Series 1 Episode 33: Hidden Danger

Serial: The Sensorites
Episode: 3 (Hidden Danger)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Peter R. Newman
Director: Mervyn Pinfield
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 11/07/1964 (Wimbledon overran, apparently)

WHEN YOU’RE SIXTEEN GOING ON SEVENTEEN WAITING FOR LIFE TO START (and other stories)

In which Susan rebels, the Doctor is the Patriarchy, Babs gets benched, and Ian gets Space Cholera from Pleb Water.

So Susan is off to the Sense Sphere to save the rest of the crew from being murdered and weirdly it’s Babs and not the Doctor who’s the first to spring to action once Susan is beyond the sliding door. The Doctor observes with weird calm that there can’t be air outside the ship and that the Sensorites must be stopped. So what does Ian do? Exactly what he did last episode! Grab the bestie and hope for the best. Pausing only to check with Ian that they’re going to try out the Doctor’s theory from last week that the Sensorites are afraid of the dark, Babs helps Ian get the door open and they…bump straight into Susan and the two Sensorites. They didn’t get far, did they?

I find this action strangely hypnotic.

Susan tells the humans not to interfere, but Babs has gone full schoolteacher and is insisting that Susan not go with the Sensorites. One of the Sensorites observes that they’re not carrying weapons but that he’s still afraid of them. So would I be, Mister Sensorite—they’ve got their game faces on. Ian says they just want to talk, but the Sensorites are having none of it; aliens always say they want to talk but always end up wrecking the place. The humans they’ve encountered on previous occasions must be real colonial bellends. Again Susan tells her teachers not to interfere, saying that the Sensorites trust her because she can use telepathy; Babs sticks to her guns; Susan says they don’t understand the Sensorites. Susan, I am loving this streak of rebellious maturity but really you picked one hell of a time for a teenage rebellion. Then again, I will never not love it when Barbara and Ian go into Space Parent mode.

Enter the Doctor, and WOW he’s being a dick. He tells Susan he doesn’t think she has the ability to represent them (literally his words), at which Susan insists he stop treating her like a child. FAMILY DRAMA! AND PATRIARCHAL BULLSHIT! IN SPAAAAAAAAAAACE! He actually tells her to do as she’s told (a rather unpleasant characteristic that gets recycled in Capaldi-era Who) and ‘come here’; when she digs her heels in, he adds ‘THIS INSTANT’.

OUCH.

Blimey. I love that we’re getting to see Susan kicking back against the Doctor’s authority and his constant infantilisation of her. I also like that William Hartnell isn’t trying to come across as sympathetic in this scene; he says some really insulting, patronising things to Susan that leave her in no doubt about the (lack of) belief he has in her and is very blunt about it, which makes the full unpleasantness of an ugly family argument to come to the fore.

And alas, Susan’s moment of rebelliousness is over: she shuffles back over to Team Tardis, and it’s interesting that it’s Ian’s arm that reaches out towards her; clearly someone wants to be Good Cop. As the Sensorites reach out with their catapult thingies, Ian hits the light switch…and the Sensorites are suddenly helpless and clinging to one another and begging for them to bring back the light and crying out that they’re afraid. It’s pitiful stuff, but nobody seems to be particularly moved. As the Doctor sends Susan back to Carol, he tells Ian to put the lights back on, and proceeds to tell the Sensorites how much power he has over them but how great he is because he doesn’t intend to use it except in self-defence. Christ he’s cold this week.

Anyway, the Sensorites ask what he wants, and he tells them he doesn’t want anything that isn’t his; Ian chimes in and reminds us all about the Sensorites having stolen the lock to the Tardis. Barbara is notable by her absence from this bit of power play. The Sensorites have to check back with Sense Sphere. The Doctor, impatient with this bureaucratic faff, tells Ian to torture them (i.e. put the lights out) if they try anything and goes off presumably to lecture Susan about obedience, raging all the while: ‘Dictated to by petty thieves and my own grandchild!’ Fuck the grandpatriarchy says I.

Once alone with Babs and the Sensorites, it becomes clear that Ian’s mind is on other things:

He is of course referring to the Sensorites' use of their little disc thingummies for the purposes of thought transference, but I am a massive child and enjoy taking these things out of context. In any case, Babs isn't listening AT ALL, which is in itself a thing of beauty:

Oh Ian, sweetie, you’re already an open book. Also, I demand a remake of What Women Want starring Ian and Babs. Also also, I demand a remake of Enchanted starring these two.

Also also also, this is classic shit from both of them, PLUS I’m going to claim that this serial as a whole is the genesis of Ian Chesterderp who has emerged butterfly-like from the chrysalis of a murderous Aztec nightmare into a world in which he gives fewer fucks. Then this happens:

YE GODS IAN IS SO CLUELESS. Young woman shows defiance towards her male elders—she must have been hypnotised! Thank God for Babs, who is on hand to point out that puberty is a thing. Which is good news for Susan, who at least has someone aboard the Tardis who knows what it’s like being a teenage girl and what’s more is a prime example of how to stand up to the Doctor and his bullshit.

And speaking of the Doctor and his patriarchal bullshit, he’s now being (grand)paternalistic as fuck. In fact he's being a complete arsehole:

GO, SUSAN. And kudos to her for staying calm and sticking to her guns.

Enter the Sensorites, who can sense her teenage angst and ask an increasingly irate Doctor why he’s making her sad. The Doctor blames the Sensorites for causing his first ever argument with Susan, because apparently he’s as clueless as Ian when it comes to these matters; Susan, miserably, agrees to do what the Doctor says just to shut him up. Anyway, the Sensorites are now in touch with their leader, the First Elder, and have agreed to transmit the Doctor’s words to him; the Doctor tells the First Elder the only treasure they desire from the Sensorites is FREEDOM. Classy.

Elsewhere, Carol is checking up on her fiancé John, whose brain has been comprehensively hijacked by the Sensorites. He knows she’s good, but he doesn’t know who she is; poor Carol. And indeed poor John, who just wants ‘silence’.

Elsewhere, Barbara is asking one of the Sensorites whether they can really do something for John; apparently they can…in time. Ian, however, isn’t keen on the waiting part, as apparently Barbara and Maitland have to stay on the ship as hostages a safeguard while they cure him.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Jackie, you don’t need a holiday! Stay and play! It’s going to be boring as fuck without you! Ahem.

But yeah, Ian really isn’t keen, and it all gets a bit meta:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh Ian, you’ve worked out the formula for Classic Who! Have a banana.

Oh and look, here comes the Doctor—exposition time! In which the following facts are established:

1. The Sensorites communicate with their little disc thingies telepathically but otherwise speak with their mouths.
2. The Sensorites use telepathy to blanket out the minds of the crew.
3. They do this because ten years ago, five humans rocked up on the Sense Sphere and were welcomed but were clearly thinking about the mineral riches of the planet; they quarrelled, two of them apparently took off in the spaceship, the other three presumably sneaked aboard and fought them from control, and the spaceship exploded; since the explosion the Sensorites have been dying from a disease or diseases unknown. (Barbara’s money is on scarlet fever, FYI.)
4. They’re allowing the Doctor & Co. onto the planet because they sense great knowledge in them and think they may be able to help.

And oh the Doctor is delightfully vain, going from belligerent to chucklesome as he speculates that there’ll be some bargaining ahead.

