Episode: 7 (Assassin at Peking)
Doctor: William Hartnell
Companions: Barbara, Ian, and Susan
Writer: John Lucarotti
Director: Waris Hussein
Producer: Verity Lambert
Original Air Date: 04/04/1964
TEN MINUTES ISN'T VERY LONG TO SAY AN ETERNAL FAREWELL IN (and other stories)
In which I manage to get through the entire serial without making a Marco #YOLO joke.
We return to find Ian and Ping-Cho where we left them – being menaced by Tegana and his big sword.
Having failed at the ‘I’ll kill your accomplice’ tactic (Tegana doesn’t care whether or not Kuiju the Eyepatch Guy from Indiana Jones lives or dies) and perhaps reading into the sword metaphor, Ian tries an appeal to Tegana’s masculinity: ‘Will the mighty Warlord kill a child, too?’ Apparently yes. Tegana serves Noghai, and anyone who gets in the way of Noghai getting the Tardis that will help him rule the world (because nobody thinks to ask for proof of its abilities and just assumes it does indeed fly) is for the chop. Looks like you’re going to have to get really good at swordfighting really quickly, Ian. Or rather really good at fighting an expert swordsman with what really does look like a breadknife this time.
BUT OH RIDER FROM SHANG-TU EX MACHINA! Ling-Tau (the Khan’s express courier service from a couple of episodes ago) has rocked up and is demanding full disarmament. Poor old Kuiju gets stabbed trying to run away and Ling-Tau rather exasperatedly tells one of his warrior minions he wasn’t meant to kill anyone, duh.
Anyway, Tegana, Ian, and Ping-Cho all indulge in a spot of ‘no they stole it’ squabbling and Ling-Tau takes them all back to Peking (seeing as they’ve now all left Shang-Tu) so the Khan can deal with this mess. Poor Ping-Cho. Looks like the wedding is back on.
Meanwhile, in the anachronistically-named Peking, the Doctor is kicking Kublai Khan’s ass at backgammon and has won the following: thirty-five elephants with ceremonial bridles, trappings, brocades and pavilions;seventy-five golden camels four thousand white stallions; twenty-five tigers; the sacred tooth of Buddha; and a partridge in a pear tree all the commerce from Burma for one year.
And of course it’s not long before the Doctor proposes an all-or-nothing wager: if the Doctor loses, the Khan gets everything back; if the Doctor wins, the Doctor gets the Tardis back. The Khan asks the Doctor whether he wouldn’t rather play for the Island of Sumatra instead; the Doctor declines, and the game is on. Rich people.
Enter Marco, and the Khan is gloriously indifferent to his presence. There’s some business about granting Tegana an audience, and then this happens:
On the balcony outside, Barbara and Susan have had a truly splendid costume change. Marco tells them about the Doctor gambling for the Tardis, which Susan thinks is hilarious; she’s also sure he’ll win, which according to the Rules of Telly means he absolutely won’t.
Barbara continues to be ludicrously magnanimous towards Marco, reasoning that everything has worked out seeing as he’s still made his gesture to the Khan and that ‘with any luck, we can go home too’, so that ‘we’ll all have what we want’. ‘Yes,’ says Susan, ‘all except Ping-Cho.’ YES SUSAN. Poor Ping-Cho indeed. Many, many points for actually bringing this up.
Enter Ling-Tau to tell them that Ian and Ping-Cho are being held under guard, accused of stealing the Khan’s property. Barbara, who has clearly had enough of this whole rigmarole by now, is hilariously forthright in cutting through the crap:
Enter the Doctor, who has, predictably, lost at backgammon. The Khan has given him some paper money as a consolation prize; the Doctor starts laughing again.
Later on, Marco is getting Ian’s side of the story. It sounds like Ian is also pretty done with not being taken seriously, too, because despite both he and Ping-Cho having heard Tegana say the Khan was his enemy, it’s still not good enough as evidence because Ling-Tau didn’t hear it. Then this happens:
Meanwhile, the Tardis has made it to the throne room. As has Tegana, who is grassing on Marco, telling the Khan that there have in fact been several attempts to steal the Tardis. He tells the Khan that Marco protected them because they’re white. In the words of the Khan himself, ‘your point is taken, Lord Tegana’.
