Episode: 4 (The Wall of Lies)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan
Writer: John Lucarotti
Director: John Crockett
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 14/03/1964
TRUE FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS TOGETHER IN SPIRIT (and other stories)
In which Marco is the worst, Ian steps up, Babs has a rough time dealing with the full asshattery of the Polo-led Patriarchy, the Doctor sings to himself, and Ping-Cho and Susan continue to melt my heart with their Anne of Green Gables antics.
So, to recap, Susan, Ping-Cho, and the Doctor are in the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes when Susan becomes convinced that two of those eyes actually moved. How alarming.
Meanwhile, Ian and Marco have caught up with Chenchu, who tells them everyone apart from them has now fucked off to the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes. Marco is pissed off and tries to appeal to Ian as a fellow Reasonable White Guy: ‘When will your companions realise I know what I'm talking about when I say it's dangerous to wander about at night?’ Ian, however, who is comparing favourably with Marco at the moment, tells him ‘you can be angry later’, and wants to get on with the rescuing part already.
Back in the cave, the Doctor is upholding the great Whovian tradition of not believing anything a woman says about something she’s seen moving in a dark scary place. Enter Tegana, asking what they think they’re doing here. The Doctor tell him they’re looking for Babs and have found her handkerchief to prove she’s somewhere about. Tegana tries to spook the Doctor with stories of the caves being full of evil spirits; the Doctor laughs at the superstitious native.
Enter Ian! They all yell each other’s names for a bit. Team Doctor shows Ian the handkerchief, which he recognises as Barbara’s. Are her handkerchiefs really that distinctive that everyone recognises them right away or do they have mad Othello handkerchief-divining skills?
Tegana tries to scare them with stuff about evil spirits again, and the Doctor scoffs at him in a thoroughly obnoxious manner. Ping-Cho, however, points out that Susan did see the eyes in one of the faces move. Ian, in what I’m going to claim is a moment of actual character development from him, appears to have learned from his experience of not believing shit Barbara says and immediately asks Susan which face it was. YES IAN.
Tegana loudly entreats the spirits to depart, which I’m assuming is code for ‘WARRIOR BUDDIES GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN’. Ian, however, has seen the eyes move, too, and works out that there’s a room behind the wall with a secret door in it. They find the opening mechanism and…
…OH CRIKEY Babs is behind it having a knife held to her throat! Susan screams in horror as Ian and Marco rush in to do manly things. According to the transcript, it’s Tegana who kills the guy about to open Barbara’s throat, which is some deep cover. Ian unties Barbara, who is finally allowed to speak, and you really can’t blame her for sounding harrowed as fuck when she tells Ian ‘they played dice to see who’d kill me [. . .] and he won’. Babs, that is fucking horrifying and I hope that when this episode is eventually found it confirms you are getting some quality hugs for your trouble. Good voice acting anyway, guys.
Later on, Marco and Tegana are having chats in which Tegana is definitely not trying to pull a Gollum and convince Marco thatthe fat hobbit Team Tardis will set them against one another with lies. Hasn’t Susan already won Ping-Cho from his side? Enter Team Tardis. Marco gets a few token courtesies out of the way before being a weapons-grade nob to Barbara:
Ian, however, steps up to the plate at this point. It really does seem as though he’s taken the whole ‘better start being a better ally’ thing to heart, and gives her some much needed moral support:
OH FUCK OFF MARCO. Also Ian, you need to finish what you start in terms of backing Bae. Marco is flat-out refusing to believe her word against Tegana’s and while it’s cool that you’re letting Barbara fight her own battles, you really ought to call this bastard out on his behaviour. It’s also a testament to how shaken Babs still is that she does not at this point verbally eviscerate Marco. Tegana essentially tells Marco ‘I told you so’, and Marco decides to order Ping-Cho to stay away from Susan like he’s Diana Barry’s mum or something only with more yelling ‘OBEY ME!!!’ and ugh someone punch this guy. I don’t care how sad he is about it in his diary afterwards, he can go and do one.
Later on, at another service station in Lan-Chow, Babs and Ian are chatting to the Dotor about his progress on the circuit. They are gorgeously supportive of his efforts. Then this happens:
Oh, wait, pitchforks away, he’s talking about Ping-Cho knowing about the second Tardis key. Phew.
