Series 1 Episode 29: The Bride of Sacrifice

Serial: The Aztecs
Episode: 3 (The Bride of Sacrifice)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: John Lucarotti
Director: John Crockett
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 06/06/1964

NOT KNOWING THE PRICE OF A PINT OF COCOA (and other stories)

In which the Doctor plays with hearts, Susan takes on the patriarchy again, Ian shows off his photobombing skills, and Barbara doesn't know the price of a pint of milk (metaphorically speaking).

So Ian’s life is on the line thanks to having been drugged during a fight with his (fr)enemy Ixta, and now Tlotoxl (this serial’s chief pain in the arse) is telling Barbara that if she’s really Yetaxa she should save him. There are many divine things about our Babs (her gravity-defying bouffant for instance), but she’s not a miracle worker, so this puts her in something of a pickle. What she is, however, is a quick-thinking badass: in the blink of an eye, she’s grabbed a dagger from one of the guards and put it against Tlotoxl’s throat.

Bloody Nora, this new, violent Barbara doesn’t fuck about. There’s a pleasing symmetry between the Barbara in John Lucarotti’s previous serial Marco Polo, who found herself in a cave full of bandits with a knife to her throat (after they drew lots to see who got to murder her…I just want everyone to remember how messed up that was), and the Barbara who I truly believe would actually cut Tlotoxl’s neck open Caitlyn Stark style if Ian were killed. You could say that this is a standard example of Barbara and Ian being entirely prepared to go to new, dark places to ensure one another’s safety, but I prefer to think of it as an example – and a slightly sad example at that – of how having been on the receiving end of that kind of violence has changed our Babs. It’s great to see her being a badass, and I love seeing what these characters are capable of when push comes to shove, but it’s part of a low-key character development arc that arguably reaches its climax in The Rescue where Babs realises she has become the kind of person who shoots first and asks questions later when she thinks her friends are in danger (R.I.P. Sandy).

Anyway, neither Tlotoxl nor Ixta feels like calling her bluff, and just like that the authority of ‘Yetaxa’ is reasserted. She demands that Tlotoxl obey her and her servants not be punished. If this is what she’s like in the classroom, I imagine she has very few discipline problems.

Once everyone but Tlotoxl, Ixta, and the semi-comatose Ian has processed out, Tlotoxl wastes no time in examining the drugged needle the Doctor gave to Ixta. He immediately calls bullshit on it having been ‘magic’; he knows it’s just horticulture and plans to get Tonila to confirm it. On learning that the Doctor wanted the plans to the tomb, Tlotoxl plans to question him, too. Ixta is sulky and aggressive about having had Ian at his mercy and wants him at his mercy again; Tlotoxl promises to make it happen.

Meanwhile, Autloc is telling Babs how much she humiliated Tlotoxl and wants to know why she went for the stabby option. Then this happens:

Well, yeah. Because you're supposed to be a god, remember? Apart from the fact that this really isn’t the time for sass, it’s odd that Babs is trying to put forward a vaguely secularist argument ('why should I use divine powers when human ability will suffice?') based on some sort of divine mandate. Autloc swallows it, however, and she goes on to ask him whether he’s thought any more on her ‘prophecy’. She proceeds to draw a firm line between the will of the gods and Tlotoxl’s way, which is ‘evil’ and ‘must be destroyed’. STOP USING THAT WORD, BABS. She asks when the next sacrifice is, and it turns out – cliché alert – that it’s due to coincide with an imminent solar eclipse. Babs tries to appeal to Autloc’s knowledgeableness but is immediately hoist with her own petard of slippery religious logic when this happens:

BARBARA: But it's a trick! As the High Priest of Knowledge, you know the sun will shine again.
AUTLOC: Unless the gods withdraw their favour from us.

Post hoc ergo propter hoc much.

Babs changes tack, pointing out that he believes her to be a god, and telling him that if he supports her, Tlotoxl won’t dare defy the two of them together. What follows is a really poignant moment when it becomes apparent that what Barbara is in fact asking of him is an enormous leap of faith: ‘If I take that course, there is no way back for me. In all humility, I beg you, do not deceive me or prove false to me.’

Erk. It’s no surprise that Barbara looks very uncomfortable at the end of this scene. She must know that she is out-and-out manipulating a man of faith by doing precisely what he has begged her not to do, i.e. deceiving him and proving false to him. He’s willing to risk everything by endorsing what would have been some seriously radical reforms based solely on the fact that he believes her to be a god; he’s not going along with her outlawing of sacrifice because he thinks sacrifice is inherently wrong but because he believes Barbara has divine authority. In a way, Autloc is a lot more dangerous than Tlotoxl, because Autloc doesn’t question authority and Tlotoxl very much does, which makes Autloc much easier to manipulate by horribly misguided time travellers who are lying through their teeth in order to pursue their own agenda.

Meanwhile, Tlotoxl and the Doctor are still trying to out-sass one another in the garden. There’s a rather lovely moment when Tlotox insinuates that the Doctor is a tricksy blighter because he gave Ixta the means of defeating Ian, and the Doctor coolly replies by saying ‘I am faithful to my friends’. (I’m taking a moment to relish Barbara and Ian’s upgrade to friendship status.) Then the Doctor decides to play on Tlotoxl’s curiosity by implying that he may not in fact be entirely Team Yetaxa in order to manipulate Tlotoxl into getting the tomb open so they can all go home:

TLOTOXL: I want but one thing. Proof that she is a false goddess.
DOCTOR: Then open the tomb.
TLOTOXL: That cannot be achieved.
DOCTOR: Then talk to Ixta. He has some drawings.
TLOTOXL: In whose service are you?
DOCTOR: I serve the truth. Help me, Tlotoxl, and I promise you, you will find it.

What’s lovely here is that a few serials earlier we’d be seriously doubting the Doctor’s motives and worrying that he might leave his fellow travellers in the lurch (the way he was willing to leave Barbara to die of radiation poisoning on Skaro) and just escape with Susan at the earliest opportunity. However, now we are confident enough in the strength of the bond between the four members of Team Tardis to sit back and enjoy the Doctor’s duplicity.

Back in the barracks, Ian wakes up to find Ixta standing over him rubbing a dagger disconcertingly. However, Ixta tells Ian not to be afraid: 'Now that I can defeat you openly, I have no need to destroy you in secret.’ I’m sure he’s enormously reassured, Ixta.

Ixta proceeds to gloat about how it was the Doctor wot dunnit. Again, there’s proof of how much the relationships within Team Tardis have flourished: Ian asks, without a trace of alarm, whether the Doctor knew it was he who would be fighting Ixta, and when Ixta confirms the Doctor’s ignorance, Ian simply pulls a ‘lol classic Doctor’ face and moves on. Trust is gorgeous. Ixta decides that seeing as how he’s going to kill Ian next time they fight, the two of them can now be bros. Ian is...whelmed. Before they can consummate their bromance, however, enter Tlotoxl, who snarks Ian about being fully recovered. Ian continues to be the sass king of the barracks:

Never change. Also Tlotoxl's face is something else.

