Series 1 Episode 36: A Desperate Venture

Serial: The Sensorites
Episode: 6 (A Desperate Venture)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Peter R. Newman
Director: Frank Cox
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 01/08/1964

Susan ForeDONE (and other stories)

In which Babs returns, Susan gets to stretch her telepathic legs a bit, and the Space Bros enjoy a brief stint as the Chuckle Brothers.

Finally, we arrive at the end of this desperate venture, fitting called ‘A  Desperate Venture’. Carol has been abducted by the New Second Elder and his Engineer henchman and she doesn’t know why. She is a bit magnificent, actually; they tell her to write a letter to ‘the man John’ and she replies stoutly ‘I certainly will not!’. The NSE tells Carol her party is divided, which apparently convinces her that she has to do what he says? Anyway, he tells her to write a letter saying she’s gone up to the spaceship. Otherwise the NSE will kill her. Apparently this will guarantee the success of all the NSE’s plans...because of reasons. Carol hands the NSE the note…which is spectacularly brief.

We cut to the letter being held by a different pair of hands altogether, and OH GLORY OF GLORIES IT’S BARBARA! BARBARA’S BACK! I AM INCOHERENT WITH JOY AT THIS SUDDEN INJECTION OF NO-NONSENSENESS INTO THE STORY. NEVER LEAVE AGAIN.

And she’s straight back on the case, inferring that whoever made Carol write the note had no idea she was coming down from the spaceship or they would’ve known Team Defiance (for this is what I shall call Barbara, Susan, and John, in honour of their time spent together in spaceship corridors) wouldn’t fall for the story. Anyway, Susan suspects the City Administrator, while John can’t work out why anyone would kidnap Carol. Then this happens:

BARBARA: I should think the why is fairly obvious, wouldn't you?
JOHN: No I don't think it is Barbara. We're on good terms with the first Elder, the Doctor's discovered an antidote for the poison and now he and Ian are tracking down the cause of the trouble.
BARBARA: Look, I've been away in the ship, so maybe I can see things more clearly, and I think we're being used by one of the Sensorites who wants to gain power.
SUSAN: You mean we're not just being attacked because we're from other planets?
BARBARA: No.

I have to admit I’m still in the dark as to the City Administrator’s (the New Second Elder’s) motives in kidnapping Carol and had to do a bit of Googling until I found the novelisation where Barbara elaborates and suggests that there might be a ransom note on the way or Carol might be used as a means of discrediting the humans and proving they’re the ones poisoning the water. However, she remains gloriously on the ball and I enjoy that she’s using the fact that she can see the bigger picture to try to make her companions see that this is about power and not just about xenophobia.

Enter the First Elder, who immediately seems to realise he’s talking to the boss, and tells Babs he had her brought down to the Sense Sphere because her friends expressed so much concern for her. Damn right. Anyway, Babs doesn’t hang about and asks the First Elder for help, seeing as how the Doctor and Ian are missing. The First Elder is reluctant to spill the beans, and stalls by marvelling at that quality of human beings that is concern for one another’s wellbeing, before letting on that he was asked not to let Susan know where the two men went. Susan has the following response:

Susan Foreman is done with your shit.

Babs shows him the letter, and John gets frustrated when the First Elder doesn’t believe a Sensorite could’ve kidnapped Carol; he gets shouty and is immediately chided for raising his voice by Babs. I have missed this. Susan points out that she smudged the ink with her thumb when she was given the letter, meaning it was still wet and therefore very recently-written when it was delivered, so Carol has to be nearby. The best bet seems to be the disintegrator room. Then the First Elder tells Team Defiance that the Space Bros have gone to the aqueduct; Susan is horrified and exasperated in equal measure, and I’m enjoying her general vibe of ‘my grandfather is such a fucking idiot’ in this scene. The First Elder tells them the Space Bros went with light and weapons and so can be in no danger. Famous last words.

And oh look, the Doctor and Ian have indeed discovered that their weapons are useless and that someone has been ‘jiggering around’ (an ad lib, apparently) with the map, plus they have no food and the water’s got deadly nightshade in it. A charming outlook indeed.

Meanwhile, Carol is hungry and thirsty and captured and pissed off about it. The Engineer stands around being racist for a bit while John opens the door behind his back and jumps him…but misses! The engineer grabs some sort of…I have no idea what it is, but it’s attached to a wire and if it touches Carol she dies, so obv John has to stop in his tracks. Then Carol—magnificent Carol—takes advantage of the Engineer’s racist gloating and PULLS THE PLUG OUT! Things start smoking, and John yells and the Engineer has to drop his whateveritis, and a warrior comes in to re-arrest the flown jailbird that is the Engineer. Carol and John hug.

Back in the palace thing, the First Elder and the City Administrator/Second Elder are talking about how terrible the Engineer is for being a horrible kidnapping criminal; subtly, the CA/SE asks whether he’s named his accomplice yet; he hasn’t. Luckily for him. Enter Susan and Barbara, just as the First Elder exclaims that if there’s one thing he can’t stand it’s accusation without clear proof, which the CA/SE reiterates pointedly; looks like Team Defiance will have to find some.

Anyway, Babs and Susan have apparently been interrogating the Engineer (!) and have ascertained that the Doctor and Ian have been sent off with duff maps and duff weapons; the First Elder assures them that the Sensorite responsible will die for this outrage and again responds to a practical crisis by getting all Emo about it…which goes down like a lead balloon with Babs in particular:

The CA/SE is scandalised by what he deems to be Barbara’s insolence, but Barbara gives zero fucks, telling the First Elder to figure out who his friends are and save them. I may just be reading into the faces of others my own happiness that Babs is back and kicking ass, but I love the fact that, at the point where the First Elder goes off on his Emo tangent, Susan automatically looks to Babs to get shit sorted. I adore these two.

This is basically the Golden Rule of Who.

Anyway, as you may have noticed, the First Elder doesn’t have a plan, so Babs comes up with one: get a proper map and find the Space Bros themselves with as much help as the First Elder can give; the CA/SE bangs on about his suspicions, the two women pull the most glorious faces, and then the First Elder, reasoning that the Doctor (to whom he refers as a human being) has put his life in danger for the Sensorite nation, so he’ll help as much as he can. Sorted.

Back in the aqueduct, Ian is tempting fate by observing that whatever’s out there hasn’t attacked them yet…at which point the beastly moaning starts up again. The Doctor tells Ian ‘courage, my boy—both hands’, which is perplexing, but hey Ian seems to dig it. Ian spots something moving slightly up ahead of them, at which point one of my favourite things in the episode occurs: the Doctor rolls up the map like a baton and hands it to Ian in what I can only assume is an attempt to arm his Space Bro, and he looks stupidly pleased with himself and I’m just dying. What the flying flange do you expect Ian to do with a rolled-up paper, Doctor? Swat some bluebottles? Use it as a telescope to see ahead? Use it to poke things? I have no idea. But bless him, he goes for it.