Enter Marco, who is now in the doghouse:
And now Tegana’s really sticking the knife in, telling the Khan about how Marco was trying to bribe him with the caravan. The Khan is not best pleased; Marco leaves dejectedly.
However, it seems Tegana’s skulduggery has not been lost on the Khan, who now has a reason to be cautious:
Later that evening, everyone in the throne room is crying because it turns out Ping-Cho’s husband-to-be ‘drank a potion of quicksilver and sulphur – the elixir of life and eternal youth – and expired’. OLD MAN DRINKS MERCURY BRIMSTONE COCKTAIL AND DIES. Ye gods what a nasty way to go. Maybe he drank what was supposed to be hot chocolate with cinnamon and they gave him cinnabar instead? Either way, sad that an old man feels he needs to be young and virile to the extent that he would poison himself, but equally FIND AN AGE-APPROPRIATE WIFE. Then this happens:
However, as I can’t see what’s happening, I reject this utterly and choose to believe that Ping-Cho wants to stay at the court rather than go home because she now believes Susan to be stuck here and wants to remain with her. I will go down with this ship.
Anyway, the Khan likes the cut of her jib and asks her opinion of Team Tardis. She tells him ‘they are my friends, my lord…as they will always be’. No YOU’VE got something in your eye.
The Khan tells Ling-Tau to escort her to her quartersclearly thinking he’s a great matchmaker but we know better because yes we do precious and tells Marco he trusts Ping-Cho LIKE HE USED TO TRUST HIM. Burn. The Khan tells Marco he has to prove himself, and asks him for the Tardis key; Marco tells the Khan he’d be well advised to have the Doctor with him when he opens it. Then this happens:
Meanwhile, in captivity, Team Tardis is trying to work out what Tegana’s deal is before Ian has to stand trial.
Barbara reckons if she could only remember what it was the Khan said that upset Marco so much they’d have more of a clue, and hey she’s right:
Susan catches the Doctor’s drift: Tegana must be about the assassinate the Khan! And if that happens…
Anyway, they need to get past the guard, which proves surprisingly easy: they bang on the door, and when he comes in, the Doctor trips him with his walking stick, and they all run out. It’s the simple things.
They run down some corridors for a bit until OH FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN they run into Marco Bloody Polo. Marco says ‘Ian, what are you doing, you fool?’ and Ian tries to tell him about the Khan being assassinated; Marco tells the guards to seize him and everyone’s about to be escorted back to their cell when YES LING-TAU EX MACHINA! Our convenient courier has run in to tell Marco that Noghai’s army is marching on Peking. Everyone in Team Tardis starts yelling variants on WE FUCKING TOLD YOU SO YOU MASSIVE BELLEND YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO US IN THE FIRST PLACE I MEAN GOD. Once it becomes apparent that Tegana is in the throne room with the Khan at that very moment, Marco tells the Doctor to hold his things while he runs off to intervene. I hope they murder each other.
Meanwhile, in the throne room, Tegana is chatting with the Khan about peace terms; Tegana wants to put an end to the matter…WITH HIS SWORD! And oh the poor old Vizier has thrown himself in front of the Khan and presumably been gutted.
Enter Marco, and he and Tegana fight. As there are only telesnaps to hand, I’m just going to assume it’s exactly like the duel from The Princess Bride.
Anyway, Marco wins and disarms Tegana as Ling-Tau et al come in to surround the Khan, who sentences Tegana to death. But Tegana being Tegana, he manages to throw a spanner in the works even with his last breath, impaling himself upon one of the guards’ spears and denying the Khan the satisfaction. Tegana, you drive me mad, but I respect that you have managed to be a pain in the arse until the bitter end. (It is worth noting that at this point the transcript becomes somewhat reflective, musing that ‘the dishonourable member of the expedition has taken the honourable way out’.)