Anyway, Tlotoxl wants to know about the drawings; Ixta, gleefully, informs him that none exist. Ian realises this must have been why the Doctor drugged him, and Ixta takes the opportunity to throw Ian’s quip about ‘stealth and cunning’ from the last episode back in his face before steering him outside. Ian, however, gives Ixta the slip for a few seconds, and eavesdrops a bit as Tlotoxl tells Tonila he wants him to help destroy the false Yetaxa the same way the Doctor helped Ixta defeat Ian…but then Ian has to leave because Ixta is calling him.

Anyway, Tonila refuses to destroy Yetaxa because ‘destroy the gods and we destroy ourselves’. Tltotoxl, however, assures him that far from going full Nietzsche, he just wants to prove Barbara false: if she lives, she’s innocent, but if she dies, she’s mortal and therefore guilty. Which is much fairer than, say, a witch trial, but still not good news for Team Tardis’s resident god-impersonator.

Back in the gardens, Cameca is telling Autloc how happy she is now she’s got a new suitor (i.e. the Doctor). Autloc tells her to make him a love potion from cocoa beans; Cameca says she’d rather the Doctor made it; Autloc wishes her luck. Poor Cameca. She goes over to the Doctor, who continues to be charming in exchange for information, in this case regarding a sign carved on the wall. Cameca, blinded by love, tells him it’s Yetaxa’s sign, which surely ought to raise alarm bells as he’s meant to be the servant of Yetaxa and should know what her sign looks like. The Doctor spots the cocoa beans and offers to fix them both up a hot chocolate, unaware of the deeper significance of this action. Poor, poor, poor Cameca.

Back in the temple, Ian has taken an enormous risk (apparently) to come and see Babs to warn her about Tonila being in league with Tlotoxl. What Ian has also come to tell her is, apparently, a truckload of harsh truths:

BARBARA: Tlotoxl's dangerous. He seems able to bring people around to his way of thinking.
IAN: You've got it all wrong, Barbara. All the people here share Tlotoxl's views.
BARBARA: What about Autloc? I'm sick and tired of all this arguing and quarrelling. First the Doctor and now you. Why can't you see what I'm trying to do?
IAN: I can.
BARBARA: Well you're not helping. Tlotoxl's evil and he'll make everyone else the same.
IAN: They are the same, Barbara. That's the whole point. You keep on insisting that Tlotoxl's the odd man out, but he isn't.

THANK YOU, IAN. I mean I positively loathe that it’s Barbara WHO IS AN HISTORIAN – and who, let’s not forget, is the one who a few serials ago was lecturing Ian about the futility of applying Earth standards to extra-terrestrial worlds – can’t seem to grasp the fact that she’s applying the moral standards of her own time and place to fifteenth-century Mexico. I mean, you can just about explain her actions if you think of her as a product of the dying days of top-down historiography, but it’s still pretty inexcusable and actually pretty out of character when you consider her moral relativism over the past few serials in contrast with Ian’s often inflexible views. However, I’m glad somebody is pointing out to her how ludicrously out of touch she is with the people, and it may as well be Ian, who, as I keep saying, is the more left-leaning of the two humans.

Ian sciencesplains historiography. And close-ups.

But oh dear, it seems Ian’s not immune to problematic language use: as he tries to persuade her that ‘Autloc’s the extraordinary man here’, he goes on to refer to Autloc as ‘the reasonable one’ and ‘the civilised one’. ARGH. Yes, Ian, the guy who is prepared to start a religious schism on the basis of faith alone is the clearly the reasonable one. Ugh. Anyway, it seems that a stern talking-to from Ian has made Babs see the error of her ways (which is confusing as I thought she’d already come round to the Doctor’s way of thinking and was just trying to play Autloc and Tlotoxl off against one another):

BARBARA: Then everything I've tried to do…oh, I thought I could alter them.
IAN: You can't fight a whole way of life, Barbara.
BARBARA: I suppose not. I've just been fooling myself. Ian, what can we do?
IAN: We can get into that tomb and leave them alone.

Though I agree entirely with Ian’s sentiments here (and am delighted that he’s speaking to her with the honesty of a friend and keeping the mansplainy vibes down to a minimum), I’m infuriated beyond belief that Barbara coming down from her power trip involves reverting back to looking to Ian for answers. Power-crazed Babs was hideously misguided and I’m glad she’s come to her senses, but she was also a quick-thinking, kick-ass, initiative-taking Queen, and it’s annoying that Sensible Barbara now looks to a man to take the lead and get them out of this mess. A mess which, lest we forget, she got them into because she displayed the enthusiasm and curiosity appropriate to a time-travelling history teacher who finds herself in the exact time and place in which she has displayed the most scholarly interest over the course of her academic career; women who wander off must be punished at all costs.

Anyway, someone’s coming, so Ian has to hide. Enter Tonila and Tlotoxl, the latter of whom is all humility and reconciliation and wants Yetaxa to drink the cup of Definitely Not Poison that Tonila is holding as a sign of their now being cool with each other or something. Barbara, who has literally just been warned that these two are up to no good, accepts without batting an eyelid. Because Ian has to have something to do this episode. And that something is WAVE HIS ARMS LIKE A MADMAN behind Tlotoxl’s back to alert Babs to the danger.

She’s quick on the uptake and tells Tlotoxl that if she’s going to prove her faith in him, he has to prove his in her first and take the first drink. When he very obviously doesn’t want to, Babs flips her shit, smashes the cup, and tells them they’ve defiled the temple and to get the fuck out. GO BABS.

But WAIT WHAT she follows this up by TELLING TLOTOXL SHE’S NOT ACTUALLY YETAXA! BECAUSE FOR WHY!? There is literally nothing she could gain by admitting she’s a fake…well, except maybe a respite from constant lying. And she goes further, telling Tlotoxl that nobody would believe him if he speaks against her, and that if she does, she’ll have the people DESTROY HIM. Bloody hell, Babs.

After symbolically removing her headdress, a weary and defeated-looking Barbara shuffles back inside and adopts her standard at-the-end-of-her-tether pose, which is crying (albeit silently) on Ian.

In the garden, the Doctor and Cameca are drinking cocoa. The Doctor thinks Cameca’s weirdly poetic pronouncements about love and such are just womanly pretty talk and is alarmed to discover that in making cocoa for Cameca he’s just made a proposal of marriage which she has now accepted. His face is priceless.

Meanwhile, Tlotoxl is quietly seething while Autloc chats to Tonila about Susan’s studies. Tlotoxl learns about Susan’s fuck the patriarchy moment from last episode and plans to use this against Yetaxa, whose ‘weakness lies not in herself but in her servants’. Basically he’s going to force Susan into an arranged marriage to piss Barbara off. POOR, POOR SUSAN. Also, John Lucarotti, what is it with you and forced marriages?