Anyway, their ride has arrived. The Doctor tells Babs he’s sorry to leave her behind but, y’know, he’s going to anyway; Ian also apologises for leaving Babs behind; Babs reassures both of them she’ll be fine (and is probably looking forward to putting her feet up for a bit). Then Barbara takes Susan to one side and something gorgeous happens:

BARBARA: Susan?
SUSAN: Yes?
BARBARA: Look, I know how you feel, but your Grandfather loves you.
SUSAN: Yes, I know.
BARBARA: Be patient. We're all on your side really, you know.

I LOVE BARBARA AND SUSAN CHATS. It’s like that time in Marco Polo when Susan didn’t understand why her grandfather was being a grumpy bastard and Barbara tried to make her see how the Doctor was feeling insecure and defenceless having had a ‘wonderful machine, capable of all sorts of miracles [. . . ] taken away from him by a man he calls a primitive’. Only this time we’re imagining teenage Barbara kicking back against her own parents and/or guardians (how I wish we had more details about the early companions’ families). Nailing the pastoral care, there, Babs. Also I’m getting such Maria/Liesl vibes off this scene:

Come to think of it, that song is horribly prophetic for Susan (‘lo and behold you’re someone's wife, and you belong to him’).

At this point, the Doctor, clearly meaning well but also reasserting his paternalistic authority, chivvies Susan along, telling her they can’t do without her. And it turns out it’s not just Barbara and Maitland who are staying on the ship, but also the Second Sensorite; I really, really hope that somewhere it will be revealed that the three of them resorted to teaching one another and then playing parlour games specific to their times and planets.

Ok, so now we’re on the Sense Sphere, where the Sensorites are sitting around in identical costumes but for various sashes and collars which apparently distinguish their rank. Which is handy. The First Elder has two crossed black sashes; the Second Elder has one black sash; and the City Administrator, who is listening to the conversation between the other two, has a black collar. The Second Elder is a bit sceptical about inviting the humans into the city rather than meeting them in the desert or the mountains, seeing as they are both loud and ugly; the First Elder, however, seems a reasonable and philosophical sort, and plans to fight fire with fire by getting the humans with the ‘spaceship that can cross the barriers of the universe’ to stop the Sensorites from dying; he also points out that ‘[i]t is the failure of all beings that they judge through their own eyes’. Wise words. When he asks the City Administrator for his opinion, however, said C.A. says he doesn’t dare question his great brain; the First Elder tell him ‘Jefferson has beliefs; Burr has none’ ‘No opinion can be worse sometimes than a very dogmatic one’. Burn.

Once the First Elder has left, it becomes apparent that the City Administrator does in fact have an opinion, and a xenophobic one at that: the First Elder’s decision is based on trust, and humans are not to be trusted. We get a fascinating little insight into Sensorite politics and the functions of their ruling élite when it becomes apparent that the City Administrator regards the First Elder’s mind as ‘pure’; however, he sees himself and the Second Elder as ‘realists’…which is why he’s beamed a disintegrator into the room.

Look, Sensorites are tricky to gif because of their mouths
being obscured by facial hair. Also I miss Babs already.

I’m sorry what.

Ok, so the City Administrator is going to murder the humans at the first sign of trouble because it’s his job to protect his ruler. Fab. I have to say, it would indeed be idiotic not to have a contingency plan when dealing with the same kind of colonially-minded aliens who brought disease and destruction to your planet in a smallpox-in-a-blanket sort of way, but still, this Sensorite is pretty reactionary.

Anyway, the gang has arrived on the Sense Sphere, where it becomes apparent that the Sensorites have a caste system. Susan seems surprised, while Ian has a classic Leftie Ian moment:

FIRST-SENSORITE: How else can we tell what each man is best fitted to do? The Elders think and rule, the warriors fight, the Sensorites work and play.
DOCTOR: You make it sound so very simple.
FIRST-SENSORITE: And all are happy.
IAN: But some are happier than others, eh?

OH IAN. IAN, IAN, IAN. OF COURSE YOU’RE PARAPHRASING ORWELL.

Also I’m pretty sure this is meant to be some sort of nod towards an oldschool Japanese-style caste system, seeing as how Peter R. Newman also wrote the screenplay for a film called Yesterday’s Enemy based on British war crimes against the Japanese in Burma which, as it has been pointed out, isn’t a million miles away from certain aspects of this serial. Also also, I have (by a total coincidence) been reading a hugely problematic essay by T.S. Eliot called Notes Towards the Definition of Culture and I’m pretty sure he would have considered Sensorite society pretty-much ideal, insofar as—in the words of the First Sensorite—‘[t]here is no disgrace in being in any of the castes; it is simply what one is best fitted for’. But I digress.

At this point, John starts talking about how evil is near; Carol thinks he’s just crazy, but Susan reminds her that his mind is open and that he can tell the difference between good and evil. Which is convenient.

Anyway, the City Administrator and the Engineer are setting up the disintegrator to zap the humans in their seats at the dinner table. Which would be awkward if they ended up switching seats. We learn that Sensorites’ hearts are in the centre, and that the Engineer is going to aim the beams at the centre of the humans’ chests in the absence of further information, which begs the question of how he’s going to achieve this given that he doesn’t know how long their torsos are or whether they’ll be leaning forward or scrabbling under the table to retrieve a dropped spork at the time of disintegration. We shall never know. Oh wait, I stand corrected—he can see them through infra-red. And as soon as they’re seated…ZAP!

Nice sixties future tech, though.

In the reception room, John and Carol are being sent off to get John’s brain sorted; he pronounces the First Elder ‘good’, that is to say ‘not like…’ and tails off. IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT JOHN.

Anyway, John goes off to get his treatment, and while Ian’s busy sucking up to his new host, the Doctor says what we’re all thinking as far as the Sensorites’ handling of John is concerned: ‘It doesn't alter the fact that you're responsible for his condition. I think It's utterly disgraceful!’ DAMN RIGHT. Susan, however, thinks her grandfather should be less shouty, and they all go to sit at their places. Uh-oh.

But oh what’s this? The Second Elder has come bursting into the disintegrator room and told the trigger-happy City Administraor and Engineer to not laser everyone to death because the humans are a reasonable lot after all. The CA isn’t happy about it, but the Second Elder is insistent and confiscates the key to the death machine for good measure. Before he leaves, he tells the CA he has doubts about those who question orders and authority. Hmm. But also phew, because it seems Team Where’s Barbara Already is not going to be murdered at the dinner table.

I knew I made this for a reason. Though mostly I just
don't want to have to make Sensorite speech gifs.

Meanwhile, the First Elder is making excuses for having driven John insane because the latter was a foreigner who wanted to steal from them. It’s scary how much what is essentially a story about colonial exploitation is being told using UKIP-y language. Ian points out that this is no excuse for sending John out of his mind, and the First Elder is quick to point out that the only reason John is now crazy is because his mind was open with excitement (yikes that sounds iffy) so when the Sensorites sent the crew to sleep John’s brain was defenceless and he just heard all the voices in his head.

At this point, a waiter comes in with some refreshments, and the First Elder is outraged that his guests are not being given the same food and drink he’s being given (apparently because the CA is a massive racist); he orders the waiter to bring the crystal water (which comes from a pure spring)…which only the Elders can drink. Ugh. Caste systems. Ian, however, is too thirsty for fancy schmancy water, which isn’t surprising seeing as how when Babs and Susan went looking for water on the spaceship they got lost and then the Sensorites arrived and yeah everyone’s probably dehydrated as fuck right now. I wonder whether all this information we’re being given about the ordinary water supply coming from aqueducts that run beneath the city will be in any way significant in the very near future, said she in a voice heavy with sarcasm. Ian drinks the water; and I am starting a timer.

Elsewhere, the CA and the Engineer are plotting.