At this point, Marco commits fully to his change of heart and gives the Doctor the Tardis key, telling him to go and quickly. The Doctor doesn’t need telling twice. Susan and Ping-Cho have a criminally rushed goodbye that we don’t get to see, though we do get to hear a swift goodbye kiss a la Green Gables, so that’s something. TAKE HER WITH YOU, SUSAN, AND THEN PEOPLE WILL MAKE CRINGEWORTHY YOUTUBE VIDEOS ABOUT YOU, TOO!
Aaaaaaand they dematerialise. FINALLY. The Khan watches it happen, and is surprisingly relaxed about it:
GODS BE PRAISED WE'RE BACK TO MOVING PICTURES NEXT WEEK AND NO MORE BLOG-A-DAY MADNESS UNTIL THE NEXT SERIAL THAT HAS A SHITLOAD OF MISSING EPISODES NOBODY EVERY WATCHES. WILL TEAM TARDIS FINALLY HAVE A RELAXING TIME OF IT? WILL SUSAN BE OK NOW THAT SHE WILL NEVER SEE HER BOSOM FRIEND AGAIN? CAN WE HAVE A NEW WHO EPISODE WHERE A REGENERATED SUSAN PILOTS A FUNCTIONING TARDIS BACK TO LATE-THIRTEENTH-CENTURY 'PEKING' AND TAKES PING-CHO ON ADVENTURES THROUGH TIME AND SPACE? WILL BARBARA GET MORE TO DO NEXT SERIAL? WILL THE DOCTOR EVER CLAIM THOSE TIGERS HE WON OFF MARCO POLO AND MAYBE DEPOSIT THEM ON THE ISLAND OF SUMATRA IN THE TWENTIETH CENTURY STAR TREK IV STYLE? WILL OUR TWO HUMANS GET TO KEEP THEIR SWISH NEW CLOTHES?
Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.
Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? FINALLY we have an instance of a woman's opinion being actually valued in the case of Kublai Khan choosing to take Ping-Cho's word for it that Team Tardis is great really because he likes the cut of her jib.
Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Not that I remember.
Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Babs has to take refuge in the ever-willing arms of Ian 'free hugs' Chesterton when Tegana does actually stab himself in what is presumably a guilty moment for a woman who I'm pretty sure fantasised about stabbing him at some point.
Is there past/future/alien sexism? Ping-Cho gets excused from legal proceedings because her husband-to-be has pulled a few strings, rendering her testimony redundant.
Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? Susan points out that everyone getting what they want doesn't actually include Ping-Cho at this point. Yes Susan.
I feel like this serial could have been smushed into six episodes if not four without losing any of the good stuff. There was too much of Marco being in the doghouse with the Khan and not enough Team Tardis for my liking in this final episode, and it's annoying that there have been no real scenes between Ping-Cho and Susan for a few episodes now. However, I did enjoy the backgammon scenes between the two old men, and I love that Barbara almost gets to call Tegana something I'm assuming would be unsuitable for children's television. Also I could not give fewer fucks about Marco's change of heart, though in fairness it did spare us three more episodes of the Doctor playing backgammon with Kublai Khan. (Spare? I mean deprive.) The real strong point of this serial of course has been the fleshing out of the two Gallifreyans' characters, particularly Susan, and I shall not rest until Ping-Cho gets written into New Who in a 'finding Susan' episode. Even if it means having to learn how to write a TV script myself. In short, it's been weird, and there was an unacceptable amount of yellowface (well any amount is unacceptable but there was a lot of it), and the title character was a Nice Guy who specialised in victim blaming and writing petulant diary entries; nevertheless, it should on no account be skipped, if only because without it Susan's character is sorely diminished. Now bring on the bug-eyed monsters!
BUT OH RIDER FROM SHANG-TU EX MACHINA! Ling-Tau (the Khan’s express courier service from a couple of episodes ago) has rocked up and is demanding full disarmament. Poor old Kuiju gets stabbed trying to run away and Ling-Tau rather exasperatedly tells one of his warrior minions he wasn’t meant to kill anyone, duh.
Anyway, Tegana, Ian, and Ping-Cho all indulge in a spot of ‘no they stole it’ squabbling and Ling-Tau takes them all back to Peking (seeing as they’ve now all left Shang-Tu) so the Khan can deal with this mess. Poor Ping-Cho. Looks like the wedding is back on.