And oh it seems to work sort of because a raggedy guy emerges from the darkness, grabbing at Ian (or rather the outstretched map); they grapple and the man gets away. But ooh look! Ian’s grabbed a badge off his attacker—a badge which reads ‘INEER’ but which Billy reads as ‘INNER’, and which presumably refers to the rank of ‘ENGINEER’ ; they’re some of the surviving humans from the exploding spaceship! And they’ve been poisoning the water! Why? Ian may ask but the Doctor doesn’t know, so they’re away to ask the trampy engineer.

Meanwhile, back in the city, Babs is looking at a model city and has come up with a plan:

BARBARA: Tell me, can I use one of your mind-transmitters?
FIRST-ELDER: You have my permission to try. But how will it help you?

Oh my god the look Susan gives her is fantastic.

Me too, Susan.

Because of course Babs knows Susan’s a budding telepath and Susan is clearly itching to stretch herself a bit and she can see where this is going.

So Barbara’s plan is that she and John will go to look for Ian and the Doctor while Susan gives them telepathic instructions from the map room and guides them out! Brilliant! Susan doesn’t need a transmitter because she’s super gifted and all that, but Babs does, so they give it a test run and they’re both ever-so pleased with themselves when it works. There being no time like the present, Babs hops to it, pausing only to tell the First Elder to make sure there’s a trustworthy warrior left with her girl. And Carol’s going to help Susan, too! GO TEAM DEFIANCE!

And it seems I’m not the only one gushing over Babs this week, as the First Elder seems rather taken with her, too:

FIRST-ELDER: A very capable human being.
SUSAN: Yes, she is.
FIRST-ELDER: Gentle, yet with strong determination and courage.

Susan’s fierce pride in her friend is everything.

She and the First Elder talk about the wisdom of trusting implicitly for a bit, which is a bit sad as Susan at her age shouldn’t be the one saying impossibly tragic things like responding to the First Elder’s statement that the Sensorite’s whole way of life is based on trust by worrying that it might be their ‘downfall’. And when the First Sensorite muses that he and his people clearly have much to learn from the people of Earth, something unutterably gorgeous happens: Susan talks about her home.

Gifs by cleowho

EXCEPT YOU WON'T, SUSAN. *SOB*

It has only just occurred to me, what with this description being echoed in Gridlock, how much like his granddaughter Ten is. And that gives me all the feels. Also I just listened to ‘This Is Gallifrey: Our Childhood, Our Home’ for the first time in years and for the love of all that’s holy how long will it take for the Doctor to talk about Susan in any great detail in Capaldi-era Who?

Anyway, back to business: the Doctor is vandalising the set so that he and Ian won’t end up going round in circles, and the Doctor seems highly amused at the thought that the humans might be preparing an ambush:

Gifs by cleowho

Indeed he’s happy as a pig in shite, and is so merry burbling away about collecting evidence, calculating it, and pursuing to its inevitable end that he totally ignores the very important thing Ian is trying to tell him, which is that a beard guy with a sharpened stake is advancing on them from Ian’s end of the tunnel…that is until the Doctor spots a guy with a sharpened stake facing him at his end of the tunnel. A delightful bit of business follows, where the Doctor and Ian are clearly unaware that they are each facing an opponent and try to back up the passage so they can jump out at them…but of course they just back into one another and realise they’re surrounded. I laughed out loud. Their best bet is now to embrace this ambush situation and not do anything to alarm them. So they try to stay chill.

The stake-wielding tramps back them into some pipes and rasp that they’ve come at last; the Doctor improvs wildly and tells them that he and Ian came to find them; Ian plays along. The humans want to know whether the Sensorites are dead and whether the Space Bros have a spaceship; the Space Bros assure them that the latter at least is the case, assure them that they are alone, and wonder whether the trampy guys might want to pop out for a bit of sunshine; the trampy guys take the Space Bros to their leader.

Chesterchucklevision

Elsewhere in the tunnels, Babs is using the transmitter to speak to Susan but is a little indistinct; Carol suggests—in a neat budget-saving trick—that both women speak the words as they think them to make them clearer, which of course means no voiceovers and the like. Babs relays the directions to John and he leads them through the tunnels.

Meanwhile, the Space Bros are being marched to meet the leader of the Trampy Humans at stakepoint, and again have to swear they’re alone.

Except they’re not, because now Babara and The Man John (as the Sensorites call him) have spotted Ian’s scrunched-up fly-swatter and conjecture that the Space Bros chucked it once they realised it was all jiggered up; they decide to keep it because, as Babs points out, they need the tampered-with map as evidence against the CA/SE.

As the Space Bros are driven deeper into the caves, Susan keeps Carol and the First Elder abreast of the situation as Babs gets in touch to tell her she and John have found the Doctor’s trail of wanton set vandalism. So instead of Susan directing them, now Babs and Susan will be telling Susan where they’re going so Susan can keep track of them on the map. And it seems the Doctor is continuing to make the marks ‘in case we have to make a run for it, my dear boy’:

Gif by cleowho

Why is everyone so endearing this week?

Everyone in the map room is trying to work out what’s happened to Ian and the Doctor (with more finger-crossing from Susan), but we don’t have to wonder because we can see: they’re now meeting the Commander of the Beardy Colonials and he is both Colonial in accent and beardy of face (and looks a bit like Jeremy Irons). He’s also crazy and convinced he’s at war with the Sensorites. And it looks like we’ve found the poisoners.

Anyway, the Doctor and Ian are improvising like hell; the Doctor tells him the ‘war’ with the Sensorites is over; when the Commander asks whether the planet is now theirs completely, Ian assures them that it is so. So much smile-and-nod. The Commander goes on to tell the Space Bros about how he used to have a spaceship but two of his men deserted and pretended they had to go back to Earth for reinforcements so he blew up the spaceship, but he can get another one now because the planet is rich so he’ll be rich and yeah he’s completely bonkers.

But uh-oh, Ian’s let on he knows about the Molybdenum which makes the Commander jumpy and fighty, and to make things worse Babs and John (well, unspecified intruders) have been detected, which sends the Commander into a spiral of paranoia. He accuses them of being spies and is about to court martial them or something, but Ian cares less about this than the sudden appearance of none other than the Bestie herself! So sorry about that, Commander, but there’s very little in time or space can get in the way of their periodic reunions.

And oh glory, the Doctor is improvising again, telling the Beardy Colonials that the two extra humans are part of the welcoming committee; Barbara tries to elbow Ian and asks what’s going on, at which he rather hilariously mutters ‘play it cool’. Babs takes it in her stride, obv, and Ian tells them Barbara is their navigator who’s going to lead them back. Good save. Everyone moves out.