Back in the seminary, Susan is still acing her lessons and providing much educational content for young viewers. Enter the Perfect Victim, who is being a Perfect Creep. When Susan learns who he is, she thinks the whole thing is ‘horrible’, which apparently is all the Perfect Victim needs to convince him that he must have Susan as his bride. Susan is, understandably, shocked and outraged, and is gloriously scornful of the whole affair. (I’m also having Ping-Cho-related feelings.) She refuses outright to be numbered among the things he wants and can therefore have, and condemns the whole thing as barbaric. Tonila goes off to report Susan’s refusal to Tlotoxl, saying she’ll be punished. Autloc tells Susan he’ll do what he can, but Susan says they’re all monsters and quietly sobs for her grandfather. It’s enormously fucked up on many levels, and while I appreciate how brilliant Susan is at sticking it to The Man (despite managing to be really rather racist in the process), I do not in any way appreciate her being put in this situation just to rack up the peril.

Meanwhile in the garden, the Doctor is making precisely no effort to liberate his granddaughter from brainwashing school but is busy planning a future he has no intention of spending with Cameca.

In the temple, Tonila is placing a matter before Yetaxa, who is very much back in charge. She forgives Tonila for his sins, but can’t agree to the proposed punishment (the tongue and ears pierced with thorns) of the as yet unnamed speaker-out against Aztec teachings. There’s a throwaway bit of dialogue in which Tonila speculates that a life without discipline leads to purposelessness and weakness, which gives me renewed appreciation for Barbara’s rehabilitation over punishment attitude. When Babs learns that the punishment is to take place on the day of the eclipse and that she must be there, she pauses for thought. I’m assuming she sees this as an opportunity to reunite Team Tardis, because even though she doesn’t agree to the punishment, she doesn’t disagree, and requests only that her servants and handmaiden be there too. A smug Tlotoxl agrees. Because Susan’s the one being punished. Obv.

Back in the garden, the Space Bros are catching up. The Doctor tells Ian he reckons there’s a tunnel leading from the garden into the tomb. Then this happens:

Gifs by cleowho

These are vintage Billy Lols, but I do feel like Cameca is getting the shit end of the stick here, because he goes on to describe his having become the intended of a woman who clearly has genuine feelings for him as ‘neither here nor there’. I would also pay good money for someone to make an overly-dramatic Doctor/Cameca video set to ‘Jar of Hearts’, purely for my own amusement. Anyway, the Space Bros agree to meet in the garden at night after Ian’s snuck out leaving Ixta asleep.

Back in the temple, Autloc agrees to match Yetaxa’s courage when she intervenes in the sacrifice. And I’m going to take a moment to note how much actual bravery that would take on Autloc’s part, seeing as he can’t fuck off in a time machine once he’s stuck his neck out. But OH CRUMBS Autloc has spilled the beans about Susan, and Babs immediately starts planning how to get Susan off the hook. The only trouble is, her initial plan of ordering Tlotoxl to release Susan after she’s stopped the sacrifice won’t work, because Susan is to be punished first. Which puts Barbara in yet another pickle: as Autloc puts it, will she sacrifice her people to save her handmaiden pain? Which I think makes this the first choice between a companion’s (yes I know Susan's not technically a companion) welfare and the greater good (well, what passes for the greater good in this serial) of the show, and it’s Barbara facing the dilemma not the Doctor.

In the barracks, Ian sneaks out leaving Ixta asleep…for about five seconds. Ixta is immediately up and following Ian. Outside, the Doctor is having trouble shifting the stone with the carving on it. Ian tries, and William Russell has a hilarious time of it pretending a polystyrene slab is very heavy. The Doctor wants to go into the tunnel with his Space Bro, but Ian insists on going it alone, because it’s too dangerous. The Doctor tells him to ‘take this’, which alas is not the kitten from the meme but a torch. Ian goes into the tunnel.

Enter Ixta, who is a little shit and, after engaging the Doctor in awkward conversation, moves the stone back into place (less convincingly than Ian). He says he has to replace the stone or the garden will be ruined, because the tunnel fills with water. The Doctor is antsy as hell but is trying to stay calm because he can’t fight Ixta and he can’t give Ian away, even though Ixta clearly knows Ian is in there and is relishing the fact that he’s messing up their plans. Inside the tunnel, there is the sound of rushing water. Ian’s face lights up with horror.

GORDON BENNETT HE’LL BE DROWNDED FOR SURE AND THE DOCTOR WILL HAVE TO TELL BABS THAT HER BFF IS DEAD AND SUSAN’S GOING TO BE MUTILATED AND FORCED INTO A CREEPY MARRIAGE AND OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS HOW WILL THEY EVER GET OUT OF THIS ALMIGHTY PICKLE?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Nope. The women get good dialogue, but they still don't get any of it together.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? No.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Susan is in a seminary and Barbara is pretty much under Temple Arrest, but not as such, no.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? No.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Yup. Barbara is nearly poisoned and Susan is due to have her tongue pierced with thorns.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? There are probably some obnoxious asides from Tlotoxl but nothing sticks out.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Babs has to cuddle Ian after he sciencesplains history to her.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Barbara, Ian, and Susan in peril this week.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Nope.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Barbara gets some harsh truths from Ian when she's way out of touch with the reality of Aztec life, but it's not undeserved.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Nope. But pretty much everyone calls Barbara out on hers.

Does a woman get to be a badass? A problematic badass. But oh what a badass.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Barbara is the one with the most actual power in this episode, but the Doctor is still calling the shots and Tlotoxl is outplaying all of them. Plus Ian reasserts his dominance once Barbara comes down from her power trip.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Yup. Arranged marriage klaxon. 

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? SUSAN!

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? The Perfect Victim has a perfectly horrible thing for Susan, who categorically does not reciprocate.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Jacqueline Hill continues to act her socks off, and Barbara gets to be as complex as she'll ever be this week. We get to see her dealing with power, thinking on her feet, dealing with the full fucked-up reality of what she's trying to do, and being faced with some pretty major moral dilemmas. I continue to be infuriated by the fact that a history teacher who specialises in Aztec history can be this dense about Aztec culture to the extent that Ian has to sciencesplain, but at least his views are in keeping with his characterisation. Susan has a pretty shitty week, but she does continue to get some excellent fuck the patriarchy moments. Tlotoxl's face continues to be an inspiration, and the Doctor continues to develop. Another meaty outing for Team One.

Series 1 Episode 28: The Warriors of Death

Serial: The Aztecs
Episode: 2 (The Warriors of Death)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: John Lucarotti
Director: John Crockett
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 30/05/1964

YOU CAN'T OUTPLAY A PRAYER (and other stories)

In which Team Tardis goes up against Team Tlotoxl and is comprehensively outplayed, Babs and the Doctor bond over the need to check one's temporal privilege, Ian and Ixta flirt outrageously, and Susan gets to fuck the patriarchy a bit, though the episode as a whole represents the biggest Bechdel Test fail of the series so far.