Meanwhile, in the anachronistically-named Peking, the Doctor is kicking Kublai Khan’s ass at backgammon and has won the following: thirty-five elephants with ceremonial bridles, trappings, brocades and pavilions;
And of course it’s not long before the Doctor proposes an all-or-nothing wager: if the Doctor loses, the Khan gets everything back; if the Doctor wins, the Doctor gets the Tardis back. The Khan asks the Doctor whether he wouldn’t rather play for the Island of Sumatra instead; the Doctor declines, and the game is on. Rich people.
 |
| How not to quit while you're ahead |
Enter Marco, and the Khan is gloriously indifferent to his presence. There’s some business about granting Tegana an audience, and then this happens:
THE KHAN: Oh, we want to tell you something Marco. We owe half of Asia to our friend at backgammon.IN YOUR FACE, MARCO! Also the hint of vindictive glee in the Doctor’s voice at this point is unmistakable. And I am all about that. Marco slinks off, presumably to write a sad poem in his journal.
POLO: It is unusual for you to lose, my Lord.
THE KHAN: Oh... he is a fortunate one! But our friend here made a truly royal gesture which we have accepted, although it might upset you.
POLO: Why should it do that?
THE KHAN: That's our last game. Our losses against your gift to me.
POLO: (Aghast.) The caravan?
DOCTOR: Ah yes, Marco, we're playing for the Tardis.
POLO: But my Lord...
THE KHAN: Well?
POLO: (Solemnly.) Nothing, my Lord. I will leave you to your game.
On the balcony outside, Barbara and Susan have had a truly splendid costume change. Marco tells them about the Doctor gambling for the Tardis, which Susan thinks is hilarious; she’s also sure he’ll win, which according to the Rules of Telly means he absolutely won’t.
 |
| Marco Frollo |
Barbara continues to be ludicrously magnanimous towards Marco, reasoning that everything has worked out seeing as he’s still made his gesture to the Khan and that ‘with any luck, we can go home too’, so that ‘we’ll all have what we want’. ‘Yes,’ says Susan, ‘all except Ping-Cho.’ YES SUSAN. Poor Ping-Cho indeed. Many, many points for actually bringing this up.
Enter Ling-Tau to tell them that Ian and Ping-Cho are being held under guard, accused of stealing the Khan’s property. Barbara, who has clearly had enough of this whole rigmarole by now, is hilariously forthright in cutting through the crap:
BARBARA: The Tardis.HA! Watch out, Tegana, because it sounds like Barbara Wright is Officially Done with your shit even if she is now resigned to the fact that nobody outside Team Tardis believes her ‘Tegana is up to something’ theory. It’s all getting very Harry Potter and The Book where Harry was Convinced Draco Malfoy was Up to Something.
POLO: Well, who accuses them?
BARBARA: Tegana!
LING-TAU: Yes, my lady.
BARBARA: That man is a –
 |
| Barbara's 'FUCK TEGANA' face |
Enter the Doctor, who has, predictably, lost at backgammon. The Khan has given him some paper money as a consolation prize; the Doctor starts laughing again.
Later on, Marco is getting Ian’s side of the story. It sounds like Ian is also pretty done with not being taken seriously, too, because despite both he and Ping-Cho having heard Tegana say the Khan was his enemy, it’s still not good enough as evidence because Ling-Tau didn’t hear it. Then this happens:
IAN: You mean our word isn't strong enough against Tegana's?SUFFERING ZARQUON, we are denied the wonder that is Ping-Cho stepping up to the plate because she’s getting married in the morning and her husband won’t let her testify.
PING-CHO: There are two of us, Messr Marco.
POLO: No, Ping-Cho. Ian must stand trial alone.
PING-CHO: Why?
POLO: Your husband-to-be has asked the Khan to excuse you. He promises to take you away from Peking as soon as the marriage ceremony is over.
PING-CHO: And the Khan has agreed?