At the entrance to the aqueduct, the Sensorite warriors are lying in wait, and the humans are indeed apprehended. The Commander, however, does not come quietly but yells about treachery and is subsequently stunned by one of the Sensorites, who claims the moral high ground by not killing him. Right on. The Doctor reckons this shows great promise for the Sensorites’ future. Patronising sod.

Back at the palace, Barbara and Ian are tying up a few loose ends with the First Elder: Captain Maitland (where the hell has he been for the past three episodes?) is taking the stray humans home in his spaceship, the Second Elder is being banished to the outer wastes on the strength of the evidence of the jiggered map, and the humans probably mucked about with the transmitters or opened their minds until they went crazy and were left only with ‘the game they played—the game of war’. Very profound. But people died. Things that were not resolved include how the humans faked that beastie in the tunnels and mangled the Doctor’s frockcoat, but who cares, because the lock is back in the Tardis and they’re ready for off.

Back in the Tardis, Susan is sulking because she won’t be able to use telepathy away from the super-high frequencies or whatever it is on the Sense Sphere. Poor Susan. It was fun while it lasted. The Doctor, however, after an initial quip about nobody liking an eavesdropper, seems to have left his earlier douchebaggery behind and is actually being supportive for a change:

DOCTOR: I think you obviously have a gift in that direction and when we get home to our own place I think we should try and perfect it, mm?
SUSAN: When will we get back Grandfather?
DOCTOR: I don't know my dear, this old ship of mine seems to be an aimless thing. However, we don't worry about it do we? Do you?
SUSAN: Sometimes I feel I'd like to belong somewhere; not just be a wanderer...Still, I'm not unhappy.
DOCTOR: Good, good.

ONE DAY. ONE DAY WE SHALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THESE TWO.

Enter Babs and Ian, and the four of them watch Maitland et al take off in their ship. Ian wrecks the moment by making a quip about how the Doctor doesn’t know where the hell he’s going, which provokes a startling reaction from the Doctor: he flips out and tells Ian that if he’s so dissatisfied he can get the hell off his ship at the very next place they land. WOW, who shat in your porridge, Doctor? You literally just called your own ship aimless.

IS THE DOCTOR SERIOUS? WILL OUR HUMANS BE DUMPED IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE/NOWHEN BECAUSE THE DOCTOR LOST HIS TEMPER? WHY DID HE LOSE HIS TEMPER SO ABRUPTLY? IS THIS BECAUSE HE’S DECIDED HE WANTS TO GO BACK TO GALLIFREY WITH SUSAN SO HE NEEDS TO GET RID OF THE HUMANS SHARPISH? WHY IS MY SPACE FAMILY FALLING APART? WHERE WILL THEY LAND NEXT?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? With flying colours.

Is the gaze problematic? A bit lingering on Carol's kidnap face.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Carol. Though as has been pointed out, the Doctor and Ian seem to have wandered off mostly so they can be rescued by the women and John. Though the main dramatic purpose of their desperate venture is meeting the poison colonials.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Carol.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? John gets pretty macho about rescuing Carol despite the fact that it's the women who work out she has to be nearby and Carol herself who pulls the plug on the laser with which she's about to be murdered, effectively saving herself from electric death only to stand around waiting for John to come and give her a cuddle.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Yup.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? YES. And Susan is suitably exasperated.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Not that I can recall.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Carol needs a hug. Understandably.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Carol. The Doctor and Ian get poked with sticks a bit, though.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? YES. Barbara's plan with the though transference navigation is a cracker.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Not to his face, but Susan is pretty done with it this week.

Does a woman get to be a badass? Yes. Many women in many ways.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? I'd say Barbara is pretty on it this week.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Not especially.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? No.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? The First Elder seems pretty taken with Babs, but in an emo way rather than a pervy way.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Barbara is back and all is right with the world. She gets to come up with an excellent plan, play with thought transference, and rescue the errant Space Bros from being lost in the dark with crazy colonial types. Even better, her return doesn't mean Susan gets sidelined but rather ensures that she gets lots of interesting stuff to do. However, it's enormously rubbish that Susan won't get to continue being a telepath after this week. No wonder Carole Ann Ford left. I also love that she gets to talk about Gallifrey and that her description here is carried forwards into New Who. As I mentioned earlier, I've had something of an epiphany this week as to how like his granddaughter Ten is, which makes me feel things. The Doctor and Ian get to have a bit of fun wandering about with rolled-up maps for weapons, and the Doctor finally gets to be supportive of Susan, though it does smack a little of placating her with promises of letting her fulfil her telepathic potential when they get home seeing as they will probably definitely never get home. Let's hope Susan gets lots of interesting stuff to do in the next historical to compensate for her loss of thought transference and doesn't end up being sidelined with a migraine for several episodes...

Series 1 Episode 28: The Warriors of Death

Serial: The Aztecs
Episode: 2 (The Warriors of Death)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: John Lucarotti
Director: John Crockett
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 30/05/1964

YOU CAN'T OUTPLAY A PRAYER (and other stories)

In which Team Tardis goes up against Team Tlotoxl and is comprehensively outplayed, Babs and the Doctor bond over the need to check one's temporal privilege, Ian and Ixta flirt outrageously, and Susan gets to fuck the patriarchy a bit, though the episode as a whole represents the biggest Bechdel Test fail of the series so far.

So Tlotoxl has vowed to destroy the false goddess, straight to camera. Meanwhile a thoroughly miserable-looking Babs is being roundly ticked off by the Doctor in what turns out to be rather a beautiful scene between the two. I really do think the Doctor sees a lot of his younger self in the ill-advisedly meddling history teacher, as was hinted at last week when the Doctor was trying to persuade her that changing history was impossible and suggested that he himself had had similar experiences (‘I know – believe me, I know’). Anyway, the Doctor reminds her (forcefully) that human sacrifice is the Aztecs’ ‘tradition – their religion’; Barbara maintains that she had to at least try to stop the sacrifice. Then this happens:

Blimey, he’s really not pulling his punches, is he? I’m constantly struck by how much of a match for one another these two characters are; neither is afraid of calling the other out in the strongest possible terms when they’re wrong. I do, however, have a fairly major niggle with the idea that Barbara ‘didn’t think’ about how the man who was being sacrificed ‘wanted to be offered to the gods’, seeing as how she’s supposed to be an Aztec specialist.

What’s beyond a shadow of a doubt, however, is how fond the Doctor has become of Barbara and how much respect he has for her since she gave him a bollocking/saved everyone’s lives in The Edge of Destruction. When she starts to cry, he immediately feels guilty, pats her on the arm, and apologises for being so harsh with her. I will never not love it when the Doctor seems to cast his mind back to the vow he made to take good care of his fierce fellow traveller the last time he seriously upset Barbara and immediately modifies his behaviour. Also it’s good to see a healthy example of a character at the end of their tether having ‘a little cry’ to vent their feelings and then getting on with their day. Don’t bottle these things up, guys.