Back in the dining room, the First Elder is telling Team Where’s Barbara Already about what the different sashes mean. Ian asks about the ordinary people; the First Elder says they are ‘content with their similarity’. Then, precisely 1 minute and 15 seconds from the moment the Not Crystal Water touches his lips, Ian starts coughing. And just to make sure we’re in no doubt as to the significance of this fact, it occurs thus:

Well that’s just hysterical. The Doctor asks whether the disease affects the Elders, and when the answer is no, he muses ‘I WONDER WHY NOT’. No, this is too much. I swear that’s sarcastic line delivery from Mr. H. Also, even if Babs isn’t here to remember it from the History of Medicine module that…er…wasn’t on the GCSE syllabus in the 1960s (and for all I know probably hasn’t been on it since the mid-00s or has at least now been purged by the Tories in favour of British British Things), there’s no reason on Earth why Ian the Science Teacher wouldn’t immediately have thought of Dr. John Snow (no, not that one) and the Broad Street Pump, i.e. a major breakthrough in epidemiology to do with how cholera was spread in an outbreak of 1854. (BOOM remembering facts like it’s 2004...which was 12 years ago…unacceptable.)

Anyway, Ian is still coughing through everyone’s lines, and once it’s been established that the Sensorites will return the Tardis lock in return for aid and that the Doctor considers Susan to be ‘a fine young woman’ (IT’S ABOUT TIME), he starts hacking away in earnest. The Doctor is concerned about His Dear Chesterton, and Susan is out of her seat; Ian asks for water. The Doctor asks whether these are the symptoms of the disease; the First Elder nods; Ian collapses on the floor. WELL THAT IS ONE FAST-ACTING DISEASE. And apparently there’s no hope, because according to the First Elder, he is now dying!

SHOCK HORROR! WILL IAN DIE OF SPACE CHOLERA? WILL THIS SORT OF THING HAPPEN EVERY TIME BABS ISN’T AROUND TO KEEP HIM OUT OF TROUBLE? WILL SUSAN BE REDUCED TO BROW-MOPPING DUTY OR WILL SHE BE ABLE TO STRETCH HER TELEPATHIC LEGS? HOW HAVE THE ELDERS NOT SPOTTED THE DRINKING WATER THING? WHEN WILL JACKIE COME BACK FROM HER HOLIDAYS?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Yup!

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? No. Though Babs is essentially held hostage.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Not as such. Susan chooses to accompany the Sensorites (well, it's not a straightforward choice, but she's determined to go) down to their planet, but Ian and Babs take it upon themselves to rescue her anyway. Also it looks like Ian's going to be in the most peril as of the end of this episode.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Everyone is, really.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? Susan is prevented from going down to the Sense Sphere.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? Yeah, the Doctor is pretty disparaging about Susan's claims to have understood the Sensorites.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Yes.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No. Susan has a lot to flip out about, but she stays calm; however, she's treated like an hysteric by the Doctor anyway.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? The CA has it in for everyone, I think.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Susan. And her plan is derailed.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Susan's theory that the Sensorites trust her more because she can communicate with their minds is ridiculed by the Doctor. A lot.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Susan!

Does a woman get to be a badass? Yup!

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? The Doctor is bossing everyone around this week.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Nope, just good old fashioned Doctor/Ian. You could argue that it's more to do with Susan being a teen than being a woman, but I think it's certainly mixed in with sexism.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? The Sensorites call the Doctor out on making Susan sad.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

This week is all about Susan trying to assert her independence and worth in the face of an increasingly dickish Doctor, whose patriarchal bullshit is thoroughly unpleasant. Though she ultimately agrees to do as she's told, it's an uneasy resolution, and I'm grateful that this reconciliation was played as an uncomfortable truce that's clearly not satisfactory for Susan; it makes me confident that this issue is not resolved and will be allowed to play out. Until she gets married off. There are some nice moments between Barbara and Susan, and it's good for Susan to have a female role model to whom she can look for a good example (not least in terms of showing her how to stand up to the Doctor's nonsense) and who looks out for her emotional wellbeing. Ian is clueless as hell (his notion that Susan's disobedience is down to hypnosis is something else), but I enjoy the continued leftie streak to his character. The Doctor is awful this week, but kudos to Billy and to the director for not trying to make the Doctor likeable whenever he's clearly in the wrong; one of my favourite things about One is that he's not a straightforward hero and (at this stage) only very occasionally the moral compass of the show, so there's no pressure to make him right all the time; when his behaviour is inexcusable, people don't make excuses for him. (I'll accept that Babs telling Susan her grandfather loves her really is a bit of an excuse, but she doesn't say that makes him right per se.) The Sensorites are...interesting. I mean sometimes they're boring, but they raise complicated questions at any rate. Next week, expect lots of whinging about Barbara's absence.

Series 1 Episode 32: The Unwilling Warriors

Serial: The Sensorites
Episode: 2 (The Unwilling Warriors)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Peter R. Newman
Director: Mervyn Pinfield
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 27/06/1964

TOXIC MASCULINITY...IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! (and other stories)

In which Susan gets telepathic, Babs is a cool customer, Ian gets to be scared, and most of the action can be boiled down to this crackvid.

So there’s Klingons Sensorites on the starboard bow, but they’re not getting handsy with the glass in this take. The Doctor tells Ian to stay chill: ‘the calmer you are, the stronger’. I’m not sure Ian has a ‘calm’ setting. Maitland and Carol are both mesmerised; the Doctor says fear has loosened their minds and given the Sensorites the chance to control them. Pausing only to be magnificent in telling Ian to ‘ignore it’ (the Sensorite that’s taking a space walk), he proceeds to shake Maitland until he comes round. He reminds Maitland he’s got a door to open. Nothing like chivalry to clear the head. But also the Doctor would quite like Susan not be in danger and that.

On the other side of the door, Babs is trying to persuade John to open said door. John, however, is having his mind mangled by the Sensorites; he tells the fourth wall he won’t be forced to frighten Barbara and Susan, who are somewhat concerned that someone is ordering him to harm them.

Outside, Maitland has to use the cutter on the door. An exasperated Ian yells ‘Oh not again!’ and has to be gently manhandled by the Doctor when he admits he’s ‘just [. . .] so worried about Barbara and Susan’:

DOCTOR: Now-now-now, try and contain your emotions; use self-control. Otherwise it confuses the brain and leaves it wide open to an attack by the Sensorites. Look at Maitland here - fear and inertia has left him vulnerable!
IAN: Yes that's true enough Doctor.

It’s interesting that it’s Ian who has to be calmed down at this point, but even more interesting that the Doctor is essentially enforcing the idea that emotion ‘confuses the brain’. Toxic masculinity much. I mean yes, being able to control your emotions to the extent that they don’t control you is important, but it’s interesting that the men who are overtly afraid in this situation are portrayed as vulnerable, i.e. weak. Also I swear Carol’s changed her hair, as it’s now in a magnificent beehive whereas it used to be in an enormous donut. She tells them the Sensorites are now on the ship, and that even though they’re not in the same bit Barbara and Susan are in, they need to get through a.s.a.p. because of John; Ian’s not arguing. She goes on to tell them that the Sensorites can take over John’s mind…at which point Ian loses his shit. He goes over to the door and starts hammering on it, yelling for Barbara and Susan.

This. This is Ian. 

And Barbara and Susan can hear him. John asks Babs to give him his hand, which she does; he tells her the Sensorites want him to frighten them, but he mustn’t give way. Susan want to ease the tension, so Babs tells John they’re not afraid so long as he’s there to protect them. You bolster that psyche with paternalistic bullshit, Babs. (I mock, but they’re doing a pretty good job of keeping John calm, actually.) They tell him they’re his friends, and John repeats this fact for the fourth wall in case they hadn’t heard.