POLO: You are to be married tomorrow morning.
 |
| Unbefuckinglievable |
Meanwhile, the Tardis has made it to the throne room. As has Tegana, who is grassing on Marco, telling the Khan that there have in fact been several attempts to steal the Tardis. He tells the Khan that Marco protected them because they’re white. In the words of the Khan himself, ‘your point is taken, Lord Tegana’.
Enter Marco, who is now in the doghouse:
THE KHAN: They were on our soil, therefore, subject to our laws. Why did you not invoke them?WHAT A TIME TO HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART, MARCO! Seriously, you’ve been an utter dick for six whole episodes and it’s taken you this long to realise it!? Well it’s too late now, I still think you’re a nob and I don’t feel the least bit sorry for you. What goes around comes around.
POLO: The caravan belonged to them, my lord.
TEGANA: (Impatiently.) My lord, I can hold my peace no longer. Forgive me. (Turning to POLO.) How can that be? You claimed it in the Khan's name?
POLO: It was wrong of me to do so.
TEGANA: You wear the Khan's gold seal. It gives you your authority to take what you will.
POLO: When the cause is just. This was not.
THE KHAN: What was it then?
POLO: Selfish.
And now Tegana’s really sticking the knife in, telling the Khan about how Marco was trying to bribe him with the caravan. The Khan is not best pleased; Marco leaves dejectedly.
 |
| Zero fucks were given. |
However, it seems Tegana’s skulduggery has not been lost on the Khan, who now has a reason to be cautious:
TEGANA: (Surprised.) What have I that the Khan should fear?No flies on Kublai Khan.
THE KHAN: The power of persuasion.
Later that evening, everyone in the throne room is crying because it turns out Ping-Cho’s husband-to-be ‘drank a potion of quicksilver and sulphur – the elixir of life and eternal youth – and expired’. OLD MAN DRINKS MERCURY BRIMSTONE COCKTAIL AND DIES. Ye gods what a nasty way to go. Maybe he drank what was supposed to be hot chocolate with cinnamon and they gave him cinnabar instead? Either way, sad that an old man feels he needs to be young and virile to the extent that he would poison himself, but equally FIND AN AGE-APPROPRIATE WIFE. Then this happens:
EMPRESS: (In tears.) Come into my arms, child. Let me share your grief.PING-CHO IS OFF THE HOOK! Though disturbingly, according to the transcript, her decision to stay has a lot to do with Ling-Tau’s sudden entrance to the throne room.
THE KHAN: You're overdoing it, my dear, the child is dry eyed.
EMPRESS: (Outraged.) Oh, ungrateful wretch! Do you not weep for your lost love?
PING-CHO: My lady, I grieve an old man's death as all would do. But how can I weep for a love I have never known?
THE KHAN: Tell us Ping-Cho, do you wish to return to your home in Samarkand? Or would you like to stay a while in our Court and brighten all our days?
PING-CHO: If I may, my lord, I would like to stay.
THE KHAN: So be it.
 |
| 'My cage has many rooms, damask and dark...' |
However, as I can’t see what’s happening, I reject this utterly and choose to believe that Ping-Cho wants to stay at the court rather than go home because she now believes Susan to be stuck here and wants to remain with her. I will go down with this ship.
Anyway, the Khan likes the cut of her jib and asks her opinion of Team Tardis. She tells him ‘they are my friends, my lord…as they will always be’. No YOU’VE got something in your eye.
The Khan tells Ling-Tau to escort her to her quarters
POLO: I underestimated you, Tegana.OH MARCO I HOPE YOU HAVE SOME SAVLON TO HAND BECAUSE YOU ARE GETTING BURNED ALL OVER.
TEGANA: No... you overestimated yourself.
Meanwhile, in captivity, Team Tardis is trying to work out what Tegana’s deal is before Ian has to stand trial.
 |
| So. Very. Done. |
Barbara reckons if she could only remember what it was the Khan said that upset Marco so much they’d have more of a clue, and hey she’s right:
BARBARA: I remember!Go Babs. Ian wonders why Noghai’s bothering as the Khan’s defeated him before and can presumably do it again; the Doctor tells Ian it’s all about the leaders: ‘Kill the leader, and where are you? What happens? The whole army dissipates itself into chaos and utter confusion. It's happened throughout your history time and time again!’