Anyway, Babs dries her eyes and tells the Doctor he had every right to tear her off a strip, and to be honest you’ll hear no arguments from me on that score. The experience does seem to have brought the two closer together, though: I’ve always had a pet theory that ‘Time Lord’ is the closest the Tardis translation circuits could get to ‘privileged in time’, and now Barbara’s had a taste of it (and had that privilege checked). Now it’s Barbara’s job to hold Tlotoxl off by playing him and Autloc against one another. Babs asks what he and Ian intend to do; the Doctor reckons ‘Ian can look after himself’ (poor Ian), while he’s finding out about the entrance to the tomb (in which the Tardis is locked) from his new lady friend.

Oh my strange darlings, the growing affection between you is gorgeous. Especially as it’s based on mutual respect rather than paternalism. The Doctor isn’t just trying to make Barbara feel better – he really means it when he tells her they’re all safe so long as she’s here.

Enter Tlotoxl, unannounced. And Barbara is fucking magnificent. They have an excellent scene in which the two attempt to run rings around one another and Babs is cold fire incarnate:

TLOTOXL: I would ask you: How shall a man know his gods?
BARBARA: By the signs of their divinity.
TLOTOXL: And what if thieves walk among the gods?
BARBARA: (smirking) Then indeed, how shall a man know?

Well that's dark. She really ought to be in politics. I suppose it also pays to be an ‘expert’ on Aztec culture when the truth of your divinity rests on a history quiz. But OH BLOODY HELL bloody Ian being in bloody trouble looks to be about to undermine Babs’s ability to play the game of thrones. When Tlotoxl informs her Ian is about to fight to the death for control of the military, she had trouble keeping her poker face on. One day, someone won’t use Ian to try to undermine Barbara.

Meanwhile, Ian and Ixta are flirting engaging in sassy smack-talk while Autloc plays third wheel:

IXTA: Thus shall my enemies fall.
IAN: Real enemies can hit back.
IXTA: I have no fear of death.
IAN: Perhaps not. The dead never win.

Ian then goes on to claim that a thumb is all he needs to win a victory. And seriously, the double entendre is just too much:

And OH the Chesterton Neck Pinch is back with a vengeance! Seriously, the man has a strangling/neck-fondling fetish that refuses to die. As Ixta swoons over the weapons table, Tlotoxl enters and is reasonably horrified to see his champ out cold. Smuggity Smugpants McChesterton goes off for a walk, and poor Ixta wakes up burbling about how he was ‘powerless’ to resist him.

Enter the ‘Perfect Victim’, who is to be obeyed in all things and will eventually be sacrificed so he can tell the gods how great the Aztecs are. I can’t find anything useful on Wikipedia to corroborate this, so I’m just going to move on. Tlotoxl is winding Ixta up by saying that he’s all mouth and no trousers, and ends up manipulating the Perfect Victim into ordering a rematch between Ian and Ixta; Tlotoxl tells Ixta that if he destroys Ian, all glory and honour shall be his. Toxic masculinity, man.

Meanwhile, in the Garden of Old People, the Doctor and Cameca are chatting about herblore. Cameca wonders whether he’s a healer, to which the Doctor replies he is ‘a scientist, an engineer’, and ‘a builder of things’. Interesting that he sees himself as this kind of Doctor. Anyway, this brings them neatly to the subject of the temple. There’s a hilarious moment where the Doctor glares at a passing old person who appears to be eavesdropping, and Cameca agrees to arrange a meeting with the builder’s son. Then this happens:

CAMECA: An interested mind brooks no delay.
DOCTOR: Yes, and I’m sure that’s true of you, too, hmm?
CAMECA: It was true. Now, I am content to spend the time here, like the others.
DOCTOR: Oh, but their minds are old, Cameca. And that’s something I’m sure yours will never be.
CAMECA: Your heart is young too, Doctor.

Well aren’t you the cutest? I do hope the Doctor isn’t just stringing her along. That would be Not OK.

The Doctor can quite literally smell the love in the air.

Back in the Temple, Tlotoxl has come to see Babs and informs her that Autloc will question her; if Autloc is satisfied then Tlotoxl will eat his words and beg forgiveness of the gods; Babs tells him she’ll remember his words. I do love her quiet badassery. Tlotoxl also tells her that while her divinity is in question, only those who serve the temple may approach her, meaning of course that she’s now isolated from the rest of Team Tardis; Tlotoxl is clearly hoping that this will put Barbara in a flap, but she remains calm and accepts these terms. Stay strong, Babs.

Meanwhile, Ixta is having some sort of crisis of masculinity when Cameca comes to see him. It turns out Ixta is none other than the son of the architect the Doctor so badly wants to see. Ixta asks Cameca if she knows anything about magic; she tells him know, but reckons the old servant of Yetaxa does. What’s more, the Doctor doesn’t know Ixta’s name; unbeknownst to Cameca (I think…I hope!), Ixta plans to beat Ian using the Doctor’s knowledge, thus letting his enemies destroy themselves. Cripes.

Elsewhere, Susan is in the seminary and is acing her lessons. Without Susan’s hesitations, the lesson under immediate consideration is this: ‘Tend well your nurseries and your flowerbeds; keep clean your pot and stewpan. Do not spend recklessly; do not destroy or cheapen yourself; you’ll never have a house or a home of your own if you live like that.’

JOHN LUCAROTTI, WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SO DAMN SAD ABOUT SUSAN AND HER HOMESICKNESS?

ALSO JOHN LUCAROTTI WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME WONDER WHETHER SUSAN RAN AWAY FROM AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE ON GALLIFREY?

Still, at least Susan gets to fuck the patriarchy a bit. As is consistent with her characterisation in Marco Polo. Also, the spectre of Ping-Cho looms large right now.

Back in the OAP Garden, the Doctor is fondling a plant Cameca showed him earlier that puts people to sleep. Enter Ixta, resplendent in his Jaguar Warrior costume. Ixta says he’ll give the Doctor the plans to the tomb entrance if he meets him later that evening, but has to meet this other warrior before that and is really worried he’ll lose because this is hand-to-hand combat and he’s only really any good with a club and he’ll be really humiliated if he loses. The Doctor thinks they can come to some arrangement and cackles like a loon as he coats the tip of a pin in the sleepytime sap of the Cameca plant.

Back in the Barracks, Ian is now the one swiping at the air a la Luna Lovegood. Tlotoxl sasses him; Ian sasses him back. Enter Ixta, who is now sure he can defeat Ian. He calls Ian over, who bounds over like a puppy and there’s more slashfic dialogue in the air than you can shake a stick at as Ixta challenges Ian to a sunset wrestling match. Ian, unwilling to ‘deny him’, accepts. Just in case we weren’t already of sure of Tlotoxl’s motives, when Ixta says ‘if you wish it, he shall die’, the High Priest replies ‘let him die’. And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean in a petite mort kind of way either.

