. OF COURSE YOU’RE PARAPHRASING ORWELL.

Also I’m pretty sure this is meant to be some sort of nod towards an oldschool Japanese-style caste system, seeing as how Peter R. Newman also wrote the screenplay for a film called Yesterday’s Enemy based on British war crimes against the Japanese in Burma which, as it has been pointed out, isn’t a million miles away from certain aspects of this serial. Also also, I have (by a total coincidence) been reading a hugely problematic essay by T.S. Eliot called Notes Towards the Definition of Culture and I’m pretty sure he would have considered Sensorite society pretty-much ideal, insofar as—in the words of the First Sensorite—‘[t]here is no disgrace in being in any of the castes; it is simply what one is best fitted for’. But I digress.

At this point, John starts talking about how evil is near; Carol thinks he’s just crazy, but Susan reminds her that his mind is open and that he can tell the difference between good and evil. Which is convenient.

Anyway, the City Administrator and the Engineer are setting up the disintegrator to zap the humans in their seats at the dinner table. Which would be awkward if they ended up switching seats. We learn that Sensorites’ hearts are in the centre, and that the Engineer is going to aim the beams at the centre of the humans’ chests in the absence of further information, which begs the question of how he’s going to achieve this given that he doesn’t know how long their torsos are or whether they’ll be leaning forward or scrabbling under the table to retrieve a dropped spork at the time of disintegration. We shall never know. Oh wait, I stand corrected—he can see them through infra-red. And as soon as they’re seated…ZAP!

Nice sixties future tech, though.

In the reception room, John and Carol are being sent off to get John’s brain sorted; he pronounces the First Elder ‘good’, that is to say ‘not like…’ and tails off. IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT JOHN.

Anyway, John goes off to get his treatment, and while Ian’s busy sucking up to his new host, the Doctor says what we’re all thinking as far as the Sensorites’ handling of John is concerned: ‘It doesn't alter the fact that you're responsible for his condition. I think It's utterly disgraceful!’ DAMN RIGHT. Susan, however, thinks her grandfather should be less shouty, and they all go to sit at their places. Uh-oh.

But oh what’s this? The Second Elder has come bursting into the disintegrator room and told the trigger-happy City Administraor and Engineer to not laser everyone to death because the humans are a reasonable lot after all. The CA isn’t happy about it, but the Second Elder is insistent and confiscates the key to the death machine for good measure. Before he leaves, he tells the CA he has doubts about those who question orders and authority. Hmm. But also phew, because it seems Team Where’s Barbara Already is not going to be murdered at the dinner table.

I knew I made this for a reason. Though mostly I just
don't want to have to make Sensorite speech gifs.

Meanwhile, the First Elder is making excuses for having driven John insane because the latter was a foreigner who wanted to steal from them. It’s scary how much what is essentially a story about colonial exploitation is being told using UKIP-y language. Ian points out that this is no excuse for sending John out of his mind, and the First Elder is quick to point out that the only reason John is now crazy is because his mind was open with excitement (yikes that sounds iffy) so when the Sensorites sent the crew to sleep John’s brain was defenceless and he just heard all the voices in his head.

At this point, a waiter comes in with some refreshments, and the First Elder is outraged that his guests are not being given the same food and drink he’s being given (apparently because the CA is a massive racist); he orders the waiter to bring the crystal water (which comes from a pure spring)…which only the Elders can drink. Ugh. Caste systems. Ian, however, is too thirsty for fancy schmancy water, which isn’t surprising seeing as how when Babs and Susan went looking for water on the spaceship they got lost and then the Sensorites arrived and yeah everyone’s probably dehydrated as fuck right now. I wonder whether all this information we’re being given about the ordinary water supply coming from aqueducts that run beneath the city will be in any way significant in the very near future, said she in a voice heavy with sarcasm. Ian drinks the water; and I am starting a timer.

Elsewhere, the CA and the Engineer are plotting.