Meanwhile, in Ping-Cho’s room, Susan has come to pay her new tragic BFF a visit. Ping-Cho is sad because ‘this journey, in spite of all the dangers, was the happiest time of my life, until Tun-Huang’. OH PING-CHO. Susan wishes they could prove Tegana had been in the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes before; Ping-Cho says it doesn’t matter because of course she unlike Messr. Dickhead Marco knows that Susan will be leaving soon and OH MY TRAGIC GIRLS YOU ARE TOO MUCH. Then this happens:
But OH WHAT’S THIS? Tegana has been listening at the door! OH NO I BET HE’S GOING TO TELL MARCO ABOUT THE KEY AND MAKE TEAM TARDIS THINK PING-CHO BETRAYED THEM AND I WON’T BE ABLE TO COPE.
Back to Marco’s diary: they’re at another service station called Sinju. I want a New Who story set at actual modern-day motorway service stations but with I dunno monsters or something. Tegana’s going into town and sounding pretty shifty about it.
Meanwhile, Ping-Cho has had a brainwave and tells Susan and Marco that she can prove Tegana lied:
In town, Tegana has met up with Acomat, one of Noghai’s cronies from back in the cave. He’s not happy that Tegana hasn’t killed them all. I feel like I’ve missed something here – what happened to the poison? Actually I don’t care. Let’s move on. Anyway, when the caravan passes through the bamboo forest, Tegana plans to silence the guard, give Acomat the signal with a torch, and then Acomat can slaughter them all on the sly and steal the magician’s caravan (the Tardis). He wants to let Marco die ‘like…umm…an old woman in her bed’. Sexist. The Doctor, meanwhile, he would kill with a stake through the heart. Good luck with that.
Meanwhile, back in Sinju, Babs and the Doctor are sneaking into the courtyard so the Doctor can put the finishing touches to the Tardis circuit.
I love that these two are now getting paired up occasionally. Babs is on lookout…and oh what rotten luck! Just as the Doctor is entering the Tardis, that pesky Tegana returns from town and sees him! Babs sees Tegana running off to snitch on the Doctor, and rather than alert the Doctor, she immediately runs off in search of Ian.
Meanwhile, the Doctor is in his Tardis, singing to himself.
Babs has found Ian and told him about the Tegana situation. Ian tells Babs to get the Doctor out of the ship then hide; he’s going to try a bluff to turn the tables on Tegana. Sorry, Ian, could you be a bit more vague?
Meanwhile, the Doctor is still in his Tardis, still singing to himself.
Ian has bumped into Marco and is bullshitting like there’s no tomorrow. Marco is a sulky fuck. Then this happens:
Then Tegana arrives and tells Marco the Doctor is in the Tardis. Marco flips his shit. Ian is still winging it: ‘Well…er…why don’t we go outside and have a look?’
Oh Ian, you’re so undevious.
It seems Babs has been utterly unsuccessful in her task, as she’s nowhere to be seen and Marco catches the Doctor red-handed as he comes out of the Tardis. Ian yells for the Doctor to shut the Tardis door quickly, which he does. Phew.
Marco tells the Doctor to hand over the key or he’ll take it by force. The Doctor calls his bluff, and the key is indeed wrestled from him. Ian, why the lack of fisticuffs in defence of your crew? And where is Barbara? The Doctor tells Marco that he needs more than a key to get into the Tardis; he needs knowledge, and the Doctor would rather let Marco wreck the Tardis before giving it up. USE THAT CANTANKEROUSNESS, DOCTOR. Marco invokes the gold seal of Kublai Khan and seizes the caravan in his name; ‘any resistance to this decree is instantly punishable by death’. The Doctor calls him a ‘poor, pathetic, stupid savage’. I concur.
After more of Marco whinging in his diary, we check in with Team Tardis in their tent in the bamboo forest. Ian is hacked off and smashes a plate on the ground to vent his feelings. The Tardis is all fixed but Polo has both keys. The Doctor complains about ‘that wretched child’; Susan leaps to Ping-Cho’s defence. Go Susan. Ian can’t be arsed with bickering over whether or not Ping-Cho snitched and says they should capture Polo and hold him hostage. Babs points out they’re hopelessly outnumbered; Ian says they’re only outnumbered by day. How…? Oh never mind. Anyway, the Doctor backs Ian’s wing-and-a-prayer plan that isn’t really a plan, and Ian uses the broken plate to cut his way out of the tent and ‘deal with’ the guard. I hope he doesn’t mean ‘stab him with a plate’. The Doctor is gleeful, telling Susan not to worry: ‘I think by the time I've finished with that gentleman, he'll only be too glad to let us go.’