So Tlotoxl has vowed to destroy the false goddess, straight to camera. Meanwhile a thoroughly miserable-looking Babs is being roundly ticked off by the Doctor in what turns out to be rather a beautiful scene between the two. I really do think the Doctor sees a lot of his younger self in the ill-advisedly meddling history teacher, as was hinted at last week when the Doctor was trying to persuade her that changing history was impossible and suggested that he himself had had similar experiences (‘I know – believe me, I know’). Anyway, the Doctor reminds her (forcefully) that human sacrifice is the Aztecs’ ‘tradition – their religion’; Barbara maintains that she had to at least try to stop the sacrifice. Then this happens:

Blimey, he’s really not pulling his punches, is he? I’m constantly struck by how much of a match for one another these two characters are; neither is afraid of calling the other out in the strongest possible terms when they’re wrong. I do, however, have a fairly major niggle with the idea that Barbara ‘didn’t think’ about how the man who was being sacrificed ‘wanted to be offered to the gods’, seeing as how she’s supposed to be an Aztec specialist.

What’s beyond a shadow of a doubt, however, is how fond the Doctor has become of Barbara and how much respect he has for her since she gave him a bollocking/saved everyone’s lives in The Edge of Destruction. When she starts to cry, he immediately feels guilty, pats her on the arm, and apologises for being so harsh with her. I will never not love it when the Doctor seems to cast his mind back to the vow he made to take good care of his fierce fellow traveller the last time he seriously upset Barbara and immediately modifies his behaviour. Also it’s good to see a healthy example of a character at the end of their tether having ‘a little cry’ to vent their feelings and then getting on with their day. Don’t bottle these things up, guys.

Anyway, Babs dries her eyes and tells the Doctor he had every right to tear her off a strip, and to be honest you’ll hear no arguments from me on that score. The experience does seem to have brought the two closer together, though: I’ve always had a pet theory that ‘Time Lord’ is the closest the Tardis translation circuits could get to ‘privileged in time’, and now Barbara’s had a taste of it (and had that privilege checked). Now it’s Barbara’s job to hold Tlotoxl off by playing him and Autloc against one another. Babs asks what he and Ian intend to do; the Doctor reckons ‘Ian can look after himself’ (poor Ian), while he’s finding out about the entrance to the tomb (in which the Tardis is locked) from his new lady friend.

Oh my strange darlings, the growing affection between you is gorgeous. Especially as it’s based on mutual respect rather than paternalism. The Doctor isn’t just trying to make Barbara feel better – he really means it when he tells her they’re all safe so long as she’s here.

Enter Tlotoxl, unannounced. And Barbara is fucking magnificent. They have an excellent scene in which the two attempt to run rings around one another and Babs is cold fire incarnate:

TLOTOXL: I would ask you: How shall a man know his gods?
BARBARA: By the signs of their divinity.
TLOTOXL: And what if thieves walk among the gods?
BARBARA: (smirking) Then indeed, how shall a man know?

Well that's dark. She really ought to be in politics. I suppose it also pays to be an ‘expert’ on Aztec culture when the truth of your divinity rests on a history quiz. But OH BLOODY HELL bloody Ian being in bloody trouble looks to be about to undermine Babs’s ability to play the game of thrones. When Tlotoxl informs her Ian is about to fight to the death for control of the military, she had trouble keeping her poker face on. One day, someone won’t use Ian to try to undermine Barbara.

Meanwhile, Ian and Ixta are flirting engaging in sassy smack-talk while Autloc plays third wheel:

IXTA: Thus shall my enemies fall.
IAN: Real enemies can hit back.
IXTA: I have no fear of death.
IAN: Perhaps not. The dead never win.

Ian then goes on to claim that a thumb is all he needs to win a victory. And seriously, the double entendre is just too much:

And OH the Chesterton Neck Pinch is back with a vengeance! Seriously, the man has a strangling/neck-fondling fetish that refuses to die. As Ixta swoons over the weapons table, Tlotoxl enters and is reasonably horrified to see his champ out cold. Smuggity Smugpants McChesterton goes off for a walk, and poor Ixta wakes up burbling about how he was ‘powerless’ to resist him.

Enter the ‘Perfect Victim’, who is to be obeyed in all things and will eventually be sacrificed so he can tell the gods how great the Aztecs are. I can’t find anything useful on Wikipedia to corroborate this, so I’m just going to move on. Tlotoxl is winding Ixta up by saying that he’s all mouth and no trousers, and ends up manipulating the Perfect Victim into ordering a rematch between Ian and Ixta; Tlotoxl tells Ixta that if he destroys Ian, all glory and honour shall be his. Toxic masculinity, man.

Meanwhile, in the Garden of Old People, the Doctor and Cameca are chatting about herblore. Cameca wonders whether he’s a healer, to which the Doctor replies he is ‘a scientist, an engineer’, and ‘a builder of things’. Interesting that he sees himself as this kind of Doctor. Anyway, this brings them neatly to the subject of the temple. There’s a hilarious moment where the Doctor glares at a passing old person who appears to be eavesdropping, and Cameca agrees to arrange a meeting with the builder’s son. Then this happens:

CAMECA: An interested mind brooks no delay.
DOCTOR: Yes, and I’m sure that’s true of you, too, hmm?
CAMECA: It was true. Now, I am content to spend the time here, like the others.
DOCTOR: Oh, but their minds are old, Cameca. And that’s something I’m sure yours will never be.
CAMECA: Your heart is young too, Doctor.

Well aren’t you the cutest? I do hope the Doctor isn’t just stringing her along. That would be Not OK.

The Doctor can quite literally smell the love in the air.

Back in the Temple, Tlotoxl has come to see Babs and informs her that Autloc will question her; if Autloc is satisfied then Tlotoxl will eat his words and beg forgiveness of the gods; Babs tells him she’ll remember his words. I do love her quiet badassery. Tlotoxl also tells her that while her divinity is in question, only those who serve the temple may approach her, meaning of course that she’s now isolated from the rest of Team Tardis; Tlotoxl is clearly hoping that this will put Barbara in a flap, but she remains calm and accepts these terms. Stay strong, Babs.

Meanwhile, Ixta is having some sort of crisis of masculinity when Cameca comes to see him. It turns out Ixta is none other than the son of the architect the Doctor so badly wants to see. Ixta asks Cameca if she knows anything about magic; she tells him know, but reckons the old servant of Yetaxa does. What’s more, the Doctor doesn’t know Ixta’s name; unbeknownst to Cameca (I think…I hope!), Ixta plans to beat Ian using the Doctor’s knowledge, thus letting his enemies destroy themselves. Cripes.

Elsewhere, Susan is in the seminary and is acing her lessons. Without Susan’s hesitations, the lesson under immediate consideration is this: ‘Tend well your nurseries and your flowerbeds; keep clean your pot and stewpan. Do not spend recklessly; do not destroy or cheapen yourself; you’ll never have a house or a home of your own if you live like that.’

JOHN LUCAROTTI, WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SO DAMN SAD ABOUT SUSAN AND HER HOMESICKNESS?

ALSO JOHN LUCAROTTI WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME WONDER WHETHER SUSAN RAN AWAY FROM AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE ON GALLIFREY?

Still, at least Susan gets to fuck the patriarchy a bit. As is consistent with her characterisation in Marco Polo. Also, the spectre of Ping-Cho looms large right now.