Meanwhile, Ian is still pacing. The Doctor catches him and gives him a good glare, but it’s no good, apparently.

But OH WHAT’S THIS? Elsewhere in the ship, two pairs of Muppet Feet are flooping along the corridor. I am amazed nobody tripped up in this serial. Or maybe they did and I don’t remember. I’ll keep my eyes peeled. Anyway, it’s the Sensorites! Who, as I’ve said, look like Zombie Lincoln minus the hat plus a onesie. They also have stripy arm bands and what looks a bit like an electrode on a string around their necks. How Ood.

The Sensorites literally have two left feet. Or right feet.

Meanwhile, Susan’s had an idea, and it’s a corker: if the Sensorites can use their brains as weapons, what’s stopping the two of them using their brains to defend John and indeed themselves? I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING:

SUSAN: Look, Grandfather and I landed on a planet once called Esto; the plants there used thought transference. If you stood in between two of the plants they set up a sort of screeching noise; Grandfather said it was because they were aware of another mind.
BARBARA: Breaking in on their communications.
SUSAN: Yes exactly! I thought if we both tried together...
BARBARA: Well anything's better than just sitting here.

Well this is exciting, if only because it answers some queries I had from The Keys of Marinus where Susan said she’d heard the sound of screaming plants from the also screaming jungle before. And YES SUSAN! Finally she gets to show some initiative, and now the two of them are going to get proactive using the power of their brains. Also I love how quick Barbara is on the uptake and how willing she is to go along with Susan’s plan on the basis that Susan clearly knows what she’s talking about:

SUSAN: You see, if we both think of the same thing at the same time.
BARBARA: Well what do you mean? "We defy you", something like that?
SUSAN: Yes, yes "We defy you".
BARBARA: Alright.
SUSAN: Now we must both picture the words very clearly in our minds. We must both concentrate very hard. Ready?
BARBARA: Yes. When I count to five.

WHOVIAN WOMEN BEING BADASSES WITH THEIR MINDS. GIVE ME ALL OF THIS ALL THE TIME. Also Barbara is so very game. I love that the first thing she thinks of for them to think simultaneously is ‘WE DEFY YOU’. Because why the hell not.

As Barbara and Susan prepare to be their best defiant selves, the Sensorites start…fiddling about with a desk lamp? I dunno.

Anyway, Barbara gets to five, and the Sensorites crumple in agony, clutching their heads. But OH NO! As they stand there concentrating Very Hard, suddenly Susan collapses and has to be caught by Babs. What’s happening? Has a Sensorite thought the word ‘PATRIARCHY’ very hard in her direction? We may never know.

Outside, Maitland says the door is jammed and he’ll have to cut the whole section out. Ian has had just about enough of this fuckery, tells Maitland they can’t wait, and immediately starts trying to open the now partially-open door using brute force. They succeed!

Later, the Doctor and Carol are discussing recent events; it’s possible Susan managed to reach out to the Sensorites, so Carol reckons it’s possible for them to resist. And oh look, it seems they’ve been talking about Susan as though she’s not there, because she’s now revealed to be sitting in the background. She tells them she heard hundreds of voices in her head, and the Doctor immediately starts scolding her. Apparently she escaped harm because she was ‘strong-willed and without fear’. Damn right. You should be applauding her.

Barbara and Susan sum up my feelings at this juncture.

Anyway, enter Ian, who’s been with John. The latter has been muttering something like ‘the dreams of avarice’, which Ian reckons is part of the Earth saying ‘rich beyond the dreams of avarice’. Clearly John has discovered something in his capacity as the ship’s mineralogist that has made the Sensorites silence him and keep the rest of the crew prisoner. The Doctor asks Maitland if he’s tried talking to the Sensorites. Silly question.

Meanwhile, the Sensorites are using their little stethoscope electrode proto-Ood thingies to communicate with the First Elder on their planet, who is interested in the human voice that said ‘we defy you’. Though Babs is the human in this situation, I’m guessing he means Susan. Also the new humans (i.e. Team Tardis) are smarter than the others and less afraid, so if they try to attack then warriors must be summoned. Yikes.

Elsewhere, the astronauts have got their spectroscope out. The Doctor hands a spectrograph to Ian, who reckons it’s pretty normal-looking. He then proceeds to explain what a spectrograph is to Susan the super-advanced space-child; her response is fucking glorious:

Susan has no time for your Baby Science.

Ian at least has the grace to laugh at himself.

Then the episode makes doubly sure it’s comprehensively hurdled the Bechdel test:

RICHMOND: You're very strange people.
SUSAN: Are we?
RICHMOND: Well you come from nowhere and you seem to be going nowhere.
BARBARA: Oh we're very dependent on the Doctor - he leads and we follow.
RICHMOND: Travel without a purpose?
BARBARA: Oh no, there's a purpose in it. He's trying to get us back to our own time on Earth.
RICHMOND: Oh I see.
SUSAN: Isn't it better to travel hopefully than arrive?
RICHMOND: Oh anything's better than circling around a planet forever and being kept alive. Alive... It's been more like a living-death.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS finally we get a conversation more in the vein of Barbara and Susan in the Gobi desert but with added Carol. Also Susan talking about travelling hopefully being better than arriving breaks my heart in all kinds of different places. They all have such different experiences of space(-time) travel: Barbara and Susan are both travelling with their separate hopes but in their own way beginning to enjoy hopeful travel, while Carol travels only in the sense that she’s constantly in motion but never getting anywhere new; however, all three are momentarily united in their desire to be able to set off on their travels once more.

Anyway, the Doctor has gone off the scrutinise the spectrograph a bit more with the aid of a monocle. Because why not. Susan, Babs, and Carol continue to theorise about what must have happened; Susan starts with the fact that the Sensorites have discovered thought transference, while Barbara reckons John got so excited when he made his discovery that his mind opened up and broadcast it to the Sensorites. Dead on.

They’re interrupted by the Doctor, however, who has figured out what John found: Molybdenum! Which, unlike Dalekanium, is real, because I just looked it up on Wikipedia. And it was in demand during both World Wars because unlike steel it doesn’t melt at the temperatures produced by the propellant used in a fuck-off artillery gun. It also melts at 2623 °C, which is actually only one degree out from what the Doctor claims. (He’s also one degree out when it comes to the melting point of iron. Oh Billy.) Anyway, it’s dead useful.

Just as the Doctor yells that the planet is a veritable goldmine, however, Carol and Maitland both grab their heads in agony: the Sensorites are here! On the ship! So of course this happens:

If I had the skills to give Ian a flower crown here, I would.

I fucking love this. Everyone freaking out? Potentially hostile aliens on the ship? Grab the bestie and go looking for them purely for teh lolz. This may also be the first time Ian hasn’t run off to be action man whilst insisting Barbara stays behind. Then again, they were separated for most of The Aztecs, so this is probably the first opportunity they’ve had in a while to spend some quality human time together; it’s the closest thing they’ve had to a date since they decided to stalk one of their pupils together after school. (I also like to think Ian’s glee has something to do with being very glad indeed that his Space Bae, unlike Carol’s, is as yet unmangled in mind or spirit, and is enjoying the moment.)

So the BFFs run off to look for aliens together and it’s the most endearing thing I’ve ever seen. Which I shall again convey through the use of glittery, pastel-coloured bubble writing:

I will stop using these fonts when they stop
being offensively cute.