Back in the temple, Barbara is talking with Autloc, who seems to be pretty chill about doing whatever the gods tell him to do: if they send up messengers, it’s natural that the gods will send messengers back, and Autloc would have no problem outlawing human sacrifice if that’s what the gods wanted, not because he questions the value of the sacrifice but because he won’t oppose the will of the gods. What a yes-man. UGH and the poignancy of what happens next is somewhat undermined by Barbara’s continued belief that it’s the human sacrifice wot made the Spanish wipe out the Aztecs, because she goes on to prophecy a time ‘when ten thousand will die in one day’, followed by ‘total destruction’: ‘Your civilisation will pass forever from the land.’ Not one for drama, Autloc says he’ll give it a think. Babs leans against the throne looking troubled and exhausted. Uneasy lies the head that wears the sunflower.

Elsewhere, the Doctor is giving Ixta his homemade sedative weapon, which at least isn’t designed to kill or else this could easily turn into Hamlet. The Doctor thinks he’s been super cunning to make a deal for the plans to the tomb and has no idea he’s been played.

Back at the temple, Tlotoxl is chatting to Autloc and reckons ‘Yetaxa’ has prophecied doom only to save herself. They hear footsteps approach and hide; it’s the Doctor, and he’s rather unwisely calling for ‘Barbara’. Which I’m pretty sure is a recent development, as it’s mostly been ‘Miss Wright’ or ‘my dear’ or ‘young woman’ up until the last few episodes. Then again, they are now besties. He enters her throne room or whatever it’s called, and she immediately tells him he can’t be here because Tlotoxl forbids it. The Doctor agrees to get out of there but not without first telling her that he’s going to get his hands on the plans to the tomb that evening and that all he had to do was make sure a warrior won a fight. Babs instantly smells a rat (because Barbara and Ian clearly have a sixth sense about one another’s wellbeing), and when the Doctor describes the guy with a face like a cat, Babs realises it’s Ixta and that he’s fighting Ian. The Doctor goes into ‘oh shit’ mode and immediately runs off to warn his Space Bro.

But OH NO he’s immediately apprehended by Tlotoxl and assorted warriors for transgressing the law and is dragged off protesting cantankerously. Babs immediately appeals to Autloc, telling him that nobody told the Doctor what was going on, and Autloc agrees to have the Doctor released without much argument. He seems a pretty fair sort. When Barbara tries to forbid the Ixta/Ian fight, however, Autloc is less amenable. Upon being assured that it’s not a fight to the death, however, Babs is content to tell Autloc to ensure that it remains so.

IT’S FIGHT TIME! Ian enters and gives Ixta the eyes, and the grappling begins. It’s all a bit D.H. Lawrence and mostly looks like they’re hugging. Ixta picks up the pin just as the Doctor enters and hisses at Ian not to let Ixta scratch him; hilariously, Ian doesn’t hear him, is distracted, asks the Doctor what he’s on about…and is immediately scratched by Ixta. Oh Doctor. You tried. The Doctor tells Tlotoxl to stop this fuckery because Ixta’s cheating:

OH TLOTOXL YOUR SASS IS SOMETHING ELSE.

Ian’s not doing too badly, though, considering…but OH NO Ixta is koon-ut-kal-if-fee-ing Ian on the floor and then he’s trying to stamp on his windpipe, and Tlotoxl is insisting that it goes to the death and Autloc is being fucking useless. Then Ian’s up, but he’s knackered, and event though he still almost manages to break Ixta’s arm, he ends up pinned against the table with Tlotoxl telling Ixta to DESTROY HIM, brushing aside Autloc’s limp protests that Yetaxa forbids it on the grounds that Yetaxa is a FALSE GODDESS. Then someone yells –

‘STOP!!!’

Oh PHEW it’s Babs, and not a moment too soon. Tlotoxl tells her that her place is in the temple, and with all the withering condemnation she can muster, Babs replies that she’s loyal to those who serve her. And then Tlotoxl really puts her in a pickle: ‘If you are Yetaxa,’ he sneers pointing towards the fight, ‘SAVE HIM.’

BLIMEY O’REILLY HOW WILL BARBARA BLUFF HER WAY OUT OF THIS ONE? WILL IAN BE A FIGHT CLUB CASUALTY? WILL SUSAN BE MARRIED OFF TO A RANDOMER? WILL THE DOCTOR COME DOWN ON IXTA LIKE A TON OF BRICKS TO TEACH HIM NEVER TO OUTPLAY A PLAYER? WILL AUTLOC GROW A SPINE? AND HOW ARE THEY GOING TO GET BACK INTO THAT TOMB?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! One for every woman in this episode, all of whom are entirely isolated from one another and do not speak to one another AT ALL. The biggest fail of the series so far and the first since...well, it's been a while anyway.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? No.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Susan is in a seminary and Barbara is pretty much under Temple Arrest, but not as such, no.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? No.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Not specifically. Tlotoxl definitely wants to destroy Babs, but she's not in any immediate danger of being physically harmed yet.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? There are probably some obnoxious asides from Tlotoxl but nothing sticks out.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? The Doctor yells and Barbara and then has to give her a cuddle.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? It's mostly Ian in peril this week.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Nope. The Doctor comes up with the plan to play the priests off against one another.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Nope. But the Doctor calls Barbara out on hers.

Does a woman get to be a badass? A problematic badass.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Barbara is the one with the most actual power in this episode, but the Doctor is still calling the shots and Tlotoxl is outplaying all of them.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Yup. Arranged marriage klaxon. 

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? SUSAN!

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No, but Ian and Ixta have some insane sexual tension going on under all that masculinity bollocks.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Babs finally checks her temporal privilege (though she can't resist a little problematic prophecying), and the relationship between her and the Doctor goes through an important developmental stage. There's a newfound respect and affection between the two after their bust-up, and it's gorgeous to see. Ian...I really don't know what's up with him this episode but clearly he's decided that life is a) too short and b) too ridiculous not to take this opportunity to be an outrageous flirt with the local totty. Anyway, I'm enjoying the double entendres more than I can possibly say. Poor Susan is stuck in a nunnery, but at least we get to see some of her Marco Polo characterisation. Though John Lucarotti does seem to have a thing about Susan and arranged marriages. Also I do enjoy Tlotoxl as a villain - there's not many people who can outsass One, but he certainly manages it. Plus he gets some great scenes with Barbara on the nature of divinity, which is actually a cracking bit of dialogue. Next week let's see if we can pass that Bechdel Test.

Series 1 Episode 27: The Temple of Evil

Serial: The Aztecs
Episode: 1 (The Temple of Evil)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: John Lucarotti
Director: John Crockett
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 23/05/1964

'HISTORY HAS TO BE MADE - BEFORE IT'S REMADE'* (and other stories)

*Brian Friel, Plays Two (London: Faber and Faber, 1999), p. 258

So my first ‘hmm’ moment of The Aztecs is the title of this episode. Evil is a strong word, after all. I mean, way to predispose your audience towards a certain moral standpoint. It’s odd for this writer, too, who had far less sensational, sci-fi titles for his previous serial. Plus it sounds way too much like Temple of Doom a.k.a. Indiana Jones and the Racist Caricatures for my liking.