DOCTOR: Hmmm?
BARBARA: The Khan was furious because Noghai had moved his armies from Samarkand to Karakorum.
DOCTOR: And that's why he delayed Marco Polo's caravan - to give Noghai more time to move his armies nearer Peking.
Susan catches the Doctor’s drift: Tegana must be about the assassinate the Khan! And if that happens…
IAN: I've had it.Oh Ian, I know you’re the one in immediate danger, but I doubt anyone’s top priority after the Khan’s assassination will be conducting your trial.
DOCTOR: Yes - we've all had it.
 |
| Ian what even is your face |
Anyway, they need to get past the guard, which proves surprisingly easy: they bang on the door, and when he comes in, the Doctor trips him with his walking stick, and they all run out. It’s the simple things.
They run down some corridors for a bit until OH FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN they run into Marco Bloody Polo. Marco says ‘Ian, what are you doing, you fool?’ and Ian tries to tell him about the Khan being assassinated; Marco tells the guards to seize him and everyone’s about to be escorted back to their cell when YES LING-TAU EX MACHINA! Our convenient courier has run in to tell Marco that Noghai’s army is marching on Peking. Everyone in Team Tardis starts yelling variants on WE FUCKING TOLD YOU SO YOU MASSIVE BELLEND YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO US IN THE FIRST PLACE I MEAN GOD. Once it becomes apparent that Tegana is in the throne room with the Khan at that very moment, Marco tells the Doctor to hold his things while he runs off to intervene. I hope they murder each other.
 |
| Babs and the Doctor debate the pros and cons of reading Marco's diary |
Meanwhile, in the throne room, Tegana is chatting with the Khan about peace terms; Tegana wants to put an end to the matter…WITH HIS SWORD! And oh the poor old Vizier has thrown himself in front of the Khan and presumably been gutted.
Enter Marco, and he and Tegana fight. As there are only telesnaps to hand, I’m just going to assume it’s exactly like the duel from The Princess Bride.
Anyway, Marco wins and disarms Tegana as Ling-Tau et al come in to surround the Khan, who sentences Tegana to death. But Tegana being Tegana, he manages to throw a spanner in the works even with his last breath, impaling himself upon one of the guards’ spears and denying the Khan the satisfaction. Tegana, you drive me mad, but I respect that you have managed to be a pain in the arse until the bitter end. (It is worth noting that at this point the transcript becomes somewhat reflective, musing that ‘the dishonourable member of the expedition has taken the honourable way out’.)
 |
| Be careful what you wish for, there, Babs |
At this point, Marco commits fully to his change of heart and gives the Doctor the Tardis key, telling him to go and quickly. The Doctor doesn’t need telling twice. Susan and Ping-Cho have a criminally rushed goodbye that we don’t get to see, though we do get to hear a swift goodbye kiss a la Green Gables, so that’s something. TAKE HER WITH YOU, SUSAN, AND THEN PEOPLE WILL MAKE CRINGEWORTHY YOUTUBE VIDEOS ABOUT YOU, TOO!
Aaaaaaand they dematerialise. FINALLY. The Khan watches it happen, and is surprisingly relaxed about it:
POLO: I'm sorry, my lord. I had to give them back their flying caravan.Marco wonders what truth is. Nobody cares. He wonders whether Team Tardis is now in the past or the future. So do we.
THE KHAN: If you hadn't, the old man would have won it at backgammon. And it is true... a flying caravan... there's something for you to tell your friends in Venice.