Back in the OAP Garden, the Doctor is fondling a plant Cameca showed him earlier that puts people to sleep. Enter Ixta, resplendent in his Jaguar Warrior costume. Ixta says he’ll give the Doctor the plans to the tomb entrance if he meets him later that evening, but has to meet this other warrior before that and is really worried he’ll lose because this is hand-to-hand combat and he’s only really any good with a club and he’ll be really humiliated if he loses. The Doctor thinks they can come to some arrangement and cackles like a loon as he coats the tip of a pin in the sleepytime sap of the Cameca plant.

Back in the Barracks, Ian is now the one swiping at the air a la Luna Lovegood. Tlotoxl sasses him; Ian sasses him back. Enter Ixta, who is now sure he can defeat Ian. He calls Ian over, who bounds over like a puppy and there’s more slashfic dialogue in the air than you can shake a stick at as Ixta challenges Ian to a sunset wrestling match. Ian, unwilling to ‘deny him’, accepts. Just in case we weren’t already of sure of Tlotoxl’s motives, when Ixta says ‘if you wish it, he shall die’, the High Priest replies ‘let him die’. And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean in a petite mort kind of way either.

Back in the temple, Barbara is talking with Autloc, who seems to be pretty chill about doing whatever the gods tell him to do: if they send up messengers, it’s natural that the gods will send messengers back, and Autloc would have no problem outlawing human sacrifice if that’s what the gods wanted, not because he questions the value of the sacrifice but because he won’t oppose the will of the gods. What a yes-man. UGH and the poignancy of what happens next is somewhat undermined by Barbara’s continued belief that it’s the human sacrifice wot made the Spanish wipe out the Aztecs, because she goes on to prophecy a time ‘when ten thousand will die in one day’, followed by ‘total destruction’: ‘Your civilisation will pass forever from the land.’ Not one for drama, Autloc says he’ll give it a think. Babs leans against the throne looking troubled and exhausted. Uneasy lies the head that wears the sunflower.

Elsewhere, the Doctor is giving Ixta his homemade sedative weapon, which at least isn’t designed to kill or else this could easily turn into Hamlet. The Doctor thinks he’s been super cunning to make a deal for the plans to the tomb and has no idea he’s been played.

Back at the temple, Tlotoxl is chatting to Autloc and reckons ‘Yetaxa’ has prophecied doom only to save herself. They hear footsteps approach and hide; it’s the Doctor, and he’s rather unwisely calling for ‘Barbara’. Which I’m pretty sure is a recent development, as it’s mostly been ‘Miss Wright’ or ‘my dear’ or ‘young woman’ up until the last few episodes. Then again, they are now besties. He enters her throne room or whatever it’s called, and she immediately tells him he can’t be here because Tlotoxl forbids it. The Doctor agrees to get out of there but not without first telling her that he’s going to get his hands on the plans to the tomb that evening and that all he had to do was make sure a warrior won a fight. Babs instantly smells a rat (because Barbara and Ian clearly have a sixth sense about one another’s wellbeing), and when the Doctor describes the guy with a face like a cat, Babs realises it’s Ixta and that he’s fighting Ian. The Doctor goes into ‘oh shit’ mode and immediately runs off to warn his Space Bro.

But OH NO he’s immediately apprehended by Tlotoxl and assorted warriors for transgressing the law and is dragged off protesting cantankerously. Babs immediately appeals to Autloc, telling him that nobody told the Doctor what was going on, and Autloc agrees to have the Doctor released without much argument. He seems a pretty fair sort. When Barbara tries to forbid the Ixta/Ian fight, however, Autloc is less amenable. Upon being assured that it’s not a fight to the death, however, Babs is content to tell Autloc to ensure that it remains so.

IT’S FIGHT TIME! Ian enters and gives Ixta the eyes, and the grappling begins. It’s all a bit D.H. Lawrence and mostly looks like they’re hugging. Ixta picks up the pin just as the Doctor enters and hisses at Ian not to let Ixta scratch him; hilariously, Ian doesn’t hear him, is distracted, asks the Doctor what he’s on about…and is immediately scratched by Ixta. Oh Doctor. You tried. The Doctor tells Tlotoxl to stop this fuckery because Ixta’s cheating:

OH TLOTOXL YOUR SASS IS SOMETHING ELSE.

Ian’s not doing too badly, though, considering…but OH NO Ixta is koon-ut-kal-if-fee-ing Ian on the floor and then he’s trying to stamp on his windpipe, and Tlotoxl is insisting that it goes to the death and Autloc is being fucking useless. Then Ian’s up, but he’s knackered, and event though he still almost manages to break Ixta’s arm, he ends up pinned against the table with Tlotoxl telling Ixta to DESTROY HIM, brushing aside Autloc’s limp protests that Yetaxa forbids it on the grounds that Yetaxa is a FALSE GODDESS. Then someone yells –

‘STOP!!!’

Oh PHEW it’s Babs, and not a moment too soon. Tlotoxl tells her that her place is in the temple, and with all the withering condemnation she can muster, Babs replies that she’s loyal to those who serve her. And then Tlotoxl really puts her in a pickle: ‘If you are Yetaxa,’ he sneers pointing towards the fight, ‘SAVE HIM.’

BLIMEY O’REILLY HOW WILL BARBARA BLUFF HER WAY OUT OF THIS ONE? WILL IAN BE A FIGHT CLUB CASUALTY? WILL SUSAN BE MARRIED OFF TO A RANDOMER? WILL THE DOCTOR COME DOWN ON IXTA LIKE A TON OF BRICKS TO TEACH HIM NEVER TO OUTPLAY A PLAYER? WILL AUTLOC GROW A SPINE? AND HOW ARE THEY GOING TO GET BACK INTO THAT TOMB?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! One for every woman in this episode, all of whom are entirely isolated from one another and do not speak to one another AT ALL. The biggest fail of the series so far and the first since...well, it's been a while anyway.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? No.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Susan is in a seminary and Barbara is pretty much under Temple Arrest, but not as such, no.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? No.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Not specifically. Tlotoxl definitely wants to destroy Babs, but she's not in any immediate danger of being physically harmed yet.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? There are probably some obnoxious asides from Tlotoxl but nothing sticks out.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? The Doctor yells and Barbara and then has to give her a cuddle.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? It's mostly Ian in peril this week.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Nope. The Doctor comes up with the plan to play the priests off against one another.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Nope. But the Doctor calls Barbara out on hers.

Does a woman get to be a badass? A problematic badass.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Barbara is the one with the most actual power in this episode, but the Doctor is still calling the shots and Tlotoxl is outplaying all of them.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Yup. Arranged marriage klaxon. 

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? SUSAN!

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No, but Ian and Ixta have some insane sexual tension going on under all that masculinity bollocks.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Babs finally checks her temporal privilege (though she can't resist a little problematic prophecying), and the relationship between her and the Doctor goes through an important developmental stage. There's a newfound respect and affection between the two after their bust-up, and it's gorgeous to see. Ian...I really don't know what's up with him this episode but clearly he's decided that life is a) too short and b) too ridiculous not to take this opportunity to be an outrageous flirt with the local totty. Anyway, I'm enjoying the double entendres more than I can possibly say. Poor Susan is stuck in a nunnery, but at least we get to see some of her Marco Polo characterisation. Though John Lucarotti does seem to have a thing about Susan and arranged marriages. Also I do enjoy Tlotoxl as a villain - there's not many people who can outsass One, but he certainly manages it. Plus he gets some great scenes with Barbara on the nature of divinity, which is actually a cracking bit of dialogue. Next week let's see if we can pass that Bechdel Test.