Anyway, here we are in an Aztec tomb with John Lucarotti of Marco Polo fame. This is the guy who gave us Ping-Cho, so I’m optimistic. Also, I enjoy the camera-work of this opening (well, if you don’t count the very cute model Tardis dematerialising from Marinus) shot: we begin right up in the grill of the dead Aztec priest in his death-mask and gradually zoom out to reveal the Tardis and Barbara and Susan coming out of it. It’s not done from the point of view of the adventurers, but from the point of view of the occupant of the tomb; it’s an intrusion – all this was already here before Team Tardis disturbed it. This may just be a budget consideration, as I don’t think the Tardis set actually appears at all in this serial as far as I can remember, but it would be a far more colonial gaze if we followed the adventurers into the tomb in a spirit of ‘discovery’ rather than witnessing them disturb something quiet and – as the initial focus on the death mask would indicate – private.

Which brings me to my second ‘hmm’ moment: Barbara Wright, history teacher and expert on Aztec civilisation, is casually desecrating the tomb of one of its priests. I love how much of a nerd Barbara is (dating the mask around 1430, for instance), but have some respect for the dead.

Gif by The Watch-A-Thon of Rassilon

Anyway, Babs has put on a coiled serpent bracelet, while Morbid!Susan is having fun playing with a dagger and miming cutting someone’s heart out. Then this happens:

BARBARA: [Cutting out people’s hearts was] only one side to their nature. The other side was highly civilised.
SUSAN: Well, the Spanish didn’t think so.
BARBARA: Oh, they only saw the acts of sacrifice. That was the tragedy of the Aztecs. Their whole civilisation was completely destroyed, the good as well as the evil.

Third ‘hmm’ moment alert. Again related to the use of the word ‘evil’ and indeed the word ‘civilised’. You’ll never catch me arguing that human sacrifice is A-OK, but it’s problematic at the very least to infer that the wiping out of an entire culture was in some way down to…I dunno, hubris? Or to imply that a practice that is admittedly pretty horrifying is inherently ‘uncivilised’ just because it doesn’t fit twentieth-/twenty-first-century Western ideas of acceptable state-sponsored, religiously-motivated bloodshed; the Aztecs were an advanced society whose religious practices may have been gory in the extreme but were not acts of random bloodthirstiness and primitive savagery. The whole thing smacks of victim-blaming.

Anyway, a gleeful Susan is pointing out the ‘cartoons’ (*facepalm*) on the wall of the tomb, which then opens out like a catflap. Intrepid Babs immediately goes through it, and Susan, after warning her not to ‘go too far’ (what a loaded warning!), goes back to get the others from the Tardis. Wide-eyed History nerd Barbara looks around the stone chamber muttering about how ‘perfect’ it is…and is instantly apprehended by one of the many actors in this serial to portray an ancient Mexican with the aid of a lot of fake tan. He tells Barbara the temple is sacred to the memory of the High Priest Yetaxa, and that she’s trespassing and must be punished. Yikes. When he calls the guards to restrain her, however, he catches sight of the bracelet she robbed from the dead priest…

Back in the main tomb, the Doctor is being beautifully cantankerous about Barbara’s disappearing act.

I can’t actually recall an instance so far where the Doctor has explicitly told Babs not to wander off alone, so perhaps John Lucarotti is just assuming that other writers have given the Doctor the same personality he gave Marco ‘women who wander off should expect to be held at knifepoint by bandits’ Polo a couple of serials back. Also the humans are now 100% part of the Crew.

The rest of Team Tardis (feat. a freshly-laundered Ian) goes through the catflap, and they all admire their surroundings a bit. The Doctor seems to be a fan of the Aztecs, ‘gruesome habits’ aside. But OH NO they seem to have forgotten the rule whereby every episode for one reason or another they end up separated from the Tardis, because their musings are cut short by the catflap door swinging shut again. It is at this point that the Doctor appears to be a little too familiar with the occupational hazards of grave-robbing:

IAN: There’s nothing to get a grip on.
SUSAN: There must be some way of opening it.
DOCTOR: Yes. You push it from the other side. These tombs were designed to prevent grave-robbers, not to aid and abet them.

Why not wedge it open before going exploring, then, if you’re so knowledgeable, Doctor?

When you lock yourself out of your car...

Anyway, the guy who apprehended Barbara comes in at this point, welcoming Team Catflap as the Servants of Yetaxa. His name is Autloc, and he is the High Priest of Knowledge; Team Catflap is nonplussed, and Ian (of course) wants to know where Barbara is, but Autloc speaks only of the woman who wears Yetaxa’s bracelet; Susan interprets this correctly as a reference to Babs. Oh and the catflap is definitely a one-way affair. Bummer.

At this point, Susan rather insultingly recoils from the appearance of a guy with bad hair and a painted stripe across his mouth. As the Episode Guide of old will confirm (oh how I miss the irreverence of the Classic Who site) he also seems to be doing a Richard III thing with his posture. Illuminatingly, according to the transcript, his robes are spattered with blood, though I must say I never noticed this – where’s colour tv when you need it? Anyway, if he is indeed rocking the blood-spattered look, Ian’s sneery comment makes a lot more sense than I had previously thought.

Though I will never not appreciate the Doctor’s sass at this point, it’s still pretty insulting as it turns out the scary-looking fella they've dismissed as 'the local butcher' is the High Priest of Sacrifice, whose name is Tlotoxl.

And this is where it gets really interesting, because the conversation Tlotoxl subsequently has with Autloc (who is a cutie and holds a bunch of flowers throughout this entire exchange for reasons best known to people whose knowledge of Aztec culture extends beyond the chocolatl exhibit at Cadbury World) is pretty-much a damning indictment of organised religion as an instrument of state control. Autloc has forecast rain later that afternoon, and Tlotoxl wants to a) present Yetaxa (Barbara) to the people and b) perform a sacrifice to the Rain God at that exact moment, essentially to re-establish the power of the priesthood over the populace. Autloc, however, insists that it will rain whether or not Tlotoxl sacrifices anybody to said Rain God.

(Fun fact: according to Wikipedia - which is my main source of information on Aztec culture because I’m a lazy bastard - the Aztec rain God was called Tlaloc, and every year there was a festival in which flower-adorned children had their hearts pulled out on mountaintop shrines by way of sacrifice; if they cried on the way to the shrine, it meant there would be abundant rain. No prizes for guessing which time-travelling dysfunctional space family would not have been ok with this.)