DOCTOR YOU SCARE ME SOMETIMES.
Outside the tent, Ian is creeping up on the guard, all stealthy-like. He grabs him from behind and…OH BLIMEY! The guard is already dead! Stabbed through the heart by Tegana (we assume)!
WELL COLOUR ME SUSPENSIFIED, DOES THIS MEAN TEGANA’S CHUM IS ALREADY IN THE CAMP POISED TO MURDER THEM IN THEIR BEDS? WILL SAID CHUM AT LEAST GET ROUND TO STABBING STUPID MARCO IN THE FACE BEFORE HE IS INEVITABLY THWARTED BY TEAM TARDIS? WILL SUSAN AND PING-CHO EVER BE PERMITTED TO RESUME THEIR BFF-NESS? WILL IAN BE A BETTER ALLY FROM NOW ON? WILL BARBARA EVER GET A CHANCE TO KICK MARCO INTO TOUCH? AND WILL SHE EVER BE ABLE TO TEACH THIS PERIOD OF HISTORY WITHOUT REMEMBERING THAT SOME GUYS ONCE PLAYED DICE FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF MURDERING HER IN A CAVE?
Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.
Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? YES PLEASE MAKE IT STOP. Ian redeems himself in this regard, though.
Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Probably some talking-over from Marco.
Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Yes, though I'd want a hug if I'd just been held at knifepoint, too.
Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? Nope.
Is there past/future/alien sexism? Marco.
Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? Ish.
I hate Marco Polo (the character) more and more. He really is the worst. I also don't like how much we're being steered towards the 'well he's a nice guy really' end of things by his diary entries. Where's Tegana's diary? Granted, Tegana actually wants to kill Team Tardis, but Marco is full of colonial finders-keepers bullshit that he justifies to himself by not actually killing anyone but just being a bully and a tyrant and a dick to the women (whom he seems to make a point of disbelieving) and the elderly. Thank goodness Ian is no longer sucking up to him; Marco may think he has an ally of sorts in Ian (up to the point where he tries and fails to pull the wool over his eyes about the Doctor's secret repairs), but much like a fluffier, less manpain-fuelled version of Severus Snape, the moment VoldeMarco started being a shit to Barbara, Ian was the Doctor's man through and through. He's a much better ally this episode, and it's good to know that he's starting to make the effort to have Babs's back in terms of moral support and not just being physically protective of her as a means of fulfilling his 'manly' duties. In other words, he's becoming a better friend. Barbara has a shitty time of it this week, having been through a genuinely horrible ordeal only to find her word counts for fuck all with Marco when she is brave enough to speak out against Tegana. It's good to see her relationship with the Doctor developing, though, and just as she was able to make Susan see her grandfather's point of view the other week, so this week she's able to bring the Doctor's attention to how important Ping-Cho's friendship is for Susan. Susan and Ping-Cho break my heart with their bosom friends thing, and Ping-Cho is such a sad and quietly gutsy character the way she sticks up for Susan, keeps her secrets even though they will only hasten Susan's departure, and is, like Barbara, brave enough to speak out against Tegana even though she knows her friendship with Susan can't last and she'll have to deal with the consequences of defying Messr Marco long after Susan has gone. A good week for kindred spirits. AND WE'VE PASSED THE HALF-WAY MARK WITH THIS SERIAL!
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 14/03/1964
TRUE FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS TOGETHER IN SPIRIT (and other stories)
In which Marco is the worst, Ian steps up, Babs has a rough time dealing with the full asshattery of the Polo-led Patriarchy, the Doctor sings to himself, and Ping-Cho and Susan continue to melt my heart with their Anne of Green Gables antics.