Series 1 Episode 27: The Temple of Evil

Serial: The Aztecs
Episode: 1 (The Temple of Evil)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: John Lucarotti
Director: John Crockett
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 23/05/1964

'HISTORY HAS TO BE MADE - BEFORE IT'S REMADE'* (and other stories)

*Brian Friel, Plays Two (London: Faber and Faber, 1999), p. 258

So my first ‘hmm’ moment of The Aztecs is the title of this episode. Evil is a strong word, after all. I mean, way to predispose your audience towards a certain moral standpoint. It’s odd for this writer, too, who had far less sensational, sci-fi titles for his previous serial. Plus it sounds way too much like Temple of Doom a.k.a. Indiana Jones and the Racist Caricatures for my liking.

Anyway, here we are in an Aztec tomb with John Lucarotti of Marco Polo fame. This is the guy who gave us Ping-Cho, so I’m optimistic. Also, I enjoy the camera-work of this opening (well, if you don’t count the very cute model Tardis dematerialising from Marinus) shot: we begin right up in the grill of the dead Aztec priest in his death-mask and gradually zoom out to reveal the Tardis and Barbara and Susan coming out of it. It’s not done from the point of view of the adventurers, but from the point of view of the occupant of the tomb; it’s an intrusion – all this was already here before Team Tardis disturbed it. This may just be a budget consideration, as I don’t think the Tardis set actually appears at all in this serial as far as I can remember, but it would be a far more colonial gaze if we followed the adventurers into the tomb in a spirit of ‘discovery’ rather than witnessing them disturb something quiet and – as the initial focus on the death mask would indicate – private.

Which brings me to my second ‘hmm’ moment: Barbara Wright, history teacher and expert on Aztec civilisation, is casually desecrating the tomb of one of its priests. I love how much of a nerd Barbara is (dating the mask around 1430, for instance), but have some respect for the dead.

Gif by The Watch-A-Thon of Rassilon

Anyway, Babs has put on a coiled serpent bracelet, while Morbid!Susan is having fun playing with a dagger and miming cutting someone’s heart out. Then this happens:

BARBARA: [Cutting out people’s hearts was] only one side to their nature. The other side was highly civilised.
SUSAN: Well, the Spanish didn’t think so.
BARBARA: Oh, they only saw the acts of sacrifice. That was the tragedy of the Aztecs. Their whole civilisation was completely destroyed, the good as well as the evil.

Third ‘hmm’ moment alert. Again related to the use of the word ‘evil’ and indeed the word ‘civilised’. You’ll never catch me arguing that human sacrifice is A-OK, but it’s problematic at the very least to infer that the wiping out of an entire culture was in some way down to…I dunno, hubris? Or to imply that a practice that is admittedly pretty horrifying is inherently ‘uncivilised’ just because it doesn’t fit twentieth-/twenty-first-century Western ideas of acceptable state-sponsored, religiously-motivated bloodshed; the Aztecs were an advanced society whose religious practices may have been gory in the extreme but were not acts of random bloodthirstiness and primitive savagery. The whole thing smacks of victim-blaming.

Anyway, a gleeful Susan is pointing out the ‘cartoons’ (*facepalm*) on the wall of the tomb, which then opens out like a catflap. Intrepid Babs immediately goes through it, and Susan, after warning her not to ‘go too far’ (what a loaded warning!), goes back to get the others from the Tardis. Wide-eyed History nerd Barbara looks around the stone chamber muttering about how ‘perfect’ it is…and is instantly apprehended by one of the many actors in this serial to portray an ancient Mexican with the aid of a lot of fake tan. He tells Barbara the temple is sacred to the memory of the High Priest Yetaxa, and that she’s trespassing and must be punished. Yikes. When he calls the guards to restrain her, however, he catches sight of the bracelet she robbed from the dead priest…

Back in the main tomb, the Doctor is being beautifully cantankerous about Barbara’s disappearing act.

I can’t actually recall an instance so far where the Doctor has explicitly told Babs not to wander off alone, so perhaps John Lucarotti is just assuming that other writers have given the Doctor the same personality he gave Marco ‘women who wander off should expect to be held at knifepoint by bandits’ Polo a couple of serials back. Also the humans are now 100% part of the Crew.

The rest of Team Tardis (feat. a freshly-laundered Ian) goes through the catflap, and they all admire their surroundings a bit. The Doctor seems to be a fan of the Aztecs, ‘gruesome habits’ aside. But OH NO they seem to have forgotten the rule whereby every episode for one reason or another they end up separated from the Tardis, because their musings are cut short by the catflap door swinging shut again. It is at this point that the Doctor appears to be a little too familiar with the occupational hazards of grave-robbing:

IAN: There’s nothing to get a grip on.
SUSAN: There must be some way of opening it.
DOCTOR: Yes. You push it from the other side. These tombs were designed to prevent grave-robbers, not to aid and abet them.

Why not wedge it open before going exploring, then, if you’re so knowledgeable, Doctor?

When you lock yourself out of your car...

Anyway, the guy who apprehended Barbara comes in at this point, welcoming Team Catflap as the Servants of Yetaxa. His name is Autloc, and he is the High Priest of Knowledge; Team Catflap is nonplussed, and Ian (of course) wants to know where Barbara is, but Autloc speaks only of the woman who wears Yetaxa’s bracelet; Susan interprets this correctly as a reference to Babs. Oh and the catflap is definitely a one-way affair. Bummer.

At this point, Susan rather insultingly recoils from the appearance of a guy with bad hair and a painted stripe across his mouth. As the Episode Guide of old will confirm (oh how I miss the irreverence of the Classic Who site) he also seems to be doing a Richard III thing with his posture. Illuminatingly, according to the transcript, his robes are spattered with blood, though I must say I never noticed this – where’s colour tv when you need it? Anyway, if he is indeed rocking the blood-spattered look, Ian’s sneery comment makes a lot more sense than I had previously thought.

Though I will never not appreciate the Doctor’s sass at this point, it’s still pretty insulting as it turns out the scary-looking fella they've dismissed as 'the local butcher' is the High Priest of Sacrifice, whose name is Tlotoxl.

And this is where it gets really interesting, because the conversation Tlotoxl subsequently has with Autloc (who is a cutie and holds a bunch of flowers throughout this entire exchange for reasons best known to people whose knowledge of Aztec culture extends beyond the chocolatl exhibit at Cadbury World) is pretty-much a damning indictment of organised religion as an instrument of state control. Autloc has forecast rain later that afternoon, and Tlotoxl wants to a) present Yetaxa (Barbara) to the people and b) perform a sacrifice to the Rain God at that exact moment, essentially to re-establish the power of the priesthood over the populace. Autloc, however, insists that it will rain whether or not Tlotoxl sacrifices anybody to said Rain God.