This is fascinating stuff, as Tlotoxl is explicitly in it for the power, and is quite calculatedly manipulating the populace with the help of a little meteorological foresight. It’s a deliberate abuse of his authority, and plays right into my pet theory that 1960s Classic Who is Marxist as all fuck.

En attendant Babs, Susan is optimistic about their good treatment so far; the Doctor is a party pooper and says the Aztecs were always super nice to people they later intended to cut open. They’re taken into a room where they find MAGNIFICENT BABS enthroned in splendour being imperious as fuck.

Babs explains how the Aztecs think she’s a reincarnation of the priest in the tomb on account of the bracelet she stole. I would facepalm at the White Person Is Mistaken For A God trope but for the fact that the Bling’s the Thing, as Babs explains to Susan in what I’m going to claim is a high point in the gender politics of the show just to cheer myself up:

SUSAN: But the priest in the tomb’s a man. How can you be a reincarnation of him?
BARBARA: The form the spirit takes isn’t important, Susan. This (indicates the bracelet) is what’s important.

Also, wonders will never cease, because for once it’s the Doctor correcting Ian about someone’s name. The fuzzy feeling doesn’t last, though, because Ian and the Doctor are rather unflatteringly amused at being mistaken for Barbara’s servants. Babs is ever practical: it’ll be dead useful keeping up the charade if only because they can all get back into the tomb any time they want, get into the Tardis, and leave. Once Barbara is stripped of this illusion, the Doctor goes on to Doctorsplain the situation to Aztec expert Barbara: she can’t ask anyone how to open the door because she’s supposed to know everything and if the priests figure out she’s a fake then they’ll all die. No pressure, Babs.

(Fun Fact No. 2…according to Wikipedia again, obv.: god-impersonators were real, and once someone had gone around pretending to be a god for a bit (my favourite example of god-impersonation involves a man spending a year wandering about smoking a pipe, playing the flute, and sniffing flowers), they’d be sacrificed. But maybe Babs has forgotten this.)

Enter Autloc and Tlotoxl, and ooh congrats on your Wikipedia-accurate research, Mr. Lucarotti, because they are indeed intending to honour Tlaloc in a time of drought…but without the child sacrifice, apparently. I’d like to think this was because the Beeb was responsible and didn’t want to do a total hatchet-job and make out that the Aztecs were all about murdering small children and conjuring rain from their tears in what was meant to be an educational show, but it was probably just because there are limits to what can be shown on the telly at tea-time. Anyway, the priests want Yetaxa’s servants to wander among the people, and the Doctor, ever quick on the uptake, is vocally enthusiastic about the idea; Barbara agrees as long as Susan can stay behind. Maybe Babs has remembered the bit about child sacrifice and wants Susan where she can see her.

Adorable Background Acting

Once Team Tardis is alone, the Doctor congratulates Jacqueline Hill Barbara on her performance and enthuses about how ‘they’ have all got what ‘they’ want: the women safe in the temple and the men free to roam outside finding about the tomb. FUCKSAKE DOCTOR.

Outside the temple, Tlotoxl, for reasons best known to himself, reckons they should send Ian off to lead the military. Presumably he wants Ixta, the current leader, to prove himself against the servant of Yetaxa. Or the production team needed an excuse to shoehorn Ian into a few action scenes so they could splash out on some warrior costumes. William Hartnell and William Russell appear to be rehearsing their lines in the background. The Doctor tries to bluff Ian out of being drafted into the military, but Ian, for reasons best known to himself, rolls with it.

Meanwhile, in the barracks, the aforementioned Ixta is swiping at the air with a club like he thinks the place is swarming with Nargles. Tlotoxl brings Ian in, and the homoerotic subtext is palpable. I’m not even kidding. Or maybe I’m just reading too much into Ixta’s unfortunate tendency towards double entendre: after having proven how great he is at fighting by swiping at a random opponent for a bit before smashing a perfectly good shield that’s lying on the table, Ixta tells Ian ‘there is no fear of you in me’. Oh line delivery. Oh Ixta. Just you wait until Ian starts talking about what he can do with his thumb next episode. At any rate, Ixta is definitely the new Marco. Also, Ian’s going to have to help him deliver the human sacrifice to the temple. How morally compromising.

Elsewhere, the Doctor is being put out to pasture. Or rather he’s being left to wander in a garden for the over fifties. He chats up a woman called Cameca who’s apparently the wisest of the OAPs by being snarky about the fact that they can still water the flowers in the middle of a drought; Cameca says ‘better go hungry than starve for beauty’; Cameca may need to rethink her priorities. She tells him about the guy who built the temple and its gardens; when the Doctor asks whether said guy comes to the garden often, Cameca says ‘he watches over it constantly’. Then this happens:

Less a gardener, it turns out, than...y'know...dead. Oh Doctor. Never change. Anyway, the architect may be dead, but his son is alive, and Cameca can arrange a meeting. Dead on.

Enter Ian, dressed as an Eagle Warrior, and in something of a tizzy. The Doctor is temporarily distracted by how intelligent and gentle Cameca is, but Ian brings him back to earth with a bump when he tells him about the human sacrifice that’s to happen later that day:

IAN: I must escort the victim to the altar, hold him down…Doctor, I c –
DOCTOR: Then do it man, do it! But don’t interfere! Otherwise we –
IAN: But –
DOCTOR: There’s no buts about it! If human sacrifice is essential here and it’s their tradition, then let them get on with it. But for our sakes, don’t interfere! Now promise me. Please promise!
(IAN doesn’t reply.)
DOCTOR: I’ll go and tell Barbara.

Well what a fascinating and heated little exchange. Also quite a moment for Ian, who gets to show a new emotion for a change. The closest we’ve seen him to this state was when he thought he’d become a full-time paraplegic in The Daleks – his voice is shaking, he’s panicky, and he’s clearly very upset about the prospect of being complicit in a human sacrifice. This might be the first time Ian’s (almost) said ‘I can’t do it’ rather than ‘I won’t do it’. Character development wins. Even more interesting is the Doctor’s attitude, which is essentially ‘live and let live’ (or should that be ‘live and let die’?), urging Ian not to interfere as much out of respect for Aztec culture as out of a desire for self-preservation. It’s a very different attitude to his later incarnations, who would absolutely have intervened; this Doctor has an almost ruthless respect for history that gradually wears off the longer he travels with humans, it would seem.

Back in the temple, Barbara and Susan are being adorkable, pretending to be at Ascot whilst wearing Babs’s magnificent headdress, and musing over ‘beauty and horror developing hand in hand’ like it’s something that doesn’t happen in Western civilisation.