So, to recap, Susan, Ping-Cho, and the Doctor are in the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes when Susan becomes convinced that two of those eyes actually moved. How alarming.
 |
| Hey girl, I heard you like jumpscares... |
Meanwhile, Ian and Marco have caught up with Chenchu, who tells them everyone apart from them has now fucked off to the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes. Marco is pissed off and tries to appeal to Ian as a fellow Reasonable White Guy: ‘When will your companions realise I know what I'm talking about when I say it's dangerous to wander about at night?’ Ian, however, who is comparing favourably with Marco at the moment, tells him ‘you can be angry later’, and wants to get on with the rescuing part already.
Back in the cave, the Doctor is upholding the great Whovian tradition of not believing anything a woman says about something she’s seen moving in a dark scary place. Enter Tegana, asking what they think they’re doing here. The Doctor tell him they’re looking for Babs and have found her handkerchief to prove she’s somewhere about. Tegana tries to spook the Doctor with stories of the caves being full of evil spirits; the Doctor laughs at the superstitious native.
Enter Ian! They all yell each other’s names for a bit. Team Doctor shows Ian the handkerchief, which he recognises as Barbara’s. Are her handkerchiefs really that distinctive that everyone recognises them right away or do they have mad Othello handkerchief-divining skills?
 |
| Thou Wall, O Wall, O sweet and lovely Wall... |
Tegana tries to scare them with stuff about evil spirits again, and the Doctor scoffs at him in a thoroughly obnoxious manner. Ping-Cho, however, points out that Susan did see the eyes in one of the faces move. Ian, in what I’m going to claim is a moment of actual character development from him, appears to have learned from his experience of not believing shit Barbara says and immediately asks Susan which face it was. YES IAN.
Tegana loudly entreats the spirits to depart, which I’m assuming is code for ‘WARRIOR BUDDIES GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN’. Ian, however, has seen the eyes move, too, and works out that there’s a room behind the wall with a secret door in it. They find the opening mechanism and…
…OH CRIKEY Babs is behind it having a knife held to her throat! Susan screams in horror as Ian and Marco rush in to do manly things. According to the transcript, it’s Tegana who kills the guy about to open Barbara’s throat, which is some deep cover. Ian unties Barbara, who is finally allowed to speak, and you really can’t blame her for sounding harrowed as fuck when she tells Ian ‘they played dice to see who’d kill me [. . .] and he won’. Babs, that is fucking horrifying and I hope that when this episode is eventually found it confirms you are getting some quality hugs for your trouble. Good voice acting anyway, guys.
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| The derp is strong with this one. |
Later on, Marco and Tegana are having chats in which Tegana is definitely not trying to pull a Gollum and convince Marco that
POLO: How are you feeling?What a colossal bellend. Hey Babs, how are you after nearly being murdered? Well COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY YOU’RE ALIVE and ANYWAY IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR EXERCISING INDEPENDENT THOUGHT. Kill him with fire.
BARBARA: A little bit shaky.
POLO: You realise you're most fortunate to be alive.
BARBARA: Yes, I know.
POLO: Why did you go to the cave? You know my rule about obtaining permission to leave here.
Ian, however, steps up to the plate at this point. It really does seem as though he’s taken the whole ‘better start being a better ally’ thing to heart, and gives her some much needed moral support:
IAN: Tell him Barbara.
BARBARA: I followed Tegana there.
TEGANA: (Shocked.) Me? I've only been there once, and you were there when I arrived.
BARBARA: But that's not true! I followed you there.
TEGANA: I have only been there once!
BARBARA: But why would I lie? I was almost killed.
POLO: Be quiet!
OH FUCK OFF MARCO. Also Ian, you need to finish what you start in terms of backing Bae. Marco is flat-out refusing to believe her word against Tegana’s and while it’s cool that you’re letting Barbara fight her own battles, you really ought to call this bastard out on his behaviour. It’s also a testament to how shaken Babs still is that she does not at this point verbally eviscerate Marco. Tegana essentially tells Marco ‘I told you so’, and Marco decides to order Ping-Cho to stay away from Susan like he’s Diana Barry’s mum or something only with more yelling ‘OBEY ME!!!’ and ugh someone punch this guy. I don’t care how sad he is about it in his diary afterwards, he can go and do one.