(Fun fact: according to Wikipedia - which is my main source of information on Aztec culture because I’m a lazy bastard - the Aztec rain God was called Tlaloc, and every year there was a festival in which flower-adorned children had their hearts pulled out on mountaintop shrines by way of sacrifice; if they cried on the way to the shrine, it meant there would be abundant rain. No prizes for guessing which time-travelling dysfunctional space family would not have been ok with this.)

This is fascinating stuff, as Tlotoxl is explicitly in it for the power, and is quite calculatedly manipulating the populace with the help of a little meteorological foresight. It’s a deliberate abuse of his authority, and plays right into my pet theory that 1960s Classic Who is Marxist as all fuck.

En attendant Babs, Susan is optimistic about their good treatment so far; the Doctor is a party pooper and says the Aztecs were always super nice to people they later intended to cut open. They’re taken into a room where they find MAGNIFICENT BABS enthroned in splendour being imperious as fuck.

Babs explains how the Aztecs think she’s a reincarnation of the priest in the tomb on account of the bracelet she stole. I would facepalm at the White Person Is Mistaken For A God trope but for the fact that the Bling’s the Thing, as Babs explains to Susan in what I’m going to claim is a high point in the gender politics of the show just to cheer myself up:

SUSAN: But the priest in the tomb’s a man. How can you be a reincarnation of him?
BARBARA: The form the spirit takes isn’t important, Susan. This (indicates the bracelet) is what’s important.

Also, wonders will never cease, because for once it’s the Doctor correcting Ian about someone’s name. The fuzzy feeling doesn’t last, though, because Ian and the Doctor are rather unflatteringly amused at being mistaken for Barbara’s servants. Babs is ever practical: it’ll be dead useful keeping up the charade if only because they can all get back into the tomb any time they want, get into the Tardis, and leave. Once Barbara is stripped of this illusion, the Doctor goes on to Doctorsplain the situation to Aztec expert Barbara: she can’t ask anyone how to open the door because she’s supposed to know everything and if the priests figure out she’s a fake then they’ll all die. No pressure, Babs.

(Fun Fact No. 2…according to Wikipedia again, obv.: god-impersonators were real, and once someone had gone around pretending to be a god for a bit (my favourite example of god-impersonation involves a man spending a year wandering about smoking a pipe, playing the flute, and sniffing flowers), they’d be sacrificed. But maybe Babs has forgotten this.)

Enter Autloc and Tlotoxl, and ooh congrats on your Wikipedia-accurate research, Mr. Lucarotti, because they are indeed intending to honour Tlaloc in a time of drought…but without the child sacrifice, apparently. I’d like to think this was because the Beeb was responsible and didn’t want to do a total hatchet-job and make out that the Aztecs were all about murdering small children and conjuring rain from their tears in what was meant to be an educational show, but it was probably just because there are limits to what can be shown on the telly at tea-time. Anyway, the priests want Yetaxa’s servants to wander among the people, and the Doctor, ever quick on the uptake, is vocally enthusiastic about the idea; Barbara agrees as long as Susan can stay behind. Maybe Babs has remembered the bit about child sacrifice and wants Susan where she can see her.

Adorable Background Acting

Once Team Tardis is alone, the Doctor congratulates Jacqueline Hill Barbara on her performance and enthuses about how ‘they’ have all got what ‘they’ want: the women safe in the temple and the men free to roam outside finding about the tomb. FUCKSAKE DOCTOR.

Outside the temple, Tlotoxl, for reasons best known to himself, reckons they should send Ian off to lead the military. Presumably he wants Ixta, the current leader, to prove himself against the servant of Yetaxa. Or the production team needed an excuse to shoehorn Ian into a few action scenes so they could splash out on some warrior costumes. William Hartnell and William Russell appear to be rehearsing their lines in the background. The Doctor tries to bluff Ian out of being drafted into the military, but Ian, for reasons best known to himself, rolls with it.

Meanwhile, in the barracks, the aforementioned Ixta is swiping at the air with a club like he thinks the place is swarming with Nargles. Tlotoxl brings Ian in, and the homoerotic subtext is palpable. I’m not even kidding. Or maybe I’m just reading too much into Ixta’s unfortunate tendency towards double entendre: after having proven how great he is at fighting by swiping at a random opponent for a bit before smashing a perfectly good shield that’s lying on the table, Ixta tells Ian ‘there is no fear of you in me’. Oh line delivery. Oh Ixta. Just you wait until Ian starts talking about what he can do with his thumb next episode. At any rate, Ixta is definitely the new Marco. Also, Ian’s going to have to help him deliver the human sacrifice to the temple. How morally compromising.

Elsewhere, the Doctor is being put out to pasture. Or rather he’s being left to wander in a garden for the over fifties. He chats up a woman called Cameca who’s apparently the wisest of the OAPs by being snarky about the fact that they can still water the flowers in the middle of a drought; Cameca says ‘better go hungry than starve for beauty’; Cameca may need to rethink her priorities. She tells him about the guy who built the temple and its gardens; when the Doctor asks whether said guy comes to the garden often, Cameca says ‘he watches over it constantly’. Then this happens:

Less a gardener, it turns out, than...y'know...dead. Oh Doctor. Never change. Anyway, the architect may be dead, but his son is alive, and Cameca can arrange a meeting. Dead on.

Enter Ian, dressed as an Eagle Warrior, and in something of a tizzy. The Doctor is temporarily distracted by how intelligent and gentle Cameca is, but Ian brings him back to earth with a bump when he tells him about the human sacrifice that’s to happen later that day:

IAN: I must escort the victim to the altar, hold him down…Doctor, I c –
DOCTOR: Then do it man, do it! But don’t interfere! Otherwise we –
IAN: But –
DOCTOR: There’s no buts about it! If human sacrifice is essential here and it’s their tradition, then let them get on with it. But for our sakes, don’t interfere! Now promise me. Please promise!
(IAN doesn’t reply.)
DOCTOR: I’ll go and tell Barbara.

Well what a fascinating and heated little exchange. Also quite a moment for Ian, who gets to show a new emotion for a change. The closest we’ve seen him to this state was when he thought he’d become a full-time paraplegic in The Daleks – his voice is shaking, he’s panicky, and he’s clearly very upset about the prospect of being complicit in a human sacrifice. This might be the first time Ian’s (almost) said ‘I can’t do it’ rather than ‘I won’t do it’. Character development wins. Even more interesting is the Doctor’s attitude, which is essentially ‘live and let live’ (or should that be ‘live and let die’?), urging Ian not to interfere as much out of respect for Aztec culture as out of a desire for self-preservation. It’s a very different attitude to his later incarnations, who would absolutely have intervened; this Doctor has an almost ruthless respect for history that gradually wears off the longer he travels with humans, it would seem.

Back in the temple, Barbara and Susan are being adorkable, pretending to be at Ascot whilst wearing Babs’s magnificent headdress, and musing over ‘beauty and horror developing hand in hand’ like it’s something that doesn’t happen in Western civilisation.