Back in the dining room, the First Elder is telling Team Where’s Barbara Already about what the different sashes mean. Ian asks about the ordinary people; the First Elder says they are ‘content with their similarity’. Then, precisely 1 minute and 15 seconds from the moment the Not Crystal Water touches his lips, Ian starts coughing. And just to make sure we’re in no doubt as to the significance of this fact, it occurs thus:

Well that’s just hysterical. The Doctor asks whether the disease affects the Elders, and when the answer is no, he muses ‘I WONDER WHY NOT’. No, this is too much. I swear that’s sarcastic line delivery from Mr. H. Also, even if Babs isn’t here to remember it from the History of Medicine module that…er…wasn’t on the GCSE syllabus in the 1960s (and for all I know probably hasn’t been on it since the mid-00s or has at least now been purged by the Tories in favour of British British Things), there’s no reason on Earth why Ian the Science Teacher wouldn’t immediately have thought of Dr. John Snow (no, not that one) and the Broad Street Pump, i.e. a major breakthrough in epidemiology to do with how cholera was spread in an outbreak of 1854. (BOOM remembering facts like it’s 2004...which was 12 years ago…unacceptable.)

Anyway, Ian is still coughing through everyone’s lines, and once it’s been established that the Sensorites will return the Tardis lock in return for aid and that the Doctor considers Susan to be ‘a fine young woman’ (IT’S ABOUT TIME), he starts hacking away in earnest. The Doctor is concerned about His Dear Chesterton, and Susan is out of her seat; Ian asks for water. The Doctor asks whether these are the symptoms of the disease; the First Elder nods; Ian collapses on the floor. WELL THAT IS ONE FAST-ACTING DISEASE. And apparently there’s no hope, because according to the First Elder, he is now dying!

SHOCK HORROR! WILL IAN DIE OF SPACE CHOLERA? WILL THIS SORT OF THING HAPPEN EVERY TIME BABS ISN’T AROUND TO KEEP HIM OUT OF TROUBLE? WILL SUSAN BE REDUCED TO BROW-MOPPING DUTY OR WILL SHE BE ABLE TO STRETCH HER TELEPATHIC LEGS? HOW HAVE THE ELDERS NOT SPOTTED THE DRINKING WATER THING? WHEN WILL JACKIE COME BACK FROM HER HOLIDAYS?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Yup!

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? No. Though Babs is essentially held hostage.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Not as such. Susan chooses to accompany the Sensorites (well, it's not a straightforward choice, but she's determined to go) down to their planet, but Ian and Babs take it upon themselves to rescue her anyway. Also it looks like Ian's going to be in the most peril as of the end of this episode.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Everyone is, really.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? Susan is prevented from going down to the Sense Sphere.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? Yeah, the Doctor is pretty disparaging about Susan's claims to have understood the Sensorites.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Yes.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No. Susan has a lot to flip out about, but she stays calm; however, she's treated like an hysteric by the Doctor anyway.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? The CA has it in for everyone, I think.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Susan. And her plan is derailed.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Susan's theory that the Sensorites trust her more because she can communicate with their minds is ridiculed by the Doctor. A lot.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Susan!

Does a woman get to be a badass? Yup!

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? The Doctor is bossing everyone around this week.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Nope, just good old fashioned Doctor/Ian. You could argue that it's more to do with Susan being a teen than being a woman, but I think it's certainly mixed in with sexism.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? The Sensorites call the Doctor out on making Susan sad.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

This week is all about Susan trying to assert her independence and worth in the face of an increasingly dickish Doctor, whose patriarchal bullshit is thoroughly unpleasant. Though she ultimately agrees to do as she's told, it's an uneasy resolution, and I'm grateful that this reconciliation was played as an uncomfortable truce that's clearly not satisfactory for Susan; it makes me confident that this issue is not resolved and will be allowed to play out. Until she gets married off. There are some nice moments between Barbara and Susan, and it's good for Susan to have a female role model to whom she can look for a good example (not least in terms of showing her how to stand up to the Doctor's nonsense) and who looks out for her emotional wellbeing. Ian is clueless as hell (his notion that Susan's disobedience is down to hypnosis is something else), but I enjoy the continued leftie streak to his character. The Doctor is awful this week, but kudos to Billy and to the director for not trying to make the Doctor likeable whenever he's clearly in the wrong; one of my favourite things about One is that he's not a straightforward hero and (at this stage) only very occasionally the moral compass of the show, so there's no pressure to make him right all the time; when his behaviour is inexcusable, people don't make excuses for him. (I'll accept that Babs telling Susan her grandfather loves her really is a bit of an excuse, but she doesn't say that makes him right per se.) The Sensorites are...interesting. I mean sometimes they're boring, but they raise complicated questions at any rate. Next week, expect lots of whinging about Barbara's absence.