I’m deaded. The two of them don’t have a fucking Scooby what’s going on or what they’re doing; they’re just in it for the Spirit of Adventure...which shows a fair bit of character development for Barbara at least, who once memorably described herself as 'a very unwilling adventurer'. Indeed, the point at which Ian tells Barbara she needn’t come along if she doesn’t want to, with a massive grin on his face, knowing full well that she’d rather stick pins in her eyes than not go any further, is second only to Barbara tutting and quipping back ‘nonsense’. It’s their relationship in a nutshell. You don't have to ship it to appreciate that it’s a thing of gorgeousness. And it’s good to see Ian’s sort of left his paternalism at the door…at least for the moment.

Ahem. Sorry. I've been enormously sidetracked by the ridiculous antics of the Space Baes. Anyway, they wander around a bit more until suddenly – GASP! It’s the Sensorites! So what was your plan, darlings? I’m curious. Because Barbara and Ian now start backing away the way they came as the Sensorites advance. Ian, who seems to be nervous these days if he doesn’t have a weapon to hand, grabs a spanner while Babs opens the door behind him and steers him through it backwards. He tells her to go find Maitland and ask him how to lock the doors; she protests a bit and there’s another alarming moment when it looks like she isn’t going to go (remember when she looked like she was about to stay with Ian when he was stuck in that Dalek casing on Skaro?), but she eventually scarpers as the Sensorites come through the door and advance on Ian once more. One of the Sensorites raises its telepathic whatsit to its head, and Ian raises his spanner threateningly, causing the Sensorite to drop it. Unwilling warriors indeed.

Outside, Babs is trying to get Maitland to tell her how to lock the doors, but he’s too busy grabbing his head and looking pained. The Doctor tells Babs to try John; when she protests, he snaps ‘do as I say’. Christ the Doctor’s bossy this episode. Anyway, she does indeed go to find John, who is a trooper and allows himself to be steered towards the action by Babs.

They encounter Ian at the door with Sensorites, about to bash them with a spanner. Then this happens:

BARBARA: Ian, no!
IAN: Why not? How else am I supposed to keep these creatures off?
BARBARA: Well do you need to keep them off? Have they actually attacked you? Come on John, lock the door.

Well, it looks like Babs is making a habit of being magnificent. While Ian seems to be a lot more willing to embrace violence since his Aztec adventure, Babs has actually toned it down. And I think it might be because, while he’s getting more afraid as their adventures continue, she’s getting less afraid. Which is Interesting Character Development. And probably down to the fact that, though they’ve both had their lives threatened on a regular basis, while Ian’s had to embrace his action man role and is starting to fall back on that role more and more, Barbara’s been given a far wider range of experiences, from utter powerlessness to absolute power, and is learning to cope in a variety of different situations using a variety of different approaches; she’s getting a lot better at taking things in her stride.

Anyway, John locks the door, and Ian’s a mess after almost having succumbed to textbook Yoda anadiplosis. Barbara, who has her hands full (literally) propping up John, has more than a touch of the indulgent teacher explaining something to a wayward pupil:

Seriously, though, I’m impressed with the extent to which she has her shit together after all that Aztec business. I’m also impressed that we do get to see a lot of Ian being afraid in this serial, which is only healthy. But it’s also interesting how this episode keeps hammering home the relationship between fear and aggression.

Speaking of which – DRAMA! The Sensorites can get through the other door! MUCH RUSHING! As John bolts the door, Ian tempts fate: ‘Now we’ll see what the Sensorites can do.’

And indeed we shall. And that something is fry the locks with their catapult thingummies. They advance! But before one of them can open the main door, the other stays his hand. What are they up to?

Outside, the Doctor still wants to contact the Sensorites, while the astronauts are feeling a little better. Then – WHEEEEEEEE SPACE NOISES – the Sensorites are using their telepathy discs, and Susan suddenly starts talking apparently to herself, much to the confusion of her companions. She tells them she’s made contact, and the Doctor agrees to talk…but if the Sensorites try to harm them, he shall…*lame pause*…fight them. That’s some convincing smack-talk there, Doctor.

Well this is exciting! Susan has a skill nobody else has, and it looks like she’s going to be vital to this serial! Telepathic powers will certainly be a welcome addition to her skillset, which currently comprises ‘being really smart but not getting to show it very often’, ‘opening the Tardis doors’, ‘being morbid’, and ‘occasionally fucking the patriarchy’.

Anyway, Susan unlocks the doors and lets the Sensorites in. It turns out Earth people visited the Sense Sphere once before and caused them ‘a fearful affliction’. Which I’m assuming means ‘they were colonial-style bellends’. Anyway, the plan is that Team Tardis and the astronauts can’t go home but will be taken to live on a reservation on the Sense Sphere. The Doctor isn’t happy about that, and though both parties claim not to want to harm one another, it’s pretty tense. The Sensorites also have a sideline in sass:

FIRST-SENSORITE: The other Earth people will not be able to help you.
BARBARA: Surely we've proved that we don't need help.
SECOND-SENSORITE: You have only proved that you can lock doors. We can unlock them!

Burn.

But now the Doctor’s stepped in, and it becomes apparent that if push comes to shove he will not fuck about. When the Sensorites ask if he’s threatening them, he tells them he doesn’t make threats…but he does keep promises. Cripes. In short, he promises to cause them a fuckton of trouble in they don’t return his property, and yells for good measure; the Sensorites reel and put their hands over their ears, then depart. Never mess with the Tardis if you don’t want the Doctor for an enemy seems to be the first rule of Who.

Gif by cleowho

And now we’re finding out why you don’t mess with One, because it seems all this time he’s been sizing up their weaknesses: he’s spotted that their pupils are fully dilated in daylight, which means either that they’re in a constant state of arousal or that they’re the exact opposite of cat’s eyes and contract in the dark. I don’t even want to consider the science. Anyway, the upshot is they’ll be afraid of the dark. Then this happens:

DOCTOR: Thank you for your admiration my dear boy, thank you.
IAN: Well I never said a word!
DOCTOR: Ha-ha, telepathy! You know telepathy isn't only a prerequisite of the Sensorites. I know sometimes what you're thinking! Hm-hm! Hm-hm!

I can’t decide whether this is adorable or disconcerting. Certainly Babs and Ian don’t seem too bothered about the fact that the Doctor can eavesdrop on their thoughts. Either way, telepathic Doctor is very early canon.

But ooh, the Sensorites’ telepathic dog whistle is going off again, and Susan’s saying ‘I don’t want to go’ (oh foreshadowing!), before agreeing to something on condition that the others not be harmed. Oh crumbs. And now Susan’s walking over to the door and telling the others not to move. It transpires she’s agreed to go down to the planet…otherwise they’ll all be killed! She steps through the door and the Sensorites close it behind her. SUSAN OUT.

OH MY GOODNESS WHAT DO THE SENSORITES WANT WITH SUSAN? WILL THE DOCTOR ACTUALLY BURST A BLOOD VESSEL WITH ANGER? WILL IAN HAVE TIME TO SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS AT SOME POINT WITHOUT BEING TOLD HIS EMOTIONS ARE MAKING HIM WEAK? WILL BARBARA CONTINUE TO GET TO BE AMAZINGLY TOGETHER ABOUT EVERYTHING? WILL SUSAN’S TELEPATHIC ABILITIES DEVELOP AND WILL SHE NOW HAVE LOTS TO DO IN EVERY EPISODE? HOW LONG HAS THE DOCTOR BEEN EAVESDROPPING ON HIS HUMANS’ BRAINS?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Yup!