Later on, at another service station in Lan-Chow, Babs and Ian are chatting to the Dotor about his progress on the circuit. They are gorgeously supportive of his efforts. Then this happens:
DOCTOR: Well, with a bit more time, and a lot of luck, I should say about another night.It’s all jolly this and jolly that and OH how wonderful that Babs continues to display actual emotional intelligence and brings up Susan and Ping-Cho. I think for all her stern exterior in the classroom, she would’ve been excellent at pastoral care and can clearly see what we’re all seeing which is that Susan really benefits from having an actual friend her own age to talk to. The Doctor, however, isn’t so keen: ‘That Chinese child makes me nervous.’
BARBARA: But that's marvellous Doctor!
DOCTOR: The following evening will even be better!
BARBARA: And that's when we say good-bye to Marco Polo.
DOCTOR: Yes, and a jolly good riddance.
BARBARA: Well, I shall be jolly glad to leave here. In fact, the only regrets I'll have will be for Susan.
DOCTOR: What do you mean?
BARBARA: Oh, I think she and Ping-Cho are very fond of each other. It's a pity they've been kept apart so much.
Oh, wait, pitchforks away, he’s talking about Ping-Cho knowing about the second Tardis key. Phew.
Meanwhile, in Ping-Cho’s room, Susan has come to pay her new tragic BFF a visit. Ping-Cho is sad because ‘this journey, in spite of all the dangers, was the happiest time of my life, until Tun-Huang’. OH PING-CHO. Susan wishes they could prove Tegana had been in the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes before; Ping-Cho says it doesn’t matter because of course she unlike Messr. Dickhead Marco knows that Susan will be leaving soon and OH MY TRAGIC GIRLS YOU ARE TOO MUCH. Then this happens:
PING-CHO: Will you go home?OH MY POOR HEART! Ping-Cho is an absolute cinnamon roll and her humour and loyalty are just the perfect complement to Susan’s earnest devotion. They are so Anne and Diana it’s unreal.
(SUSAN remains silent.)
PING-CHO: Will you say good-bye to me before you leave?
SUSAN: Of course I will!
PING-CHO: Even if it is very late?
SUSAN: No matter what time of night it is.
(SUSAN and PING-CHO hug each other.)
PING-CHO: Hey - this will cheer you up!
SUSAN: What?
PING-CHO: I've forgotten hearing anything about the key.
But OH WHAT’S THIS? Tegana has been listening at the door! OH NO I BET HE’S GOING TO TELL MARCO ABOUT THE KEY AND MAKE TEAM TARDIS THINK PING-CHO BETRAYED THEM AND I WON’T BE ABLE TO COPE.
Back to Marco’s diary: they’re at another service station called Sinju. I want a New Who story set at actual modern-day motorway service stations but with I dunno monsters or something. Tegana’s going into town and sounding pretty shifty about it.
Meanwhile, Ping-Cho has had a brainwave and tells Susan and Marco that she can prove Tegana lied:
PING-CHO: Messr Marco, do you remember Tegana's reply when Miss Wright said she had followed him to the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes?BOOM! Oh but wait, I forgot who we’re dealing with. Marco Shithead Polo, as though trying to get himself written into the OED’s definition of rape culture, brushes Ping-Cho’s proof aside:
POLO: Yes, he said he'd never been there before.
PING-CHO: He lied Messr Marco.
POLO: You bring a very serious charge, Ping-Cho - I hope you have proof.
PING-CHO: When he came into the cave, Susan's grandfather showed him Miss Wright's handkerchief, saying we had found it over there. And the old lord pointed to a dark corner of the cave. And do you remember what he said? He asked if we had found it in the passageway.
POLO: Well?
PING-CHO: If he had never been to the cave before, how could he know that a dark corner was a passageway?
POLO: This is your proof? You call this evidence?OH MY GOD I WANT TO SHOOT HIM IN THE HEAD.
PING-CHO: Yes Messr Marco.
POLO: And on these grounds you dare to call the Warlord Tegana a liar? You foolish child, how dare you make such a reckless accusation. Believe me, it will take much more than this to shake my confidence in Tegana.
In town, Tegana has met up with Acomat, one of Noghai’s cronies from back in the cave. He’s not happy that Tegana hasn’t killed them all. I feel like I’ve missed something here – what happened to the poison? Actually I don’t care. Let’s move on. Anyway, when the caravan passes through the bamboo forest, Tegana plans to silence the guard, give Acomat the signal with a torch, and then Acomat can slaughter them all on the sly and steal the magician’s caravan (the Tardis). He wants to let Marco die ‘like…umm…an old woman in her bed’. Sexist. The Doctor, meanwhile, he would kill with a stake through the heart. Good luck with that.