Enter the Doctor for some iconic dialogue. He tells Barbara about the impending sacrifice and urges her not to interfere, even lying through his teeth and claiming that Ian agrees with him. He should know better than to try to play the Ian card with Barbara ‘I don’t always have to agree with Ian so up yours’ Wright. Ian may be a warrior, but Babs is a goddess, and she has the power to stop it, and says so:

BARBARA: Well, they’ve made me a goddess - and I forbid it.
DOCTOR: Barbara, No!
BARBARA: (picking up the headdress) There’ll be no sacrifice this afternoon, Doctor. Or ever again. The reincarnation of Yetaxa will prove to the people that you don’t need to sacrifice a human being in order to make it rain.
DOCTOR: Barbara, no…
BARBARA: It’s no good, Doctor. My mind’s made up. This is the beginning of the end of the sun god.
DOCTOR: What are you talking about?
BARBARA: Oh, don’t you see? If I could start the destruction of everything that’s evil here…then everything that is good would survive when Cortez lands.
DOCTOR: But you can’t rewrite history - not one line!

Wow, Barbara. Just wow. On so many levels. What kind of insane top-down model of history and/or government do you subscribe to that makes you think you can dismantle the core religious beliefs of an entire civilisation by making decrees from on high? What fascist nonsense is this? Also are you so naïve that you believe that Cortez only went on a colonial rampage because of deep moral outrage? Having said all this, I love that Barbara as a character is allowed to be this horrendously flawed, and that we see the idea that ‘absolute power corrupts absolutely’ in action. Interestingly, as I found out today, this remark was made by one John Dalberg-Acton at a time when he was protesting against the formalisation of papal infallibility at the time of Vatican I. Which turns out to be very relevant to the context of religious authority having gone spectacularly to Barbara’s head. Also it’s amazing to think how far, say, Ten is from One: where the former has to be told by River Song that he can’t rewrite time – ‘not one line’ – the latter tells Barbara in a thoroughly iconic moment that she can’t rewrite ‘one line’ of history. It’s utterly fascinating stuff. Also also, I have come to the conclusion that this serial can be summarised in much the same way Harry Potter can be summarised:

Still more fascinating is the idea that the Doctor has had some previous experience with trying to rewrite history, which presumably went very badly wrong or which proved to be beyond the Doctor’s own powers. And I’d love to know more about that, especially as the Doctor speaks to Barbara not in a paternalistic manner at this point but as an equal – someone with whom he has shared a similar experience and in whom he recognises himself. Ultimately, despite the Doctor’s vehement exhortations, Barbara chooses to abandon her own identity and speak and act as Yetaxa. I wonder whether this reminds the Doctor of the time he chose to leave his name behind, too. I think Barbara would have been a lot like the Doctor had she been a Time Lady.

SACRIFICE TIME! And you have to admire the flexibility of the actor whose back is bent over the altar like that. Barbara catches Ian’s eye. A confused and upset Susan cuddles the Doctor back in the temple, and he tells her she has to stay here. Autloc presents Babrara to the people; she catches Ian’s eye again; the people give a brief cheer. Ian and Ixta hold down the sacrifice, and Tlotoxl (oh it really is quite off how the High Priest of Sacrifice is portrayed as a bloodthirsty schemer) starts doing his thing. Also the camera operator trips a bit whilst zooming in, which is hysterical. When he gets to the bit about honouring Tlaloc with blood, Susan yells ‘NO!’ and runs out of the temple, just as Babs cries ‘STOP!’ and proclaims that there shall be no more blood spilt. The sacrifice tells her he has denied her honour, and Tlotoxl tells him to honour them with his death; the sacrifice jumps off the pyramid. CUE RAIN!

Barbara…Barbara stop. You’ve been outplayed and now you’re splitting hairs. You simply cannot disprove the death/rain thing with one death-by-not-stabbing.

And UH-OH, now Tlotoxl is out for Susan’s hide. He asks Babs whether she speaks as the protector of a handmaiden or as a god; when Babs answers the latter (without hesitation – yikes), Tlotoxl insists that Susan be punished for desecrating holy ground and transgressing the law. Barbara insists that an offence committed in ignorance ought not to be punished, and suggests instead that Susan ‘be taught respect for your customs’. Admirable espousal of rehabilitation over retribution, Babs, but maybe you ought to practise what you preach. Susan is sent…to a seminary!? Yikes.

Autloc (who is a bit squeamish, I think) seems relieved and happily proclaims that the great spirit of Yetaxa has spoken. Tlotoxl, however, is now convinced that Babs is a FALSE GODDESS, and vows to DESTROY HER.

HOLY CULTURAL CLUSTERFUCK WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? WILL BARBARA MANAGE TO KEEP UP THIS CHARADE WITHOUT OFFENDING ANYBODY ELSE? WILL SUSAN BE OK NOW SHE’S ESSENTIALLY BEEN TOLD ‘GET THEE TO A NUNNERY’? WILL THE DOCTOR MANAGE TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO OUR NEWLY POWER-CRAZED HISTORY TEACHER? WILL IAN CRACK A SMILE?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Certainly does.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Not so she can be rescued, no, but the whole story does happen because Barbara wandered off against the Doctor's express wishes.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Captured. And then deified.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? No.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Yes. Tlotoxl suggests respect be beaten into Susan.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? Yes. And had the Doctor told Susan there was a human sacrifice going on and under no circumstances to interfere, she wouldn't have yelled out in horror and been sent to a nunnery.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Not that I can recall.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Susan has to cuddle Ian when she finds Tlotoxl scary.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? I'd say so, yes. Tlotoxl does say he's going to destroy False Goddess Babs.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Babs and the Doctor both.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Absolutely. Though in this case, deservedly so, because trying to outlaw human sacrifice in one day is mental.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Nope. But the Doctor calls Barbara out on hers.

Does a woman get to be a badass? A problematic badass.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Barbara is the one with the most actual power in this episode, but has to be lectured by the Doctor on how not to abuse it. I will say that this is more 'hey I'm a Time Lord I know how this goes and you're a human and this is your first temptation' than 'hey I'm a man and you're a woman who doesn't know what she's doing', but still.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Aztecs don't care about gender when it comes to reincarnations of dead priests. The bling's the thing.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? Not really applicable.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No, but I think Ixta may have a thing for Ian.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Problematic. Fascinating. But problematic. Barbara has gone power mad in an effort to save the Aztecs, which would be less objectionable if it weren't for the fact that she seems to believe that the Aztecs were wiped out because of their own moral failings; the strong implication is that she's trying to 'save them from themselves'. Some iconic Doctor dialogue, and I'm genuinely enjoying the debate on history and non-interference so far. I'm also enjoying the vaguely Marxist angle on religion as a means of manipulating the proles, but I would enjoy it more were it not for the fact that it's Tlotoxl who is presented as a manipulative butcher who enjoys power and killing for it; it would be a far more interesting and far less uncomfortable situation if it were the High Priest of Knowledge who were a bloodthirsty fanatic and the High Priest of Sacrifice who were the gentle sceptic. In terms of the gender politics of the episode, I'm glad this is Barbara-centric and they didn't go with Ian because of the dead priest being a man; she is, after all, the perfect character to be having this fucked up storyline.