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? No.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Though Ian and the Doctor appear to be under the impression that Barbara and Susan need rescuing from peril, it becomes apparent that they are fine handling the situation by themselves.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Implied but the threat turns out not to be serious.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Yes.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No. It's Ian who needs to chill out this week.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Everyone's menacing everyone else this week. Even the Sensorites aren't proper antagonists.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No, but Babs does call Ian out on his 'bludgeon to death with a spanner first ask questions later' attitude.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? AND HOW.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No, but the Doctor does stamp all over Susan's independence and indeed chides her for carrying out her thought defiance plan.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Not as such but Susan goes against his wishes pretty strongly.

Does a woman get to be a badass? Yup!

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Everyone in Team Tardis has their moments this week.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? A bit.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? No.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

MORE OF THIS CHARACTERISATION OF SUSAN AND BARBARA PLEASE. Susan gets to be a telepathic badass and Babs is up for anything. It's irritating to see the Doctor stifling Susan, but at least it's deliberate in this episode and part of her character development arc in this serial. I also enjoy that Barbara is the one keeping a cool head when Ian is ready to bludgeon the Sensorites to death with a spanner; maybe it's because she remembers the Doctor's little 'fear makes companions of all of us' speech and recognises that literally everyone on this ship, human and Sensorite alike, is afraid and therefore prone to acts of violence; she helps Ian break that cycle of fear with her cool teacher moves. Having said that, it's good that we get to see Ian afraid, because it would be unhealthy if he didn't show a little fear now and then. However, it's interesting that, whereas Babs got the 'fear is good' speech way back when, Ian gets the 'fear makes you vulnerable' speech. Also it's only the men who are portrayed as having been made weak as a result of their fear. I do appreciate that the point of this episode is that fear basically starts wars, but there's certainly a gender dimension involved. Let's see how this develops!

Series 1 Episode 31: Strangers in Space

Serial: The Sensorites
Episode: 1 (Strangers in Space)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan

Writer: Peter R. Newman
Director: Mervyn Pinfield
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 20/06/1964

PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE...IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

In which Team Tardis is united by Stockholm Syndrome, everyone is rubbish at First Aid, the 28th Century forgets, the Tardis is sabotaged by undead US Presidents, food preparation is gendered as hell, women have no sense of direction, and 28th-century mental health provision is fucking awful to the point that the Barbara Wright Cuddle Method is more effective than anything they have on the ship.

Here we go again! Our freshly-laundered Team Tardis is face-to-face with a new mystery: the Tardis has stopped and yet still appears to be moving. Are they on top of something, as Ian suggests? Or is Barbara (W)right, and are they inside something? She tells the Doctor to try the scanner, but it’s all messed up with static. Looks like they’ll have to go exploring.

Barbara wonders aloud why they ever bother to leave the ship; the shrewd Doctor reckons she’s still thinking about her experience with the Aztecs. Extraordinarily, Babs merely replies ‘I’ve got over that now’. Bloody hell, Babs, that was quick. Then something gorgeous happens: they all start talking about how much they've all changed. Ian's noticed how different he and Barbara are since they started travelling with the Doctor; the Doctor and Susan have been talking about it; Barbara thinks everyone has changed, not just the humans. Then stuff gets iconic:

Gifs by cleowho

And to cap it all, Ian concludes that, despite having 'had some pretty rough times', 'even that doesn't stop us': 'It's a wonderful thing, this ship of yours, Doctor.' Well knock me down with a feather! Team Tardis is standing about congratulating one another about their character development. Also, Barbara and Ian don’t seem quite so keen to get home these days, do they? Also also, since watching the little documentary on Peter R. Newman in the special features of this DVD, I can’t now not read The Sensorites through a war veteran lens. I hope Barbara and Ian find themselves a good therapist when they get home.

Anyway, they reminisce a bit, and we get to hear about the time the Doctor deliberately pissed off Henry VIII by throwing a parson’s nose (a chicken’s arse) at him to get back to the Tower of London, where the Tardis happened to be. The Doctor has a long history with the British monarchy, it would seem.

Anyway anyway, Susan opens the doors, and the Doctor assures Ian that everything outside is normal and safe and that. Then this happens:

These two.

So Barbara was right: they’ve landed inside a spaceship...full of dead people. Well, there’s a first time for everything. Just two dead people, in fact – a man and a woman. I’d just like to draw everyone’s attention to the fact that Ian checks the man’s pulse while Barbara checks the woman’s, meaning that our two humans are now scarily blasé about being around corpses. Babs asks what could have happened; Ian suggests suffocation; the Doctor claims not to make uninformed guesses (ha!) but reckons that could be one answer. The Doctor muses about how tragic it is that the woman is only a few years older than Susan in much the same tone one would use when paying lip service to something bad that's happened to other people on the news.

Susan wants to get back to the Tardis because she has a Bad Feeling About This. Not to be outdone, Babs claims she can sense something too. Maybe it’s their wombs. Ian suggests it’s that whatever killed the space people could also kill Team Tardis.

But enough of that! The Doctor is now manhandling the corpses to show Ian how interesting it is that their Space Watches have stopped. There’s a nice bit of Sixties People Imagine Future Tech when the Doctor explains that their watches are non-winding and that the action of the wrist recharges them for twenty-four hours, so that the earliest they could have died would have been twenty-four hours ago. Morbid Susan decides to grab the dead man’s wrist and exclaims that he’s still warm. HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE THIS BEFORE, GUYS? Babs grabs his other wrist and confirms it, despite having been the one who checked the woman. So they’ve only just died. Which, as the Doctor points out, doesn’t make sense. Unless they were in a coma for twenty-four hours or longer and have indeed only just died, but apparently I’m the only one who thought of that.

Anyway, the Doctor reckons there’s nothing more they can do here so they should leave. Barbara seems upset that they can’t even bury them. After last week’s moment in which Barbara felt like all the people who’d died in the Aztec temple were waiting for her to die too, I’m inclined to think that gaining a full appreciation of what it means to be a Time Lord (though of course the term hasn’t been invented yet) makes you morbid as hell.

But WHAT’S THIS? So close to and yet so far from getting the hell out of dodge before they get into trouble. Suddenly, the man moves. But he was dead! The Doctor and Ian grab one another in alarm (bless), and they all rush to the aid of the former corpse, who wants Ian to grab something off the shelf and give it to him. His heart starts beating again! The man then remembers Carol (the woman) and asks Babs to administer the space gadget to her chest. Babs tries to tell him Carol’s dead, but agrees anyway. And now she’s alive, too!

Clinging: not just for Two and Jamie

The man has now regained his composure and explains that the gadget was a heart resuscitator and that they were just in a long sleep when they found them. Anyway, he’s Maitland and she’s Carol, his fellow astronaut. EQUAL REPRESENTATION [OF WHITE PEOPLE] IN SPACE! Well, actually, he’s the captain, and another bloke turns up in a minute, but let me have my fun while it lasts.

Anyway, when Maitland informs Team Tardis he and his crew are from Earth, Barbara and Ian get super excited and ask how the Earth is looking. Apparently in the 28th Century, there are air cars, the whole lower part of England is called Central City, there hasn’t been a London for 400 years, and nobody knows what Big Ben is. I have to say, the way Barbara says 'it's a clock' (yes, yes, I know Big Ben is actually the name of the bell; pipe down, pedants) is one of the saddest things I've ever heard. She's having to explain what one of the most iconic and globally-recognisable landmarks of her hometown is and all she can manage is 'it's a clock' - a description that's particularly poignant given that what we're talking about here is time; Ian even brings it up in the context of a joke by asking whether Big Ben is 'still on time'. It's a landmark that measures and marks time, and its erasure from the cultural consciousness of what I'm going to assume are English astronauts is a big old temporal slap in the face for Barbara and Ian because, were it still standing, it would have been a constant that was also a testament to the amount of time that had passed since the teachers left. I actually can't think of anything more apt. And the crestfallen little look exchanged between the two teachers says it all. Also I love it when we get period visions of the future, seeing as they’re almost always about the time of writing. No ministers for the Northern Powerhouse in the 1960s.