GODS BE PRAISED WE'RE BACK TO MOVING PICTURES NEXT WEEK AND NO MORE BLOG-A-DAY MADNESS UNTIL THE NEXT SERIAL THAT HAS A SHITLOAD OF MISSING EPISODES NOBODY EVERY WATCHES. WILL TEAM TARDIS FINALLY HAVE A RELAXING TIME OF IT? WILL SUSAN BE OK NOW THAT SHE WILL NEVER SEE HER BOSOM FRIEND AGAIN? CAN WE HAVE A NEW WHO EPISODE WHERE A REGENERATED SUSAN PILOTS A FUNCTIONING TARDIS BACK TO LATE-THIRTEENTH-CENTURY 'PEKING' AND TAKES PING-CHO ON ADVENTURES THROUGH TIME AND SPACE? WILL BARBARA GET MORE TO DO NEXT SERIAL? WILL THE DOCTOR EVER CLAIM THOSE TIGERS HE WON OFF MARCO POLO AND MAYBE DEPOSIT THEM ON THE ISLAND OF SUMATRA IN THE TWENTIETH CENTURY STAR TREK IV STYLE? WILL OUR TWO HUMANS GET TO KEEP THEIR SWISH NEW CLOTHES?
Summary (as applicable to this episode)
Does it pass the Bechdel test? Again not a strong episode for women having actual conversations rather than implied ones or just being in the same ones. If Susan and Ping-Cho saying goodbye (HOWL) counts then yes.
Is the gaze problematic? Not as far as I can tell.
Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.
Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.
Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? No.
Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Everyone is captured. Team Tardis spend so much time being captured in this serial.
Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Ian has to defend Ping-Cho from Tegana's swordsmanship but otherwise no.
Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? Ping-Cho screams when Tegana shows up, and Barbara and/or Susan get(s) screamy when Tegana tops himself, but this seems reasonable if (as ever) gendered.
Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? Nope.
Does it pass the Bechdel test? Again not a strong episode for women having actual conversations rather than implied ones or just being in the same ones. If Susan and Ping-Cho saying goodbye (HOWL) counts then yes.
Is the gaze problematic? Not as far as I can tell.
Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? No.
Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? No.
Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? No.
Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Everyone is captured. Team Tardis spend so much time being captured in this serial.
Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Ian has to defend Ping-Cho from Tegana's swordsmanship but otherwise no.
Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? Ping-Cho screams when Tegana shows up, and Barbara and/or Susan get(s) screamy when Tegana tops himself, but this seems reasonable if (as ever) gendered.
Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? Nope.
Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No.
Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? FINALLY we have an instance of a woman's opinion being actually valued in the case of Kublai Khan choosing to take Ping-Cho's word for it that Team Tardis is great really because he likes the cut of her jib.
Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Not that I remember.
Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Babs has to take refuge in the ever-willing arms of Ian 'free hugs' Chesterton when Tegana does actually stab himself in what is presumably a guilty moment for a woman who I'm pretty sure fantasised about stabbing him at some point.
Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Nope.
Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.
Does the woman companion come up with a plan? Nope.
Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? Nope.
Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? It's Barbara's thinking that gets Team Tardis on the right track with Tegana's motives.
Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Not particularly necessary this week.
Does a woman get to be a badass? Not so much.
Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Not so much.
Is there past/future/alien sexism? Ping-Cho gets excused from legal proceedings because her husband-to-be has pulled a few strings, rendering her testimony redundant.
Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? Susan points out that everyone getting what they want doesn't actually include Ping-Cho at this point. Yes Susan.
Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.
Verdict
I feel like this serial could have been smushed into six episodes if not four without losing any of the good stuff. There was too much of Marco being in the doghouse with the Khan and not enough Team Tardis for my liking in this final episode, and it's annoying that there have been no real scenes between Ping-Cho and Susan for a few episodes now. However, I did enjoy the backgammon scenes between the two old men, and I love that Barbara almost gets to call Tegana something I'm assuming would be unsuitable for children's television. Also I could not give fewer fucks about Marco's change of heart, though in fairness it did spare us three more episodes of the Doctor playing backgammon with Kublai Khan. (Spare? I mean deprive.) The real strong point of this serial of course has been the fleshing out of the two Gallifreyans' characters, particularly Susan, and I shall not rest until Ping-Cho gets written into New Who in a 'finding Susan' episode. Even if it means having to learn how to write a TV script myself. In short, it's been weird, and there was an unacceptable amount of yellowface (well any amount is unacceptable but there was a lot of it), and the title character was a Nice Guy who specialised in victim blaming and writing petulant diary entries; nevertheless, it should on no account be skipped, if only because without it Susan's character is sorely diminished. Now bring on the bug-eyed monsters!
No comments:
Post a Comment