Meanwhile, back in Sinju, Babs and the Doctor are sneaking into the courtyard so the Doctor can put the finishing touches to the Tardis circuit.
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| Stealthy as balls. |
I love that these two are now getting paired up occasionally. Babs is on lookout…and oh what rotten luck! Just as the Doctor is entering the Tardis, that pesky Tegana returns from town and sees him! Babs sees Tegana running off to snitch on the Doctor, and rather than alert the Doctor, she immediately runs off in search of Ian.
Meanwhile, the Doctor is in his Tardis, singing to himself.
Babs has found Ian and told him about the Tegana situation. Ian tells Babs to get the Doctor out of the ship then hide; he’s going to try a bluff to turn the tables on Tegana. Sorry, Ian, could you be a bit more vague?
Meanwhile, the Doctor is still in his Tardis, still singing to himself.
Ian has bumped into Marco and is bullshitting like there’s no tomorrow. Marco is a sulky fuck. Then this happens:
IAN: Oh come on Marco, we're friends aren't we?
POLO: We were.
Oh boo fucking hoo. I'm sure Ian is devo'd.
IAN: Well, why this sudden change? And tell me, why separate Susan and Ping-Cho?Oh wind your neck in, Marco. Ian’s teacher-talking-to-a-difficult-parent skills are somewhat lacking, though his passive-aggressive comment about keeping an open mind is beaut. Ian, I like you this week.
POLO: Susan is a bad influence.
IAN: Oh, you can't really mean that.
POLO: Ping-Cho's first loyalty is to me, yet she backs you against Tegana.
IAN: Perhaps that's because we were telling the truth. It is possible, you know.
POLO: Let me tell you something Ian. Tegana is a special emissary of Noghai on his way to talk peace with Kublai Khan. He's a very important man. You are mysterious travellers from some far-off land I know nothing about. Now, if you were in my position, a servant of Kublai Khan, whose word would you take?
IAN: Well, I should keep an open mind.
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| He's just not that into you. |
Then Tegana arrives and tells Marco the Doctor is in the Tardis. Marco flips his shit. Ian is still winging it: ‘Well…er…why don’t we go outside and have a look?’
Oh Ian, you’re so undevious.
It seems Babs has been utterly unsuccessful in her task, as she’s nowhere to be seen and Marco catches the Doctor red-handed as he comes out of the Tardis. Ian yells for the Doctor to shut the Tardis door quickly, which he does. Phew.
Marco tells the Doctor to hand over the key or he’ll take it by force. The Doctor calls his bluff, and the key is indeed wrestled from him. Ian, why the lack of fisticuffs in defence of your crew? And where is Barbara? The Doctor tells Marco that he needs more than a key to get into the Tardis; he needs knowledge, and the Doctor would rather let Marco wreck the Tardis before giving it up. USE THAT CANTANKEROUSNESS, DOCTOR. Marco invokes the gold seal of Kublai Khan and seizes the caravan in his name; ‘any resistance to this decree is instantly punishable by death’. The Doctor calls him a ‘poor, pathetic, stupid savage’. I concur.
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| Team 100% Done with Marco's Shit |
After more of Marco whinging in his diary, we check in with Team Tardis in their tent in the bamboo forest. Ian is hacked off and smashes a plate on the ground to vent his feelings. The Tardis is all fixed but Polo has both keys. The Doctor complains about ‘that wretched child’; Susan leaps to Ping-Cho’s defence. Go Susan. Ian can’t be arsed with bickering over whether or not Ping-Cho snitched and says they should capture Polo and hold him hostage. Babs points out they’re hopelessly outnumbered; Ian says they’re only outnumbered by day. How…? Oh never mind. Anyway, the Doctor backs Ian’s wing-and-a-prayer plan that isn’t really a plan, and Ian uses the broken plate to cut his way out of the tent and ‘deal with’ the guard. I hope he doesn’t mean ‘stab him with a plate’. The Doctor is gleeful, telling Susan not to worry: ‘I think by the time I've finished with that gentleman, he'll only be too glad to let us go.’
DOCTOR YOU SCARE ME SOMETIMES.