When history forgets the constants of your cultural landscape.

Anyway, Carol thinks they really ought to leave, and Maitland agrees, seeing as there’s only danger where they are now. Ian protests that there’s still so much they want to know, and I do enjoy the understated background acting in this whole scene: Barbara looks upset and so does Ian (despite his curiosity), while the Doctor has been keeping resolutely schtum throughout the whole exchange. They may have learned their lesson about the past, but they haven’t learned any lessons about the future yet.

But there's no time now to absorb this 800-year culture shock, because now Maitland is talking about Danger and obviously Barbara wants to know what sort of Danger he means. Then this happens:

Gifs by cleowho

I see now why people refer to Team One as Team Curiosity: it’s what leads them all above all else, and as such they’re well-suited to one another. Things I also enjoy: Barbara immediately wanting to help; the Kenneth Williams-esque face Ian pulls when he's teasing the Doctor; the Doctor being the nosiest person alive; Barbara and Ian finding the Doctor’s eccentricities endearing and cracking up when he succumbs to his nosiness; the whole beautiful dynamic between the three. Things I don’t enjoy: Susan and Carol being out of shot doing whatever it is extraneous women do.

Anyway, Maitland explains that out there is a planet called the Sense Sphere, where the Sensorites live. The Sensorites are preventing them from leaving and also seem to have some control over their minds. And oh Susan and Carol have joined the conversation! Apparently the Sensorites often put them into a deep sleep but never attempt to destroy them. Which, as psychological warfare goes, sounds pretty nasty. The Sensorites even feed them. At any rate, Maitland says Team Tardis should skedaddle before the Sensorites prevent them from leaving, too.

BUT OH WHAT’S THIS? A gloved hand is fondling the Tardis lock and is now holding what looks like an ornamental catapult over it.

Midsomer Murders...IN SPAAAAAAAAACE!

In definitely unrelated news, Barbara can smell something burning. So can Susan. Carol has no comment. The three men, meanwhile, are still trying to find a socially acceptable way for two of them to say ‘we would love to stay and help but we’re not going to’. Susan asks whether they can take their new humans home, but Carol says there’s someone called John to consider. Before we find out who John is, however, Barbara gets insistent and tells Ian there’s definitely something burning. Thus alerted, Ian translates this into Man Speak and asks Maitland if he's got anything sciencey that's shorting. He hasn’t.

BUT OF COURSE WE KNOW WHAT IT IS: it’s that gloved hand and the burning space catapult being held over the now smoking Tardis lock…which the hand then removes in its entirety! It still can’t get in, but oh em gee neither can Team Tardis now!

Barbara drags Ian off to investigate the source of the mysterious burning smell as the Doctor agrees his crew can’t do anything helpful and ought to be getting along…only for Susan to discover that the entire opening mechanism to the Tardis has been stolen and that it’s now permanently locked! Wow, the Tardis was easy to flummox in these early episodes. Seeing as they daren’t break down the door on account of disturbing the field of dimensions inside the Tardis, they have been ‘most effectively shut out’. The Sensorites are suddenly very much Team Tardis’s problem.

And then, OH DRAMA! Carol starts shouting about the Sensorites being back. There’s some classic shaky-cam work as Team Tardis struggles back to the controls (with Ian making an inexplicable beeline for Carol). It seems Maitland and Carol are powerless because the Sensorites are controlling their brains or something. The Doctor takes over the controls and yells to Ian for a velocity check; they’re travelling pretty fast. Maitland tells the Doctor that to try to control the ship is suicide; the Doctor tells Maitland to go away. Once the stabilisers are on and the camera has stopped shaking, there’s a lot of pilot-y dialogue as they fight to get the ship off its collision course with the Sense Sphere. The Doctor’s in charge, Ian’s helping Carol with her controls by having his arm around her shoulder, and Barbara gets to check that a few lights are on; Susan doesn’t even get to check stuff. They miss the Sense Sphere by a whisker, and Maitland is angsty because he couldn’t operate the controls when instructed by the Doctor.

I have a question: would the Sensorites really have let the ship crash into their own planet, presumably killing a lot of people? I’m not enormously Sciencey, but it would at the very least make a large hole if it’s a big ship, right?

Later on, the Doctor, Ian, and the two astronauts are discussing the Sensorites’ motives: the Doctor thinks the Sensorites are capable of controlling the astronauts’ minds and has in fact answered my question by speculating that it wasn’t an attempt to murder them just an exercise in fear. Nasty. Meanwhile, Barbara and Susan are making dinner. I’m not even kidding. Ian literally pats his stomach and demands a food preparation update. I cannot even.

Babs asks about water, and Carol tells them it’s ‘down there on the right’. The Doctor asks whether they’ve met the Sensorites, to which Carol replies ‘John has’. John is their mineralogist, but the Doctor can’t meet him because of reasons Maitland would rather not talk about. Be cryptic, then.

Babs and Susan go off to find water, and walk right past the enormous cupboard with the word ‘WATER’ written on it in large, friendly letters; they suppose Carol meant the water was through the door they’ve just come up against. Because women have no sense of direction and are unable to notice shit that’s right in fucking front of them. I wonder if this means they’ll now wander off into a dangerous situation and need to be rescued. *GRINDS TEETH*

The door opens with a hand-wave, like an automatically-flushing loo. Susan gives us a Science lesson and speculates that the door opened because she broke a ray with her hand. Is that how automatic loos work? As they go off in search of water, the camera shows us a mysterious hand waving the door closed behind them – a hand belonging to a pretty zombified-looking chap who I think is meant to have gone grey before his time, though it’s difficult to tell in black-and-white.

Anyway, Babs reckons they oughtn’t to stay here, but Susan has found some books and declares the dark cubbyhole ‘bliss’ as she begins to read. OH SUSAN, you massive nerd, never change. I mean this was basically my childhood: room + books = bliss. Babs, however, has heard something, and gathers Susan to her.

Outside, Ian is trying to persuade the astronauts that John might be able to give them some valuable information; a clearly distressed Carol insists they can’t see him. The Doctor accuses them both of being rather secretive, which is funny given that the first time we saw the Doctor he was the one trying to bullshit Barbara and Ian into believing there wasn’t a teenager living in a police-box in junkyard.

At this point, Ian’s Barbarometer goes off, and he wonders where the others are. The astronauts immediately leap from their seats and start chastising themselves: ‘WE SHOULD HAVE WARNED THEM!’ Ian isn’t far behind and wants to know what they ought to have warned them about, but the door’s been locked from the inside so there’s only time to leg it round to the other door…which leads to another locked door. Ian demands to know what’s wrong, what’s going on, and why Babs and Susan are in danger. When Maitland just yells about it being no use, Ian shoves him bodily out of the way and starts yelling for Barbara and Susan and hammering on the door. Carol and Maitland manage to claw him away; he asks them if there are Sensorites in there.

Tbh I made this gif in anticipation of the middle episodes.

Well, we’re about to find out: no, but a scared-looking Barbara and Susan are backing away from the lumbering zombie guy. After a few minutes of the two women trying and failing to open or block various doors, the guy starts sobbing and blunders off.