Enter the Doctor for some iconic dialogue. He tells Barbara about the impending sacrifice and urges her not to interfere, even lying through his teeth and claiming that Ian agrees with him. He should know better than to try to play the Ian card with Barbara ‘I don’t always have to agree with Ian so up yours’ Wright. Ian may be a warrior, but Babs is a goddess, and she has the power to stop it, and says so:

BARBARA: Well, they’ve made me a goddess - and I forbid it.
DOCTOR: Barbara, No!
BARBARA: (picking up the headdress) There’ll be no sacrifice this afternoon, Doctor. Or ever again. The reincarnation of Yetaxa will prove to the people that you don’t need to sacrifice a human being in order to make it rain.
DOCTOR: Barbara, no…
BARBARA: It’s no good, Doctor. My mind’s made up. This is the beginning of the end of the sun god.
DOCTOR: What are you talking about?
BARBARA: Oh, don’t you see? If I could start the destruction of everything that’s evil here…then everything that is good would survive when Cortez lands.
DOCTOR: But you can’t rewrite history - not one line!

Wow, Barbara. Just wow. On so many levels. What kind of insane top-down model of history and/or government do you subscribe to that makes you think you can dismantle the core religious beliefs of an entire civilisation by making decrees from on high? What fascist nonsense is this? Also are you so naïve that you believe that Cortez only went on a colonial rampage because of deep moral outrage? Having said all this, I love that Barbara as a character is allowed to be this horrendously flawed, and that we see the idea that ‘absolute power corrupts absolutely’ in action. Interestingly, as I found out today, this remark was made by one John Dalberg-Acton at a time when he was protesting against the formalisation of papal infallibility at the time of Vatican I. Which turns out to be very relevant to the context of religious authority having gone spectacularly to Barbara’s head. Also it’s amazing to think how far, say, Ten is from One: where the former has to be told by River Song that he can’t rewrite time – ‘not one line’ – the latter tells Barbara in a thoroughly iconic moment that she can’t rewrite ‘one line’ of history. It’s utterly fascinating stuff. Also also, I have come to the conclusion that this serial can be summarised in much the same way Harry Potter can be summarised:

Still more fascinating is the idea that the Doctor has had some previous experience with trying to rewrite history, which presumably went very badly wrong or which proved to be beyond the Doctor’s own powers. And I’d love to know more about that, especially as the Doctor speaks to Barbara not in a paternalistic manner at this point but as an equal – someone with whom he has shared a similar experience and in whom he recognises himself. Ultimately, despite the Doctor’s vehement exhortations, Barbara chooses to abandon her own identity and speak and act as Yetaxa. I wonder whether this reminds the Doctor of the time he chose to leave his name behind, too. I think Barbara would have been a lot like the Doctor had she been a Time Lady.

SACRIFICE TIME! And you have to admire the flexibility of the actor whose back is bent over the altar like that. Barbara catches Ian’s eye. A confused and upset Susan cuddles the Doctor back in the temple, and he tells her she has to stay here. Autloc presents Babrara to the people; she catches Ian’s eye again; the people give a brief cheer. Ian and Ixta hold down the sacrifice, and Tlotoxl (oh it really is quite off how the High Priest of Sacrifice is portrayed as a bloodthirsty schemer) starts doing his thing. Also the camera operator trips a bit whilst zooming in, which is hysterical. When he gets to the bit about honouring Tlaloc with blood, Susan yells ‘NO!’ and runs out of the temple, just as Babs cries ‘STOP!’ and proclaims that there shall be no more blood spilt. The sacrifice tells her he has denied her honour, and Tlotoxl tells him to honour them with his death; the sacrifice jumps off the pyramid. CUE RAIN!

Barbara…Barbara stop. You’ve been outplayed and now you’re splitting hairs. You simply cannot disprove the death/rain thing with one death-by-not-stabbing.

And UH-OH, now Tlotoxl is out for Susan’s hide. He asks Babs whether she speaks as the protector of a handmaiden or as a god; when Babs answers the latter (without hesitation – yikes), Tlotoxl insists that Susan be punished for desecrating holy ground and transgressing the law. Barbara insists that an offence committed in ignorance ought not to be punished, and suggests instead that Susan ‘be taught respect for your customs’. Admirable espousal of rehabilitation over retribution, Babs, but maybe you ought to practise what you preach. Susan is sent…to a seminary!? Yikes.

Autloc (who is a bit squeamish, I think) seems relieved and happily proclaims that the great spirit of Yetaxa has spoken. Tlotoxl, however, is now convinced that Babs is a FALSE GODDESS, and vows to DESTROY HER.

HOLY CULTURAL CLUSTERFUCK WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? WILL BARBARA MANAGE TO KEEP UP THIS CHARADE WITHOUT OFFENDING ANYBODY ELSE? WILL SUSAN BE OK NOW SHE’S ESSENTIALLY BEEN TOLD ‘GET THEE TO A NUNNERY’? WILL THE DOCTOR MANAGE TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO OUR NEWLY POWER-CRAZED HISTORY TEACHER? WILL IAN CRACK A SMILE?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Certainly does.

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Not so she can be rescued, no, but the whole story does happen because Barbara wandered off against the Doctor's express wishes.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Captured. And then deified.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? No.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Yes. Tlotoxl suggests respect be beaten into Susan.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? Yes. And had the Doctor told Susan there was a human sacrifice going on and under no circumstances to interfere, she wouldn't have yelled out in horror and been sent to a nunnery.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Not that I can recall.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Susan has to cuddle Ian when she finds Tlotoxl scary.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? I'd say so, yes. Tlotoxl does say he's going to destroy False Goddess Babs.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Babs and the Doctor both.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Absolutely. Though in this case, deservedly so, because trying to outlaw human sacrifice in one day is mental.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Nope. But the Doctor calls Barbara out on hers.

Does a woman get to be a badass? A problematic badass.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Barbara is the one with the most actual power in this episode, but has to be lectured by the Doctor on how not to abuse it. I will say that this is more 'hey I'm a Time Lord I know how this goes and you're a human and this is your first temptation' than 'hey I'm a man and you're a woman who doesn't know what she's doing', but still.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Aztecs don't care about gender when it comes to reincarnations of dead priests. The bling's the thing.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? Not really applicable.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No, but I think Ixta may have a thing for Ian.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

Problematic. Fascinating. But problematic. Barbara has gone power mad in an effort to save the Aztecs, which would be less objectionable if it weren't for the fact that she seems to believe that the Aztecs were wiped out because of their own moral failings; the strong implication is that she's trying to 'save them from themselves'. Some iconic Doctor dialogue, and I'm genuinely enjoying the debate on history and non-interference so far. I'm also enjoying the vaguely Marxist angle on religion as a means of manipulating the proles, but I would enjoy it more were it not for the fact that it's Tlotoxl who is presented as a manipulative butcher who enjoys power and killing for it; it would be a far more interesting and far less uncomfortable situation if it were the High Priest of Knowledge who were a bloodthirsty fanatic and the High Priest of Sacrifice who were the gentle sceptic. In terms of the gender politics of the episode, I'm glad this is Barbara-centric and they didn't go with Ian because of the dead priest being a man; she is, after all, the perfect character to be having this fucked up storyline.