Outside the tent, Ian is creeping up on the guard, all stealthy-like. He grabs him from behind and…OH BLIMEY! The guard is already dead! Stabbed through the heart by Tegana (we assume)!
WELL COLOUR ME SUSPENSIFIED, DOES THIS MEAN TEGANA’S CHUM IS ALREADY IN THE CAMP POISED TO MURDER THEM IN THEIR BEDS? WILL SAID CHUM AT LEAST GET ROUND TO STABBING STUPID MARCO IN THE FACE BEFORE HE IS INEVITABLY THWARTED BY TEAM TARDIS? WILL SUSAN AND PING-CHO EVER BE PERMITTED TO RESUME THEIR BFF-NESS? WILL IAN BE A BETTER ALLY FROM NOW ON? WILL BARBARA EVER GET A CHANCE TO KICK MARCO INTO TOUCH? AND WILL SHE EVER BE ABLE TO TEACH THIS PERIOD OF HISTORY WITHOUT REMEMBERING THAT SOME GUYS ONCE PLAYED DICE FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF MURDERING HER IN A CAVE?
Summary (as applicable to this episode)
Does it pass the Bechdel test? Susan and Ping-Cho continue to ace this requirement.
Is the gaze problematic? Again with the silently-menaced Babs. Though it's difficult to tell from the telesnaps.
Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.
Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.
Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? No.
Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Everyone's captured. Again.
Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? And how.
Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? Susan does scream first ask questions later a couple of times.
Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? Not at all. Barbara's breakdown after nearly having been butchered is entirely reasonable.
Does it pass the Bechdel test? Susan and Ping-Cho continue to ace this requirement.
Is the gaze problematic? Again with the silently-menaced Babs. Though it's difficult to tell from the telesnaps.
Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.
Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.
Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? No.
Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Everyone's captured. Again.
Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? And how.
Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? Susan does scream first ask questions later a couple of times.
Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? Not at all. Barbara's breakdown after nearly having been butchered is entirely reasonable.
Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.
Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? YES PLEASE MAKE IT STOP. Ian redeems himself in this regard, though.
Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Probably some talking-over from Marco.
Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Yes, though I'd want a hug if I'd just been held at knifepoint, too.
Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Yup. Barbara.
Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.
Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Ping-Cho comes up with a plan to convince Marco of Tegana's lying ways.
Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? Nope.
Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Yes. And yes. Marco I hate you quite a lot right now.
Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? No.
Does a woman get to be a badass? No.
Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Yes.
Is there past/future/alien sexism? Marco.
Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? Ish.
Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.
Verdict
I hate Marco Polo (the character) more and more. He really is the worst. I also don't like how much we're being steered towards the 'well he's a nice guy really' end of things by his diary entries. Where's Tegana's diary? Granted, Tegana actually wants to kill Team Tardis, but Marco is full of colonial finders-keepers bullshit that he justifies to himself by not actually killing anyone but just being a bully and a tyrant and a dick to the women (whom he seems to make a point of disbelieving) and the elderly. Thank goodness Ian is no longer sucking up to him; Marco may think he has an ally of sorts in Ian (up to the point where he tries and fails to pull the wool over his eyes about the Doctor's secret repairs), but much like a fluffier, less manpain-fuelled version of Severus Snape, the moment VoldeMarco started being a shit to Barbara, Ian was the Doctor's man through and through. He's a much better ally this episode, and it's good to know that he's starting to make the effort to have Babs's back in terms of moral support and not just being physically protective of her as a means of fulfilling his 'manly' duties. In other words, he's becoming a better friend. Barbara has a shitty time of it this week, having been through a genuinely horrible ordeal only to find her word counts for fuck all with Marco when she is brave enough to speak out against Tegana. It's good to see her relationship with the Doctor developing, though, and just as she was able to make Susan see her grandfather's point of view the other week, so this week she's able to bring the Doctor's attention to how important Ping-Cho's friendship is for Susan. Susan and Ping-Cho break my heart with their bosom friends thing, and Ping-Cho is such a sad and quietly gutsy character the way she sticks up for Susan, keeps her secrets even though they will only hasten Susan's departure, and is, like Barbara, brave enough to speak out against Tegana even though she knows her friendship with Susan can't last and she'll have to deal with the consequences of defying Messr Marco long after Susan has gone. A good week for kindred spirits. AND WE'VE PASSED THE HALF-WAY MARK WITH THIS SERIAL!
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