Outside, Carol and Maitland are arguing about going to find out about John. I do like Carol, actually: she tells Maitland that the Sensorites were making their decisions for them before, but the Doctor and the others showed them how to resist. Maitland insists it’s too dangerous, and Carol points out the elephant in the room: that he’s worried about her because she and John were an item but now he doesn’t even know her name. Which must be awful. But Carol won’t back down: there are ‘the girls’ to think of. Which is funny, as Barbara’s a good few years older than she is, so I’m going to say this is the writer being sexist not Carol being chummy.

At this point, Ian interrupts and tells Maitland to get the door open; Maitland goes to get the lock-cutter. Ian asks Carol (nicely, actually) what’s going on; she tells him she and John were going to be married when they got back to Earth, but that the Sensorites attacked him far more than the rest of the crew; he’ll be frightened of strangers and may become violent. Yikes. I don’t want to just assume that Barbara and Ian are an item at this stage, but whatever you think their relationship is or will be, it’s interesting that Ian is brought face to face with someone whose relationship with the person they care about most in their crew has been completely banjaxed during the course of their space travel adventures. It’s safe to say that, for whatever reason, something happening to Barbara is pretty much Ian’s worst nightmare, and he’s been brought face to face with someone for whom that nightmare is a reality. Though way to demonise a guy with mental health issues just to rack up the tension. (Speaking of which, why is the best method of helping someone with serious mental health issues in the 28th Century still on a par with the 'put your lunatics in the attic' method deployed by people in Victorian novels? I know Carol and Maitland have had their own shit to deal with, but they literally let him wander around the corridors in distress all this time.)

Back in the corridors, Babs and Susan are still sneaking about. John pulls a lever and locks some doors…and then collapses at their feet sobbing. Susan, helpfully, points out that he’s crying. John asks who they are, tells Barbara she looks like his sister, and asks whether they’ve come to help. Poor, poor guy. (How tragic would it be if John were actually a distant relation of Barbara’s?) Barbara immediately begins to kneel down to help but is prevented by a jittery Susan, who wonders whether he’s trying to tell them he’s ill. He says yes, he’s ill, and Barbara immediately puts him in the Cuddle Position, telling him not to be afraid and that they’ll take care of him; she can’t answer Susan when asked what happened to him, but I’m sure she’s sure the Power of the Cuddle – which seems to work whenever Ian’s temporarily lost his mind – will be effective. I’m glad there are two women in this scene, and that Barbara’s instant and unreserved compassion is contrasted against Susan’s wariness, or else this would be gendered as hell, but I do appreciate Babs’s compassion as a character trait quite a lot. And I’m glad the guy who is suffering from a distressing bout of mental illness is no longer the baddie but is being treated with said compassion.

Outside, Maitland is cutting through the door with the power of electromagnetics. The Doctor rocks up and tells them to get a bloody move on because Susan’s in there. Maitland is stopped in his tracks, however, by a high-pitched whine, which means the Sensorites are on their way! Maitland tells the Doctor to take the controls, which he does with glorious cantankerousness. ‘What about Barbara and Susan?’ howls Ian. No time. The Sensorites fly past in their little jelly bean spaceships…to take over their minds…or to kill them? The Doctor just likes throwing that kind of shit out there.

Special effects are special.

Back in the corridors, John is still getting his cuddle therapy when the whining noise makes an appearance. John gets up, startled; Barbara tells him everything’s ok and he needs rest. John stands in front of them with his arms out and tells them he’ll protect them. Barbara, who understands a thing or two about overprotective men (well, Ian) manages to humour him with, again, an extraordinary amount of compassion:

JOHN: I'll protect you.
BARBARA: Yes, all right. You protect us.

There’s nothing like pandering to ideals of masculinity and gender roles for rebuilding a shattered psyche.

Outside, Ian is about as much use as a marzipan dildo but keeps trying to stick his oar in. Maitland reminds them to use no violence unless the Sensorites are violent first; Ian, who has become a lot more violent over the past few serials, demands to know why not, and reckons they have ‘the right to protect ourselves’. Oh Ian, you’ve already been fighting for far too long. Or else you’ve decided the only good you are to the Team is in a fight. Which is sad. The Doctor tells his dear Chesterton that the Sensorites are after their brains not their bodies, and that they should therefore fight with their brains.

Carol’s spidey senses suddenly go into overdrive: she can sense the…er...Sensorites all around them! Maitland shushes them all and freezes; Ian walks over to the window and stares, calling the Doctor over in hushed tones as HATLESS UNDEAD ABE LINCOLN PUTS HIS HANDS AGAINST THE GLASS AND LOOKS IN AT THEM!

WHAT IS ZOMBIE LINCOLN DOING IN SPACE? IS THIS IN FACT A SENSORITE? HOW IS IT SURVIVING UNPROTECTED IN SPACE? WILL BARBARA AND SUSAN BE OK WITH JOHN ‘PROTECTING’ THEM? WILL IAN FINALLY CRACK AND START BREAKING DOWN DOORS TO GET TO THE BAE? WILL THEY MANAGE TO GET THE LOCK MECHANISM BACK? HOW DOES ONE NEGOTIATE WITH EXPERTS IN PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE?

Summary (as applicable to this episode)

Does it pass the Bechdel test? Yup!

Is the gaze problematic? Nope.

Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.

Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.

Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Yup. Barbara and Susan wander off so they can be menaced by a guy with mental health issues on the pretext that they are so dumb they can't see an enormous box with 'water' written on it in very large letters and walk right past it.

Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? No.

Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? It would appear so at first, though it turns out John isn't dangerous, he's just ill and freaking people out. Doesn't stop Ian tearing his hair out while Maitland makes his painfully slow attempt to get to 'the girls' on the other side of a locked door.

Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Implied but the threat turns out not to be serious.

Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No.

Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.

Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No.

Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? No.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? No. It's Ian who needs to chill out this week.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? While we still think John is some sort of malevolent zombie, I'd say it's pretty gratuitous.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? No.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? No. 

Does a woman get to be a badass? Not in the violent sense, but Barbara.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? It's not really clear who's in charge but the Doctor is the one who's most in control when everyone else goes to pieces.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? Just good old-fashioned sixties sexism. Ugh.

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? No.

Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? No.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

I’m cheating a bit because I’ve seen this all the way through, but it’s interesting that the Sensorites are out-and-out antagonists in this first episode. I don’t like the way John is basically a lumbering zombie out to menace ‘the girls’ for most of the episode, but he eventually gets some sensitive treatment. Ian is a bit of a spare part this week and it’s interesting to see him floundering when he can’t resort to action (and indeed violence). What’s also lovely is Team Tardis taking a moment to talk about how their experiences have changed them. Barbara is back to cuddling people and food preparation (still can’t get over that tbh), but after last serial it’s nice to see her compassionate side at play, and she’s far less easily spooked by lurking menaces in corridors than she was on, say, Skaro. She’s still very protective of Susan, but her relationship with the Doctor is developing nicely, to the extent that she can be pretty arch with him and he’ll appreciate it. Susan has a lovely moment when she finds a book corner and never wants to leave, and though she’s more overtly afraid than Babs, her wariness serves a purpose in making Barbara’s ‘MUST CUDDLE ALL DISTRESSED PERSONS’ reflex more a Barbara-specific trait than a gendered one. Carol and Ian have a nice moment when they’re talking about the worst thing that can befall a loved one…IN SPAAAAAAAACE, and even though she’s mostly there as John’s tragic love interest, she actually has a lot more gumption than Maitland. The Doctor is crotchety as hell and I love it. More to talk about than I thought, seeing as I mostly think of The Sensorites as ‘the one where nothing happens’, but maybe I just haven’t hit the weeks where Jacqueline Hill goes on holiday yet.